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the NOCD Community

Do you think OCD could be one big lie and deception of Satan? It would make the most sense from a spiritual perspective. And motivated by fear - and God does not give us fear.

Im starting school again the 18th of August for the first time in-person. I just want be free. I am tired of living like this. I feel scared and petrified all the time. I feel like my sins are so much and so heavy. My OCD is slowly destroying me every day. I have asked God; what is this? What do you want from me? Forgive me! Release me! Help me! I don't know how to live a normal life or even a peaceful one. Help me Jesus! I renounce everything for you! I repent! This cross is so so heavy. Help me Jesus.

About 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one until then. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts, then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I feel so trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I’m in a constant struggle of fear, anxiety and sadness. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Please help. I feel so numb and don’t know what to do. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

I just woke up and I keep calling God this terrible word in my head and it feels so real and I’m not super freaked out. I feel kinda numb to the thought but I just feel terrible at the same time because I don’t wanna talk this word I’m scared that God is gonna take me away. I don’t know what to do.

i think i started finding comfort in my own sadness and pain. yes, i want to heal. i want to smile again. i want to get better, but i feel like i don't because life is painful and i feel horrible. but when i don't feel depressed or in pain, when i can smile, i feel like i don't deserve it. i feel like pain, tears, or feeling depressed means i feel sorry. i feel guilty. now that i feel a bit numb, i'm searching for pain because i've been feeling depressed for days. i think my mind is burned out and needs rest, but i have this thought that after i rest, i must resolve every thought i have. i've been stuck in this situation because of these feelings and thoughts. i'm really struggling with severe religious ocd and have started developing moral ocd as well. i can barely see the light in my life anymore. i feel so condemned and unforgivable for every thought i have. i don't know if it's really me or not. i don't know what to do. i feel so lost. i feel so confused. i feel so undeserving, and i can't see my life without God, but i keep on hurting Him with my thoughts. i'm so tired of everything. more tired and done with myself.

I haven’t really been in my Bible lately cuz I just feel like when I read it like it’s to mark a box off and my ocd flare ups make it worse I don’t even want to read. I will read like a daily devotional or like a chapter but that’s like the bare minimum like it doesn’t even count so I don’t know what to do does that make me lukewarm I don’t want to backslide in my faith but I feel so far from God I mean I never really feel close either I just can’t even focus my brain is too loud.

THIS IS A RELIGIOUS TOPIC! If you're not religious but you still value sex after marriage then you can comment too. I'm not in a relationship right now, but this topic is bothering me. I want to wait until marriage, but I think i would be really weak in the relationship, cause even now I struggle with lust and sexual desire. Which is normal but I know if its hard right now, It will be harder with another person. I had different believes before, I didnt believe in getting married quickly, but someone changed my mind. I heard that wainting can worsen the relationship and even the Bible says that its better to marry than to burn with lust,.I think this might be interpreted differently. So I started believing in this until I heard stories of young people getting married and then fail and get divorced, or just struggling in the marriage, and ofcourse there are good exemples too, but Im still hesitating on this. I also heard someone express their opinion and said that you shouldnt get married before 3 years in a relationship, cause you even have good friends but after 3 years the friendship just goes away or something goes wrong. And this just made me questioning more. Ofcourse who doesnt value sex after marriage, it will be easy for them, but its hard for me. But I will be honest, I don't want to get married just because i cant control my sexual desire... This sounds really bad, getting married cause I want to have sex... I see alot of people telling me that they waited years and still waited until marriage, but im afraid I wont be able. But still I dont want to get married cause of that. 6 months and a year is too little time to know the other person. And I know others tell me no, you can get to know the other person even in 3 months, but maybe in 1 year everything is just beatiful and you dont know how yall are behaving when things are bad and there are challenges. I dont think you should know that when you are in marriage already... I wrote this cause i still have this duality in me, cause I dont know what would I do with the sexual desire, I need people who i can talk too, so If someone can share their story if they waited for years and how they did it, I would appreciate it.

