I feel completely and utterly convinced now! I hate it but how can I keep denying it? Maybe this is just a new me trying to get out because it feels like it would be the easier option. Each day it gets harder to hold onto what I thought was the truth. It’s ripped me apart and put me back together again in this new pattern. The excitement and joy I used to feel about spending the rest of my life with my partner has been torn away and swapped for this anxiousness. Like I do want to stay with her but then something is shouting at me saying “but you’ll be living a lie, you’ll be suppressing yourself, it’s not fair on her, you’ll be happier if you just embrace that you must gay.” It feels like the easy way out is to admit defeat and be gay. I know I find women attractive and I think a lot more than men. But idk I feel like I’m just telling myself that To make myself feel better. I see an attractive women and feel attracted to them and then I just can’t see myself with them in a non friendship sense. Which is how I used to feel about men. I would fantasise about being best friends with a man that I was friends with. Like I’d joke about them being my best man or something. But then I would always be happy dreaming about a girl to spend the rest of my life with and have children with etc… I used to love talking about that with my partner. I really did. And then ROCD hit and then a few weeks in HOCD hit like a brick. And it hasn’t gone for months and basically hasn’t got any better. And I’ve ruminated and dug so deep that I’ve found all the evidence my ocd needed to make it’s point. Thanks a lot… for ruining everything and worst of all making me believe you. You always knew I was scared and now you’ve come back to get me.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
This app is a lot more reassuring that OCD can get better with time. If you go on the Reddit page, is mostly all negativity and worst case scenarios. Glad to have found this!
I booked a holiday for my partner and I in February. And I just said to myself "its okay, just wait till then and then break up with her and become gay." Why would I say that? Surely that's what someone who is actually gay/not in love would say. Has anyone else ever felt like this while suffering with HOCD and ROCD
This disease is getting too smart. I just had this intrusive thought that actually I want to be gay but I can't because I only find women attractive. BUT I AM NOT GAY (I don't think anyway?). I don't want to be gay, but it feels like I do. And then even when I think I am getting somewhere it comes back and does something like this, causing a panic attack. What if I have just forced myself to not find men attractive and now can't be who I am meant to be deep down even tho I don't want to be that but. But I don't know if I don't want to be that anymore because I am so confused. Why won't this disease let me go. The only way I think I'll be free is if I just admin that I must be gay and live a gay life idk. I DON"T know. The thought of finding my gf attractive (sexually or romantically) scares me now instead of making me feel good. AGGGGHHHHH I can't!
I dont know what I am deep down, there is no deep down to look into, its all messed up. I literally dont have any core values, morals character etc. I just feel gay and trans. I can accept being gay but when I accept that it dosent stop there and takes me to feeling like Im also trans as the next and final step. Fuck Ive already completely discarded my old life as not real or like a trial version and that I was living in a bubble these 21 years and whatever is happening now is how I was supposed to percieve the world this whole time. It feels like theres a big hole in my brain, like something is missing. Dont know what it is, but its an extremely uncomfortable feeling. It feels like I want to be those things and will act them out if given the chance. Ughhh Can someone with ocd feel like they dont have it, all the time for months? Im not talking about simply doubting it.
