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What should I do if I don’t think my thoughts are intrusive? Does that mean they’re real? (Sorry I’m posting so much I’ve had a really crappy day and I’m overwhelmed)

I am currently struggling with somatic OCD. It started yesterday and continued to build up more and more this morning. I want to be proactive and not just run away from it in fear and let it get any bigger. Basically I am super aware of my blinking, breathing, and swallowing (I do kindly ask that no one gives any other forms that somatic OCD can take. I heard about these and then instantly latched onto them :/) I did make an imaginal script saying the following. I will never stop thinking about blinking I will never stop thinking about breathing I will never stop thinking about swallowing I will never have piece of mind and the thoughts and sensations will consume me. it will destroy the relationship with my son and wife and I will have a miserable miserable life. I recorded myself saying this and started listening to it on repeat for 15 min at a time. I also have been telling myself whenever the thoughts come up to not fuse with them and do my best to not engage with them. However I do find myself thinking...what if I start thinking about it when I go here or go there, etc. Which creates anxiety and makes me fearful that I will not get rid of this. When I hyper focus on these three things it makes it hard to breathe, swallow, and even see because it makes me dizzy. I have had TONS of themes in the past but I have to be honest this one scares me quite a bit because these are things that I 100% need to do each day in order to function as a human being so its like each time I do any of them even naturally my brain connects it and creates anxiety. ****So I am wondering if the script I wrote is the best way to combat this? and additionally are there other things that I could do in order to conquer this? I know seeking reassurance is not a good thing but I would love to hear how others have overcome this and got free from it....without being triggering if possible :) Thanks so much for everyone on this platform. I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you all and have learned in the short couple of weeks I have been on here.

Having constant intrusive thoughts is exhausting. They have made me question my relationship, my sexual orientation, if i am a good person, and so much more. It’s weird how they are all connected in a way too. A lot of these thoughts that I have feel so real, and i’m just now learning how to tell the difference between what is true and what is an intrusive thought. but at this point i cannot tell. they all feel real but still make me so uncomfortable. i’m scared i actually feel a certain way, whether that be i don’t actually love my boyfriend, i am actually bisexual or a lesbian, or that i am actually a horrible person and have done horrible things. it’s hard to not believe these things when they are constantly nagging at you. im scared im not with the right person. im scared that im not attracted to him enough, im scared we don’t have enough in common and im scared we don’t think the same way. im scared im supposed to be with someone else and that i am hurting him by lying. and im terrified i am lying about my sexual orientation and using him to deny my true thoughts. im scared i am actually bisexual or lesbian. i think i can accept being bisexual more than being a full blown lesbian, but it’s still scary. im not sure if i am actually bisexual or if i just have intrusive thoughts. and i don’t know what to do from there if i am. if i am bisexual that means to me i have to be with a woman? even though i don’t want to and i’ve never seen myself with a woman. i keep replaying memories with girls and if i showed any signs. and then i get scared that because i was aroused by “specific” porn that it means i am lesbian. all of these things make me feel like a horrible person for treating my boyfriend this way, lying to myself, and for being so confused. it’s exhausting. i don’t even know where to start to get help. im scared that i have had OCD my whole life, and if i have, i’m scared a lot of my feelings and thoughts weren’t even real. im scared when i liked a boy, it was actually my OCD. im scared that when i’ve been attracted to something, it was just my OCD. i don’t know what to do

Does anybody feel like they have to try and force their real sexuality? I am straight but my so-ocd makes me believe I am bi or lesbian. For a few days I keep forcing the fact I'm straight and forcing my feelings to other people to make them believe I am straight and not bi or lesbian. I have a big worry at the moment about people thinking I am bi or lesbian as I feel if they believe I am then that means I am and I also don't want to live and have people think of me differently then I am. I think this has come from telling my parents my worries and about my ocd. Is this normal? Has anyone else with so-ocd felt like this? And done this? I hope someone can help

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be able to have a healthy relationship with a significant other because every time I enter one my ocd kicks in and I end up becoming the toxic one. They get tired of always trying to reassure me and I know they aren’t supposed to but they also don’t care to know that. I’m just so sad and so miserable I wish the guy I loved loved me the way I love him. I wish he cared about me. But I also wish I could let him go. But I’m just so obsessed with the idea of us I can’t let it go and it’s driving me crazy.

