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I am very scared to go on medicine. Can I hear some positive stories about medicine and how it made it so you could live your life again? I could really use it:(

Hi All - I have OCD, anxiety and depression but after a couple years on meds and therapy have been doing fairly well so decided to slowly go off my medicine. Well, I was doing really well and now five days post going off meds I’m really struggling today. Anxious, crying, panic mode intrusive thought triggers and overall overwhelming feeling. I’m almost wondering if my fears of going off medicine have just spilled over and my OCD is triggering this feeling. Or if I made the wrong decision and that going off medication to balance me out is just where I need to be right now. Just really hard to be present Anyone else been through this? Any advice or ways to process. Going to get back into therapy for sure and support groups.

has anyone else done this as part of ERP? my therapist is having me write down all my compulsions and the thoughts associated with them. so far (since monday) i’ve written 21 different things. i don’t know if that’s a bad sign…

I'm not holding on. The thoughts are just pulling me down. I don't understand how I'm failing at this. I know what the thoughts are, I know not to engage them, but I'm only sinking deeper into a hole I know I won't be able to get out of. This has happened before but it's so much worse now. I don't know why I keep failing despite all the tools I have to deal with this. It just feels like I'm lying to myself trying to do ERP and letting the feeling pass. If this really is OCD then why are my methods not working?

Good morning everyone! I’ve had ocd since I was you get but only recently have been diagnosed. My main theme is my relationship. At the moment, I’m struggling really hard because I saw a post where it states, “a man can change. But only for one women.” Though, I have changed for my current partner, when I saw the video I was afraid of thinking about another women. A women my partner is very insecure about. I’m not sure if I liked the video at first but I feel like I liked it, then unliked it, then went back and liked because it is true for me as far as me changing for my current partner. But I fear like when I first liked it, it meant I was thinking about someone else. I also feared that what if I liked it because I think that being with someone else will make my ocd easier. It’s a whole mess and I’m feeling super guilty. Like horribly. I don’t feel like doing anything.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

It’s so wild how millions of us around the world, from different cultures, different upbringings all experience the same problem (OCD) and we see people share their experiences which are so similar to ours and yet our own experience of OCD still feels so unique to the sufferer. Atleast that’s how it feels for me. I wish we could all just be like “oh yeah it’s the mental illness” and then snap out of it and never worry again. Wishing you all the best on your recovery journeys and that we give ourselves radical self-compassion for suffering from thoughts

I have been thinking about phobias I experience that are definitely partly because of ocd lately so I wanted to talk about them. At this point I think I have had 4 phobias, 2 I've worked on but they're not fully managed but I won't talk about those. I have 2 phobias that plague my everyday and they're both tied to contamination and health themes of my intrusive thoughts. My most prominent phobia is maggots, parasites and anything related to that. I can trace it back to seeing an infested deer carcass when I was a kid. It is uncomfortable to talk about but manageable so I guess I'm also talking about it as an exposure exercise. It used to only be seeing videos or them irl that scared me but it's evolved. I don't wanna go places with increased risk, I'm terrified of anything under my skin even my veins trigger me sometimes. I'm irrationally scared of scabies and even looking at drawings now makes my hands feel infested. I know at this point I should probably get some professional help for this as it's only gotten worse and I plan to eventually. Im also scared about anything being in my food like worms in apples or food looking strange. I've recently realized I likely have emetophobia, or the fear of vomiting and being sick. My relationship with food is very hard and I've actually pushed some boundaries this year which I'm really proud of. But if I see mold in real life? I get very triggered. I'm also the type of person with ocd that can't finish their tea or use the last bit of condiments because they feel like they will make me sick. I think I've been trying to deny that I have this fear because it was "typical"? I don't really know why that matters to my brain. As far as I can remember food has only made me vomit once and that's not the type of food I'm scared of. But when I do vomit it's typically a very violent experience and I was sick twice last year where I threw up which I think has just driven my phobia to become more solid. I'm talking vomiting so hard I would cry from the back pain I got. I don't often talk about my phobias publicly because I don't believe others should have the ammo to force me to have exposure therapy at any time THEY choose. Today I noticed some leftovers were moldy and got very triggered. It is the moment where I realized I do have this phobia. But I have been very strong this week and I managed to put it in a trash can (withouth washing my hands or rubbing them or anything after :D) and I tried eating something small to feel more comfortable getting actual food. I still got very triggered but I think acknowledging this made it easier to do some exposure and not engage in compulsions! I'm very proud of myself and I think I will talk to my family and friends about this soon so I can maybe figure out how to do some exposure for it. I don't think I can do much about my maggot phobia withouth professional help it's been with me since I was a little kid but maybe I can nip this emetophia in the bud before it evolves.