Please help. It’s not that it “feels real”. It is real. Real event ocd is impossible to manage. No matter how many times I’ve confessed it and gotten reassurance, I’m convinced this real event will one day ruin my life. I was only fucking 14. I want my life back. I feel like this isn’t ocd and I’m just worrying about something any rational person would worry about. I won’t confess this because that’s a compulsion and I’ve done it too much. I just need help
I shared this in another post but I think it could be helpful for someone else about some things to practice to deal with anxiety. Maybe you can put them in your anxiety first aid kit. 😄 Breathing and meditation are good for me but not always so that's when I try to switch it up. I sometimes go for a walk and try to focus on what I see and being present. Journaling is also really helpful for me. It helps me identify the underline belief that's causing the thoughts that are making me anxious. You see normally the problem is not the problem. We think anxiety is the problem which is actually not. Anxiety is like a fire alarm is not the fire itself. We then think our thoughts are the problem but I will say they are just the smoke and not the fire itself. So, what would be the fire? I will say it's the interpreter of our thoughts. See the problem is that we have an interpreter saying things to us in our head about our thoughts that are just lies. For example, if I don't deal with x right now something bad will happen. The interpreter is saying right now which is a lie. Another one could be, I'm anxious because there's something wrong with me and I'm bad or something like that. Again, a lie. What can you do? Fire the interpreter. Say: "you know what? I'm ok. I don't need to solve anything right now unless it's an actual fire and that's the fire department job. I don't need fixing or get things the way I want to to feel safe. I'm not my thoughts nor I'm anxiety. I'm just the observer and I'm safe with myself." Thoughts will keep popping but with kindness and patience you can keep refocusing on being present, love yourself and let go of fear. It's a process, a journey if you will. And it's not about arriving but about enjoying the journey itself. The goal it's not to be perfect but to be present and grow little by little in being loving and compassionate with ourselves and share that with others. Hope this helps. Virtual hug 🫂
So I recently suffered a friendship loss of 3 of my closest friends (not death) or atleast I thought them to be. And they did me wrong and I have come to terms with it and it really hurt me and triggered my ocd just mentally made me get worse and start giving into compulsions again after all my hard work of not giving in a getting so much better. But now it’s like this incident about my friendship loss has started to become one of my obsession. It makes me doubt ocd cause technically it isn’t a subtype but it sort of is because it’s all about myself acceptance and I truely feel alone and like there is something wrong with me. I constantly stress about having no friends now and that they are all talking to everyone I know ans turning them against me. But to stop stressing about it I have to like give myself a random speech of sorts to clan myself done and at first I thought it was just positive talk but now I notice it has become a compulsion. And i have to keep giving myself this speech in my head so I stop stressing which is obviously ocd. But it’s like even when I don’t have a specific thought I’m always stressed like a constant stressful buzzing in my head, does anyone else relate, I’m trying to hard to not give into the compulsion and I think I’m doing okay but sometimes like right now it’s just so hard and I wanted to express this experience see if anyone else relates to it.
Uncertainty is getting more comfortable. I still do some compulsions. But have stoped looking things on the internet now it’s much easier to stop compulsing.
im scared of the number 8 any ideas for exposures?
am i emotionless or apathetic?
My ocd is starting to make me think and believe I’m not attracted to the people I have been . Like I know I am but my head keeps going “no you aren’t you are making it all up” or like “you are just pretending to like them”. Idk why I mean I’ve always liked men, and the guys I find attractive I know o really do, but like it’s like I don’t feel anymore. But when I see a women my brain goes “yeah you find her pretty, because you fancy girls” I’m sick of it! Does anyone else feel like this? I know I only want to be with men, but it’s making me believe I’m gay. Like I’m not! But ugh I can’t explain it
I’d give anything to have symmetry OCD or something else instead of SOOCD. I understand other obsessions are also painful, but SOOCD makes it so that I can’t do anything. If I had something else, I could tell people about my obsessions and at least live a real life, get married and have kids.
You can do this! Keep going!
An ocd vent because I think this could help some people. Just some backstory on me. A year ago today I was doing like, over 20 compulsions a day. Probably more. The temporary relief was great don’t get me wrong, but the key word is temporary. It quickly went away. It kept me trapped in the loop that has repeated until recently. The past week, I’ve stopped doing the compulsions that I know keep me trapped. It’s really hard and painful, and I’m sure you’re all familiar with how that feels. The racing heart rate, the heating up, the wave of anxiety, feeling like everything’s crashing down. I know. But just like that relief compulsions give you, that anxiety is also temporary. In the moment it feels like it’ll last forever, but shortly after you’ll realize that’s just another one of ocd’s lies. I realize I’m making this sound easy, but it’s not. I have moments of doubt constantly that I’m sure you all experience (guess that’s why they call it the “doubting disease”). The thoughts like “this isn’t even ocd and these compulsions are just necessary precautions”. Those thoughts terrify me, but I’m learning to see through them. Obviously, I still do some compulsions. Progress is not linear. We have moments of defeat. But remember, ocd doesnt stop, you guys. It won’t just end. We have no control over that. You won’t wake up one morning and never have a scary thought again. What does stop, and what you can control stopping, is your compulsions. Think about it: every bit of anxiety and dread you feel today is because of compulsions you’ve done in the past. The confessing, the checking, the ruminating, all of it. That’s what made the thoughts feel real and worth spending time on. It’s not your fault, though. Remember that. This is an illness. But I’m here to tell you that you can do it. You can sit with the anxiety. You can. I promise. People want to help you. Don’t give into what ocd wants, because when has ocd ever tried to help you? Hope this helps. I’m still a teen and still learning, but after a year and a half of dealing with this monster I hope my insight gives at least one of you a new mindset.
