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the NOCD Community

Y'all what's your exposure or any helpful advice for not using Google as a reassurance? I'm horrible with it! I'm hypervengilant. If I get a ache or pain especially chest area, it's automatic heart attack and I'm googling. I know it makes it worse. Especially since anything typed into Google with the word pain and chest automatically comes up heart related. Yet I keep doing it 🤦‍♀️ my husband offered to take my phone when I try to do it, but I don't feel like that will work because it'll be on my mind and I won't be able to function.

So I have dealt with skin picking my entire life but over the past few months it has gotten so bad and I was wondering if anyone had like tips for how to curb the obsessive urge to scratch I have caused irreversible damage at this point and I really just need to curb the need to fulfill the urge.

I was doing really well until yesterday, where the goalpost was moved and my grounding and mindfulness exercises werent working. I eventually lapsed in a panic attack in the middle of the night. Today i just feel like im wasting away, my body is weak, i feel sick, I cant summon any motivation. I havent really given in to my thoughts, but i really dont have the energy to care rn.

Anyone have trouble with leaving the home (aka your safe space)? I’m so worried that I’ll have heart palpitations in public, which might trigger me to panic, and then all the catastrophic what if situations might happen. It’s been tough feeling like I can be normal and live life lately.

Hi all, I’m new here. For the past 5ish years of my life I have lived with what I called health anxiety but recently have been researching more into OCD and I’m wondering if that’s what I might actually suffer from. I have tried multiple different therapists and types of therapy (mostly CBT and talk) but nothing has helped me. Every day I think about death and it plagues most of my thoughts in any given scenario. Usually I think about it in terms of myself because I am terrified of dying young but slightly less often I obsess over losing my husband as well. For myself this usually manifests as thinking I have specific diseases (cancer, bone disease, heart conditions, brain tumors) that are undiagnosed and underlying. I am doing constant checks and googling of my symptoms and thinking about what will happen after I die and how it will affect my loved ones and everything around me. I also become very triggered when I hear about young people dying and whenever I hear something like that or see something on social media about death or disease I think it’s a sign from the universe about myself and I spiral. I am terrified of the doctor so I actually haven’t been in a very long time but I have been trying to talk myself into getting blood tests. I’m just terrified of hearing what I feel are going to be bad results. I try not to think about my thoughts because I also have thoughts that thinking this way will manifest bad health even if I don’t already have it so then I become in an obsessive loop of thinking and then thinking about not thinking and then thinking about thinking about not thinking … I don’t know if any of this makes sense and I don’t know what I can do at this point but I am just so so exhausted of living my life this way so here is my word vomit.

I had some drinks and ate dinner last night and now wake up with anxiety. Sitting up in bed because I can hear my heart rate and am focused on it. I feel so bad!

And I dont know how to stop. Every minute on my mind of me trying to make myself feel better about it, hoping there is an afterlife. I keep trying to not think about it but It keeps coming up. I keep trying to imagine it to hope I give myself peace about it or think of possibilities that were in a timeloop and I’ll be born again after the loop. It’s gotten to the point where I keep thinking im about to die. Im hypersensitive to everything about my body and I keep checking my pulse to see if my heart is beating normally. I keep trying to reassurance myself im not gonna die but the thought is scary and I know im not supposed tk seek reassurance but I dont know how im not supposed to seek reassurance about this. I dont know what to do. I just feel like vessel with a brain.

So I’ve been suffering with intense health anxiety for a few years now, and just recently I learned it may be caused by OCD. It’s to the point where every time I get a headache I start to freak out, scared that I could be having an aneurysm. I am far too worried about having a stroke or heart attack for being 21. I can’t even enjoy a casual, relaxing hot shower anymore. I have to slowly increase the temperature when getting in and slowly decrease the shower while getting out because I am afraid that any drastic temperature change can give me a heart attack. I know deep down that these fears are illogical, but no matter how often I get them they still feel just as real every time. I try to reason with myself, but every time I feel mild discomfort in my body I can’t help but freak out. I am so tired of checking my face in the mirror for symptoms of stroke every time I get a headache or feel a weird sensation in my body. Every other day of the week I force myself to stay awake for a certain period of time because I’m scared if I go to sleep I won’t wake up. I get hymnic jerks every single night (where you jolt awake when drifting to sleep) because my brain is so occupied with making sure I’m staying alive that it jolts me awake because my body is trying to sleep while my mind stays awake. It’s so difficult for me to pay attention during lectures because I get so caught up in my health anxiety that I’m focusing on grounding techniques in order to keep myself from hyperventilating. I spend more time making sure I can understand the words my professor is saying to make sure I’m not having a stroke than actually paying attention to the lectures. Another thing I struggle with is having to count my medication every time before I take it to make sure I didn’t accidentally take two or more doses, even if I KNOW I only took one. I have to count them anyways otherwise my mind will convince me I overdosed. It will not stop until I count my medication and make sure I didn’t overdose. It’s honestly so tiring, and the sad part is that my health anxiety has actually gotten better. It was even worse before now, and everything I’ve listed is stuff that I still do. Does anyone else have this struggle? Because it feels so isolating and makes me feel like I’m going crazy.

