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Every time I’m around or see my dog the urge to hurt him is so real. I don’t have anxiety right now and every time I pass him it feels like I’m going to do it. I have no control and just know I’m going to snap

Has anyone dealt with Scrupulosity?

Can anyone tell me difference about certainty and confidence.. Eveyone says that everyone get doubting intrusive thought about past and future but they are able to live with uncertainty and move forward with confidence .. I also get thought about past or things just happened a hour ago , my mind tells things that something bad happened or someone hurt you and i know thats my imagination and i am also confident , but i didnt get satisfaction.. but i know if i ruminate it will get worse and i well get nothing from it .. So living with uncertainty is the only solution and does really every person leave with this... This thing always confuses me please help me this...

I’m so tired of my own head picking me to pieces.. it’s relentless the constant thoughts of disgust and hatred I have for myself. I just want to sleep

I’ve been so tired lately my anxiety is so crazy my ocd triggers in my home make me feel like I’m just surrounded by contaminates I feel like I’m in constant stress I want to leave to get away from the house but get nervous bout leaveing my home and then I no I gotta come back here I can’t seem to get off my phone to lay down I just keep prolonging it till it’s so late I make myself lay down then I’m up all nite I wake up round 4 to 5 in the evening I’m still exhausted and I gotta do it all over again I love wit my bf who is aware of my ocd and wat has caused me stress lately but since it’s been 3 months since the contaminate was brought into my home I think he feels like it’s over for me but it’s still contaminated to me and trying to avoid haveing objects not touch the contaminated stuff in my home is impossible I’m just so stressed and I no my bf try’s to help he bought me an old vacuum from the thrift store to use instead of mine so I don’t contaminate my vacuum and have to clean it everytime I use it and I’m glad he was thinking of me but I don’t want to vaccum the contaminated carpet I feel like it’s just rolling over contaminates and just spreading everywere on the carpet I had to pretend I liked it and had to vacuum otherwise he would’ve vacuumed and vacuumed in places I wouldn’t want him to contaminate I no it sounds like he’s helping but he’s not and some stuff bothers me like certain sprays and other stuff and I told him all my ocd stuff that I can’t help it untill I get help and I’ve told him several times like I can’t use this and that cause my ocd he eventually zoned out and doesn’t listen so when he brings stuff here that I don’t like and does stuff nice for me I just pretend I’m glad i had to pretend prior to me telling him bout my ocd I’ve had to pretend I don’t like certain foods and drinks and clothes cause my ocd affects those things if I open a present and it’s clothes that are a color I can’t wear I just pretend witout even thinking but deep down I’m so sad that I can’t tell them I can’t wear it that I’m upset my ocd is so stupid and hard on me that I can’t wear a piece of clothing for so many years I’ve had to do things as if I was normal and like it doesn’t bother me but I’m my head all these things just upset me and bother my ocd years of pretending even touching stuff that my ocd doesn’t like something that I feel like I need to wash my hands when I touch I have to pretend and just touch it and panick till I can wash my hands I just thought when I told everyone bout all my ocd that it’s make it easier and have less triggers by others but it’s just the same I’m just so tired I tried for months to get ocd help but there’s nothing near me and nowere that accepts my insurance it made me feel even worse calling places explaining over and over again bout my ocd and just being denied now I’m in bed late I’m wakeing up late my bf switched from seconds to third shift so I’m up on his schedule I can’t get up to try to call anywere if I don’t get rest my anxiety’s worse I finally ended up going to the mental health place we’re I live which none of them are trained to treat ocd they just prescribe an antidepressant and move on they put me on 2 different meds in a couple weeks changed my first one in just a few days of takeing it the next meds made me sick for weeks so that made everything worse I just went there to just start something to make myself feel better till I could get into an ocd place I can’t try to tackle my ocd feeling like this if I could just get medication to help me relax help me leave my fucking home give me some relief so I don’t feel like my entire body’s tense and feel sick all the time from my anxiety I could atleast get some relief now I’m so tired of my ocd of myself of my life of these stupid doctors who can’t medicate me who can’t understand ocd and it’s being a crippling anxiety illness I just wish I had someone here wit ocd someone to call like they do in na classes for drug addicts like a sponser it shouldn’t be this hard tp get help I shouldn’t feel so alone I shouldn’t have to pretend that I’m normal and that things don’t bother me I shouldn’t have to get special help cause these doctors aren’t trained in treating ocd when is things gonna get better for ppl wit ocd.

