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Hi guys what theaprist do you recommend for rocd on here?

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

I knew from a young age I was gay. Though I actively resisted it. As a Christian I was taught to take captive my thoughts and resist it. I tried very hard, had panic attacks, and ended up trying to “pray the gay away”. Two years ago, on a Psycedelic trip, I had the thought that I’m a woman. It repeated a few times until it stuck and I looped. I have been in intense therapy this past 2 years where I got diagnosed with ocd. I’m only starting proper ERP this week. But, I can’t help but feel sometimes that I am just repeating history with trying to push away these thoughts about being trans. It gets so confusing inside. I just want it all to be over :(

The hocd pocd and especially the real events ocd hurt like a truck… it hurts so much… like im just constantly suffering… i feel so alone… and broken… and just… done… i have no one who cares… no one who understands… no one… also… its one week till my birthday… ill be turning 22… its also been my three year anniversary of when my intrusive thoughts first emerged… (may of 2020) happy days everyone…

Venting: I‘ve been suffering from some type of ocd and tourettic-ocd for 2 years now. I’m not diagnosed with ocd yet but I am trying to get the dx. I had a therapist when everything first started but I’m very ashamed and embarrassed of my obsessions so I had never brought it up with my therapist. I regret it and wished I did. My Tourette’s had gotten severe and I ended up on a antipsychotic called risperdal the help my tics. The medication had also help with my ocd symptoms and I thought that it was almost a miracle. I am off the medication because of side effects reasons and now my ocd is getting worse again. Around this time my therapist stoping being my therapist because our contract ended. I recently told my mother the half truth of that I might have tourettic-ocd and maybe we can hurry up and reschedule my monthly psych appointment. So I do have plans of talking to a psychiatrist about it alone but I want validating reassurance pronto. So I recently contacted my old therapist to try to get the reassurance I want (I had still have her phone number). I tried telling her that I think I been suffering from ocd. I was so nervous and anxious about telling her, I thought that she be mad, hate me, tell me that I’m wrong about ocd and I’m just a horrific person. I did my best not to panic, even tho I felt like vomiting. I right when I told her she cut me off and told me that she doesn’t deal or have any experience with ocd, she said that need to talk to my mother, talk my psychiatrist and just don’t stress about it then the call was over. I cried and had a breakdown about it. Ig she did her job… but I can’t stop overthinking of what she might think of me now and stuff. I really wanted someone to just reassure and validate me. And I’m now stuck waiting for my psych appointment. I titled this, “am I really trying to get help” because the next step of trying to get help is to tell my mother. I’m afraid that if I do tell mom, her reaction would be worse than my therapists. My mother is apart of why I do want help but I just can’t tell her. I have many repetitive intrusive thoughts of violence and harm to my own mother. I’m stuck doing compulsions trying to cleanse and get rid of these horrific thoughts. Each day as more stress builds on and on, I feel like everything is getting worse and worse I truly do want to get help but I just can’t let my mom finds out. And if I get even worse she might start to notice more and more. In the beginning I say that I spend atleast 40 minutes a day doing compulsions and 8 hours a day intrusive thoughts invading my mind. Now it’s probably over 1 hr 30 mins doing compulsions and almost all day with intrusive thoughts. I don’t want this to get to the point it’s interfering with my constantly

I feel like every pretty girl I see I’m gonna have a crush on her. Please I really want to be straight but even when I’m doing okay I still the strong attraction. What do I do to get rid of it? Really feel my identity is bisexual not straight

i’m a huge HUGE fan of horror movies. they’re like my favorite thing in the world. i’ve been trying to lean into it lately — i stopped a long time ago because of my obsessions. it’s still tough but i’ve managed to get through a lot of horror movies this week. it’s so strange — i used to love this stuff, and i still do, but it’s not nearly the same. but maybe that’s ok. are any of y’all fans? i watched The Cabin in the Woods for the first time this week and LOVED it

Sigh. Got through a day at work with lots of triggers, then at the very end of the day I was in the lunchroom with a coworker (who I really admire!)... she has scratches all over her arms from her cats. I have a few days old, deep crack on my palm from dry skin... quite sure it's never bled--and therefore not an open wound--but still... Had a conversation with her, brought up my stupid fear of hep C, and before we parted got reassurance that I did not touch her. She said I was all good. Did brain like that? No. Gave in and asked again via text (I feel bad about that... but I tried not to. I should get her a card or something to say thanks/sorry). She said I did not touch her at any point. Does brain like that? For a split second it did. Now it's taking issue with the wording of my text, saying I should have been specific about her scratches. "Did not touch at any point" means NOT AT ALL, BRAIN. Get it through those greasy lumps of yours! Not only that, but I do not touch people, let alone their wounds!! And definitely not with mine! Good lord. You're okay, girl. And so is the stuff you bought at work. Nobody will get the bad disease. ...hope knows that Monday's shift will bring 4730520 more triggers/ "exposures"... Oh but hey! I have not disinfected anything, despite all the stuff today! Not my phone, not my purse, not my shopping... Well you win some you lose some I guess. My referral to a psychiatrist was recieved, so just on the waiting game now!

