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with rocd, if i break up with my boyfriend would it happen in the next relationship ? has anybody actually experienced what happens after you break up?

Honesty, I don’t know if this is going to help more or not. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of my ocd tendencies. I don’t want to stop counting, organizing, cleaning, obsessing. It scares me.

Can you have suicidal OCD and depression? Been horribly terrified of people i know who have committed suicide & scared of ending up like that. No matter how hopeless or down I feel over this OCD I know it’s only temporary & I’ve got to work to get better but just want a piece of mind guys. If you’ve went through this please share!

(this is a request for advice! but I put the tw for contamination ocd including discussion of specific exposure to contamination irl -- please don't read if this might trigger you, take care of yourself<3) In March-May, I was in exposure therapy for a form of mental contamination -- fear of an abstract concept basically "infecting" real items. It was very successful and I felt so good and excited to visit my friend for a month without ocd troubles! Sadly for me, I'm so excited about this trip that I've had a big old relapse into just straightforward contamination ocd, but triggered by very specific real-life incidents. Most significantly: a few days ago I stepped barefoot in what I believe was animal poo (likely a dog or coyote). I came inside (carefully doing my best to avoid touching the floor with that foot/the parts of it with feces on it, obviously!) and washed it off in the bathroom. But then my ocd really escalated, and I've spent the last few days terrified that I did an imperfect job keeping the house clean (jostling contaminated bits of grass off my foot while hopping upstairs; accidentally touching a contaminated part of my foot to the floor when trying to balance just on an uncontaminated part; anything I did an imperfect job cleaning up in the bathroom, etc) and the house/floor could be contaminated with microscopic bacteria, parasite eggs, etc, that I might carry to my friend when I visit them. (This has been ... not at all helped by me finding a faint stain on my foot about an hour after initially washing it, that I'd been walking around the house with!) Anyway, obviously not looking for reassurance that I and my friend are definitely 100% safe. I know both that there's probably *technically* a risk of some kind of infection and also that that risk is for sure very small! Pretty sure the path forward is to go about life as normal without giving in to any (more...) compulsions to clean, research illnesses, etc. However, I'm having trouble shaking the idea that maybe this is actually a *rational* concern, and most of the resources I know of/have found on contamination OCD tend to discuss fears that are a lot less ... direct in origin (ie fear of touching a door handle in public and such)? And I'm wondering if anyone has experience with or advice on dealing with contamination ocd stemming from such a specific real-life incident. Sorry for the long post!

Hi Guys, I was wondering if anyone has advice for affording NOCD therapy? I’m from the UK so cannot get this service on insurance and the therapy is costing me A LOT of money. I’ve contacted the billing team who have put me on a payment plan but this doesn’t make it any cheaper. They can’t do anything else for me to help so I’m stuck - I’m not in the right place to stop therapy but I also just cannot keep paying this money for it. Help!!

How do you deal with your family being insensitive and joking about OCD? My dad said that he once had a coworker with OCD and he intentionally triggered him and laughed as he hyperventilated. I told my mom I didn't think it was very funny and she excused his behavior and said that's just my dad's sense of humor.

I’m been ruminating and it gives me headaches. I’m now fully convinced I’m a lesbian and all my attraction to men aren’t real. Now I only get of to wlw contents. I know I’m not a lesbian, however what if I am and lying? I have liked boys for most of my life and never had a crush on a girl. I can’t even find a girl pretty. I have never had a crush on a girl. It’s too much. The idea of dating a woman makes so uncomfortable, like I don’t like it all because I know it’s not for me.

I am in rock and hard place. Part of my OCD is that I hate taking medicine. But yet, Benzos are sometimes the only thing that provide me relief. I’m on a low dose, but still. They have a bad connotation attached to them and so it gives me intense anxiety to take them but if I don’t, I fear I will have withdrawals and go nuts. It’s like now an endless cycle. I have taken clonzapam for two years now. Is anyone else taking one and going through the same thing? Will I ever be able to come off of them or am I destined to take them forever? I can’t seem to get over it. I’m starting ERP therapy so hopefully this is something we can address.

My partner and I are rocky at the moment. He's been really supportive through my OCD struggles, more than I could ever hope for. But today he said he's been more annoyed by it lately. I feel depressed because I don't want our relationship to end, but I feel like he's waiting for my signal. He feels that I make too many demands, and that it's hard to live with someone that has OCD. I don't know what to do. I just feel anxious right now. I know I have my flaws, but it feels like he's over the highs and lows of it. I know it doesn't tell the whole story, but if anyone's experienced something similar I'd love some advice :/ or even just encouragement. I'm just feeling really distant right now and idk what to do.