Some OCD specialists and online therapy companies may offer face-to-face sessions, but most don’t provide support between sessions at no additional cost. At NOCD, we know that the hardest part of your treatment journey is the 99% of your week when you aren’t in sessions with your therapist. Outside of therapy is when you need the most support, because OCD episodes can be triggered at any time. That’s why we offer extra support between therapy sessions at no extra cost. In between your therapy sessions, you have free access to: Messaging with your therapist - when things get tough between sessions, you can message your therapist conveniently and confidentially using the NOCD platform. In-app self-help tools - the NOCD app has an SOS tool for help during OCD episodes, as well as exercises to aid your progress through ERP therapy. Peer support - as a NOCD Therapy member, you can join therapist-led support groups, gain unlimited access to peer communities of others with OCD, and connect with a Peer Advisor who has gone through NOCD Therapy to support you as you start your journey. NOCD’s free between-sessions support helps you stay on the path to recovery, even when you’re not in a session with your therapist. Book a free call with our team to learn more about working with a NOCD therapist and gaining access to between-sessions support.

How does someone with Real event ocd deal with the urge to confess? Like how do you prevent yourself from confessing the event to your partner? This dilemma is making me suicidal, please help.

does dealing with rocd thoughts ever actually get better, not sure if they are even just thoughts anymore

Just got extremely triggered by reading a FB group post😥a lady is divorcing her fiancée of three years and she said she couldn’t handle their differences and the gut feeling of needing and wanting to leave. She said of course it’s heartbreaking but necessary and she said she regretted not leaving her previous partner with whom she was married to for 18 years sooner bc of those feelings 😞😞 it’s making me doubt my progress and wonder if I just have to handle the hard emotions of leaving in order to get better and get what I apparently want/need in life. And stop trying to convince myself it’s ok and it’s just ROCD. I’m so sad y’all. I don’t want to leave my partner.

Currently trying to move on from my past relationship. My OCD killed it because I was always seeking reassurance, and now I have a potential guy I'm meeting tomorrow who seems to have gone through similar experiences. It's almost terrifying how much we have in common and it's making me spiral "Could he be 'The One?' What if he doesn't like me? Is this a message from God?" Blah blah blah..... I feel I'm always trying to have the "perfect" relationship. I suppose I need to relinquish that this isn't possible... My ROCD is tricky because I question if I'm good enough- not the relationship itself.

I really need some sort of help or something because I can’t sleep. My mind is racing like crazy and I keep getting what if thoughts about mistakes I made in the past. I have always known that I never had bad intentions ever when I made the mistakes and it never crossed my mind at the time that I was making a mistake. It’s really hard to explain without going into detail but I can if need be. When I was a teenager I had a very embarrassing and stupid tickling fetish. Don’t ask because I have no idea where it came from but it lasted for years. Obviously not anymore I absolutely hate it and it’s hurt me more than I’d like to admit but anyways I used to look up this fetish on the ifunny app or even YouTube but most of this stems from ifunny which had innocent memes, videos, and what not about so many things but to me I was looking up the fetish, nothing else and nothing specific just the fetish itself. Self pleasing was part of it as well unfortunately which is why this past mistake is soooo much more shameful because I didn’t know at the time until much later but I remember I came across things I shouldn’t have and it was ifunny so it was innocent or people who would have seen these things would of maybe thought they are adorable or cute but to me I wasn’t looking at anything but the fetish itself. It wasn’t anything sexual but unfortunately because of the self pleasing I am so scared to death of the what if’s and no I’m getting intrusive thoughts saying that because I would clear history (because I was ashamed of the fetish at the time because I was embarrassed and didn’t know if the fetish was normal because I was a teenager) and it’s making me think what if I did have bad intentions or is my mind twisting it? I swear on my life it never had anything to do with certain things or people it had to do with the stupid damn fetish I had and it makes me so sad every single day I feel so guilty and ashamed because I didn’t know at the time and I think this maybe lasted until I was 18 or 19 but I don’t remember exactly it could of been a couple years before but anyways I know that no amount of worrying or feeling guilty can change the past and I know for certain I would NEVER make the same mistakes again but I feel like what if I’m a monster? I’ve talked about it with a couple people including my mom and she told me that I’m being way too hard on myself and that I’ve punished myself enough but I don’t believe her. I feel like people should hate me. I feel as though I don’t deserve love or kindness or to even live. It’s so scary to me how I’ve been going through this for years and it’s taken so much from me. I feel like I deserve this pain forever…💔

