Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone feel like they wake up one day and don’t feel the same anymore?

Hello everyone, It’s the first time I’m writing a post about my health condition. I’m suffering from OCD. I diagnosed about 17 years ago. It was extreme in the beginning as I didn’t know anything about it. So I went to many therapists, tried a lot of medications and it had it’s ups and downs. I am now 37 years old and the last years I take fluvoxamine and I believed I was in a good condition until 10 days ago. My main OCD intrusive thoughts were about harming myself or others and most importantly sexual thoughts. Some years ago - I really don’t remember how that started - a thought stuck into my mind that I might like men with circle beards. I know that I don’t like men and I have a girlfriend for almost 10 years now. Sometimes I also have this thought when I see someone: He is handsome, could I like him? And that causes lots of anxiety. Additionally I have an extreme anxiety about some specific numbers. So in some days from now I was about to start a new job but unfortunately the interview was on one of these dates causing me EXTREME anxiety. I tried to do every compulsion possible but it just wouldn’t work. I was worse every day, I wanted to sleep only as this was the only time that my mind wasn’t thinking. A total torture. I reached a point that I thought: I wish I die so this ends. I can’t take it anymore. To make this even worse, the father of my girlfriend had sometimes a beard like the one on my thought. So the last the worst thought was that I should avoid my girlfriend because she’s his daughter and I can’t have a relationship with her. I would be gay or something. How is it possible to think like this? I love my girlfriend so much, she’s my other half. Last days I tried to do ERP on my own, exposing myself to these fears. The first hour I felt I was free and then suddenly everything went a lot worse. So I don’t really know what to do, continue ERP or do compulsions so I would feel better? Obviously I can’t start work in a few days in this horrible condition as today I couldn’t get up from bed and I was only thinking: I want to die. I’ll be sad losing this good opportunity for work but losing my girlfriend from OCD as well will be unimaginable for me. I’m feeling hopeless right now. I’m sorry for my long post and I would like to thank everyone who reads it. I’m wishing all the best to everyone.

Ok so I'm just wondering if the compulsions are what's making this worse? The checking and need for certainty? I get groinals alot especially when triggered and it always makes me do a compulsion because I don't want to feel it, it makes me so I comfortable. I got no desire for sex with a man neither have I ever wanted it or had a crush on a guy but ever since this I'm so triggered by any gay feminine looking man. All my relationships since I was 16 has been ruined because of this I always had crushes on women, always loved women and fantasies about them all the time I only wanted women not men I respected others sexualities since I'm not homophobic but me myself I wanted to be with a woman that's my preference but if that's true why do I feel things below when I check porn? Why do I get false urges that cause me distress? How do I stop this it's been years and I'm still not willing to give up fighting I'm still holding hope that one day I can be happy with my girlfriend I love her so much and I feel like I need to breakup when I deal with this ): I hate it so fucking much I'm alwaus so happy when i feel straight and don't have these doubts. I'm happy admiring men and finding them handsome time to time but sex and romantic stuff I don't want win men its not desirable for me it wouldn't make me happy I want those things with my girlfriend ): pls someone help I need advice I got no one to talk to and it's getting bad again.

I go through brief moments where I gain my attraction back to men, and I’ll feel good for a brief second and then feel like I hear OCD scream at me I don’t want that. It’s like it won’t let me have a moment of enjoyment in peace. I hate this so much. Beforehand, I’d be able to create whole storylines and daydreams about guys and now I can’t. I know daydreaming is an unhealthy coping mechanism. But can I please have a moment of peace and not panic?

So, i'm trying to accept that sexuality maybe can change? But it still scares me way too much. I know that if that was to happen to me, everything would be okay, and that obviously, you can still lead a happy life. But i'm more than happy with just the idea of boys. It's always felt natural and right for me, and I have never and still do not force myself to like boys. I would just feel happier. Or atleast I want to with a man. Any way to deal with this idea that it could change? Does anyone else deal with this? This definitely seems to be the thing that has scared me the most throughout having soocd. X.