You ever feel like when you’re doing erp and saying “I don’t know” or “maybe maybe not” to your fears is you avoiding them? Like in my head I’m like “maybe idk is better than the actual answer which might be that the thought is true.” And then you get scared that your just avoiding the actual truth?
Has anyone thought about how similar we are to drug addicts regarding the compulsions? We depend on compulsions to cope with everyday but the more we do them our symptoms and lives get worse, trapping us in endless compulsive cycles until finally the compulsions become our main focus in life. Stopping the compulsions even felt like quitting smoking to me. We use our compulsions in almost the same ways a heroin addict uses heroin.
My son, 23, is struggling with OCD and I don’t know how to help him. Looking for information and support options.
Hi OCD Warriors, I have developed the following website : http://www.ocdandanxietyresources.xyz/ which will act as a collection of OCD resources as well as general FAQs which will be helpful for someone recently diagnosed with OCD. Following Resources are available: YouTube Resources Instagram Resources Podcasts Books Support Groups Therapy Platforms If you have any questions or suggestions or have some reliable resources that you want to add then please email at email@example.com. Just some effort from my side for the OCD Community. You can also donate for the initiative if you find it helpful by clicking on coffee icon. Thank you.
Can i ask someone something. Is this ROCD or no? I have a gut feeling he is the one and I love him but...there’s this little voice that keeps saying what if i dont want to. But i do want to love him if that makes sense overall. Can someone please please help me with this.
Some things I've learned about OCD, and I read a lot in the comments, so I just wanted to recap for everyone. 1.OCD likes making us questing if it actually is OCD. It's a trap. I think the question in itself is a compulsion. 2.Feelings, thoughts, sensations etc is all part of it. It doesn't need to be one or the other. All the same. 2.Anxiety is part of OCD. No anxiety is too. 3.Sometimes we feel anxious, sometimes we worry about not feeling anxious - > still OCD. 4.Feeling numb (classic OCD) 5.Common trap (at least for me) feeling like OCD is gone now for a few days (not doing ERP) and ending up feeling worse again. 6.Using this app and reading the comments (often fuels my anxiety and I often do it when my anxiety kicks in). 7.New obsessions, New topics. Classssssicc ocd. Feel free to add anything in the comments if you have more 😊 Wish you all the best on your OCD journey x
It's Christmas and my bf prefer to stay with his friends than with me and my family, or even with me alone. I'm a little bit stressed. +my cousin brought his new girlfriend, and they are so cute, I keep compare us to them and It seem like if we (me and my bf) should broke up
incest ocd has picked on all my male family members and i’m still convinced it’s real. it’s hard because there are think i am attracted to in men (eg voice, gestures, humour etc) and when a male family member does those things or has those things, it feels like i’m attracted to it. and then i worry that, if they weren’t family members, would i confidently find such a thing attractive? would i find THEM attractive? it’s so scary and makes me feel ill and scared and alone. i love my family and hate that it picks on them. but more than anything i hate that it feels real and worry it truly is. the most recent example was my uncle who i just called. he has a deep voice and an american accent (i’m british) and i’m scared i’m attracted to it and therefore him.
Anyone else feel like sometimes they can be rational when talking/responding to other people when they’re panicking. Like for example, explaining that what they’re saying or freaking out about doesn’t 100% mean they’re in denial or that what they’re explaining sounds like OCD. But when it comes to me that rational part doesn’t work at all!! Even if I’m stressing out about the same thing as another person with HOCD. I’ll be like they have HOCD but you’re just in denial and faking HOCD. Anyone else relate?
My daughter and I used to be very close. She is 27 and around the beginning of Covid she started treating me different. Acting different, almost like she is embarrassed of me or better than me. Annoyed by me. She is often judgmental and hurts my feelings. She can be very cruel. I’ve tried repeatedly to find out what’s wrong. She tells me She doesn’t know what I am talking about. When I feel really anxious, this fixation is sometimes all I think about. I run things over in my head to see what I could have done. Sometimes I don’t sleep and have trouble focusing. I think things like she has stopped loving me or she likes her Dad and his family better. I send her texts and she may reply to 1 or 2 of them. I read books and articles on how to deal with the rejection. I haven’t tried to get reassurance and I will do that for a bit but it doesn’t usually last. My point is, I’ve been obsessing and ruminating about it. I cry a lot. I feel angry. Sometimes I just can’t stop trying to figure it out while also thinking it’s these kinds of things that probably drive her away. I feel ashamed. Sometimes I get so worried I am just going to disappear and no one will notice. I can’t actually believe I am putting this in writing. When I have said these things to people in the past they start to look at me different. I feel like I am misunderstood as if I am attention seeking. I’m not tho. I have to see if anyone else struggles with similar “relational” anxieties and what they did to alleviate the pain and discomfort. I want to stop this. I hate being this way.
