Welcome to
the NOCD Community

ugh i just feel miserable and like im letting God down. im so scared to be punished by Him. im a believer and i feel like i’m just so hard on myself. does anyone else struggle with this? i feel like my repentance isn’t enough.

My OCD is getting better but i get random intrusive thoughts ranging from different subtypes, like i’ll be enjoying life and randomly get a rlly depressing thought that makes me afraid because i don’t want to believe the thought, and then the next second it’s a horrible harm ocd thought or a religious thought or pocd Please no reassurance, it’s just that i was wondering if anyone dealt else dealt with ocd that is rlly random and not just one theme I think this happens when you beat one big theme and OCD starts coming back in smaller ways? Either way, ik the solution, leave the thoughts, accept the uncertainty, don’t do compulsions 😌

(sorry for long paragraph but please read and give advice🙏) 2-3 months ago i got to a point where my thoughts were too much and i got numb and felt resentment towards God. I used to think “why did God allow this to happen to me” And it was just crazy. Now about a month ago i feel like i started to have ocd left over mind patterns where i guess my mind started having disturbing thoughts by it self? This time it didn’t feel like ocd. It felt like it was me. Truly me. And i didn’t feel guilty over it for a long time. After this I thought i had committed the sin of blasphemy and for a while i didn’t care? Or maybe i did care but since i was tired of having these thoughts i just made myself not care. Then for about 2 weeks i didn’t seek God at all. And all those thoughts in my mind had calmed down and i didn’t have any thoughts for a while. I felt at ease/peace? Idk if that was a good/bad thing. But recently my mom started talking abt how God is coming soon and that we need to be ready. And i told her to stop bc it was getting me nervous js thinking abt it. She told me “why are you scared if all you have to do is seek him” but in my mind i just kept thinking of my circumstance. but i kept saying “i’m sorry God”. Then yesterday morning i was crying to God and letting go of everything i felt bc the day before was a rlly bad day. So i was just crying and also asking for forgiveness. And i felt like God was actually listening to me? I feel like God still loves me but i just don’t get how. And if i’m truly forgiven. bc i keep thinking that i committed the sin of blasphemy. Because i don’t know if i actually care that i did or that if i care that my heart is hardened towards God. Idk what to do. Then i also wonder why i’m still alive after having all those weird thoughts about God. How can he possibly let me live? Am i truly forgiven? Is God not done with me and that’s the reason why i’m alive? or am i alive so God can punish me and do something to me and he’s just waiting for the right moment? Do i truly care? Do I actually want forgiveness? All these questions. Please help me figure all this out.

You will know why did i chose this subtype. Around christmas time, this problem was huge, i had it everyday and i felt shame after like the 4th day, i had to change my boxers every morning, cant explain to my parents cause they will judge me and say "well you should have a gf", i even search about it on google and its sad how many stupid answers are there... Many sites says that m*sturbation should help, and its healthy to m*sturbate, its good. Well now you see why did i chose this subtype. But let me tell you, its not just because im a christian and i dont like that, i did that around christmas time cause i believed it will help but i still woke up having a wet dream cause the m*sturbation stimulated my mind to be more sexual, with more sexual thoughts.When i go to bed, just right in that time these thoughts come and i dont know hoe to handle them, usually when i get them i just know, at morning i will wake up with a wet dream... Its really hard for me to manage these sexual thought. And again for me christian people, you know having a girlfriend wont solve it, it actually will worsen it, if sex is really the solution then i have to wait till marriage until this problem will solve, which is alot of time.. but i believe that there has to be a solution for this, the sites from google are lying, there has to be a solution, so im asking yall if you can say something. I dont want to be afraid to go to bed again and having everynight a wet dream. I did something that stopped it somehow but idk what was it, last night i couldnt stop the sexual thoughts, and in my dreams it was uncontrolable...

My ocd is going off the hinges. I can’t stop thinking God is angry at me and hates me and it’s weird. And can’t stop thinking everyone hates me. I can’t stop thinking that no matter what I try I’ll never get better. This sucks

If you suffer from Christian OCD and feel Jesus hates you and you’re going to hell every few seconds but I keep fighting it because when I pray it says Lucifer and I refuse to pray to him. If I do Jesus will send me to hell. I’m terrified. When does it end. Some Christian’s are so peaceful, I want that.. why.. I feel cursed forever. I have faith in others journey… not mine. I’m stuck like this forever. My mind will never be the same.