Just a question, what is the definition of checking someone out? I have sexual ocd so it’s always saying I’m checking everyone out if I take my eyes off their face for even a second… I have a bf who I never want to betray… is it inappropriate if you think someone is attractive and look at their body? Not in a way of oogly googly eyeballing them or sexualising them, but my mum and partner both tell me it’s normal to see people as “a whole person” like not just concentrate on their face the whole time you’re aloud to look at the persons face and body without it being sexual - my brain doesn’t allow me to understand the difference :( I’m trying to do little exposures and even if I find someone attractive just trying to look at their face, their outfit, their body, etc, without paying attention to the thoughts. I guess I just am concerned about ever being inappropriate. My partner can look at a movie and not be worried if the girl is in a bikini for example he just looks wherever on the screen…. Is checking out when you have intent and you’re looking the person up and down trying to sexualise them?? I want to just be normal and have a hard time understanding what normal is - because a lot of my thoughts are unwanted sexual ones… I’m scared what if I had a thought saying “that person has an attractive body” then I looked down at their body, is that checking them out? Or is that just me going “fuck off ocd idc what you say” I just am genuinely confused and hope someone can give me some insight into what is normal and what is not, and what it means to actually check someone out… sorry for the rant, hope someone can help me cause I’m just worrying alot. Never wanting to be unloyal or disrespectful to my partner or relationship. I know everyone has different opinions on things but if a couple people could maybe give me some advice that would be appreciated? 🎄 merry Christmas everyone

Have you reached a point where you’ve cried so much to the point where you feel numb and feel like you’re experiencing depersonalization and dissociation and just don’t know who you are anymore? I tried my best to be present and felt like a ghost around my loved ones. I went to my room and cried a handful of times. My family knows I deal with OCD and this specific theme. I just feel numb, I miss my attraction to men. OCD keeps telling me I’m in denial but I really don’t want to be with a woman. I remember having dreams ever since I was a kid about marrying a guy and even would play being pregnant by having a pillow under a shirt, have clothing for my future children, even a playlist of songs I wanted for my dream wedding. I’ve dealt with this theme for almost 13 years now. But I held onto that dream. It makes me feel like my attraction to men was false. I miss who I was, who was able to cope with this theme. My brother who came to visit stopped by my room and held me as I sobbed. Saying he missed my laughter and jokes and said it will pass and it’s okay to cry. I miss my nieces and nephews and being able to be present. I’m so thankful to have a supportive family, especially as a first-generation Mexican-American. We’ve come a long way talking about mental health, especially as my mother has suffered from depression. It feels like my identity and values and my being were stripped from me. I know they’re still there, but I just feel so far from who I was two weeks ago. I’m grieving.

hey guys. Suffered from OCD for ever. I’m 25 years old and I’ve identified as being straight all my life. There’s been times where I have gotten the fear of bisexuality and false attraction. It’s on and off for me. after doing so well it’s back and it feels so real. I’ve been better at ruminating but the thoughts get in my dream and haunt me. I’m 25 and getting immense pressure from my parents in getting married. I’ve always wanted a bf and to date but never have met the one due to insecurities and body issues… now with ocd idk what to do. im south Asian and due to cultural stuff my parents have been showing me marriage proposals from guys and that very very unattractive (sorry). I really want to open a dating app but I feel im actually bisexual and dating men is only a lie. dating is so hard and I want to be myself again. I hate how I have ocd. please share tips on what to do. I wanna be on my attracted to men or am I being denial/questioning my sexuality in reality. dating makes me so anxious and my parents keep telling me no one will marry cus im getting older. The pressure is rlly getting to me. how do I date and tell my partner I have ocd… I don’t want my kids to suffer w this disorder

I just want to feel how I did before this horrible illness. I’ve only ever been attracted to women and turned on by women. I’ve never once been turned on by a man, so why do I have these repetitive thoughts trying to convince me I don’t like women when I do?

