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the NOCD Community

This is my first post. First and foremost, it’s beautiful to see such a wonderful community gather. I’ve been on this journey for close to 3 years. I’m in my early 40s. Tonight I experienced the most vicious OCD symptoms in 3 years. Which is what led me here. I guess the earliest I identified a problem was in my professional life. It soon carried over to my personal life. Unfortunately, the symptoms started soon after marriage, and my wife has been so supportive. I am tired. I’m failing as a husband, and we both know it (she would never say that). I am in a high-paying profession yet barely scrape by. I’m housebound, it feels. Thankfully, I work from home, but even that’s difficult. I guess the best way to describe my OCD is real events with a false memory. Indeed, many of my fears are actually grounded in some reality. It’s just distorted. Exaggerated. Gray. My ultimate fear always comes down to this: I inadvertently harmed someone because of my actions or unknowingly committed a crime, and as a result, I am going to go to prison and live in shame and be viewed as a monster. In other words, I intended to do X and inadvertently did Y, and now they are going to think I’m Z. Being accused and punished for something I’m not or did not intend to do. As they say, the “problem is not the problem.” Through a combination of faith, coupled with the techniques NOCD teaches, I eventually got to a good place. We are talking months in between episodes. And the episodes were short lived, barely rising above general anxiety. It got to the point where I forgot what this all felt like. I would tell others, “I’m 80% healed.” However, this episode is bad. I notice a feature of OCD is when I go on vacation, it starts. I’d share what happened, but I don’t really think it matters (although looking for reassurance is always tempting). When I am in the throws of OCD, I experience dread and despair. Severe anxiety (dry heaves), impending doom. Depression. I withdraw. My fears are so extreme I convince myself I’ve committed the worst deeds one can commit. In my delusion, I convince myself, my conscience is convicting me and that is why I feel the guilt. It’s not OCD. It’s my conscience. Even though time will go by and I’ll look back and say, “that was dumb, I can’t believe I was upset about that.” My compulsions usually lead me to looking up criminal statutes or other research to solve a crime I didn’t commit. This brings more fear and paranoia. “What if by looking this up, you will be suspected” You ever try trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist. How’d it work out for you? Frustrating, right? This latest episode had me applying a fact pattern to elements of a statute and of course, not one element was met. A.I. not only confirmed but further encouraged my behavior as actually a moral and good thing. And guest what, that still isn’t good enough. Because “what if” it’s perceived as this. I told someone once, OCD feels like you e ingested a fear toxin akin to that Batman movie. Scarecrow delivers a fear toxin and now reality hasn’t changed, it’s just your perception is through the lens of fear. I also describe it as feeling like a snake is coiled around your brain. I have hope and faith I will overcome. If I was to take away one “positive” from all of this, it would be, without OCD, I wouldn’t have recommitted myself to God and cleaned up my life. Thank you all for listening. I apologize for the long message and any content that might cause uneasiness. I’m new to this. I’m sure it’s nothing you all haven’t heard or maybe experienced. I pray we will all be set free. And to those that have been, I’m so happy for you. Thank you for your time.