I’m kinda growing weak in my faith and trust in god that he will heal me or he’s with me anyone have anything they can tell me that will help me have a little hope?

ANY AND ALL RESPONSES ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED I’ve enjoyed a relatively peaceful time without the interruption of intrusive thoughts. But a few days ago some old doubts reserved though with a different twist than before. In older posts, I talked about my sort of religious conspiratotial intrusive thoughts. They’re usually really specific and crazy questions. And then with these questions I’ll try to rule it out with biblical truths truths- which is know is a compulsion on my part but it’s hard to resist doing sometimes. I say try to rule the questions out because this method (like all compulsions) doesn’t really help at all- it just creates more questions. For instance, the ones I’ve been having lately that are all connected are like this: what if god wasn’t working alone when he made the world? What if the devil helped and he hadn’t actually been bad- what if god turned him bad? What if god has lied about everything? What if the only way to know would be to actually get in contact with the devil like with a ouiji board? And this particularly scares me because I then have thoughts such as what if I do? Which then I tell myself I know is bad since god tells us not mess with the occult. But then my conspiratorial thoughts make me question if it’s really actually bad to do, or if it’s just god trying to hide the “truth”? Basically it makes me wonder if doing that which has been said to be bad, is actually bad if it’s to find out the truth. And with this specifically, it’s not like it’s something that physically harms others- it’s only bad in a religious sense. I haven’t actually acted on the thought but I get scared of doing so. I just want to be 100% certain of my faith which I know is technically impossible. Even being an atheist is a faith of its own. But even regarding the future with what my religion basically believes to be perfection for humanity, the thoughts still come into play. To try and shut up the thoughts I’ll say to myself “I guess I’ll just know in the future” which ocd then responds to with “unless god just continues lying and you’ll never actually know the truth and you’ll basically be living in a matrix.” I just don’t really know what to do because sitting with the doubt is so uncomfortable. I want to be able to know the answers to my questions, but I know I can’t. I don’t believe in god providing direct answers now, but I feel like even if I were to receive those from him, I’d still just end up doubting that. It makes me scared too because then I don’t even know if it’s really OCD or just a problem with me at this point. I hate these thoughts because it really just makes me question so much and it really causes me anxiety. And I know it sounds really stupid and crazy - looking at it from an outside perspective- and that my whole issue is just in my head, but still it doesn’t stop the doubts from causing my distress.

I’m going to sum this up so it isn’t a long read, basically when I was in middle school I had a friend who was two years younger than me, I was an eighth and she was in sixth grade. We ended up getting closer but at a certain point Around a year ago, I went through our old messages from when I was around 14, and just turned 15, where I had made sexual comments to her, and we are two years apart, to be more specific two and a half years. I am way older now, I am almost 21 soon, but I cannot stop thinking about this and feeling like a p3do. I don’t know what to do, I feel like a bad person, I also live a spiritual way of life, or I am trying, and it feels like I’m undeserving because I did this.

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

Hi! I am young and undiagnosed, I'm gonna get an appointment set up to start that process. Right now though, I feel like this came almost out of nowhere. I've been diagnosed with GAD and emetophobia for many years, and I realized a couple years ago I had some symptoms similar to OCD and even briefly considered that I may have had POCD just before highschool. However, because of what I suspect to be scrupulosity OCD, I was so deeply afraid I was faking and didn't say anything else. But a few days ago it really hit me that OCD actually aligns with my experience like.. a bit too much? And since then I've been driven absolutely mad. I spend an hour or more a day anxiously researching and the intrusive thoughts have gotten so much worse because I just can't get out of my head. I feel like I have to constantly research to make 100% sure my symptoms actually line up because if I'm faking that would make me a bad person. It's a constant stream of thoughts telling me I'm a bad person. I freak out and just repeat "no, no, no" or "stop, stop, stop" or try and think of something else. This is very ramble-ish and vent-ish, I know. I'm just so afraid. Did anyone else's OCD come out of seemingly nowhere? Or maybe this is just my first bad flare-up and I spent so long thinking my behavior was normal I never thought about it till now?? I'm not sure. Talking to a doctor ASAP because I can't take being undiagnosed, it gives the anxiety too much ammo to call me a bad person with.