Has anyone actually overcome existential OCD? This theme has seriously not only caused dpdr but its just scary. Like i constantly feel like im living ina dream and nothing is real. Its definitely alot worse at night as it used to be all day. But its so draining makes me not wanna even live if im gonna deal with this forever. Also makes me scared ill get pyschosis or something too. UGH

. . . . . . I’ve had a few BRIEF moments of thinking about….ya know… 💀 during or after an OCD episode. I won’t, but I know that’s what my ocd is trying to get me to do, if that makes sense. Like in my head I’m like, “JESUS if this doesn’t stop I’m going to 💀 myself” or “the only way out rn is to 💀 myself” or even “I don’t want to deal with this anymore.” But of course I haven’t done anything. I haven’t harmed myself or put myself at risk. It’s just the pain and torture ocd gives me is a LOT sometimes. I don’t know how I’ve managed to stay alive this long. Does anyone have any tips on to keep fighting? And avoiding getting those thoughts?

I just got back from an amazing getaway with my boyfriend. I had a really good time…but now I’m back home. Alone in my living room and the thoughts are coming back. I feel defeated in this moment. I’m not even THINKING about it anymore, I just feel all these emotions. I know I’m my heart that I’m not a lesbian, but in my own OCDridden mind I am? I just feel like I’m somehow stringing my boyfriend along and not being who I ‘truly am’. But the thing is? He’s so understanding about this, and he knows who I truly am…when I don’t. I feel like a faker, an actress, a fraud. But I love him, I care for him. I don’t have to be IN LOVE with him to want to be with him. But my brain is telling me I’m just pushing through a relationship I somehow don’t want to be in. But I want to be in it…I always want to be in it. I want to be with this man for the rest of my life, but I’m so afraid OCD will take me away from him and my own life. I feel alone right now, and everything’s so quiet and my OCD fills the space with bullshit lies that I want to fight but just don’t have the strength to do so.

hi I’m new here, and I don’t really have a purpose for this post maybe I’m just posting because I’ve never considered the fact that I might have ocd until I just saw a Tik tok naming some symptoms. I’m reading through some posts I’ve never found myself relating to so many people in one community. I’m a little nervous to come out and say I have ocd, especially because I’ve been known to be a hypochondriac in the past and I just always think something is wrong with my mental or physical health. I basically exam my body for issues and any time I see the slightest change I’m booking an appointment with a doctor. I also suffer from extremely intrusive thoughts and they are just terrible. Luckily, they don’t usually bother me too much during the day but at night all I can think about is horrible things happening to the people I love and how much I hate myself. I convince myself I’m a bad person and I don’t even know why. It’s like I reason with myself in my head of if I am a bad person or not. I also hate being alone. If I’m sleeping alone in my house (I’m usually not because my parents live here) I work myself up to point of panic. I convince myself someone is going to break in and hurt me. I over analyze every single thing that happened that day and come up with some way that it makes total sense in my mind. If my mom leaves the house and says she’s going to be back at 1:00 and doesn’t show up by 1:00, my mind goes immediately to the worst case scenario. I always have a lot of anxiety in my friendships and relationship with my significant other. I love them all dearly and they are the people I want to be around, but I feel like they hate me sometimes or that they are against me when deep down I know they aren’t. I sometimes am just so irritable for no reason over the smallest things. Anyway thank you for reading if you made it this far. I’m hoping this app will keep me connect some pieces.