Am I overreacting because of how hurt I am? my friend of 2 years got into a fight with me and sent this text was sent to me at 4am “Hearing your name and voice has become immensely punishing to listen to, it has made it repulsive to look you in the eye now” am I a pussy for crying because this is the most hurtful thing anyone has said to me how did she even align these words to form this type of sentence? How would you guys feel?
Isn’t it an interesting thought that there were always people with ocd in human history? They all had that obsession or urge and never understood what was going on.
TW so-ocd* Might be triggering, just a heads up. I think im fairly certain Im not straight as I thought I was, its probably 95/5 or something, my attraction and desire for women has completely and utterly gone, when I see a hot woman, I feel flat. Its all switched to guys and it feels stronger, more natural and easily achievable. But that is not bothering me as much as the feelings that Im not even a MAN inside. Its causing me so much depression, anxiety and shame thinking that im a female, like I can accept the sexuality but my fucking gender too? Please see my last post if anyone can, 2 hours ago, my head feels crappy.
My psychologist and I doing inner child work has been incredibly helpful to forgiving my reactions to my mental ilness. It's okay to get scared or angry because it's just part of you as a human, it's just all about practicing to let it go. It's not about pushing it into a corner to bubble up later, it's about letting it pass through. I wouldn't be angry at my child self if they experienced or did anything I do now and that child is me. I shouldn't be angry at myself. My child self had ocd, they were frightened and confused. My adult self has ocd and through fright and confusion can recognize that fact. A tool that my adult self has that my child self doesn't is knowledge. There is a path out with less pain, it just takes work.
MAJOR ED/EATING TRIGGER WARNING I think my OCD has given me an eating disorder but I don’t want to say it’s true (also not asking for people to diagnose me either, just wondering if people feel the same). I’ve researched a lot, but the most part seems to talk about weight, and that’s not the thing that I’m afraid of. I’ll put another warning here because I don’t want people to be triggered by what I’ll say. I won’t go into detail as again I don’t want to inadvertently distress someone but my contamination and health OCD makes it extremely hard to eat. I think I have an ED, but now I’m thinking it might be my OCD telling me that I have one. The thoughts are so confusing. What thoughts are mine? What thoughts are my OCD? Obviously something is wrong, because I know that I’m a terrible eater, plus every now and then I get dizzy and often feel like I’m going to pass out. Last time it happened was yesterday, I fell straight forward into a door, and it’s happened again today where my mum said I was extremely pale and I had to lay down just so I didn’t lose consciousness. I feel like it’s ironic how things like this is what my OCD tries to avoid, but it makes it happen anyway. I think it’s a mixture of extreme distress, anxiety, sleep deprivation, malnutrition; just all of the above that’s making it feel like my body is actively working against me. If I didn’t lay down just now, I would most likely be conked out on the floor. Don’t know what I even want to ask with this post. All my confused thoughts are distressing me and everything feels like it’s going wrong. It just feels as if I’m always going backwards and can’t manage on my own no matter the amount of help that I receive.
Is it normal for your ocd to randomly start latching on to different themes at once? When it happens the primary theme doesn’t seem like a big deal. I can’t tell if this is happening because the exposures are working, and now it’s trying to latch anywhere it can, or if I’m just getting worse lol
Is it normal for girls to have girl crushes. Luke guys can have guy crushes and say “oh I would do him” without it being gay but I’m scared because I find some women attractive, not like I would actually do anything with them like I’m straight, but like yeah I have girl crushes. Is that weird? I swear it’s a thing right. Super scared about this now like does it mean I’m gay? Does it mean I would do them? Like I just have an appreciation for their beauty like favourite actresses and shit like that. That’s normal right?
I’ve asked this before but how do y’all best deal with guilt? For things like hocd morality ocd true even ocd and basically ALL ocd. Ocd comes with a bucket of guilt and it can be immobilizing as you all already know. Tips? Tricks? Thoughts?