like should you just say you’ll struggle with ocd? because everytime ive told about my false attraction thoughts, its ruined relationships and friendships so should i just not tell the themes? especially because im a teenager and teenage guys arent very understanding. so do i just not tell the themes. because i also have it with religious stuff, and sexuality? so idk. and confessing is a really bad complusion of mine, so should i just say i have ocd, and have intrusive thoughts or what? please someone help.

Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷‍♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter

Good news for those who have seen my posts and replies and are aware of why I am here on this platform: I have some great news to share. For those who don’t know, I am a parent of a son with OCD. Back in July, I helplessly watched him experience the anxiety and suffering of an OCD episode. Initially, I tried to help, but I didn’t know how. When I reached out to family and friends, their common response was to just let him grow up, labeling him as a spoiled boy. Even his mother was in denial and confronted me whenever I suggested seeking professional help, insisting that my son was not crazy but just lazy and acting up. This realization hit hard when she witnessed my son's condition during that July episode. I prayed for help and cried, even considering supernatural explanations like black magic. Then, I spoke with a friend whose son is a doctor. To my surprise, he also had OCD and calmly explained it to me, pointing me to NOCD as a valuable resource. I didn’t need to convince my son before his mother that talking to someone could help. The first session ended with a "haaaaeh" reaction from my son, indicating no progress. However, I asked him to give the therapist a chance for at least five sessions. By the third session, he came to me excitedly saying that the therapist had said something that clicked for him. Since then, he has improved tremendously. As my son navigated his journey, I spent a lot of time learning about OCD and reading your posts on this platform to understand the thoughts that led to the severe reactions I witnessed in my son. One of the most important things I've learned is that you are not crazy; you are sensitive, smart, conscientious, loyal, faithful perfectionists who deserve respect. It’s not your fault that you are special; it’s a reflection of the messy world we live in. My son has continued to improve, and I made a commitment to be on this platform to help others. I deeply believe that helping others opens the door for God to help me. Last week, while checking on my son, he told me that his therapist discharged him. This doesn’t mean OCD is gone, but it signifies that God has accepted my prayers and things are under control. Now, I am considering getting another degree to become a therapist myself so I can help others more effectively. Despite some opinions suggesting I refrain from helping OCD patients, most of my replies have emphasized the need for professional help and therapy. Therefore, I feel it may be time for me to step back since I don’t want to add to anyone's agony or harm. Yet you have repeatedly said that my comments have helped. God knows my intentions are good, and I pray for your recovery. Until there is a treatment for OCD, I will occasionally peek in and say hello.

i’m so hard on myself. it’s hard for me to walk in the forgiveness of the Lord. like whenever i mess up, the enemy sends suicidal thoughts. it’s awful. i stressed myself out to the point i didnt eat for over a month really and i lost almost 20 pounds (i was 138 originally, and ended up being 118 in a couple month’s time). i get soooo hard on myself and i believe the Lord is so hard on me i always wonder if He’s disappointed in me. if He’s mad at me. if He’s angry with me. it freaks me out and makes me question and overthink every move i make. it’s awful. i’ve really been staying inside the house for the past 2 weeks because outside makes me feel anxious and sad. i just feel overwhelmed and i stop talking to Him because He scares me. AND IT’S NOT EVEN HIM SAYING ALL THOSE THINGS, IT’S THE ENEMY LYING TO ME. he (the enemy) speaks of his own nature so when the thoughts of “you’re not good enough” or “you’re a disappointment” or “you’re always messing up and God is so angry with you”, are his own because he thinks that about himself. trying to take these thoughts captive and not self sabotage and be so hard on myself, but it’s tough.

