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the NOCD Community

Plus it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious by my intrusive thoughts, and feelings rn… 😭😭 I just want this to stop…

sometimes i think people really don’t realize how bad my OCD is.

Man, it's been a while since I've dealt with these - it's been mostly harm images for a while. But the intrusive urges are back, and maybe stronger than ever. How do you guys deal with them? Do I just disregard? The feeling tonight was so strong that I was going to kick my dog, and I love her so much. I hate this. Do you guys have tips? I've started compulsively googling again and I need to stop. Any tips for how to sit with this would be so helpful.

Everything involving potential health problems I’ve come across this year has been very black and white. -long-lasting headaches -random pain sensations that’ll come one night then disappear -panicking over fearing taking a medication I wasn’t supposed to -using water that may have been contaminated The list goes on, I am so deathly terrified of, well, death already. I’m having such a tough time not thinking the absolute worst in ant situation I’m in regarding my health and I’m struggling sitting and accepting that it may NOT be something deadly each time. I’m trying to get past this and focus on the joy in life and surrendering that things out of my control - are out of my control and I can only worry about what I can control. But this thing with death is so hard for me to not overanalyze and think black and white about, more than I ever used to. Does anyone or any NOCD peer advisors have any advice tailored to health concern anxiety/ocd? It’s hard to balance what’s real vs what isn’t with health (although I’m sure this is the case with any ocd)

Yesterday was a great day. Not even gonna lie. I had so much fun and I'm glad I got to do it. Just as I was doing the usual things I do when I wind down and relax, which is play video games and watch YouTube. While this was happening, I got an intrusive thought that was different from others. This one stuck harder than the other usual ones and it won't go away. It even gave me physical reactions to it. It sucks that I just have to let this pass and think about it at all. Anyone else notice this though? They'll get a thought they usually never think about until one day it comes up and sticks?

This will be some sort of a rant about how fear-marketing frustrates me! It triggers my OCD to oblivion. I get scared of everything and stuck with a feeling that the whole world, everything, is very dangerous and I feel paralysed. I cannot even buy a candle or a pillow without freaking out about what if it is toxic? What if that furniture will off-gas? What if it will cause permanent damage to my health! Advertising by using people’s fear by exaggerating the danger is so cruel! Even trying to buy cookware turns into torture. Do not buy nonstick because it is toxic; do not buy stainless steel because still there are dangers; do not buy cast iron because you cannot wash it with soap and detergents, and it might pose other dangers; do not buy wooden utensils, because they soak up detergents if you use them and if you don’t they are not properly cleaned; do not buy silicone because there is this research shows they release some chemicals…. But I have to use something because, well, I have to eat. Also for example baking cakes is (was?) a huge source of enjoyment and relaxation for me but I realised today that slowly I started to be afraid of my cooking utensils, which are actually the standard cooking utensils that you’d probably find in every store and kitchen; but here I am, thinking they can be this nasty poison. I am afraid of putting my loved ones in danger… Or I really liked to do furniture flips, but then i freaked out about the wood materials, painting materials, sanding the wood, stuff needs to be used to treat the piece. So I gave up. I wanted to do a comprehensive renovation to my home, but selecting materials became so exhausting so I put it on hold because I cannot pick. But at the same time, I am also afraid of existing materials because of all the “advertising” I read about the new options. I lost count of things I gave up although I loved them because I was so anxious and scared. I know giving up is a compulsion but alternative is so painful. When it comes to health related obsessions why do I get paralysed and all my ERP attempts fail 😩 I just wish people wouldn’t use fear to advertise! It is also very ironic that I worry about these things yet smoked for years (hopefully, i finally managed to quit this time🤞)🤦‍♀️ it just doesn’t make sense either. But at the same time my mind tells me: “If you didn’t smoke, then you’d be safer by using all that stuff. Since you do both, they accumulate.” And to be honest, it has a truth to it to some degree and it makes it that more scary because my reaction although is out of proportion, there is actually a reason to be afraid. And I cannot realistically determine the proper amount of reaction I should give. It is so frustrating and confusing. Sorry for the long post. The rant is over.

If I hear one more person say or see something that says "Yeah, I have OCD: Obsessive Christmas Disorder!! 😜😜" Or "OCD means Obessisive Cat Disorder! Hahaha! Im so quirky" I'm going to break someone in half and then use their broken bones to poke my eyes and/or ears out. How about we stop using a disorder that has taken lives and still does as a joke, and actually listen to the people struggling saying "Hey guys, can we please stop joking about a disorder that makes me want to die everyday?", "Hey, can we stop using a horrible disorder as a joke and an adjective?" "Hey, can you stop saying you have a disorder because you just like being neat and also calling said disorder 'quirkey' or 'weird'???" PLEASE. All of this was sparked from rage of me trying to find a pin that says "I have OCD, Dont judge me if I do something you think is strange" but all of them were just making jokes. I hate people. Here are just SOME of the examples:

My OCD has been a total Hell. I literally was stuck trapped in bathroom for 15hrs straight no food water or rest for days. When ever i shower/brush teeth anything of washing it takes forever! I was up for 18hrs total i started crying i was soo exhausted then i still couldn't drink anything all day my anxiety was soo high i couldnt. My severe contamination OCD stops me from everything including drinking n eating. Sooo miserable!😭

Okay so I’ve asked a similar question before but either way. I just had a baby. I love him more than life itself, at first I was really struggling with baby blues I was nervous it’d become full blown postpartum depression but that side has seemed to ease up at least a little and now it’s just my ocd that’s still really spiked up and making me depressed instead. I feel like everything triggers me. I spend all day ruminating. The mornings are the worst I seem to feel better towards the end of the day and idk why but at least that gives me some relief. But I’m wondering what do you guys do to help yourselves throughout the day? How do you start your day to try and make sure you have a good one? Whether you have children or not just what are things you do/have been taught in therapy to do to help you cope and make things better for yourselves? Cause I am struggling. I keep having ocd dreams and then wake up already feeling guilty and gross. I have intrusive thoughts all day long and spend all day trying to “think them through” so I feel better about them and why they aren’t true. The worst part is I am super anxious and feel completely unable to be intimate with my husband because of ocd. Like I feel like it makes it impossible. The baby sleeps in our room and of course no one is wanting to do anything in front of the baby and my husband is like of course I’m not wanting to do anything in front of him. He can’t see or comprehend anything and of course if he started crying we’d stop. But I’ve told him it just makes me too uncomfortable at all like I know that if we did anything and he started making noise or anything we’d stop but. At this point even if he’s in another room in the house I can’t do anything or like he’s in the floor in another kind of bassinet in the living room and my husband wants to make out with me and shit and I feel so guilty the whole time cause even to know he’s just three weeks old he comprehends nothing my ocd the whole time is just like he’s right there or just constantly gives me thoughts about him like “you have a son or a kid how can you ever be sexually aroused if you have knowledge of this how can you ever be sexually aroused cause I think of the thing that’s making me aroused and then again it’s like “you have a kid” or “you have a kid with this person they resemble the kid so how can you be attracted to them?” And I’m just so so upset cause I want to do stuff with my husband. And also I feel super guilty if I get any thought that my husband is sexy or hot and I want to do stuff with him while I’m holding my child like I’m not like trying to have any kind of fantasy or something but the thought comes across like hey my husbands hot like I want to do stuff with him and if I’m holding my kid I feel overwhelming guilt and feel so gross.

Does anyone on here have bipolar? How did you find out you had it, or make you think you had it?

Hi! I've grown up a Christian, I've been baptized, confirmed, I'm the backup organist at my congregation, and I've been a Bible camp counselor. For the past few months, though, I've kind of distanced myself from God, and I've felt better than before. Last night, I went to a reunion at my Bible camp where I worked this summer, and I felt God again, for the first time in a while, probably since I've LEFT camp in August. And it felt good. Also, side note, I've always said I want an in-between christian? Like I go to church and do all the stuff, but I don't listen to Christian music, or read the Bible every day or whatever. My friends are either not christians at all, or VERY Christian. So I'm kinda the odd one out so like idk who to turn to. I want to restart my relationship with him, and I know he forgives me for what I've done when I've distanced myself from him. After all, we're saved by God's grace, not by our acts. The thing is, I don't think the normal relationship people have with God will work for me. What we do at camp works for me - fun songs, connections with people (my co-counsolers are the most amazing people in the world), fun worships, activities and Bible studies. Praying is normal and good for me. But I'm just not someone who can sit down and read the Bible, and I have no desire to. I don't feel like reading the Bible is nessecary for my faith - not all of it, at least. So yeah. So I guess my questions are 1. How can I restart my relationship with God and grow it? 2. Is it okay to make my relationship with God work for me, even if it doesn't include reading the Bible? 3. Am I a bad Christian for not reading the Bible? SO that was chaotic, but please help me out?

Hey everyone, new to this app because I’m just now realizing that my anxiety seems like it’s rooted in pure-o. Currently waiting on a therapist appointment to get some clarity. Something I’m struggling with right now is guilt over intrusive thoughts. Distressing/horrible intrusive thoughts are really really rare for me, and in my past I’ve had no problem dismissing them as a normal part of the human experience. For some reason recently - I’ve had a stressful month or so, this could be why - I’ve had a couple of intrusive thoughts come up, and I’ve had exhausting rumination over the guilt of having them at all. I have no worry/stress/rumination/concern over the possibility that I’d carry them out. I know who I am and have literally no fear that I would, I even understand that the thoughts are not me, and infrequent at that. For some reason I just cannot shake feeling such shame, and guilt along the lines of thinking that if the people I love knew I had thought that, they would not want to talk to me, or be horrified, etc. It’s causing me to feel guilty or ashamed when they are showing me love or kindness etc. What’s frustrating is I know random intrusive thoughts happen to everyone, they do not indicate my actual feelings, and ruminating about them only makes them worse. But I’d love some tips on how to let this feeling go! I have recently gotten back into yoga, mindfulness, and meditation. I have to imagine that getting better at this practice will help a lot. Any other tips and tools are appreciated!