I’m here because I’m looking for help. I’ve tried CBT but my therapist isn’t specialized in OCD and I don’t know what else to do. I’m terrified all the time, I wear a mask every day and wash my hands till they are raw. I don’t know what to do, I didn’t have anywhere near the levels of anxiety and depression before the pandemic that I have since the pandemic started, I am terrified of everything, I had Covid once but I am terrified that I’m a ticking time bomb because it does cause long lasting symptoms and can disable or kill you even after one infection and that’s what terrifies me. I’m forced to go into the office with people who don’t mask and don’t care about coughing up a lung and not covering it up. I can’t sleep without feeling like something is wrong with my heart or my body and I am constantly afraid of going out and being around people and crowds. I’m terrified of Covid and getting it again and losing my life and quality of life because of it. I’m also terrified of losing my wife because she doesn’t want a partner who just stays in the house all the time.

i’ve had pretty bad anxiety all day because of what happened last night. basically it made me scared i was getting the stomach bug, but i never threw up. i also ate a pretty good amount of food today. however, all day today i’ve just been so anxious. it’s like one minute i’m completely fine and the next i’m scared that i’m nauseous and don’t feel good. i can’t figure out if i’m okay or not. i feel like it might be me getting scared that i have symptoms which then makes me feel like i have symptoms. it’s a never ending cycle. i can’t bring myself down. i feel like i’m going at 100.

Almost 3 years ago, before my recent OCD flare up, I finally fell in love with running. After years of training for a 5k here and there and hating the whole process it finally stuck, and I LOVED it. Then I started getting some symptoms. Heartburn when I ran. Muscle strains, etc. I was sort of diagnosed with GERD but the doctor never actually did any tests. Fast forward to now, and I’ve healed my GERD, but I haven’t managed to start running again. And quite honestly, it terrifies me. I’ve been to hell and back with OCD since last summer. Thinking I had a breast lump to colon cancer to gallbladder cancer. And I occasionally have this pain/discomfort in my right rib area that now has all my attention. I went to the doctor, had a ton of blood work and tests done, all coming back fine. And the doctor then said “if you’re still having pain, I can schedule a CT, it’s up to you.” Which of course with OCD is the worst. It’s almost like I don’t know if what I’m feeling is even real? Is it normal body noise? It does seem to disappear when I’m distracted…makes me feel like a complete crazy person! Anyway, I was having a chat with a friend and she’s training for her first marathon. We started talking about races and I’ve always wanted to do a triathlon and without realizing it, we both started planning on doing a beginners one together. I’m so so worried that the “pain” I’ve been fixated on will get worse, I’ll start training and have to stop. I just don’t know what to do. I miss running so so much and think that training for something could be so good for me but on the other hand, some days the slightest discomfort in my right side sends me into a panic. I just don’t know what to do 😭 thank you if you’ve read this far.

Hi I'm new here, I have been suffering from somatic breathing ocd for like a month now but has gotten so much worse since like 2 days ago my chest hurts everyday bc I be so focused on my breathing I feel like I can't switch back to automatic anym until unless I'm asleep the thought of breathing is always running constantly in the back of my mind when I'm distracting myself or when it gets worse its the only thing I can focus on. I literally feel like gasping for air too. I'm scared I might damage my automatic breathing system or something like that. Im lost as to what to do I feel like I'm beyond fixable.

Struggling currently. Anyone here have it and what did you find helpful to overcome?