My birthday is coming up and I don’t even want to celebrate my birthday because I feel like I don’t even deserve anything. I feel so guilty all the time I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything. It hurts so much all the time. No matter what anyone says or tells me I never will be able to forgive myself for my past mistakes. I can’t do it. I will never be free. I never had bad intentions and I didn’t know that I was making mistakes at the times it happened because I was young and so stupid and no I regret it so much I want to give up

My current obsession that’s been consuming me for the past two months is one that I don’t hear anyone else talk about and seems extremely trivial and stupid, but for me it’s something extremely important, enough so that it’s consumed me this much. I’ve basically been obsessing over my interpretation of a work of a fiction that I’ve been hyperfixated on. Right now the specific things that been bothering me the past few weeks is the question of “what if I’m only interpreting the main character as selfless and good because I just want to see him that way, and therefore am a foolish and selfish person who cannot handle a morally complex story and cannot continue reading/watching this media”. The idea of reading/watching this series “incorrectly” is terrifying, and the idea of having to give up this series I love so so much is also terrifying, so I’ve been desperately trying to prove to myself that I’m going through everything correctly and am therefore not bad. I have not continued watching/reading for two months because of this, yet not directly consuming the media has not stopped my fears, because no matter how much I try to tell myself that not being able to continue it one day is fine, it’s deep down not something I can accept.

Hi I'm a 22 year old student and I have been experiencing (what I think are) OCD symptoms since I was a child. I've never been diagnosed, I asked my mum if I could be when I was a teenager and she told me it was "all in my head". Ever since I've felt too busy with studies and too poor to reach out to a therapist, leading to a lot of doubts about whether I could actually have OCD. So I've come here to find out if anyone can relate to my experiences. The first memory I could link to OCD was when I was about 9 years old, I'd call out to my parents "I love you" and I would repeat this until I got the exact phrase "I love you too" back. Any time I heard someone leaving the bathroom id have to repeat it again, and understandably my parents found it quite annoying. Moving onto my teenage years, I suffered with compulsions such as touching the gum under the school desks, placing my phone on charge in an exact position, I had to feel the same pressure under each foot before I lifted them up into my bed, I touched around the whole bedframe because I thought "touch wood" and all my anxieties would go away, and I re-write over words until the ink started bleeding through the page and then smudged the ink because I couldn't handle it being wet on the page (safe to say my teacher told me to stop using a fountain pen). I also started obsessively making lists and structuring things like playlists to fit every memory or song. I remember having a panic attack with a friend because I wasn't sure if I should like the CDs my mum used to lisyen to when I was a kid on Spotify because I was scared I would forget them otherwise. During these years I also suffered maintaining relationships, I would often accuse my partners of not loving me enough. I didn't know relationship OCD was a thing until I found this app, and I do have a lot of anxieties outside of ocd which could contribute to this experience, but I thought it was worth mentioning. I got fed up with a lot of my symptoms by the age of 16 and tried to go "cold turkey" on them. It was extremely stressful. I found ways of coping such as using a wooden bracelet instead of my wooden bedframe, but I don't think I ever found a true sense of understanding or relief from my compulsions. I also struggled with having to know where everything is placed. I can't say I've ever in my life had a messy room, everything is always meticulous and I often panic when things are moved. This has become more prominent since living in a student home. I definitely have a higher need for cleanliness, order and routine than my housemates. Nowdays I often hit my fists (gently) on my head in patterns of 8 when I feel anxious, especially when I'm thinking of things I can't control. I still have my need for structure and lists, and I still have the need to place things in specific ways. Sometimes I think being hyper organised has been good for my degree, I am definitely a "do-er" because of my compulsions, though I do struggle mostly. It takes a lot of energy out to re-write my notes again and again because the ink does look even enough, though the information does sink in because of it. This isnt a full list of symptoms, just the ones that come to mind now. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, I'd really appreciate if you could let me know if you share any of my experiences. I do intend on seeking a diagnosis once I've graduated, but for now I think it would heavily reduce my imposter syndrome if someone could share their thoughts. Update: it's ironic that the share button took me to a message saying I shouldn't ask for reassurance since it is a form of compulsion. Maybe this post is a compulsion in itself then? In light of this, I'm not expecting anyone to tell me whether I have OCD or not, I was planning on leaving that to a professional anyway. But it seems a shame to delete this post, so if anyone wants to use it to share advice or feel less alone then I'll leave it up for that.