I feel like I’ve done some very suspicious things that definitely question mu sexuality. Like sometimes when I got close to girl friends I would sometimes feel like it was weird so I stopped being friends with me. But I’ve never thought of a time where I was attracted to a girl. I feel like a lot of the times I’m mesmerized by how they look and I’ve always wanted to look like that or I was always curious about the way girls looked but now I’m scared about that
I will never leave you nor forsake you - Christ I am new to OCD (recently diagnosed a few months ago). Had a bad episode today. This is the only thing that helps me breathe during the day at times, this promise. No matter how much I fail, no matter the swirling thoughts, i can still trust God to be there, mercy and grace in hand, to pick me back up to try again. I can still go to Him because of His Sons sufficiency in my place. I am not called to be perfect I am called to trust in His sufficiency and move in Him. His grace IS sufficient.
I was trying to help my boyfriend with his body dysmorphia and I was explaining to him how I’d love him no matter what he looked like but I had the stupid thought “it doesn’t even matter, I’m not even attracted to you anyways” and I just really hate myself so much. He wants me to compliment his body more and I feel so so guilty because his looks don’t matter to me. In my eyes physical looks are just about the “aesthetic” , I can really appreciate someones looks but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how my partner looks. If he looks nice I’ll notice and I’ll be proud and happy but it’s not a big deal to me. Does this mean im not attracted to him 😞😞😞😞😞
I feel like I can’t live a happy life with my bf or at all not knowing if I like girls. I feel like every time I’m happy I get the thought that I do like girls and it just ruins my whole mood so I can never be okay. Everytime I say I love you to my bf I feel like it’s a lie and that I don’t mean it even when I’m happy and I mean it right after the words come out of my mouth I start worrying that it’s not true and I’m just saying that. This is so hard to live with if it’s even ocd at all
I had one question in mind if just anyone person could tell me something about it…..has it ever happened to you that you start visualising the same sex thoughts and they feel too normal like i earlier used to have them with guys but since ocd a woman also will pop up as like some kind of possibility idk if i am making sense but its like i imagine something with the guy suddenly it could also be a women like something telling me that too could be some possibility and i think of it so naturally that it actually feels like and i have the ocd theme realted to being bi so if i have such thoughts about guys and also suddenly a girl pops up isn't that some kind of evidence telling my its denial and not ocd cause the possibility and the thoughts feel so real and just me saying all this that there is a possibility could also potentially mean something right??! Also when on days i am normal and i still have these thoughts and don’t really do about it much it makes it easier to believe its not ocd and denial cause i am not panicking and then i force myself to post cause that then feels normal according to how ocd should be but if i force myself to post how is it ocd knowing its a lie and i am forcing?!!
Always feel relaxed after a workout so if anyone is struggling go do some physical exercise ino before u feel like you don’t want to do it but after it’s done it’s well worth it you never regret it so don’t think just do
How real can ROCD feel? Like… can it really make you believe you don’t love your partner anymore after obsessing for so long? Can it really make you feel like your no longer sexually attracted to them? 😞 I know I am still attracted to him but when he talks about things sexually it doesn’t feel the same anymore… I really don’t wanna break up with my partner. I just don’t wanna lead him on if it truly is me… 😞 I just want my relationship to be how it was before my trigger… 😢 I know I need a therapist. I know I need help. I just know something doesn’t feel right anymore… I hate it…
I'm straight but it's really hard for me to relate with men, I get extremely anxious because they can be a possible "flirt", and I really wanted to get involved, but I'm so scared (of kissing I think) that I just can't, and I was talking to my psychologist today and I told her about this fear, and she asked "do you also have this fear of women?" (I do have soocd) I’ve never told her that I had this theme of ocd, I wanted to die, I could just jump out of a bridge at that moment, my anxiety rose so fast I could barely breathe, and I haven't stopped feeling bad so far, I don't get anxious about women because I don't consider them a supposed flirt, and I don’t feel attracted to them, but my ocd caught me, now i can't stop thinking "what if i'm not anxious about women because am i attracted to them?" and “what if I can’t relate with men cause I don’t feel attracted to them?” and it's a hell Help :(
Does anyone know how to just be okay with the uncertainty? Its hard because I learned I had OCD about 8 months ago and it’s really hard. I used to be able to be confident in my decisions and now it dictates my life. I guess i’m still going through a grief period accepting I have OCD.
