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My ocd always has a little truth and is always around grey area issues. Like i could be a bad person its like 50 50. Then im like well nobody got hurt so its more like 70 30. But never does it get to 100. Anyone else noticed this too?

I just feel exhausted everyday trying to fight off these intrusive thoughts. It has ruined any enjoyment in my life. I feel like I can't go on with this hanging over my head. Trying to be positive, but it's hard when you have all this junk in your head. I just need some relief. Any advice? Or if you feel the same way let me know how you cope. Thanks

When I have an intrusive thought that I’m stuck on my brain tells me that the only way to get rid of the thought is to do compulsion. All day I’m sitting with the urge to do compulsion and it’s terrible (when I do the compulsion it’s comes back in the end and I feel even worse) . Im stuck on the thought even if I’m not anxious. Is that possible to be stuck on intrusive thoughts without anxiety? The thought is all the day every second and it’s scary and won’t go away until I do compulsion. It’s so hard cause I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to have the thought all day but I dont want to do compulsion. The only thing that help to get less stuck on a thought is to be stuck on another like I have to obsess over something. How to “let go” of a thought and be less stuck on her? Can meds help with that?

I'm a 22yrs woman and I suffer from POCD and I learned recently that pedophilia isn't just about getting attracted to children/teens but also getting attracted to the features/characteristics of a child/teen too and I was like HOLY SH*T I always find men with clean shaved beard more attractive! OH NO!! Could l be a pedo?🤮😭 Is that means I'm attracted to teens? and I started searching and ruminating about that and I can't have a clear answer! I thought it was just a preference! like I get attracted to clean shaved men who are Grown up adults in the same age as me early to mid 20s and even/most of the times who older in their 30s! like they're old and seem old to me but just without a beard! and this even my preferences from my teenage era, back when when l was 15, l looked at my classmates who have beards and still find them more handsome without it! like most of the time l couldn't see the hype over beards and liked men in old movies who doesn't have it. and I also thought it was just fashion and a trend thing! like men in black and white movies or even in the 90s most of them were without beards! and they were grown adults in 20s and 30s and even 40s and older! I mean like the bridgeton mens? Mr.Darcy? Lord Guildford Dudley from lady Jane? Jake Peralta from Brooklyn 99? Henry Cavill? Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock? All of them are clean shaved and Do they look like they're under 20 in any circumstances??! they're just look more fresh and they glow up. And this is this trend on TikTok of a filter who removes mens' beards and they're overacting like I look like a child! I'm a toddler! I'm like 14 yrs old again! and when someone says that no they're handsome without the beard the comments eat them up and tell them that they're pedo and into kids! like no! a beard doesn't make that much change! you could look younger of course but not that young, you know what I mean? and to be honest yes there is something a little wrong with the filter it's not realistic and after observation l think because it removes the roots of the hair too, you know what I mean? so they could kinda look like they can't grow a beard like childs but it just because it's a filter it's more like they're putting foundation over it but them without beards over all doesn't look like they're in highschool or childs in most of the videos and if you ignore the part of the unrealisticty of the filter. and I even sometimes like men with beard and find it attractive but just prefer clean shaved! but my mind tells me they're pedo who are attracted to both adults and kids and see you. look like you could be one of them, you just say you have OCD but I think You're attracted to teenagers maybe not kids but I think you're attracted to teenagers! I just hate this stupid mind! like I never thought that beard thing as something like this l swear and they really look like they're adults in clean shaved, that is different from teens who are clean shaved or can't grow a beard! what I find attractive they look like they're adults and ARE adults l even check to see their age. IS there something wrong with me? Do I have a problem? Is it normal to find men with clean shaved attractive? 😭

I want to live life and do things I know I like because I want to, but right now it feels like I’m living life to prove my OCD fear wrong. I notice I get happy when I expose myself to a situation and have the “correct feelings” I know I would feel regardless of OCD. But instantly, my mood is lifted because not only am I doing something that makes me happy BUT I also reassured myself I proved my OCD wrong. See? I knew I would feel this way and because I feel this way my OCD theme is not true! Reassurance is a compulsion, and I don’t want feelings or good things to be associated with proving OCD wrong.

my rocd is causing intrusive thoughts on the lines of "what if I like this guy and im attracted to him and i dont like my partner and ive mentally checked out of the relationship" and with other people too, but this one guy is a minor!! at least I'm under the impression that he is from what I've been told. I am freaking out. it's such a hard day and on top of all of it i can't stop thinking about if me and my parents are at a point where we need to breakup or if we are going to be okay. Everything feels like it's crumbling down and im stuck at work doing mark downs, no distractions. Just these awful gut feelings that make me believe I just need to isolate and not be around anyone for their sake.