I think OCD sufferers are Truth Seekers Do ya'll have these traits too? Btw I'll be saying "we" a lot as figure of speech, but it could just be my experience. Let me know if you a similar experience. - Over-analysis - Grapple with Inconvenient truths. When inconvenient truths happen, we feel "icky", we try to "reason with it" to fill "less icky" or less uncomfortable. - It's based in FEAR. It may not even be a real-life fear, but it may be a psychological fear. I don't have contamination OCD, but I can speculate that it's like sitting with these "bad thoughts" like what if I get __ diseases, what if something happens to my family if I don't do ___, etc. It's sitting with uncomfortable potentials that may not even be true - or could happen - life can be unpredictable. - The need to be in control of different dynamics. - The need to "conclude" things - The need to be thorough - The need to categorize things and define things - The need for moral high ground and spotless integrity - We're our own worst enemy Overall, the NEED for certainty, the NEED to resolve something "once and for all," the ADDICTION to absolutism and conclusions. Not just because I suffer from it, but I think OCD people have good intentions and are generally good people. They are grappling with things, but it's because they love their families, it's because they want the best for themselves, they want good morals and good moral clarity. Those are all noble traits to strive for. It's the technicalities that I can get lost in. "How" do I conclude or "deal" with this latest theme. What is the "solution." It's "analysis" on steroids to the point where you forget the trees from the woods. You're lost in a maze. And that produces physical symptoms, stress, anxiety, etc. which just add to the stress and lack of clarity. And then the symptoms alone become the "proof" of the fear being true etc. I would get heart palpitations when I was worried about my heart. That's not actually having heart problems, that's the result of obsessing and OCD taking hold of that theme. But then again, some people do have genuine heart problems. And those are the kind of gray areas that OCD predictibly attaches itself onto. Lost in the labyrinth, I think we forget that the "conclusion" or the "right answer" or the "solution" or the "truth of the matter" that is that some debates don't need to be had. That's a hard pill to swallow for Truth Seekers - especially if something is unresolved and is controversial or we feel like it's damaging to us psychologically. I haven't done ERP but I've heard it's about "being ok with uncertainty." The reason why this is such a dilemma is that OCD people are Truth Seekers. Almost like an addiction. Other people may be able to be delusional and lie to themselves, but we don't let ourselves off the hook. I'm that type of person. If I do something wrong, if I've made bad mistakes, I don't let myself off the hook until it's a truthful thing that I should. Or even if I've "resolved" something, OCD will keep reminding, hovering, and challenging that truth. So I'm still wondering if Truth Seekers and ERP can coexist. THAT is my dilemma. I don't want pretend peace of mind because I'm believing some BS, I want TRUE PEACE OF MIND. P.S. - If I can find a couple silver linings for OCD for me, I think 1) It makes me more empathetic to what others have to suffer through 2) I think it makes me better at business. I'm SUPER thorough, and super analysis focused (too much actually), but that may mean I may go further and more in-depth and more continuous learning in uncovering what I need to learn to achieve a certain result. So my recommendation is if you have OCD, try to channel those traits towards something productive. GL!

What I’m about to write is going to be pretty long winded, but if you need some positivity, I’d encourage you to stick around and read my story. In January of 2025 I found out I was pregnant with my second child. With this began some of the worst, most debilitating anxiety I had ever experienced in my life thus far. And I have had quite a few seasons of extreme anxiety throughout my life, which I know now were OCD. Whether it was the hormones or anticipating another life change, my harm OCD thoughts were all consuming and had me in extreme fear of myself. I was afraid I would hurt my daughter or my husband. I was afraid I’d hurt myself. I found it difficult to function in everyday life. The counselor I had been seeing for years wasn’t cutting it anymore. I then embarked on a journey to find a new mental health practitioner and would see 4 different therapists in 3 months, all of which didn’t understand what I was going through and couldn’t help me. Then, I came across a post from NOCD on my instagram feed and a lightbulb went off. Reading posts about harm OCD and some other themes made me realize this is a condition I may have. I saw a psychologist who finally gave me the diagnosis, but even then, her therapy methods were not helpful. In July, I finally decided to pursue therapy with NOCD. In the beginning of my treatment, it honestly felt like I was getting worse. There were so many ups and downs and I would feel better or worse depending on the day, even the hour it seemed. But I continued to meet with my therapist consistently twice a week and noticed the thoughts getting quieter and not scaring me as much. Don’t get me wrong, it has not been easy. I have had new themes emerge throughout the therapy process, like existential OCD that got pretty bad at the very end of my pregnancy and early postpartum. But, just like when I first started therapy, we kept meeting consistently and now, my thoughts and fears are quieter than they have been all year. I feel the best I have felt since October of 2024. Of course I still have bad days, with backdoor spikes and OCD trying to latch onto new themes, but I feel more equipped to handle whatever OCD has to throw at me now than I have my entire life. Therapy with NOCD has changed my life. It has given me my light back and given me the tools I need to work through anything that may come my way. I’m a better wife, mom and person because of it. I truly feel like I am getting myself back — not necessarily who I used to be, but a new and improved version of myself. All of this to say, if you are in the trenches, keep going. Fighting the OCD battle is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I want you to know I see you — I am you. It feels like it will never get better. It will. It feels like you can’t do hard things. You can. ERP will push you to your limits and be incredibly challenging. You will question if it’s even going to help. It will. Do not give up. There were many days I had no hope that I would get better. I thought this was my new reality. It doesn’t have to be. There is a life you can live where OCD is a small part of who you are — something you manage — and not something that consumes you. If you’re still reading, thank you for sticking around. If you ever need someone to talk to my inbox is open. Don’t give up hope. It’s there, even when it doesn’t feel like it. ❤️