Haven’t used this app in over a year just wanted to see what was up. A little funny now looking back. I couldn’t even look at myself with out a shirt because I recognized I had desirable features as a man with spiking my anxiety to all hell. I started shaking once at the thought of hugging a gay dude. I still deal with my thoughts but genuinely a lot of you are gonna have to learn the hard way STOP RESPONDING. You’re literally answering a question only you know the answer to over and over. The literal cycle of repetition is insanity. You’re scared to talk to some one you like because your mind keeps saying you’re gay? Well your minds right now go talk to them and get to know them. Stop stressing over it because trust me ocd won’t leave so start recognizing how insane we sound sometimes and a laugh. All love as always be safe y’all. Btw my mind called me gay for that sentence lol. It’s funny because it makes zero sense I hope y’all see it too.
Wow… I was looking at some old journal entries from this time last year and holy crap what a difference resilience and ERP have made. In my current every day struggle I forget about how bad rock bottom really was. It’s so easy to be hard on yourself but it’s very important to look back and pat yourself on the back for how far you’ve made it. No matter how small the improvements are, they I’ll begin to add up and after time the change in your quality of life will be extraordinary. Reading those entries really shocked me and remembered me how bad I was struggling. I remember sleeping 16 hours a day for months just to escape reality and calling the suicide hotline so many times and dropping from 160 lbs to 115 lbs. I remember waking up to my then fiancé crying because of how hopeless I looked. I remember her having to basically beg me to shower and get out of bed. I remember the first time I was able to drag myself to go on a walk around the park. It was a pivotal moment in my life. My fiancé was so proud of me. I am also so proud of myself for being here right now and putting so much effort every single day. And I’m so proud of everyone on here and how powerful you all are for looking to better your lives. That takes so much courage. If you are currently in the situation that I was at please don’t give up. It might takes weeks or even months but I promise you that if you stay resilient it will get better. My life has changed completely and I am truly happy again. I am in so love with wife. I struggle with intrusive thoughts here and there but I honestly feel like I beat ROCD and all the other themes I had. I understand how OCD works from all the therapy and ERP sessions. You can do this. It won’t happen over night but every battle won will lead you to conquering OCD. Sorry for the rant lol I just felt so overwhelmed. I hope my success story brings you a little bit of hope tonight if you’re having a tough time. This app was critical to my recovery and I couldn’t be more glad that I downloaded it out of desperation lol
ROCD related: I’m currently in a new relationship but not as joyous as Id like to be. I keep looking back at a crush I had prior to this relationship where I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere for obvious reasons, and so despite how strong my likeness was for them I was seemingly very willing to let it go as soon as I met this other person. However, ever since any sort of commitment has become a factor, I can help but deal with thoughts telling me that despite I like the person I’m with now more in the moment I’m in now, it’s not a strong as the crush I had with the other person prior. You see, this has been going on all along to where it’s not fair considering it’s blocked myself from the opportunity of truly knowing how much I like the person I’m with now. But instead, all I do is compare how there’s someone in the past that I’ve liked more and that I liked them in a way that’s stronger in which I don’t see present in my current relationship. This causes me to feel distressed, because I really just want to appreciate my current relationship. After all, the person I’m with is everything I could ask for. I just want to enjoy her and focus solely on her. I also am aware that for as long as these things bother me, I wonder be able to discover how much I truly like her, all this does is put me in a place where I feel like I’m trying to force and manufacture my own feelings.
does your socd come in waves? I’m really worried because I get occasional thoughts but I no longer sit and ponder over them like I used to. Does that mean I’m bi/lesbian? I’ve honestly gotten more used to the idea and seeing bi/lesbian content doesn’t really distress my anymore (which is honestly good.) but does that mean that since I’m more comfortable seeing it, that I’m bi? I really do like the thought of men, but then again what if I don’t? What if I’m faking it? What if I like women more? I mean, I do find the female body attractive. Does that make me bi? I’ve never found attraction to any other woman before though.
I have had HOCD, anxiety and depersonalization over a month now. sometimes i just have very weird feeling that i can describe by words. i constantly worried that i may develop schizophrenia or becoming a psychopath sociopath . I have the fear of me killing people going crazy and end up in a mental hospital . i worried that i didnt grew up mentally healthy because in the past i had done so many mistakes that i dont know a normal person would do. When i was in grade nine something happened between me and my friends and then i became a quiet kid even though i used to be a sociable person . in high school i still felt it hard to open up and had a few friends that i can talk to. i think that some time in the past i also had bulimia . i used to lie a lot as i was a kid . i worried that i might always fake my emotions i may not feel that sympathetic or love my family that much. i feel very bad i dont know what to do like i am stuck . sr my english is bad
I’m deleting this app because I finally feel somewhat normal and understand how to control my thoughts! To all of you please understand it’s just a thought. Time will help you become stronger on how to deal with OCD. You just have to work on yourself and be patient! God bless ya all an Merry Christmas!