I met this guy at a club a month ish ago, and we really clicked. Got each other's socials, been messaging fairly consistently ever since. I am normally super scared of relationships bc of my OCD. He is super handsome, and pretty much has the exact personality I'm looking for. But I KEEP thinking, "if he wasn't that handsome, I wouldn't have pursued it" and overthinking and feeling guilty, even though that isn't even what happened. We kept messaging, but his looks weren't why, I just liked him. However, recently, our conversations have been running a bit dry simply because we've been talking so much. I really hated this because conversation is super important to me, but because I'm super attracted to him phsyically I encouraged him to come down to where I live (his friends live in the same city, so he's come to see everyone basically) so we could go on a date. Is this morally wrong? I feel guilty. My mum said there's nothing wrong with thinking someone is attractive and wanting to go out with them, but it still stresses me out - because I was feeling extremely bummed because of the conversation but his looks pushed me to ask him out. Some part of me knows this is probably natural and I'm probably overthinking, but I feel so bad about it. The date went really well BTW. I remember sitting in the park and listening to him talk and my belly got all fluttery and I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness - and we cuddled when we got home. I just feel guilty that his looks played a large part in me actually asking him out. And also, while in person it's better, he doesn't live here, so we'll have to go back to online again where the conversation isn't as good. Same thing happened when he got back to his friends house and texted me, just dry, and I don't like it. So I do really feel like I'm using him. Very confused. Just got done crying and stuff. Idk what to do. Should I just cut it off? The thing is I can recognise OCD patterns here. The overthinking, and never getting a good answer so I'm trapped in a loop, and eventually feeling like I have to do the compulsion (cutting it off) - but it still feels so real. Arrrgh :(

I met this guy at a club a month ish ago, and we really clicked. Got each other's socials, been messaging fairly consistently ever since. I am normally super scared of relationships bc of my OCD. He is super handsome, and pretty much has the exact personality I'm looking for. But I KEEP thinking, "if he wasn't that handsome, I wouldn't have pursued it" and overthinking and feeling guilty, even though that isn't even what happened. We kept messaging, but his looks weren't why, I just liked him. However, recently, our conversations have been running a bit dry simply because we've been talking so much. I really hated this because conversation is super important to me, but because I'm super attracted to him phsyically I encouraged him to come down to where I live (his friends live in the same city, so he's come to see everyone basically) so we could go on a date. Is this morally wrong? I feel guilty. My mum said there's nothing wrong with thinking someone is attractive and wanting to go out with them, but it still stresses me out - because I was feeling extremely bummed because of the conversation but his looks pushed me to ask him out. Some part of me knows this is probably natural and I'm probably overthinking, but I feel so bad about it. The date went really well BTW. I remember sitting in the park and listening to him talk and my belly got all fluttery and I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness - and we cuddled when we got home. I just feel guilty that his looks played a large part in me actually asking him out. And also, while in person it's better, he doesn't live here, so we'll have to go back to online again where the conversation isn't as good. Same thing happened when he got back to his friends house and texted me, just dry, and I don't like it. So I do really feel like I'm using him. Very confused. Just got done crying and stuff. Idk what to do. Should I just cut it off? The thing is I can recognise OCD patterns here. The overthinking, and never getting a good answer so I'm trapped in a loop, and eventually feeling like I have to do the compulsion (cutting it off) - but it still feels so real. Arrrgh :(