I'm feeling so hopeless because of my OCD right now. It is making me not enjoy music which is one of the most important things in my life. Why does OCD have to take away the things that are most important to me. I've never been so scared. I will talk to my therapist Tuesday but I feel so alone because even though she is an OCD specialist no one can ever truly understand the pain I'm in and how scary this is for me. I was doing skills this morning but a huge wave of fear and panic has overcome me. It is making me hate my life and it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I am wondering if I am a narcissist. Last time I checked, I fit the criteria of a covert narcissist. I know many say that if I am even worried about it and self-reflecting, then I am possibly not. But what if I am? What if I am a self-aware narcissist? Idk I want therapy in that case. When I think about my past, I thought my behavior was okay. Over the years, I am less of a control freak now, I am more empathetic and I look down on people less. I realized people are actually cool and being friendly is such a nice feeling. Not because I get something from them but because we genuinely have such a good time together. However, I still sometimes daydream too mich about being beautiful, smart and successful. But I don’t want to use other people to get there. Or to feel better about myself. I know I am bad at some stuff. I actually laugh at it. I do gaslight people sometimes, especially when I want to win an argument. Idk why I see arguments as I have to prove I am right. I want to be as fair as possible. I was very mean and judgmental in the oast, and I am honestly happy I got over that. I try to be more empathetic and I think I an doing a good job. I want to be nice to others and do stuff for them and I dont expect anything in return or if I do I am telling myself I shouldnt, this is not right. I opened up to my sisters about it and she said that if she saw me being toxic, she would tell me. And that I shouldn’t be self-diagnosing myself. My friends say I am not a narcissist but then I try to explain what goes over in my head and like explain why they might be actually wrong about this because I really fit the criteria. This was my fear at least twice, it went away but it cane back again and idk this time instead of trying to fight it with tests I am just thinking here maybe it is true. Idk I was at least narcissistic in the past and I really don’t like it. People have shown me I can be myself, and being actually friendly and nice to everyone is so nice. I feel like my classmates taught me so mich on how not to be judgmental and just be okay. Be healthy. I apologized to my friend because in the past I was so judgmental she actually felt she couldn’t tell me anything. I feel bad with that. But I would orefer if she had said something although at that time I was receiving the criticism quite badly. At some point I just decided that no, I have to stop and I did. I take the criticism with more maturity now. What I don’t like it that right now I am not feeling scared of that, no panic no nothing. Idk if this is me internally knowing I am a covert narcissist but I am being self-aware or have I become numb? Idk I think I am not the worst person on earth, but like can I be good if I am a narcissist? Where can I get help. Do you think a school psychologist might? I think I am writing this because I am looking for reassurance and honestly idk.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 7 months. We were in a relationship and then he broke up with me about 2 months ago, but we stayed “friends with benefits” or “dating” whatever you wanna call it. We argue a lot, but can’t seem to leave each other. I’m supposed to go to a wedding with him in a couple weeks. Yesterday I went to a festival with a guy friend, and it was a pretty cold day at night. As we were walking to the car, my friend goes “ah can you hold my hand my hand is so cold” idk why but I grabbed his hand, maybe to be funny or because I wasn’t sure if he was joking, and then I quickly let go and asked him what was that back there. He knows I’m in a “situationship” but I feel like I cheated or did something bad😕

I really need some advice because I don’t even know if what I’m experiencing is HOCD anymore — everything feels completely different in my mind. I was in a happy, loving relationship for two years, and during that time my OCD was pretty much dormant. But for almost three months now, it’s come back full force, and it’s been absolute torture. It’s changed the way I see things and the way I think. I can’t think the way I used to. Whenever I think about my boyfriend or our relationship, it suddenly feels wrong — like being with a man doesn’t feel right anymore, even though that’s all I ever wanted. I used to picture a future with him, and it made me so happy, but now it feels impossible. My mind won’t let me enjoy those thoughts; it twists everything and replaces my real feelings with its own false narrative. I feel completely lost. Sometimes I think I should break up with my boyfriend, even though before all of this, that was the last thing I would ever want. Even now, deep down, I don’t want to — but the way my mind makes me feel toward him since this started leaves me feeling like I have no choice. I just want things to go back to normal. I used to be the happiest girl with my boyfriend, but now I feel like my brain has completely changed. I can’t connect with anything I used to enjoy, and it makes me feel like I don’t even like the things that once made me so happy.