I’m on a very long trip without my bf and my thoughts have gotten extremely real. I feel like I am attracted to girls and that I am for sure a lesbian. I have found so many ”what if” thoughts roaming and it’s so hard to not go on a loop and come to the realization that I am a lesbian. I feel like I am attracted to boobs and I try to see if I am but it’s hard not to I just want to now. I also have always found amazement from confident women and I have always tried to mimic their behavior because I want to be like that but today I had the thought that maybe I try to mimic that behavior because I personally think it’s attractive and because I have been surrounded with heterosexual people I do it for men when in reality it’s because I like it. This thought has really scared me because it all connects and it freaks me out. I can’t even see a girl anymore because I’ll look at their boobs and then freak out. This trip has been so so hard for me, at the same time I have always liked boys but now I’m scared that these thoughts have opened something else for me. This gives me so much stress and frustration. I just want to know I like boys and never think about it again. I want to marry my bf without ever doubting anything
I shared this in another post but I think it's something important to know. We think we are what the intrusive thoughts say. But you know what I have discovered talking to people? Everyone deals with intrusive thoughts that they wish they didn't have. That made me realize that the problem is not the thoughts that come and go but our emotional reaction to them. When I fall victim to my thoughts and compulsions is because of the meaning that I start giving them. And you know what? I'm learning to fire the interpreter. I sometimes laugh to the thoughts and say: "yeah right". We are not our thoughts. We are not anxiety. We are the individual that decides what to focus on. That's where our power lies. Not in controlling or getting rid of thoughts but in the decision to focus on something else even when OCD is screaming at us. We are and will be ok. It takes practice, time and patience but it gets better.
(only to people who want to answer) does anyone else have OCD, PTSD, and BPD? and how do you guys manage it all?
I feel really overwhelmed rn. I feel like i’m gonna realize that i actually want to be a boy. there’s just this thought in the back of my mind saying that why would i get the intrusive thoughts (and kind of feel like i want them or i enjoy them which i don’t want to) if i don’t actually want to be a trans boy. i can’t get the feeling to go away i just feel like since i felt like i might want the intrusive thoughts of being a boy to come true, than i can’t move on and i MUST really want to be a boy. I’m trying to just not think about it but i feel like it’s so hard to not think about it and i don’t know how much longer i can hold off doing a compulsion and thinking about the intrusive thought and trying to figure it out.
Does anyone with HOCD feel like every little think they do adds to their 'evidence' pile? Like from the way you walk and talk to the things you like doing. Like I'm literally looking at the way I'm typing on my keyboard to write this message and thinking ("that looks really gay") I've always typed like this and thought nothing of it and now it's like all these little things have to define me. And I'm sitting her and I AM STILL SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN and ROMANTICALLY but it feels like it's just a lie or dead inside. And then I over analyse and think "ah that wasn't actually attraction you just want it to be." When I FaceTime my partner now it just feels like I'm talking to a friend instead of someone I'm in love with. I feel like I've just given up on ever feeling the way I did about her again, I want it, but I can't feel it I don't think I'll ever be to able feel it for any other women only men now IDK?
So I‘m a Christian and it says that everything you do , like making someone a gift or using make up , you should do with pure motives or thoughts. For me I feel like everything I do is not fully pure. Of course I want love to be in the world an peace and happiness, but I also like getting attention or compliments, I like making myself pretty , I like Beeing proud when I did something good . Maybe I‘am not made to be a Christian, maybe it is to late for me but I suffer and are not happy right know since I try to get under als theses rules, I really do not know how to behave right or how other Christians are so happy under all these laws.
I’m terrified to go near my siblings, their voices trigger me. I feel like i’m assaulting them just to be within a 20ft distance with them. i’m really paranoid and feel horrible. Im isolating myself in my room everyday because I feel like a terrible human being, I have intrusive thoughts that make me sick. I just want to be normal.
Does anyone else get really disturbed by awful news stories and not be able to get it out of their head? During quarantine I read a headline for an article and it stuck with me a long time and I just thought about it again and I was like "oh god, get it away." But it's almost like i thought about it even MORE. Didn't know if this was attached to OCD or not.