This is gonna sound really weird and this is a disturbing post for me to make I’m 20, waiting till marriage. I’m a Christian but I have very bad sexual intrusive thoughts. this sounds so weird but I was thinking about the Holy Spirit like the Holy Spirit is love, peace, patience, joy, and stuff like that. My mind said that I wanted to have sex with an orange I know that’s a very weird thought but for some reason, I thought that would be cool but I know that’s very weird but in my mind, my brain said that orange is the fruit of the spirit and my brain said that I was thinking sexually about the Holy Spirit, but I don’t wanna have sex with the holy Spirit. That’s terrible I hate the thought. I don’t wanna have sex with the fruit of the spirit that’s terrible and I hate that thought now I’m scared what if I really wanted to do that to the Holy Spirit or to the fruit of the spirit? I just need some advice and I’m really freaking out anything you guys say would really help I am a Christian so please don’t go against my religious values and beliefs.

How can I overcome my fear of hell and the one sin that can’t be forgiven with erp erp is obviously to expose those fears and sit in uncertainty but I can’t be uncertain about eternal life even tho I feel uncertain all the time

What if I just committed blasphemy? In my mind, I was doing compulsions and I accidentally said the Holy Spirit is not of God but of the you know who I don’t even wanna type that on there because I know it’s not true and I’m worried that I committed blasphemy and I’m worried that if I type it, I’ll commit blasphemy I don’t wanna do this I don’t know what to do. I really don’t mean that.

My faith stays rooted in fear I don’t know how to stop it. I will be okay trying not to worry and let God handle my situations but then see something and go down a rabbit hole and spiral so bad. Cuz I feel like when I don’t worry then I’m not paying attention to anything going on and just going on with my life. I don’t want to follow him out of fear but I do so am I even really following him

Can you share a time you’ve seen God use your story with ocd for good? I don’t mean your experience with it was good in itself, but has there been times your life story has helped others open up, you’ve learned something about God’s grace in the process, or something like that? It’s one of the hardest parts of my own story, but there have also been so many times I’ve seen good come out of the hard stuff. I just would love to connect with others who have also seen this!

i feel depressed. i’m so tired of living with constant guilt, fear, and pain. i feel so lost and lifeless. i feel like i’m not living for myself anymore. i'm so done with my life. i really hate myself. it’s all my fault. everything that goes wrong and everything that keeps happening to me is all my fault. i feel sorry for the people who have me in their lives. they don’t deserve someone like me. this world doesn’t deserve a person like me. i can’t do this anymore. every night, i keep crying. i just don’t want to wake up the next morning, yet i keep waking up. for me, another day is another suffering. i hate myself so much. i don’t deserve anything good. i hate my really bad and dark thoughts, and i can’t tell whether they are truly mine or not. the guilt is eating me alive, and i feel hopeless and undeserving of forgiveness. my family doesn’t know about my struggles, and i don’t want them to. i don’t want to be a burden or make them feel like they failed as parents. i don’t want to make their lives any harder. i just hate my religious ocd. sometimes i think i’m just making it an excuse. i feel sorry for God and Jesus for being this kind of person. i wish i wasn’t born into this world. i can’t continue living like this. i feel like i’m going insane. i’m just accepting that i’m horrible, and that all those bad thoughts are mine. that i'm disrespectful and a terrible person. i'm not suicidal. i’m just so tired of living like this. i'm not expecting happiness or anything good because i don’t deserve any of it. i feel like a disgusting person. i hate that someone like me still has the courage to show up every day around other people. i deserve all the pain and to drown in it. i just want to vent about what i really feel right now because it feels so heavy and unbearable. i don’t want to make others’ lives miserable or hurt God anymore.

I have this idea that if i stopped my current ocd it will comeback again in another form. Forexample, when i was 9 by the help of a doctor i stopped washing my hand every 10 mintues but then ocd switched into another theme, which is religious, and when i stopped that it again changed. And now i have prefction and mental ocd. So my question is why bother trying fix something isn't fixable? It takes a while to notice that the thing you have been doing is ocd, double the time to treat it, is there a permenant treatment or is it just tourture ? P.S sorry for my english i'm not from the U.S