I have been struggling with insomnia for the past 2 years. It started after several months of intense focus on a reflux condition that was not there. I may have had some reflux at the start but it must have went away bc I had an endoscopy performed and they found no signs of reflux. It was all nerves. I focused on all my symptoms. I watched every bit of food I ate. I could sleep during it but I still had the reflux feeling. It was all mental. I had a stressful job that I should have left. After several months of struggling with this I finally gave in and went on Temp Disability for 3 months. Just after I left my job the reflux went away and I was relieved BUT then came the insomnia. I was so hyper vigilant of my body that it seeped into my subconscious and bam I couldn’t sleep. I think the lack of sleep was worse than the reflux. Now here I am on sleep meds and more anxiety meds to keep calm and sleep through the night. I would like nothing more than to sleep at night naturally. It’s difficult for me to work esp if shift work. I’m hoping I can find the right help/therapy for me to get back to living.

One of my most persistent symptoms of OCD is being convinced that I have some kind of severe or terminal illness. I've had so many appointments (that have picked up a few things but nothing that's been a death sentence). Every ache, symptom, I'm absolutely convinced something is wrong. Then I'll get it checked out, and it's normal. Or I'll feel a sensation like earlier I felt a sharp pain in my stomach when I pressed the upper part of it, CONVINCED its stomach cancer. And then I burped and I'm perfectly fine. I get so intensely wrapped in worry, and then later on I see I completely made everything up. It's so exhausting.

Here I am once again. I found a small moveable lump under my chin so I ended up going to the ER because i couldn’t wait to get in to a ENT. The Dr just felt it and said it’s a gland. I told her it doesn’t feel like the one on the other side. She did a CBC and said she isn’t worried about it. I can’t get it out of my head that she’s wrong. I have been looking at a Prayer request that went out from a well known radio host and read all the comments of people asking for Prayers due to them or loved ones having cancer. All I want to do is sleep, as soon as I wake up I get the surge of anxiety and panic. I fear death and worry IF there is no afterlife and this makes things 💯 worse. I’m tired

Please can someone tell me if this is part of ocd: I get physical discomforts and itchy sensations everytime I try to relax or to sleep. I feel the need to scratch or adjust my clothes or rub my hands and this goes on for hours. I feel exhausted and when I do ERP the sensations get worse or keep coming back.. help

I’ve only recently discovered that I have developed Health Concern OCD, Existential OCD and Somatic OCD. There’s a lot going on in my head all the time. In the past year, specifically the last few months, I’ve had the same recurring thoughts: -How were humans created to breathe? It’s crazy how our bodies can breathe on its own while we sleep. It’s not something anyone should ever think about yet I always think about the way I breathe, if I’m breathing enough, what if I randomly stop breathing or forget how to breathe? -I feel there is always something wrong with me. I have random sharp shooting pains in my chest, I experience heart palpitations frequently, I feel off balance almost every day. What if there’s something seriously wrong with me DESPITE all of the doctor’s visits, blood tests, EKGs and heart ultrasounds I’ve done in 2023 that all confirm I’m “healthy” and there is nothing wrong. What if I wake up and something is seriously wrong with me throughout the day and I come to find out I have a terminal illness? -Why do our bodies turn on us and make us sick? Why does illness strike unexpectedly? Why was I put on this earth? Where do we go and what happens when we die? What happens to our souls? Our soul is what makes us and our soul is a small little voice in our head and that voice is trusting the house (our bodies) it lives in to keep it safe and out of danger and to provide a long and healthy life/home for our soul. It’s exhausting having all of these thoughts on repeat every day. How do I make these thoughts stop!?

I dont know if thid is actually my ocd because my stresser was my dad being in hospital and I’ve been in therapy had EMDR sessions and I’ve been completely fine since then but now.. Anyone have flare ups after a change in your life? I’m a student nurse and I’ve just finished my first placement and I’ve never been so happy like I was on that placement and now I’m back at uni… I have constant breathlessness, what ifs and a strong need to cry and a massive feeling of panic and in my head I’m like no no no this can’t be happening. if you get me and I don’t know why it’s happening again but I want it to stop I was doing so fucking well I was happy. Like actually happy and now….

My new obsession is any little pain I feel around my heart or arm is a heart issue even if I know deep inside is no my thoughts will try to convince me that it is and that I should be hyper super alert of any sensation for “safety” well today I stopped the hyper focus on it and just letting the pain be there I felt so risky like I was risking my life but pain when away and I felt so much better after taking the “risk”