I have been having strange and terrifying thoughts about my own consciousness, what is self/ego etc. I am starting erp therapy but the thought of the ACT part particularly has triggered me as it utilitises mindfulness which i believe is part of what got me in this state of hyperawareness in the first place. I am not completely against mindfulness but i am really scared and confused about the prospect of 'observing' thoughts and accepting them without interfering because it is too close for comfort to the spiritual/no self stuff im trying to forget. Anyone else had any similar concerns or who has any idea what im talking about!? Getting worked up about this is increasing the feelings of depersonalization which us something else i really don't want.

The what ifs are really bothering me today. I was about to go to sleep last night and it all came back and hit me at once. I hate myself and I hate this. When I was a teenager I didn’t realize. I had no bad intentions and you would think that would be enough for someone to get through this because I know myself and I know I meant no harm when I was younger. But it’s so scary to me. The “what ifs” terrify me. I understand that it would be completely different for someone who has bad intentions and does whatever they want to without a thought in the world but me I didn’t know. I’m not trying to make an excuse either I legit had no clue. It’s embarrassing really to talk about but I’ve talked about it briefly before on here but I just can’t get it out of my head. I’m so so terrified. If I could go back and change everything knowing what I know now and didn’t then, it wouldn’t even be a problem now. I have watched Chrissie Hodges on real event ocd and she even said that when you are young, you aren’t emotionally mature and things happen. I know that when you have ocd and you get older you realize what happened and it attaches to it and makes you obsess over it. I’m so upset. I’m about to go on vacation in a week and now I’m back to having thoughts of I don’t deserve to go or be happy. My mom said yesterday that I deserve to be happy and I just looked at her and said really you think so? And she said yes and she literally knows everything about me, the ocd, the real events, my themes, everything. So when she said that I didn’t believe her but it meant a lot to hear it. I just wish I could believe it and what others have said when they told me I was being too hard on myself and needed to let it go. That I was punishing myself enough. I really don’t want what the ocd tells me to be true 💔

Long story time, apologise in advance. When I was maybe thirteen or fourteen, I started experiencing really bad bullying at school and was called 'gay' on a daily basis. I believe this caused me to internalise a lot of the concerns but I wouldn't say that this was when OCD really started. I still continued to fancy girls and want their attention. Anyway I had a few relationships at school age. First girlfriend cheated on me with a girl when she realised she was a lesbian, which triggered off a mixture of thoughts including 'maybe I turned her gay' and 'you can become gay'. Then my second girlfriend ended up cheating on me when she started working at a gym, which gave me a real kind of inferiority complex around any guys who had a 'gymbod' or were physically attractive. Then I got really bad acne, which I now understand triggered BDD, I spent hours picking my skin and caused me to have a bad self-image problem, causing scarring that still gives me social anxiety today. I started dating my wife/ Girlfriend at the time, and after six months of a fantastic relationship, I had checked my self because of bleeding from the backpassage - and touching this sensitive area triggered a 'am I gay' question that triggered HOCD. Thing is, I still wanted to be with my girlfriend. She broke my heart once when we split up for a few weeks that devestated me, and there were even a few occasions where I've been tempted to sleep with other women (not that I would act on it.) Eventually, through trial and error the HOCD fears were mostly completely gone and certainly since my kids have been born, the thoughts and worries didn't concern me, although they might pop up from time to time, they weren't enough to start me ruminating. I have however continued to suffer with other anxiety disorders and obsessions, mostly related to health. 'Is this cancer' type fears. To be honest I thought the HOCD thing was gone forever, and I felt the best I've felt in decades, but I was walking in an evening ten days ago and suddenly got hit by a 'what if OCD came back' and almost immediately I feel like I've been cast back into an ocean of fear and anxiety. Logically it makes no sense. I've been eyeing up women all these years, I've got married, had kids, I was very happy. I've enjoyed the thought of being with other women, although I never would have done it. I've never had any desire to start looking at gay porn or have a relationship with a man in all of the better years I've had without stress and anxiety - and yet now I'm questioning EVERYTHING. I'm questioning every memory. Every feeling. Every past incident. It feels so real again. I know it doesn't even make sense. Even the way this started again makes it likely to be OCD, but I can't shake the thought that I'm lying to myself. I've been so suicidal this past week. I've felt like ending it. Getting support in the UK is so difficult. I can't live like this anymore.