I really want to get the COVID vaccine, but due to me giving into my ocd compulsions (not realizing it at the time) I researched and researched and read all scientific articles about myocarditis and side effects. They ended up indicating that about 1 or less than 1 in a million people who get a covid vaccine of any kind will die from myocarditis. You would think that odds like that would give me peace, but it’s the opposite. I keep thinking, I could be that one in a million, how can I risk my life getting this vaccine? I feel sick over it even though I really want to be protected against COVID. I want to go back to living my life without worrying about dying from the disease. I know those without OCD would look at those odds and not even think twice, but to me it feels like a 50/50 life or death decision. Does anyone have any tips on how to get through this? I have obviously stopped researching and Googling once I realized it was a compulsion.

Has anyone ever had a nervous breakdown or something similar? And if so how did you handle it... I'm really feeling down at the moment, crying etc I think OCD, anxiety and the depression part is heightened and of course mistakes have been made but I'm sure things seem so much worse than what they actually are.

The other night I made the drunken irrational mistake to sleep with a guy who was taken. I did know and once I was sober realised the severity to my actions. I owned up immediately, told him to tell her, apologised to her and tried my best to learn from my mistakes. My friends were all horrible to me, saying I was victimising myself, trying to get off Scott free because I was waiting for the right time to tell the girl, but they all said I was wrong and if I didn’t apologise then and there they would stop talking to me. So I did. I was always going to, but I listened to them. They have now stopped talking to me. Anyway, I was crying and my mum found me, she asked me what was wrong and was really yhere for me. I get scared to open up to my parents because they are very opinionated, this shows in a second. So 3 days went by I started to feel better and I wanted to start bettering myself. However about half an hour ago the girl messaged me back, turns out he never told her so now I had to. I had to explain everything, I did it with as little pain as possible for her didn’t go into detail just what she asked me. I apologise over and over again. My parents found out I’d done that and started screaming at me, saying I shouldn’t have messaged her, that I was stupid for doing it, just screaming making me feel worse about myself. It’s like I can’t do anything I want, I have to do what my friends want or what my parents what. Never what I think is right. I explained to them apologising tk her helped me feel less guilty, they just laughed and started saying I was an idiot. I cried my eyes out, mum started saying I’ve ruined Christmas even though they had zero idea on Christmas and I hid my feelings, tried to enjoy myself. I’m not sat in my dark room, crying my eyes out because they now hate me. They are continuing to argue with me and then wonder why I don’t tell them anything. I know what I did was bad, but mistakes happen in a persons life, this was a really bad one. But not a single perosn in my life rn, is making me feel any better. Half of me doesn’t think I’m coming back from this, the only way I can end this pain is to just disappear. Idk what to do, I’m trying so hard to fix it. But I’m scared I’m gonna get slutshamed by people in the town. The guy has had zero blame, yet me? I’ve had jt all. I was intoxicated and he was driving. Nobody talks about that! He says he was drunk but my level he wasn’t on. Idk what I’m gonna do now

Does anyone have their themes change on a daily basis? Since my most recent flair up of OCD in the past two months I have seen it change themes almost daily and things I was stifling with a week ago don't even seem to matter. Makes me fear it will never stop

Many people LOVE the idea of a fresh start and a new year. I do as well, but I don't like the pressure of vision boards and goals - if we have learned anything in the past few years, it's how little control we have over our external surroundings. So I decided this year to release the pressure of what my "big" goals are and will just focus on small, attainable things because I WANT to work on them. What's one thing you want to truly work towards that you will hold yourself accountable for?

Can you believe that 2022 is coming to an end? New Years always reminds me of new beginnings and new ways to improve. What is one goal that you have for ROCD in 2023? Personally, I want to improve on better implementing ERP. Sometimes I can forget to put ERP into practice and can find myself backsliding. I want to be better about being proactive! What about you? Let's make 2023 a great year for recovery!

my false memory of cheating feels so real and like it must’ve happened. the only thing keeping me a little bit sane is the reassurance that it didn’t from someone who was there

Good day, you awesome people! I struggle with spreading my own (bathroom/groinal) germs and "contaminating" others somehow. Logically I know it's not necessarily going to make anyone sick, but it's coming to the point where I have to wash my arm if it touches my behind at all while wiping (in case waste travels as it sometimes does)--and this morning I felt I had to wash my hands after touching the shell of my ear. It's clear that a lot of washing I am doing is to avoid guilt--I feel like I am "being sneaky/doing something terrible" if I don't do it. Some things are justifiable, yes, but the line has become so blurred I have changed many of my routines around this and I cannot tell what constitutes as "acceptable" or "normal" hygeine anymore because anything less than what I have started doing feels awful. I even wash my hands after drying off after a shower... though that I am trying to stop. I am wondering if anyone could help me out here with suggestions? Thank you so much for listening to my woes. I appreciate you all immensely.