I really don't know if this is denial or so-ocd. It's really upsetting me. When I'm not in an ocd episode I don't worry about liking girls or if I'm in denial because my mind knows it's not the case and that I'm straight, but I feel like I could have just been lieing. Before this episode of so-ocd I have never in my life felt attracted to a girl and never felt the way I do about men towards women. But now I'm in this cycle my mind thinks I'm just starting to realise that I actually like girls when I have no prove of liking them and the actual idea of it doesn't sit right with me, i dont think. But I worry that I'm lieing to myself and actually I'm in denial. It feels so real! How do I know it's so-ocd or denial? The idea of me being in denial makes me feel really uncomfortable and anxious and like I would be saying that to just say it but then I'm unsure. How can I help this?

Does anyone suffer from a mixture of magical thinking and harm, whereby you think if you don’t do something a certain way a family member or friend will die? I find it difficult to purchase things or to write cards etc anything with some permanence as I think the thoughts will contaminate that thing and come true at some point. I have been doing ERP and it has been very very difficult but I still struggle. This is also coupled with scrupulously and a fear of the supernatural and some aspects religion (despite me not being religious really) - incase anyone also has that! Would love to connect with others for some support.

I lost attraction to my partner and I couldn’t look at him without thinking about that. I couldn’t have sex with him anymore because I felt guilty that I wasn’t into him that much. I also couldn’t stop thinking about other flaws he had even though ultimately he had way more good to him and we got along so well and we have so much love for each other. I’m bisexual and more into women than men, so also couldn’t stop thinking about women more. I feel guilty saying this out loud and it makes me sound like a terrible person. I love my boyfriend a lot but I broke things off because 1) I can’t be a good partner while dealing with all of this and 2) he deserves to have someone that really loves him without having these doubts. He doesn’t hold this breakup against me but I also couldn’t tell him everything I was feeling because I know it would hurt his feelings a lot. The breakup is not totally permanent and we could get back together if we decide it’s best but for now we agreed it would be best to focus on our own mental health first. But after this breakup I got incredibly sad and was reminded of all the reasons I was with him and why he is so great. Though I just can’t shake the lack of attraction. Id do a checking compulsion to check my attraction to him by staring at him in person or obsessively going through pictures of him to see if he is attractive. He is a handsome guy but I just can’t see it as much anymore and this feeling has persisted for almost 6 months! I thought it would go away but it didn’t and it just got worse. I don’t know if I made the right decision. But I also don’t know if I was making the right decision to be in a relationship. Now my question is.. how do you deal with these doubts in the context of a relationship? Because I ultimately have to make a decision about whether or not to get back together, and because it affects and involves another person and I don’t want to lead him on or waste our times, I can’t just accept that I don’t know like I can with other types of OCD. It’s causing me more distress to deal with these thoughts in a relationship than to not. Though i know my OCD will latch onto something else if I don’t start ERP. Thankfully I am starting soon.

Tried erp a week ago and failed within a week, I struggle with totally commuting the erp with whatever thoughts are in my mind at the time , It feels like I’m stuck at the bunjee jump board and can’t trust and just jump if that makes sense , how do people Just do erp

1. It’s okay if what might work for others, doesn’t work for you. It doesn’t mean you won’t find something that will or that you can’t get better. You will find things that help your ocd and you will get better, I promise. 2. You may not have a support network around you that is helpful to your OCD, like myself. And you should all know that just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you aren’t trying. You’re here and not giving up, and you deserve to be proud of that. 3. You are not your OCD. It doesn’t matter what your OCD is telling you, if everyone in the world was what their OCD was telling them, there wouldn’t be success stories of recovery. And I promise you aren’t the exception. Everyone at some point has felt that they must be the exception, that’s unfortunately part of the process. It doesn’t mean it’s true. Everyone who has recovered has done so in spite of feeling like they must have been the exception. You *will* feel like yourself again. 4. Just because there are people out there and around you who don’t understand OCD does not make you odd. There is no “normal” vs “weird.” Millions of people deal with this, anyway. You aren’t an odd one out. 5. You aren’t weird for your own specific hyper-specific OCD thoughts. OCD can pick up on anything. It’s the lint-roller mental disorder. You aren’t a “weird” ocd-er.