It's like my symptoms of ocd I had vanished like the unwanted thoughts do come sometimes but I get like a little shake in my body and a bit anxious then literally seconds later ok, before I had anxiety 24/7 loads of thoughts and gronials now, little to nothing but I keep having the feeling of I'm a p and I don't feel scared, whenever I see a kid/tween whatever I'm not scared like I was idk if I'm attracted not attracted I really don't know I can't tell if I'm attracted to adults like its confusing, I try to let I go and maybe, maybe not but it just seems like it's not working. The only reason I'm still believing it's probs ocd is because start of the year I had my first ocd theme with soocd and thoughts I was gay for nearly 5/ 6 months then It changed to pocd for 1 month then because of work cause I worked with kids at amusement Park it kinda went I forgot it for like 4 months and then again it came back and for the last month I'd say I can't tell if its ocd not ocd its like I'm obsessing over it but I am and idk what to do and don't want a bot answer me aswel please a real human

I think it is because it involves something that is not considered as wrong like other themes as Harm, POCD, etc. And it's something that has increased in society, it's probably because, sorry if this triggers someone (I have SO OCD) And I think it's because people has more possibilities to be gay than being a m^rder..(??

I was reading that Spirulina is a cyanobacteria and that it can repair the Myelin Sheath a bit. The Myelin Sheath is made partially from Cholesterol and B12, so eating steak and eggs is actually good to help repair the brain believe it or not. B12 and Folate are important in maintaining/building DNA and they work in synergy with one another. My OCD has went down 90-95% working on building the Myelin Sheath and repairing the microbiome/Gut....but I also take high amounts of Clomipramine/Anafranil and I now basically feel 90-95% normal. No more impulses that I don't really have control of, I have 95% control of my obsessions and compulsions too. It's like God almost healed me as a Christmas Present!! Take supplements of B-12 in all forms, take Methyl B-12, Hydroxo B-12 , Adeno-B-12 (these can all be ordered at www.seekinghealth.com) and believe it or not Cyanocobalmin is a good/great form of B-12, in one article it says it's the bodies most usable form....but those that have Methylation issues/MTHFR gene mutation may want to limit cyanocobalmin until they get there Methylation under control. If you don't know about Methylation please check out www.mthfr.com /Dr.Ben Lynch who also runs Seeking Health website and sells excellent supplements. If you have Mthfr, limit the synthetic form of Folate/Folic Acid and use Methyl B-12 and Hydroxo B-12. I am not sure about Cyanocobalmin I read mixed results on Cyanocobalmin one article saying effects Methylation but another article says it's best/most absorbable form of B-12 so I have to do more research. We need to build the Myelin Sheath up and repair the Gut through Probiotic Supplements and Yogurt/SourCream/Cottage Cheese/Buttermilk and Fermented Foods like Kim Chi, Sauerkraut (Sauerkraut is great! for the gut and Kombucha/ and I think Wasabi is fermented. If you have Severe OCD you will probably need SSRI's and Clomipramine. I know I am not a doctor and can't really give medical advice but I have lived through this OCD Hell since July 2007 and know what it feels like. I had/I guess still have to a degree POCD, Pet OCD, HOCD, Scrupulocity and Pure "O"....my Myelin Sheath and maybe Gut must be really messes up because I need 2 forms of SSRI's Sertraline at the max 200 mg and 40 mg of Fluoxetine and High Amounts of Clomipramine 150 mg. I even take 8 mg of Perphenazine as I have a little Psychosis, it must be the lowered Myelin Sheath-B-12 issues but again I am taking atleast 3 grams of Spirulina everyday and sometimes up to 10 grams and almost all forms of B-12...so if you are vegetarian you may especially need it. You might even need b12 shots from a naturopath or however you can get them. You need vitamin b-6 and Folate (Methyl Folate) to also help with Nerves and DNA repair. Again I know I am not a doctor but I have had OCD for close to 17 years and have done some goofy things in my OCD, OCD is so hard to control om a daily basis when it is severe and for some reason my brain has attached to some of the more taboo OCD themes. I am just trying to help people get out of this OCD Hell and trying to get back to a normal life, My OCD is so strong ERP Therapy doesn't really work for me. I have done a decent amount of counseling and even some on here and did one thing so weird I could only tell an OCD counselor. I believe in God and pray to him daily to help me and forgive me of some of the weird things that I have a few times and many things I have almost done.....OCD can be very hard to control when it is severe. I just want to say stay in the fight and Clomipramine and Fluvixamine can be a life saver for some. PM me if you have any questions, I am a nutrition and supplement need. I think eating steak (I really like Chipotle's Carne Asada) is really good for the nerves and eating eggs on a daily basis is good because it has Choline, B12 and a bit of Cholesterol which can be good if not taken to extreme and many other Vitamins and minerals are in eggs. Stay strong and God Bless!!