I have been weird about these thoughts the entire day its like they are always at the back of my mind but i am not anxious nor doing anything about them not searching on the internet and finding every single compulsion of mine fake and like just doing it for the sake of it . The thoughts have ranged to feel way too normal and real which also doesn’t scare me anymore which also doesn’t scare me so idk what to do now.. its like i have been noticing the same sex a little more and then also having had past experiences with the same sex is making me think things that I don’t want to but could be true also i was watching a movie and noticing the girl and not feeling weird about it and this girl who recently said was bi was asked how she knows about this and she said that she noticed a girl and i am doing the same what if this is the start of an experience of coming out or something and like i have heard people who do actually are anxious in the beginning and that is what’s happening to me as well how do i not know that this is a possibility which it is and mine is ocd and not denial cause it feels like the latter.. also the dream i had today was also so similar to this that this is how you start feeling and why have i been feeling this could be a possibility so strongly is it because i have been noticing women or girls who are bi and not accepting and not feeling anything close to being anxious but continue looking?!? When i had health concern anxiety and went to the doctor who told me i have anxiety issues and the fact that i have liked guys in the past and this suddenly started out is the only thing that is telling me it still could be ocd otherwise everything points in the other direction its also like some months are really smooth which makes me question did i ever even have it in the first place and just am living a lie and all the guys i have liked in the past were a lie and thats why i am still single don’t feel the attraction i should?!? I have been noticing more than normal and i have this for 3 years now its feeling normal and okay which I don’t know how to react to my straight friends joke about being with the same sex and it makes me feel weird and like this need to specify i am straight too like I don’t believe it and even when i say it i sometimes feel its a lie and i am lying and I don’t want anyone to know which is why i always specify that i am when i can and should also joke about it but i get weird. Its starting to feel to real what do i do? Like watching an lgbtq show on Netflix which doesn’t make me anxious is making me think i never had ocd its just the fact that i am scared and stuff how else do I understand this.. what do i do? When I don’t do anything about it I don’t understand how i feel even when i do i don’t even after reading this if someone tells me its ocd I don’t agree and also like i feel its become a reflex to do this compulsions cause its been so long not out of anxiety or anxiousness or the fact that i am scared its denial and not ocd i am okay and i go about my day having these thoughts and if I actually do i might act up and then what?!? All this while what?!? And if i am okay with all this while what is this anxiousness.. its it because of family or what when i hear coming out stories why do i think it could be okay if i told my parents what do i tell them ocd or actually being bi?!? Idk am i even and if i am thinking so am i ?!? Do i believe so?!? Will i someday act upon them like back in my childhood and it will feel normal and all this a lie and if i consider it a lie and i am not scared then what?!? Is it actually not ocd and denial?! Am i even straight is this ocd?!? If i did it in the past when i was a kid what does it say of me now and if i was okay back then is that some indication and if i do today is that also telling me something and if i am considering all this how is it ocd and not denial.. isn’t this how it might start for someone who is just coming to terms with their sexuality and is scared how is this ocd and not that!!? Cause it extremely strongly with feelings feels like that.. i am so confused my head and heart both don’t know how to feel and the part of the feelings are confusing it more.. help me

Have y’all dealt with derealization & depersonalization before? Going through it right now. Any tips or something to just hold on too. So annoying. OCD has been tough on me this week. I think because I got out of my routine..just needing some advice

I waited three days to post about this because I don’t want to be reassurance seeking and also I know it might sound unimportant to be so worried about this, but it’s now day 3 of nonstop ruminating and I really need to talk. One of my biggest fears/triggers is social media. I was always anxious about what my partner was up to on Instagram but it got so much worse after we broke up. I found myself becoming completely obsessed with his social media, even going through all of his followers and having huge anxiety attacks from it. It’s awful. I’ve calmed down a lot but the other day, I noticed he wasn’t coming up on search. At first, I panicked because I thought he blocked me. But then I realized I had to type in his full username and then he popped up. I checked on all of my accounts and it’s the same: he’s suddenly been hidden from search. And it’s only him. This is causing a huge anxiety spiral for me. The only explanation I can find online is that Instagram sometimes hides people from search who violate community guidelines. He hasn’t posted anything in months and hardly even goes on Instagram anymore, so this is just further re-enforcing my fear of him being creepy or inappropriate on the app. Maybe he’s messaging things to people and is getting reported? Maybe Instagram knows something he’s doing so their suddenly hiding his account? I know it shouldn’t matter and I shouldn’t care or shouldn’t have even noticed but I did and I’m so freaked out about it. Thanks for reading all that. Hope you’re all doing well