I worked so hard to get out of this hole in 2023 and now that I’ve become a parent I’ve relapsed and it’s come back with the intrusive thoughts and groinal responses and I hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve to live😭 I’d give anything to make this stop😭 I’m at risk of losing my family because of how withdrawn its making me I just don’t know what to do anymore if I lose them I’m done ocd has defeated me and I’m ending it😭

20+ only So I'm feeling better than I did a few days ago when I had a really bad relapse with porn addiction. I've looked on this app and I've noticed they unfortunately too many of us have been exposed to porn at a very young age, which has left a negative impact on us due to being addicted to it or having some kind of trauma from it. To anyone that has been affected by porn: I'm very sorry. You are not your addiction. You are not what these videos portray to you. It's not your fault that you were exposed to something so graphic at a time you weren't meant to see. It's gonna be okay and there is plenty of help and support you can get. I'm still feeling sort of down about how I escalated to something I have always been against and never wanted to see deep down. I doubt I would do that again and I really had to sit through some difficult, anxiety inducing, sleepless nights because of my thoughts being so bad when it came to the scenes of what I saw. I seriously can't put myself through this anymore and I just want to let myself know now that I deserve better than those videos I've seen. I don't want to keep being a slave to that kind of stuff. It's not only shame provoking, but it makes me feel so out of touch. As if my peers just aren't engaging in that sort of thing while I am. It's like a whole different reality opening up everytime I use it and I just jump into the portal, only to come back to where I started once it's gone. I'm debating on telling my therapists the specifics of what I saw or not. I don't know if it would help me or not. Besides that, the next time I see my therapists is the time I really want things to change. I'm just hoping I can stick to my word on this. And if things don't work out, I'll still have some kind of plan in my favor.

Hi. One of my biggest fears is that after e.g., a successful therapy lasting a couple of years, I will NEVER be able to return back to the old myself. These days I'm really struggling much with the idea of therapy changing my brain — like the more I will heal, the less there will EVER be a chance to go back in the healing journey. I have meta-OCD so I'm afraid of them changing me violently to be "a normal one" with NO possible steps back. Is it really true that after a successful therapy there WON'T ever be a way to come back to the old days? I hope I'm not the only one experiencing this.

It’s a silly thing and that’s why I can’t talk about it with her directly but… Basically one of my best friends has brought me into a group of 4 people (me, her, and two other friends - one of which is a childhood friend of mine and the other a mutual that I have more so a distant friendship or acquaintance through the both of them). Now I was actually introduced to my best friend by this childhood friend in the group, but I am always the odd one out, not even a third wheel but a fourth wheel and they’re this dynamic trio. I’m kind of just there by association, but it feels as if I am of lesser value or just nice to have when I’m “useful”. They’re always together, perhaps because they’re closer both physically and emotionally, living closer to each other, having more compatible schedules, and just being well better friends. I feel excluded. Today she was talking about going out to breakfast and going bowling with them. Two activities the two friends I’m closer to in the group of 4 know I would’ve very much enjoyed and wanted to come along to. But no invite, they have group chats without me and even the chats I’m in, it’s like talking to a wall - more like I’m the fly on the wall just in the middle of them talking amongst themselves. I know they don’t mean to do it, they don’t think anything of it, they don’t know that I feel excluded or feel any of this type of way to begin with. And I’ll never confront her or the rest of them because I don’t want to create trouble and make it about me - they’re just enjoying themselves. Is it bad that I feel mad? That I’m upset and hurt by it? It’s like irrational anger but I just feel like… I don’t actually matter. She has her actual friends and I’m just here to play therapist when she needs some extra emotional support. And I hate that I feel this way because I’ve never thought like this before. I’m mad at myself for being upset and I can’t just tell her because it makes no sense, she doesn’t know and she did nothing wrong, I’m just overreacting.