I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop ruminating. I can’t get over the false attraction. It is all so painful. I just want to feel like myself again. Are there any other lesbians on here who have ocd???

Hi guys, I’m new here not sure if I have ocd yet have not been diagnosed. I have a therapy appointment on January 8th so I’ll know for sure then. Anyways for the past few months I’ve been feeling like I have so ocd. I’ve liked men my whole life and have always been attracted to them but I’ve also never had a boyfriend or any experience in that area because I got my heartbroken in highschool and have stayed away from it ever since. I’ve been constantly googling and searching on tiktok to figure out who I’m attracted to and i still can’t figure it out. This one girl on tiktok who is a lesbian said she thought she had soocd until she talked to her therapist and turned out she was acc just a lesbian with ocd so that kinda freaked me out because what if my therapist tells me that? I also saw another tiktok of a girl that said attraction doesn’t always mean sexuality so what if im not attracted to men at all? I mean it’s fine if I am lesbian or bi but I just can’t see myself being with a woman in any way. But is that just internalized homophobia? I was diagnosed with anxiety a few years back and was put on novo sertaline, does anyone know if this helps ocd? I have a party for new years in a week and would rlly like to feel better by then and stop obsessing over this all day every day and making me feel distress. Not self diagnosing myself just wondering if sertaline has helped anyone else on here.

I can’t take it anymore. It’s so confusing and I hate it. I am a lesbian. Why can’t my ocd just leave me alone?

I traveled to join my family for christmas but the feelingd that come with SOOCD are soo much stronger around this time of the year + my bf isnt here so I cant get reassurance... its feels like its sooo obvious that Im not straight and I dont know what to do anymore... I dont kmow if you get this feeling of dread also..

I was feeling pretty confident lately had no worries about my intrusive thoughts and body signals, but all of a sudden I had an urge/craving for groinal response which is weird for me but I acted on it, (just imagined it and scan my body) recognised that it doesn't necessarily comes from intrusive thoughts but about 50% they come from intrusive thoughts. I acted on it let it sit and wonder if I'm really enjoying this got concerned and it went downhill from there I'd say. Later another day I had a feeling that I would like (sexually) my intrusive thought so I imagined it and felt thrown off immediately didn't enjoy it at all and was disgusted for few days. (I know that I shouldn't check but it worked for me for the longest time) Also had some moments when I felt like I miss adrenaline or intense feelings in my life which I had with OCD and it again felt like I wanted the thoughts only to be disgusted, anxious and stressed. Weirdly when I had the same feelings about other themes, I could brush it way more calm (harm OCD, sexual orientation OCD) but with pOCD it just wrecks me. I needed to vent out past few days has been blocked out for me and I have trouble focusing for even a moment constantly thinking I'm psychopath. :( Can someone with a similar story could share their experiences? That would mean a lot, thanks

Hi I’m new, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced intrusive thoughts about being attracted to a family member such as you’re dad?

Lol, I've not been having any reaction to the thoughts and it feels as if I've accepted being gay..??? It feels weird, also I don't feel in love with my boyfriend anymore.. I'm worried, what if I really m gay? Feels like it.. I generally don't like girls (and have never), but when I think about it, it then feels as if I do. Scrolling through my gallery I found a lot of pictures of girls clothes, videos of pretty girls.. not to long ago I used to JUST watch girls, I've thought about them being attractive, but I've never been attracted to them, never thought about leaving my boyfriend for a woman.. I hate this

I have hocd and i dont want to be attracted to my same sex (women) , I was reading here an article about a lesbian that beat her so ocd and she was scared of loving the opposite sex , then suddenly i got a thought with a fear” what if im straight” 😭 then in the afternoon i was watching a cooking tv show and there was a girl i feel attracted to ( because i feel false attractions to every girl i see ) then i said this time i shouldnt avoid, i should keep seeing her and feel the feeling and attraction and to do this as form of an erp then i keep seeing her then a thought occurred in my mind “what if you accepted being bi and you genuinely attracted to that girl in the tv show then you couldnt date her, you will suffer” and i feel as if i was afraid of being unable to date her 😭 i hate how ocd messes up with me 💔 my feelings feel very bery very real