I've found this article that talks about some important stuff regarding the HOCD and it's therapy. I thought it might help to better understand it and also the CBT and ERP therapy. It talks about multiple issues mentioned in some posts here, f.e. denial or the backstab spike. https://ocdla.com/hocd-30-things-you-need-to-know-5522

I know my post might get deleted again, but I'm really struggling today and talking to someone who knows how it is to suffer from OCD would really help me. I have people to chat with, but barely anyone is up to talk on the phone. Texting had been sufficient for me for over a year, but I just feel it isn't doing the trick any longer. So if anyone is up to talk to me on the phone, I'd be glad. But please no minors, no offence, but that would just get at me so bad due to POCD. Thanks.

I feel like this is the worst it’s ever been. I cant even recognize myself. I feel like I’m gay but I don’t wanna be at all. I just want my old self back. It feels so real to the point where I have to accept it but I just can’t. Someone please help me see it in a different point of view PLEASE

hey yall!! i’m new to this app and it’s so comforting to see many others share similar experiences that i’ve went through to start this off, my ocd rooted from religion when i was around 9 years old. i have a huge family, mostly catholic, so growing up i believed in god due to my surroundings (they were never forceful w religion). it began with intrusive thoughts like “do ___ or you’ll go to hell” or intrusive thoughts that would make me do things or else i’d be disrespecting god which, as a child, terrified me. then it went on to my extreme fear of germs. i would wash my hands constantly and use hand sanitizer every second to a point where my hands were cracked and bleeding. i had to see a dermatologist in order for the skin on my hands to go back to normal. growing up my intrusive thoughts became extremely overwhelming (especially as a teenager), having to do with sexuality, not knowing if what i remembered was real or if my mind was making it up, relationship ocd, thoughts ab me/ a loved one being harmed, ocd about sexual things, etc etc. i always felt so gross bc of these things as i had thought that i was the only one who experienced this. i’m so glad i’ve found a community where so many of us can relate to these things, as i feel so comfortable and not alone. i’m currently still a teenager and have managed to handle my intrusive thoughts a little better, but i do have an extreme amount of anxiety as well, a lot of it surrounding those intrusive thoughts. i can’t really get therapy due to personal reasons but i’m grateful i can vent in a safe space:) i feel so welcomed on this app, i hope all of you are well <3

Does anyone have any tips for managing the feeling of grossness when trying not to clean (exposure)?

I’m pretty hopeless right now. I’ve been hyperaware of swallowing and saliva everyday for a month and a half. I’m trying to accept it but I can only make it a few days at best. I’m considering meds again after I just got off. Can anyone give me some hope? Even if I could accept I feel it would take so long to get results id never make it

i hit one year with my partner and i’ve just been so anxious. whenever i experience a new thing i start doubting and overthinking over what i could mean and if i really like him. i’m so terrified that it’s not rocd and that i’ll wake up one day and not like him :( and all these unanswered feelings/questions don’t help how i feel and i don’t understand them or know what to do because i can’t get into therapy

I am currently engaged to my best friend who is in the Air Force and stationed all the way in Japan (I’m in the US). He will be getting stationed back in the states in about 5 months where I plan to move with him and eventually we will be getting married. However, since about a month ago, I randomly began having intrusive thoughts that I don’t actually love him, I’m not attracted to him, I’ll be unhappy if I move with him and marry him. Obviously this is very upsetting to me because he’s been the center of my world for the past two years and we’ve made all of these huge plans. I do have brief moments of clarity where I feel happy and sure of us, but then just as quickly as that comes, the intrusive thoughts are back. I’ve been so upset by these thoughts and the possibility of them being true that I have barely been able to function normally. I even got put on Zoloft this past week to try to cope. I can’t imagine not being with him, but these thoughts are telling me that everything is wrong, which results in me constantly trying to check my feelings with him while we are on FaceTime or texting, and constantly looking at photos of us from when he’s visited. I don’t know if this is because of the distance between us or if I’m nervous about the future, but it’s getting very hard to deal with.