I randomly looked up YouTubers that have OCD and Lele Pons was the main one that stood out to me. I didn't know the other YouTubers, but I also saw that Pons had a mini documentary talking about how she suffers from OCD, ADHD, and Tourettes. In the past,(years ago) this was someone I knew by name and I knew that despite her popularity, a lot of people did not find her funny and it was sort of a "fad" to hate on her content. I use the term fad loosely because people tend to bandwagon on what the majority do. Here I am seeing her name pop up again, and I feel absolutely terrible for her and can only hope she is doing better in life. It's so easy to fall into this perspective where popular people aren't fully seen as people and are seen as a status thing. I myself am guilty of this both with judging celebrities without fully knowing them and viewing inappropriate content featuring celebrities, which makes me sick to even think about. Lele Pons was straight up crying during an ERP session where she kept telling her therapist she needed to do one more compulsion just to feel okay but the plan was the complete opposite. She was in so much pain. She was hurting so much, but I'm so proud of her for telling the world about OCD and getting the help she needs. Unlike me, she was diagnosed at a very young age. That alone makes me think that there were times in my life when I was a kid where I think I may have had OCD symptoms. I distinctly remember hoping thoughts wouldn't get stuck in my head and I would imagine the process of a thought being stuck in my head with sounds and imagery. I also sort of remember having nightmares from things that happened, but that on the other hand is very debatable because when people are scared of someone or something, they could potentially have nightmares about said things. It wasn't until I was 18 is when I really started to notice symptoms. As I was watching it, I got emotional and started to feel like an absolutely terrible person. I've objectified celebrities, myself, and other people so many times in my life due to my porn addiction and it makes me feel inhuman. I don't know how I'm going to move past it. I just don't. I feel like an awful person for something I feel is beyond my control at times. It's such a complete contrast to why I am as a person that I don't even know how I'm so hooked on something like it. Growing up I was never told about sex and sexuality, I just saw that it existed and then it became part of a routine. There's someone out there that I genuinely like so much based on who she is, how she expressed herself, and for how much we have in common. If she were to know all of these things about me, I'm sure she'd want nothing to do with me. That's how I feel about my struggles when it comes to the people I care about, which is why I stay quiet about them. That also means I bottle them all up unfortunately. I just don't know how I can move on in my life knowing I've seen so many awful things in pornography for years that included both fictional and real people. Real human beings that in some cases were not performers, but just people that existed.

When the thoughts won't go away and you're so afraid they will last forever. I'm trying non engagement responses as much as I can but I'm so tired. Would love to hear what helps you all.

I really need some advice, I have been confused about my boyfriend for a while but also have bad anxiety so really struggle to trust myself and distinguish my anxious thoughts from normal doubts and don’t understand what means someone isn’t right for me and what doesn’t, I also think I might have an element of rocd (relationship ocd). I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for 5 years and I genuinely don’t think anyone would have as good a heart as him or treat me right the way he does, he makes me so happy and he does feel like home like people say the one should feel like but I always get confused if he’s the one or not like I’ve never felt certain but I want him to be so much. I am in a constant state of comparing him to other people (which is why I think I have Rocd or it could be my anxiety) and my relationship I am always comparing to my sisters relationship for example and whenever I start to compare I end up stuck in this anxious state of is he wrong for me. The doubts I have is that sometimes I think I have had better connections with other men as in conversation wise, me and my bf have good conversations but I don’t bounce off of him like I do with some people, he is also very shy and I think that’s what I compare with my sisters relationship her bf always sits in the living room and has a conversation with the parents before they go upstairs etc where as we never do that and are more awkward, he does still greet them though. He also gets anxious about a lot of acitivites I.e. bowling, boat things etc. whereas I love doing fun activities like that, we do really enjoy going on walks and for food, cinema etc though. He also can be awkward if we went anywhere and he didn’t know people and doesn’t speak much which makes me feel awkward too. The other thing is I wish he elaborated more in conversation we have good conversations but he is sometimes quite blunt in the convo and doesn’t always go into depth with things when I’d love for him to as I am a big talker. But he makes me so happy and I don’t think anyone would treat me the way he does he is the sweetest man I’ve ever met and has a heart of gold I trust him 100%, I also have chronic pain and am quite disabled currently due to this and am also scared a lot of men would leave due to this whereas he has stood by me and been amazing, he couldn’t be a better boyfriend which is why these doubts make me so upset but they just keep coming back and I’m just confused because he makes me so happy but do these doubts mean he isn’t the right person for me or not? And if he isn’t would I likely find someone as good as him again?

how do i differentiate wanting to open up and talk about what’s bothering me versus feeling the need to confess compulsively? right now i just really want to get these feelings out and to just tell someone everything i’m thinking/have done but i know it won’t help in the end. i really really need someone to talk to. like badly, because i’m struggling so hard right now. but i’m too embarrassed to bring my specific issues up to a therapist, even when i compulsively search there’s not many people who seem to have the same issue as me or they don’t talk about it much. i don’t even want to say it on here because i feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself, too much to even bring it up to other people. the worst part is this was recent and i’m literally an adult now and these things happened more recently, i should know better. i definitely can’t tell my friends either, out of fear that they’d view me differently. i want to make friends with ocd and be in relationships (romantic or otherwise) but i worry that i’ll end up falling into confessing or over sharing or that they’ll see even my own events/thoughts as too bad or disgusting. i’m not even sure how to find people besides online, but even then i’m not sure how to approach people even on this app. i feel like i don’t deserve to talk to people sometimes. i’m just feeling so lonely and wish i had someone i could be completely open with or at least someone that understands this hellhole of a disorder.