I was focused on a vid of women my age and above doing explicit things… I kept getting intrusive thoughts that I didn’t notice… then I started getting a physical groinal response… and by the time that happened I had noticed the intrusive thoughts… my HOCD is saying I’m in denial because of this… when I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…

I don’t know how to tell my friends about my ocd mental illness I feel like they are going to think I’m a creep and not want to be around me anymore

Hello! I am new to this app even though I have struggled with OCD almost all my life. I am a college student, almost twenty years old plagued with intrusive thoughts mostly dealing with sexuality and real events. I am happy that I will get to know people who also has OCD and will not make me feel alone. As a starter, how old are ya’ll and how was your experience with this distressful mental illness? I hope all of ya’ll are having a peaceful day 😊

Hi, I’m hoping someone can help me please. Does anyone have any resources for loved ones to help them understand OCD and how to help (not reassure). My parents are struggling to understand what I’m dealing with, and I don’t really know how to explain to them. They also don’t understand why giving reassurance would be unhelpful for recovery.

Hi everyone, I'm really struggling with harm ocd and I searched it up on Google and I got led here. I just really want someone to talk to about it because I'm really scared.

Hello, my name is Landon and I would like to tell you my story. Before I get into that I would like to say that there is possible triggers in this post. As a child I never showed any signs of any OCD symptoms or had any tendencies or obsessions. Back in September of 2022 I was in one of my classes. In this class we talk about crime scenes and forensics, well one day my friends asked me if I seen the Jeffery Dahmer crime scenes. I hadn’t at this point of time, curiosity beat me. So I looked it up. I was in utter shock. I cried and felt scared to know that there was a victim my age. Then I watched an interview he had with a news channel. He talked about different things and the striking “what if” entered my mind. After the what if it became images of my family and friends in my mind in the way those people were. And the kicker of it all was I saw myself being the cause of their harm. I cried for days at a time and didn’t enjoy anything I used to enjoy. After me staying home from school for a week my Mom knew something was seriously wrong. So I went to my pediatrician, which is where I learned of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My doctor told me I wasn’t alone and that there was a kid just like me. The only difference being my obsessions are I’m scared I will do what Jeffery Dahmer did. Once she told me I wasn’t alone I felt relief and peace. I was prescribed with Zoloft (Sertraline) and have started taking 50 mg of it. And while the thoughts still roar loud in my head I don’t feel like the hopeless boy I was before. I am growing and changing and learning about life. So if your reading this first of all thank you for reading my story, and I want you to know there is hope for you. Whoever you may be I wish you peace and love. Thanks guys have a nice day/night.