Im not religious or anything I do believe in God I guess that would be Christianity but I don’t call myself a Christian due to me in life seeing a lot of Christians are such hypocrites and something regarding to this on TikTok has been very triggering for me I don’t know has anyone seen those people inducing fear by basically telling people that they will be going to hell if they don’t give their life to Jesus Christ because of the end times ? Like I don’t understand if our religion is about love and etc why are most Christians hateful and just bad… and what is the end times it seems like they say it’s the end times every year and how would you even know if it was the end times your not God like I think a lot of Christians think they know everything because who even gave you the right to start telling everyone the end times are coming … and like now I’ve been scared I’m go to hell so now my thoughts has me freaking out on me going to hell

End time triggers. Like it shouldn’t even be a trigger and like real Christian’s and so many people speaking up about it and yeah I feel we are in the end times too but I don’t know what to do about it and yeah no one knows the day or hour but there will be signs and seasons. And other Christian’s have it heavy on their heart. And so many people saying the feast of trumpets this year in September and all the third temple and red hefier sacrifice. It’s just so much and like I should be excited for the Lord but I’m anxious and I feel like it’s because I’m so focused on material things that are just going to pass away

It’s so hard to pray to God. I don’t want o put him on the back burner but I get anxiety talking to him and sitting in his presence. Then I will force myself to but then I just feel dumb since my flesh doesn’t want me to. And I pray and rush it then immediately scroll on my phone after cuz I get stressed and don’t know how to hear from him bc if I pray and just wait for Him I will get intrusive thoughts over and over and like I can’t even hear him anyway my mind is constantly going 1 million miles an hour and I have so many real life problems too on top of the ocd that makes it even harder.

Ive also realized... if it's my own fault I have POCD and Real Events OCD to begin with... because of the genuinely horrible real events I've done... then why should I even feel any ounce of sympathy for myself? I don't feel sorry for myself because why would I feel sorry for something I hate? It's my fault right? I did this to myself so I face the consequences... thats how the world works right? I did so many bad things as a teen, so the karma finally catches up to me... right? So yeah... I deserve this... all of this... it's so funny... thinking I deserve a happy life... its all just one big joke... my life is a joke... but jokes at least have a purpose and make people laugh. People do laugh. At me, and not with me. So yeah. I deserve this. All of this. I accept it. I accept it all. Come take me god. Cause I dont want to be here in this world anymore.

i feel so lost. my religious ocd involves sexual intrusive images right now about Jesus, and it's really killing me. it keeps flashing in my mind and I feel so bad and in pain. i feel so dirty and disgusting because of it. i really respect Jesus and i love Him so much. i always saw Him as a Father because He has a father figure. now, i don't know what to feel anymore because of those sexual intrusive images. it is traumatizing and terrifying. i hate that my ocd creates images of Jesus as bad and tries to put the blame on Him. i'm trying my best to fight it and put the blame on myself. i feel like my relationship with Him is slowly getting ruined. for me, it's all my fault because of my ocd brain. i want to feel what i normally feel toward Jesus. i hate that my ocd needs to do this. i hate the feelings that I'm liking it even though I never like it. i feel unforgivable and condemned. i can't take anymore of what my ocd keeps throwing at me. i feel like I'm going crazy. i feel disrespectful. i feel so disgusting. i feel like i'm not comfortable in my own body. last night i broke down because of it. it is so heavy and too much to carry. i'm thinking that this might be my punishment for the constant blasphemous thoughts and doubts caused by my OCD.

I dont want this anymore. I can't do this every day, 24 hours a day. I even have nightmares of it. I feel bullied by my own mind. I am convinced it's a demonic spirit, or a stronghold. I am not sure. Whatever God is speaking to me I'm not getting it. I feel sick and depleted. I am afraid of loosing my teeth or something because of grinding so hard in my sleep. I gain weight even though I'm eating right and taking steps purely from stess; I never knew a person could be so stressed. My eyes are twitching, my skin is horrible, my thoughts never stop. I have intrusive thoughts of "giving my ..... to ". I'm not going to fill in the blanks because my mind won't let me. I dont understand what God wants and what He is saying to me. Does anyone else with Religious OCD experience the same thing? I bring this to Christ daily but I'm so so desperate and alone and scared. My whole body is in pain from stress, like it's clenched. I know Christ is in control, but dear God in Heaven just answer me already. Set me free. I'm turning 22 in a week. God just set me free.