i’ve been in a state of panic all night, when i tried to eat, this intense feeling of panic & dread came over me and i had to put my food to the side. and when i get this panic feeling, my immediate response is ‘i can’t deal with this, im gonna have to kms’ - which then leads to more panic that im losing my mind, and then MORE panic that i need to go to hospital etc etc it’s just never ending. the anxiety is so incredibly intense and i feel it so much in my chest. it’s so bad right now that everything feels like a trigger, if i move, i get that panic feeling, a random sound or something that ive read that has no correlation to my panic, will make me panic. i’m sorry this is so long, im just hoping someone can relate :(

I have a genuine fear of contracting tetanus to the point where I sometimes don’t even want to work in the garden or touch soil. My immunity is still great from my last booster shot (I had my tetanus anti-toxoid antibodies tested a couple months back and they are well above the minimal requirement) however anytime I get a small scrape or cut I spend the next week or so genuinely waiting for the symptoms to kick in. Lock Jaw, Fever, and Death. I had the smallest cut on my foot from stepping on a light plug prong and it barely (literally barely) broke the skin. It didn’t even start bleeding until about 5 mins later. However I noticed my feet were dirty form wearing sandals and even tho I cleaned the tiny wound vigorously and washed my feet, I know feel like it’s just a matter of time until I’m in the hospital and then soon will be dead. I rationally can tell myself that I’m being silly but my animal brain is convinced I’m on a path to sickness and then an inevitable horrible death that will leave my family in peril…. This cycle happens anytime I get a cut or scrape. (2-3 times a year) I hope I’m not alone in this. It really sucks dealing with this obsession on top of my multitude of fears.

Every win against OCD is un-boo-lievably worth celebrating. 👻 Drop yours in the comments!

Today I hit a new level of anxiety, and honestly, it caught me completely off guard. I went to Spirit Halloween to look for something for my daughter. When I walked in, I noticed a sign that said their last day open was November 3rd — and for some reason, that one small thing triggered me. My brain immediately latched onto the thought that I wouldn’t be able to go back again until next year… and maybe not even to that same location. It spiraled into this weird sense of panic over something that probably wouldn’t bother most people. As I walked through the store, the anxiety kept growing. I only had my phone, keys, and some cash with me, but I started convincing myself that I had dropped something. So of course, I retraced all my steps, scanning the floor, checking everywhere — even though deep down I knew I hadn’t lost anything. The panic attack got so bad that I just left and went straight to my car. I’m driving home trying to calm down. My mind keeps telling me to go back and double- check, but I resisted that compulsion. I took one of my anxiety meds and am trying to remind myself that this feeling will pass. What scares me the most is the thought of becoming agoraphobic — like, what if I get to the point where I can’t even leave my house? The idea terrifies me. I’m trying so hard to remind myself that this panic isn’t permanent, that I’ll be okay. But it’s exhausting how my OCD seems to find something new to latch onto every time. Has anyone else experienced panic like this in random, everyday places? How do you cope when your brain decides to turn something so small into something so terrifying?

Yesterday was one of the worst ocd attacks of my life I have a huge fear of believing delusions like it's not even funny I've had crazy intrusive thoughts like What if clouds aren't real What if the people around me aren't real And now the crazy one, what if I believe people are lizards like the stupid conspiracy theory, and I don't believe any of them. Never did the one I'm currently on, is the stupid lizard 1, and I'm having thoughts when I went on with my family, like I would like to be around du,mb, and then I'll get some intrusive thoughts. What if I believe there are lizard aliens? And then I hate it so much. Obviously, I don't believe that, yeah, and I don't want to believe it. I just hate it so much. And something I say jokingly me back to the o.C.D is then I'm also a lizard too But has anyone else had a crazy** Thought like this or crazier because I really hope I'm not alone on this. I don't believe the thought, but I'm just like so many fears and anxieties. What if I believe it? What if it's honestly horrible? Where did I get from hocd to this? Like I mentioned before I had health OCd Did it all start with a fear of going crazy? Then a fear of getting cancer, then a fear of schizophrenia, and then a fear of delusions. I have a fear of going crazy. That it's not even a joke heck. I think I'm in the early stages of schizophrenia. I'm scared i'm honestly scared