I really need to ask a question it’s really stressing me out😞

Did anyone looked back on their life and seen how OCD has manifested and changed throughout their life? I remember being a kid and being terrified of monsters well into being 13. My nighttime routine became more and more ritualistic and elaborate. The reassurance from my parents became useless and I remember having to sleep with my lights on and the radio going. Eventually that wasn't enough. Vivid disturbing images of monsters staring at me, ready to strike the second I wasn't paying attention. That urge to think of a monster otherwise I would be surprised by one. Growing up religious and being told you can sin against God in your head was the other thing I delt with. Having horrible blasphemous thoughts that had me crying out to God for forgiveness. Terrified I'd accidentally commit the unpardonable sin. Doing everything possible to assure myself God wouldn't cast me into hell to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. Then as I got older I got I remember it switched to social aspects. The fear I'd roll my eyes during a heavy conversation with someone pouring their heart out to me. The fear I'd flip off my teacher in class. That I'd lose control and scream out a swear word or call a classmate a racial slur. I would go through the day reminding myself to press my lips together tight and keep my hands in my pockets as often as I could to reduce the risk of doing those terrible things. Then as I got older and began to understand I didn't just like guys and going through the motions of that while being Christian was hard. I'd remember being told time and time again that the "spirit of homosexuality" wouldn't be satisfied until I had committed every sexual deviancy and fill me with rage towards God. I was told it was only a matter of time until my attraction towards women would expand and I would soon be attracted to children. Then it would branch out to animals, babies and dead people. You can imagine what my OCD latched onto after being told all that when growing up. I remember feeling so out of place in my early years. If I were to describe myself in one word back then it would be: coward. No one I knew had the same "fear issues" I had. Everyone was afraid of the monster under their bed when they were 6, not till they were 13. Everyone got nervous in a dark room, but I was the one that couldn't tolerate it. Everyone around me would express their fear, but it didn't control them like mine did. I desperately wish I knew that this was OCD the whole time and could've gotten help for it back then instead of beating myself up for being a burden still afraid of the dark with horrible social anxiety. But now I know, I'm 21 and I now have so much mercy for myself. I wasn't a coward, I was just undiagnosed. If OCD wasn't just presented as germaphobia and perfectionism, maybe I could've been saved a lot of heart ache. Just wondered if anyone else had struggled with OCD as a kid like me and had the same strange experience understanding what they felt wasn't normal.

y’all, some of my mental compulsions (making up scenarios and checking) have gotten so automatic following triggers that I don’t even experience the feeling of anxiety that originally led me to start doing this compulsion… …now it’s the realizing that I’m doing the compulsion that causes me anxiety. (for example, sometimes my partner will express something kind to me. I’ll briefly smile and appreciate it, but I’ll automatically imagine “well, what if it were someone else instead of him? would you like that better?” and briefly imagine that scenario and check how I’m feeling. sometimes I don’t even get all the way through checking because I’m disgruntled that I’ve done the scenario thing without realizing I’ve taken that mental step.) so, I don’t know how to catch myself between the trigger and the compulsion, in order to sit with the feeling of discomfort, if it’s just a habit at this point, where there’s barely a feeling to sit with at all until after the compulsion occurs. but I still don’t want these mental patterns following me around! I just want to enjoy feeling love from him and loving him back.

I did something i Think is really bad…. But why? How? Why would i do something that i now find my self having bad suicidal thoughts over. Because of alcohol? It’s shouldn’t change you that much? Doing something and the the next Day thinking your life is over… i know how my Braun works i must have known it would end in this… Am i just so selfish so broken and bad? Do I hate myself so much and was willing take others down in my fall? Did I think it might be okay because my brain is damaged from drinking? Has all this insane guilt from ocd numbed me until I don’t know what’s right or wrong?? I’m so confused it’s like right after I get over an episode I do something to immediately fuck up my entire life, and this time the morning after I think… this is real this is not ocd I did that I made that huge mistake…. And then I go numb straight into reassurance seeking and damage control.. but I’m just numb and start thinking about suicide…. I’m told no one was hurt, but what if they knew my side of the story then they might. Idk I’m honestly just so fucking disappointed in myself I really had a chance for a meaningful good life and I blew it up I think I came out of the womb wrong honestly or at least out of 6th grade wrong Anyways I keep ruminating on all of this, how bad was it, what was my intentions, was someone hurt, should I confess to the person I might have hurt, what my thoughts were? How drunk was I? Am I bad to the bone? Idk i think i might need hospitalization. But im not sure I really deserve any help especially from friends, i feel like a Fraud, like they All tell me im good but they dont know. I dont Think there is any coming back from this, i just smoke weed and nicotine and other things to numb everything as best ss i Can, putting on a brave face but really im seriously considering calling psyk. I don’t want to burden my family anymore and I know if I killed myself I would only cause even more pain which defeats the point of regretting having caused pain. But I’m barely hanging on. I’m supposed to go back to school in 4 days and the person who I may have hurt or at least could have hurt idk is going to be there…. I can’t just pretend, I will just end up getting high everyday and wasting all the money my dad pays for me to go there. I don’t know why I even wrote this, I guess I just need to know if someone relates, especially to the intentions/ doing things you know maybe you’ll regret badly