Now the OCD is making it feel like I hate my natural attraction and want nothing to do with my natural attraction, also it’s trying to make me feel like if I don’t act on the urges, I’m gonna be unhappy I just wanna go back to how I was two months ago. I’m trying to continue with my life do the stuff I love doing well, hoping and praying that my natural attraction will eventually return with little to no trauma behind it, but the OCD is trying so hard, to trick me into believing that I’ve accepted the OCD’s reality while I’m trying to live my life, tell me I’m not alone. Tell me that the night is darkest just before the dawn that it has to get as bad as it can get before it gets better, because if I can’t return to how I was a couple months ago I will take a vow of celibacy, I refuse to compromise my beliefs and values, and do something that I never identified as all because a little voice in my head is pushing in my skull to do so, even seen this now it’s trying to convince me that’s wrong to stay true to my beliefs and values

I have developed some obsessive thoughts about death/ dying since my aunt passed in early November - she was old and had a lot of severe health issues. A few other people knew passed away also recently from drugs and accidents. I am 23 and pretty healthy and I can't stop what iffing every possible death thinking it could happen any second and hearing about other people dying is extremely triggering for me. I am a Christian so I believe I will go to heaven but I am constantly panicked that something bad will happen to me and I am so terrified of dying young. I look stuff up all day trying to calm down and kind of soothe this feeling. Idk if its OCD, then sometimes I am ok then the cycle repeats or I get triggered hearing about death. I literally have lived on reddit the past like 2 months trying to make myself chill. I have developed something where I gag almost everyday from anxiety and stress, so i went on Zoloft and I'm about a week in. I just want to live my life and I know death is inevitable and theres nothing I can do but IDK how to stop ruminating and stop wasting my 20s worrying about this its truly torment. Everyday I am like what if this is it and then I panic and ruminate in bed all day. I also get freaked out on hearing OCD voice in my head saying the most random things like am I gonna die soon or am I just OCD/anxious depressed. I also had the same issue in 2022 but I was obsessed with the thought of suicide and was so so scared I would lose control of myself and hurt myself, and I had NO desire to do that it was just so strange. Eventually with meds it went away and I got so much better. This time it feels so much worse bc obv no one escapes death.Side note also when turning to God for help I recently have had like a huge fear of God like not a normal one but just thinking he's gonna kill me early or whatnot and struggled to pray or read bible because it triggers the anxiety. I've envisioned dark stuff about me dying and been terrified to drive or be in big crowds as a kind of control to avoid dying. I am starting therapy soon, but appreciate any words of wisdom.

I have some friends who belong to a Reformed Presbyterian Church, and I found out that the Reformed churches follow tenants of Calvinism. The teaching here on the Sovereignty of God specifically is such a comfort to my OCD heart. The absolute sovereignty of God means that I can’t mess up his plans. I don’t have the same weight of responsibility to keep my soul safe (or anything else). I am finding comfort in that.

I had an incredible moment with god today and I was so happy and then I had an intrusive thought saying “what if that was the devil” and I immediately rebuked it and thinking “why would I say that” and now I’m freaking out. I need help

I have been dating my bf for over 2 years now and he is so, so patient, kind, caring, forgiving, understanding, and loving. He makes me feel seen and loved even when I can’t love myself. He has been with me through everything and we never once yelled at me ever. We sometimes get upset or disagree but we talk through everything instead of blowing up. He is truly everything I ever dreamed of and he is the man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. With that being said, that’s why I am here because I can’t seem to control my emotions sometimes. I blow up over little things and overthink everything. We are now doing long distance in college and it’s honestly a beautiful thing, but im struggling because I love my school and he hates his. We have always been a Christian couple who goes to church together and works to keep God at the center of our relationship. It is important to me and I know it is important to him, but since going to this school, he has started to become more sad and said himself that keeping up with religion sounds like too much work and he doesn’t really care about it. Neither of us also drink, me because I had a traumatic experience and him bc he was never interested. However, now he is becoming interested but it’s a very sensitive subject for me and I’m freaking out about how he is straying from God and becoming interested in things we swore we never were. I just need advice. I know College is a weird time. He is driven and not the type to completely go off the rails but I still have that fear lingering in my mind. Am I over reacting? If he does stray away, how do I stand by him and continue to show him love? I just have so many worries and I can’t seem to control them. And ofc I take those worries out on him. I just want to help myself so that I can positively grow our relationship.