- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t even know what sexual attraction is anymore. I get turned on when my partner touches me ? I’m actually just responding to sexual stimulus. I want him to want me? I just want his validation. I find his body attractive during intercourse? I’m only thinking it objectively not because I actually it I am turned on during phone stuff? It’s just another reaction to stimulus. I like picturing scenarios with him where he’s written the things he wants to do? I’m just enjoying being wanted since the scenarios were written I like feeling his warmth? I’d like it more with a woman. He smells bad sometimes or his hair itches me a little? That MUST mean I don’t like men. I don’t get instantly aroused seeing him naked?Yup, definitely hate all men. I notice his flaws constantly, and it feels like I’m repulsed by him but I love him with all my being and I want us to have that sexual attraction so much. I cry sometimes because I don’t want to not have that. Also since the beginning of our relationship I have been prone to notice his physical flaws and it makes me so anxious when I do so. I don’t know if it’s ocd or not because 3 months into when we started dating I would cry and obsess because he would send me selfies and I didn’t know if I felt something or not like I expected myself to feel insanely in line when he’d send a simple selfie. And when he’d send body selfies or stuff I didn’t feel anything and I’d obsess but in reality I just struggle to get aroused on visuals alone but I love his body immensely and I’m so happy he sends me those pictures. Then I’d obsess over whether or not I was in love with him and I’d cry and write myself letters about how much I wanted to love him but I couldn’t because of my intrusive thoughts. there are some parts of him I don’t find attractive and he may not be “objectively” attractive but when I’m not feeling scared none of those things matter to me at all and when things are really good I know 100% that I love all of him and his flaws make him even more amazing. It really sucks having this
- Trigger warning
- Sexual Orientation OCD