My pocd and false memory ocd was saying i was 14 when the extremely horrible real events i did occured… when i remember myself being 13… What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

Back to thinking about mistakes I’ve made and how it’s gonna effect my relationship. I’ve already talked to him about my worries and the fact that I fucked up in December, that I did something I wasn’t proud of and the guy I’m seeing said “I don’t care about your past, I’m here for you present and future” but the thing is my mistake was with someone he knows, I barely knew the guy I’m speaking to when it happened, I’m fact we had only had one conversation and it was that night when we were both drunk. The mistake I made was the worst thing I’ve ever done, I was completely drunk to the point some parts of the night are blurry, and I was too drunk to even do what I did (the guy I did it with was driving a car so probably should’ve said no), I apologised for my mistake and even owned up to it, I did what I had to to make it right. But my brain keeps saying to me that he’s lying and when he does potentially find out then he’s gonna hate me forever, even though I’ve cried in his arms about how much it hurts that I made that mistake. All this has been brought on by the fact he went to the pub last night with the guy it happened with. I can’t keep thinking like this! Everyone around me keeps saying look the past is the past you can’t help that if he can’t understand that you fucked up but grew from it then that’s on him, it wasn’t like we were together when it happened you barely knew him! Do he can’t really be angry at me and I love him so deeply that I don’t want to loose him

Not sure about you guys, but I’ve been desperately looking for a job since last December and I’ve had no luck. The uncertainty of whether or not I’ll find a job drives me nuts and triggers my OCD like nothing else has before. At the beginning of my job search, it was the typical I’m afraid to do it response from OCD. But I realized that a good way to treat the issue was through exposure and applying for jobs. Just put myself out there and eventually something will land… right? Well… it’s been 6+ months already and 300+ job applications in. And not a single interview. Just a bunch of automated rejection emails or at best, a recruiter saying “I’ll forward this resume to the hiring manager” but I get ghosted in the interview process. Not sure what else I can do to treat the anxiety at the point. No job=worthless=loser=no $$ or so I’m led to believe by my OCD. I’m also getting the “you’re lazy” response from those around me whenever I tell them I still haven’t found a job. I’m staring down a black bottomless abyss at this point. Is there something else I can do to treat my OCD? Should I just accept the worst case scenario that I’ll never find a job and I’ll be indeed worthless?

My intrusive thoughts are telling me that im repressing my attraction when i dont ever want to ever be attracted to men in any way…

Sometimes I feel like my partner is a trigger, if that makes any sense. Like he does everything right and is so sweet but when I FaceTime him I get triggered. Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone?

So while in the bathroom today, I was cleaning myself and had my clothes on the closed toilet and my hands were wet. I didn't want to get my clothes wet while I was cleaning and I had to go. The urge was there and... I urinated in the sink because I thought it would be convenient in the moment. I don't prefer the sink over the toilet by any means though I know there's people that do. I've done this before in the past and didn't feel guilty from what I remember but I do now. At one point it really heightened my anxiety but it went away. I see it as the same as urinating in the shower but again it's not something I would prefer over the toilet. The toilet is the main use for me but I just thought in this moment it wouldn't be a big deal to go and make sure the entire area is clean afterwards

Need to vent. So my boyfriend who I was dating for a few months decided to ghost me out of nowhere instead of just break up with me. Haven’t heard from him in over a week and he’s been posting IG stories so I unfriended him and assume that’s just his immature way of saying he lost interest. I’m 29 I’m too old for this shit and even though he was a little younger he seemed mature/like a different person when we first got together. I know that means it’s for the best this happened sooner than later but it still hurts :( any positive insight or advice would be appreciated🥺

when we randomly get intrusive thoughts/images it's because our ocd brain is constantly in alert to scan potential non-existent threats out of everything. This behaviour is reinforced everytime we answer to these threats. If we react to them and start thinking that they actually mean something, the brain will be actively in the look out for these "threats" anytime anywhere and make them appear out of thin air even in the most ridiculous and illogical way possible. We can reduce this constant vigilance by refusing to aknowledge future threats (intrusive thoughts, triggering scenario/episode)

Ok sorry this is kinda a quick post just desperate for help. Any advice anyone who can provide some help or advice. I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed and suicidal at the moment so writing this isn’t easy, I’m struggling to find the words to describe how I’m feeling right now, so I’m just gonna lay it out as it is. Although I haven’t been formally diagnosed with ocd I have allot and I mean allot of the symptoms. My life and mental state is horrible and it’s hard. Ur I try and get get by with the good things in my life. Sorry I’m not here for a pity party or sob story. I know you all are better and have enough to worry about. Basically I had a friend who was 14 and I met when I was 17. We talked for a few months and while we where pretty chill out conversations sometimes involved more suggestive things. Talking as teenagers do. However as I was getting close to being 18 I knew I had to stop this out of morals and my own judgement. So I did. Or so I thought, I’m my opinion what i said here was wrong and my ocd if I even have it is telling me I’m a creep and some monster who deserves to die and suffer. Basically now I was at the time 18 we where playing Truth and dare. Classic party game for boring nights. And I asked what there best pickup line was. I responded to there’s with “aha that was funny” and moved on. I just feel the dare I said was sexual or inappropriate to ask them. And I feel horrible so horrible I can’t even begin to explain it. I feel hopeless and I’m slowly losing grip of myself. I don’t wanna seem like I’m begging or asking for reassurance but any semblance of hope would help. Or advice honestly I would be great full for both. Thank you for reading whoever you are and i hope ur day is going better than mine.