* A specific thought I’m afraid to say my intrusive thoughts without a voice. Like say the intrusive thoughts by moving my lips/tongue , and smile after. For example- im afraid to curse someone, but without the voice just move my lips. And there are more thoughts not only curses. I don’t know what to do I’m scared to even be around my family cause what if I’m going to do that. I’m so scared to go out with this thought. Cause I’m going to see people and animals outside and I’m going to do that. This is scary because my thoughts are even more worse then the cursing one I’m ashamed to even say it. And why now I feel urge in my lips? Ugh I hate this.

* A specific thought I’m afraid to say my intrusive thoughts without a voice. Like say the intrusive thoughts by moving my lips/tongue , and smile after. For example- im afraid to curse someone, but without the voice just move my lips. And there are more thoughts not only curses. I don’t know what to do I’m scared to even be around my family cause what if I’m going to do that. I’m so scared to go out with this thought. Cause I’m going to see people and animals outside and I’m going to do that. This is scary because my thoughts are even more worse then the cursing one I’m ashamed to even say it. And why now I feel urge in my lips? Ugh I hate this.

Hi everyone, Im posting this because I’m feeling quite deflated after a bit of a spike with my OCD. I’ve had several themes, one of them being around my relationship. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 7 years. We’re in a very strong relationship and have been through a lot with my mental health. He’s been an absolute saint throughout the whole journey and I could never thank him enough. I had a very severe obsession about me being unfaithful/having feelings for someone else. It was about a male friend from work who I was pretty close with, he was really a lovely guy and was there for me through a lot of other life things that were going on at the time. We used to go on a lot of work nights out, I didn’t have the best relationship with alcohol, and it was definitely a coping mechanism during the tough life circumstances at the time. There was one night where this friend stroked my leg in the taxi on the way home and I didn’t stop him. fast forward 2 years later, I remembered this said event, which I’d obviously forgotten about and it spiralled out of control. I made myself very ill. It was before I knew I had OCD, or even knew what OCD actually was. The compulsions were horrendous - confessing again and again, checking memories, convincing myself things happened when they didn’t. I convinced myself that I had feelings for him. It was a very hard time. After a long recovery and seeking help/medication, I overcame this theme. However occasionally there are small triggers. Such as recently, we have been watching a TV show where the main character has an affair. It has brought all of those feelings back. I just feel totally devastated and ashamed. Of all the themes I’ve had, of harm and even POCD. This one hits me the hardest. I think it’s because I love my partner so much and the thought of losing him breaks my heart. I’m truly holding out that this will be just a blip, and will surpass. But I can’t help feeling that these triggers are going to come for the rest of my life and the thought of having to deal with feeling like I don’t deserve my relationship every so often is terrifying. I’m so sorry for such a depressing (and long) post. I just needed a place to express these feelings as it would be very hard for someone without OCD to understand. Any advice for these feelings would be very appreciated 💕

I’ve had sexual thoughts that get so bad I used to cry daily. Today I tried to sit down and let the thoughts be there and I didn’t really feel anxiety? Does this mean I acted on the thoughts or I wanted the thoughts? There was a specific event like two days ago that I’ve been constantly having anxiety about because after the event I started getting sexual images and then I wondered if I actually did that. For the past two days life has been so bad. Today I woke up and I replayed the events step by step and I couldn’t find when I could’ve acted on the thoughts, so that gave me relief. Then I tried sitting with the thoughts, and the thoughts that once made me cry and feel so bad didn’t really feel like anything. Am I in denial? Just yesterday I was thinking the worst and that I couldn’t handle any of this anymore. I know replying events is a bad thing too but I needed to know for sure if I acted on my thoughts. My thoughts are so bad and the thing is if I did act on them I’d never be able to forgive myself. I notice in the moment I didn’t really feel anxiety like I did but I got so much anxiety the day after everything happened and then I wondered if I did something bad. Can someone please help?

it feels like a monster crawling into my skin. like this unwanted feeling & thought. anytime I see a trigger, my brain does the honor to torture me. it’s like I’m trapped. locked in place. and you can’t do anything about it when it comes. you want it to go away but it eats at you. you’re sure you aren’t what you fear. but each exposure makes you rethink. and the cycle begins. what the fuck even is real or fake??? shit feels real to me. I hate it. it causes so much stress. shame. it’s like my brain forces me to. I don’t want it anymore. I want to go back to the way I was. before all of this took over. I want to rest.