TW: Just feels like I’m so deep in denial. There’s so many signs from childhood and teen years. I wouldn’t even care if I was bi, I just desperately don’t want to be a lesbian or even be with women. I want to be with my boyfriend. I’m so scared. I feel at such a loss but also just totally numb. I’ve read into comp het and the lesbian masterdoc too much in the past that those fears just resurface. Maybe my whole life has been one big lie. Sorry :/
anyone with ROCD, pls help me i don’t want re assurance but anyone who has recovered from this theme please help me. i’m so scared i don’t love my boyfriend. like when i look at him all i feel is anxiety and i don’t feel the love i should. but like i know love is a choice not a feeling and it’s normal to get into ruts but this is consistent. we have been together for 4 years. and now when i think about him i just get anxious.
Anyone had the fear that the only reason your obsession isn't true is because of what others would think if it was true and not because it actually isn't true?? I remember some past thoughts and they are making me afraid that the thoughts were true but I told myself they weren't. ERP suggestions?
Suddenly I feel like my thoughts are stronger and I'm losing tolerance, is this a so-called relapse?
Feel like there’s no hope and I’m just a lesbian who’s been in denial for 8 years. Feel like I trained myself to suppress my sexual feelings for women, because I used to feel things in my Groin at the beginning of all this but now I don’t. Even if I’m not a lesbian, which literally there is no other possibility considering how much time and energy and the literal YEARS I’ve spent agonizing over this and trying to convince myself I’m straight, I fear I’ve fucked up my sexuality for life. Love and sex is the one thing that I have always prioritized- what if I’ve made both impossible for myself because of this?
One day we will all die. This may sound depressing but it is quite the opposite. If we adopt and accept the mindset we will all die one day it shows you truly how great the present is. It shows us that we should do the things we enjoy and stop letting OCD stop us bc we really don’t have enough time on this earth and too waste it being anxious, worried, or in fear is a waste of a life. So I challenge all of us to live everyday like our last and be present and enjoy what we have bc it can be taken away anytime!
I keep having disturbing dreams and my HOCD and POCD are just as prevalent as ever... euphoria as someone told me is a good ERP show but the last time I tried as soon as I saw the locker room scene with naked dudes in it I virtually couldn’t take it anymore and I puked... it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about accepting my sexuality or me being in denial when I just don’t ever wanna be homosexual or bisexual ever... 😭😭😭
Having an extremely hard time today. The holidays are normally the happiest time of the year for me, but with my first OCD flare up going on about two months now, I am dreading every moment of every day. I feel like I am lying to myself and everyone around me about my sexuality and have spent every second of everyday ruminating over past experiences that prove that I’m gay—even though the thought of being gay makes me sick. I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow and know it will help to talk with her because I have not told anyone about my intrusive thoughts because they are so shameful, but I am just so terrified that these thoughts could ever actually be true that I feel sick with anxiety every single day. This is becoming too much to bear and I am starting to worry that, if I am having these thoughts, they must be true. I feel numb to everyone and everything around me and am so scared that this feeling is going to last forever and that I will never feel happy like I used to when I did not doubt myself so much.
I feel like I'm losing myself tonight. I'm going crazy. Intrusive thoughts, emotional, crying for no reason, fine the next. No love for anyone one minute, outstanding love almost obsession for certain people the next. Made up scenarios in my head driving me crazy. Tired but wide awake. Uggghhh I'm so frustrated with this shit tonight!!!
anyone else constantly worry they are abusive?
Anyone who struggles with dream orgasms about horrible things this is what helped me! Wholeheartedly accept that they may happen every night. I found the more I didn’t want them the more they occurred (so unfair right!). I don’t really get them anymore because I allow them to happen and don’t judge myself and ruminate in the morning if they did… this seems to be the treatment with all OCD symptoms!! Don’t trust your brains way of trying to help you. It doesn’t know the way. Your OCD therapist does!
Having a hard time with my ROCD lately. It went away for a bit and wasn’t more than a background buzz but now I feel like it’s coming back with a vengeance. Between the struggle with my low libido from being on Prozac and then any miscommunication I have with my fiancé I feel like I’m constantly testing how I feel in moments of affection or intimacy. It continuously yo-yos my thoughts between feeling scared I’ll be abandoned for not being able to perform to feeling like “maybe we aren’t meant to be because I don’t feel right in this specific moment.” I hate it, I just wish I could be normal like everyone else. Sometimes I fear I’ll always have ROCD and the relationship will fall apart because of it.