I stayed home from school today, I couldn’t do it. It was all too much. From the moment I open my eyes it’s back into a labyrinth of torture. I wish I had my old theme back. At least with Harm OCD I didn’t feel this lost. My mind is in a constant state of panic. So much so I can’t eat without throwing up. And my head hurts from thinking so hard. I want to sleep. Sleep for a while. Escape this pain. I wish I was like other kids my age. I wish I could find joy in my youth. I fear the past, the present, and the future. How am I supposed to live like that. My own mind convinces me i’m different than what I am. Whether that be me being a murderer or transgender. I miss being a kid, when everything was simple, and free. Now i’m in highschool dealing with OCD. I don’t go out, I stay home because I panic more when i’m away from my family. What’s the point? Why do I keep fighting if it will never end? There’s no cure.. it can only be managed. What’s a life like that? How is that worth fighting for? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like a stranger. My mind constantly cycling what ifs and scenarios. Does it ever get better? I used to be so optimistic, I used to find light in everything.. Every corner of life. I was always told I was a ray of sunshine. Now i’m dull, hallow, and empty. OCD is torture. It has taken everything from me. My happiness, my identity, and my enjoyment. What do I do? Where do I go? Does God even hear me?

I feel like no one cares about me... Im struggling in college and it just feels like I cant catch a break... Ive made bad choices that make me a bad person... I have to be uncertain about worst case POCD scenarios that may or may not have happened unknowingly... I genuinely dont feel like any one cares about me... and if I pass away, ill be laughed at and forgotten by everyone... Im alone with no gf, barely any friends, and I cant even be certain that my POCD fears of unknowingly cybering with a minor did or didnt happen... im stuck in hell...

Did anyone ever had the though "I just wanna be normal" and got super scared cause that's exactly whay someone in denial would say? You know the word "normal" it sounds like a clasic story of someone represing something, I swear I barely had this though, I think I had it just twice in all this time.

A month ago, we went to my sister’s place. There, I took care of a kitten. The day after I started taking care of it, the kitten died. We returned from my sister’s place three weeks ago. Three days ago, I went to the doctor, and the doctor told me that I had been bitten by ants or fleas. As a precaution, the doctor gave me two things. I am using them, but because of my OCD, this process is even harder for me. Now I need to go shopping, and my OCD tells me that if I shop incorrectly, I will never get rid of the fleas. It also tells me that if fleas jump onto my cleaning supplies and I use those supplies again, the fleas will infest me again. I have difficulty closing the lids of my cleaning supplies because I’m afraid that if the lids stay open, or even slightly open, they will lose their effectiveness. On top of that, I stay in a dormitory for university, which makes everything even harder. Sometimes I think that I will never be able to get rid of the fleas, and I’m afraid I’ll never be free of them. Other times, I wonder if I ever actually had fleas.

I have a fear now of lying even if it's a white lie and I can't differentiate the truth.

Just wanted to vent and also leave my experience here just in case someone is going through the same. My fear of having schizo or psychosis led me into having intrusive thoughts that I will start hearing voices and stuff like that so suddenly I became super sensitive to every little sound, checking if I heard something or not. When I hear little sounds that I can’t really recognize (like something outside) it gives me a mini panic attack for the first second bc I think “was this sound real? Am I hallucinating now?” Then I try to shake it off as I know I am not, it’s just my ocd really tricking me and I get this bad anxiety with the uncertainty 😭 I also repeat sounds in my head maybe as I compulsion? I don’t really know. It gets better when I’m paying attention to something else and I forget about it but right before sleep is being such a pain, I get sleepy but I get scared of going to sleep and all the thoughts that pop up are distressing. I’m not doing ERP yet but if anyone here that has had the same experience can recommend a therapist from NOCD for me I’d appreciate it! I know it will help me with this theme. I still have harm OCD here and there but not nearly as distressing as this theme is for me and I know that’s why it sticks around. This sucks. I’m glad we have this app though and I am glad we can relate to each other here. OCD is isolating. I can’t really talk to anyone in my life about this because I am scared of how they would react. Stay strong everyone 🥹🥺❤️

Do you guys also feel during a triggering episode when you feel anxiety and distress, you also feel like the opposite feeling? like a sense of excitement but not really, it feels like you secretely like it, I find those sensations to be in the muscles of my face, I don't know how to really explain it, like a flustering feeling but not really. I feel like it's the opposite emotions constrasting your genuine ones, the ones you don't want to feel and because you don't want to feel those emotions OCD borrows an emotional reaction that belongs to anxiety like akwardness and fluster and twists it into something false? Or is anxiousness often accompanied by this weird odd sensation in the face? Like an intrusive twitching for a unwanted smile? I don't know.

How do yall handle intrusive thoughts !? I never realized that was a thing I think I’ve been dealing with this sense I was in elementary school I remember getting on the bus and had the the worry my mom was gonna get in an accident and it’s just gone from there

Hey, I’ve been doing some research on OCD and think I may have it. I’m not 100% sure, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I want to get myself diagnosed, but my parents won’t let me. They agree that it’s very likely that I have OCD, but they think that if I try hard enough, I can get over it. I don’t know what to do anymore or if what I have even is OCD, and I want to be somewhat sure before a I do anything. Right now, I’m a junior in high school, but freshman year was when my “OCD” was the most severe. I think I had (and still do) the symmetry/order subtype and “just right” subtype. I was obsessed with writing things neatly to a point in which I kept forcing myself to erase and rewrite things until all the letters were straight and all the graphs were neatly drawn (typing wasn’t safe either because I use Notability and felt the need to align every text box and make them all the same length). Handwriting was especially a problem in calculus A, and it got to a point in which I couldn’t keep up with the notes, and the homework was taking hours a night because I was obsessed with making my work perfect. Needless to say, I didn’t get a good grade in calculus A and didn’t build a good foundation for future math classes. This makes me really sad because I was previously really good at math and had a bright future in the subject. Eventually, I just stopped trying in calculus A, but by then, I felt burnt out, couldn’t concentrate on anything, kept putting things off, and lost the ability to properly manage my time. I think it may have escalated to executive dysfunction at that point, and it carried over to all my other classes. As someone who was previously pretty productive and good at planning, this was a huge hit on my self-esteem. I was also obsessed with symmetry. If I touched one side of my body, I had to touch the other side in the exact same place. If I was coding something, I would have to evenly distribute touch across each key on the keyboard. It felt like everything was a heatmap, and the colors had to be kept in balance at all times. I also avoided odd numbers because they were considered “asymmetrical”. I was obsessed with routine and had to complete tasks in a certain way, a certain order, and a certain amount of time. Even something as small as combing my hair for five minutes instead of six caused me extreme distress. Writing one word that “sounded off” on an English paper left me unable to keep writing until I fixed it. I had to keep the sound of my phone at a certain volume (6 normally, 10 when exercising, and 12 when cleaning, divide everything by 2 when using a computer) and had to walk a round number (any number that ends in 0) of steps a day. I kid you not when I say that some days I woke up and didn’t want to live anymore. Sophomore year, my mental health improved and I probably seemed overly perfectionistic but not to a point of concern. However, this year, the handwriting issue relapsed in all its glory during physics, and I’m not able to keep up with notes or homework. I feel the same way that I did in calculus A, and I don’t want history to repeat itself. I want to ask my teacher to let me do my homework on paper rather than the iPad (it’s easier for me to write on paper due to increased friction), but I’m scared to ask because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I don’t know what causes my behavior. I feel like if I can’t do things perfectly, no one will like me. I’ll lose all my friends, and no boy will ever want to go out with me. I know it’s irrational. Literally no one cares what my notes look like or how long I spend on each step of my morning routine or whatever, but I constantly feel like people are judging me and will hate me the second I mess up. There are two more times in my life that I can think of when I displayed symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD when I was 9 and pure/religious/magical thinking/health concern OCD (they all just kind morphed together) when I was 11. I can go into more detail if you wish. As of now, I just want to know my behavior sounds like OCD, and if so, how to more forward. If not, I would love to know what I do have and how to treat it. Thank you so much.