How do you cope with this fear? I know it’s probably the same for any other fears but like death ocd it’s hard to accept it when it’s a fatality. There is no « maybe, even if » cause we will all be old and die. I’m 20 and I can’t see hope in life cause of those stupid fear..

I am very scared to go on medicine. Can I hear some positive stories about medicine and how it made it so you could live your life again? I could really use it:(

Hi All - I have OCD, anxiety and depression but after a couple years on meds and therapy have been doing fairly well so decided to slowly go off my medicine. Well, I was doing really well and now five days post going off meds I’m really struggling today. Anxious, crying, panic mode intrusive thought triggers and overall overwhelming feeling. I’m almost wondering if my fears of going off medicine have just spilled over and my OCD is triggering this feeling. Or if I made the wrong decision and that going off medication to balance me out is just where I need to be right now. Just really hard to be present Anyone else been through this? Any advice or ways to process. Going to get back into therapy for sure and support groups.

has anyone else done this as part of ERP? my therapist is having me write down all my compulsions and the thoughts associated with them. so far (since monday) i’ve written 21 different things. i don’t know if that’s a bad sign…

I'm not holding on. The thoughts are just pulling me down. I don't understand how I'm failing at this. I know what the thoughts are, I know not to engage them, but I'm only sinking deeper into a hole I know I won't be able to get out of. This has happened before but it's so much worse now. I don't know why I keep failing despite all the tools I have to deal with this. It just feels like I'm lying to myself trying to do ERP and letting the feeling pass. If this really is OCD then why are my methods not working?

Good morning everyone! I’ve had ocd since I was you get but only recently have been diagnosed. My main theme is my relationship. At the moment, I’m struggling really hard because I saw a post where it states, “a man can change. But only for one women.” Though, I have changed for my current partner, when I saw the video I was afraid of thinking about another women. A women my partner is very insecure about. I’m not sure if I liked the video at first but I feel like I liked it, then unliked it, then went back and liked because it is true for me as far as me changing for my current partner. But I fear like when I first liked it, it meant I was thinking about someone else. I also feared that what if I liked it because I think that being with someone else will make my ocd easier. It’s a whole mess and I’m feeling super guilty. Like horribly. I don’t feel like doing anything.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

It’s so wild how millions of us around the world, from different cultures, different upbringings all experience the same problem (OCD) and we see people share their experiences which are so similar to ours and yet our own experience of OCD still feels so unique to the sufferer. Atleast that’s how it feels for me. I wish we could all just be like “oh yeah it’s the mental illness” and then snap out of it and never worry again. Wishing you all the best on your recovery journeys and that we give ourselves radical self-compassion for suffering from thoughts

I have been thinking about phobias I experience that are definitely partly because of ocd lately so I wanted to talk about them. At this point I think I have had 4 phobias, 2 I've worked on but they're not fully managed but I won't talk about those. I have 2 phobias that plague my everyday and they're both tied to contamination and health themes of my intrusive thoughts. My most prominent phobia is maggots, parasites and anything related to that. I can trace it back to seeing an infested deer carcass when I was a kid. It is uncomfortable to talk about but manageable so I guess I'm also talking about it as an exposure exercise. It used to only be seeing videos or them irl that scared me but it's evolved. I don't wanna go places with increased risk, I'm terrified of anything under my skin even my veins trigger me sometimes. I'm irrationally scared of scabies and even looking at drawings now makes my hands feel infested. I know at this point I should probably get some professional help for this as it's only gotten worse and I plan to eventually. Im also scared about anything being in my food like worms in apples or food looking strange. I've recently realized I likely have emetophobia, or the fear of vomiting and being sick. My relationship with food is very hard and I've actually pushed some boundaries this year which I'm really proud of. But if I see mold in real life? I get very triggered. I'm also the type of person with ocd that can't finish their tea or use the last bit of condiments because they feel like they will make me sick. I think I've been trying to deny that I have this fear because it was "typical"? I don't really know why that matters to my brain. As far as I can remember food has only made me vomit once and that's not the type of food I'm scared of. But when I do vomit it's typically a very violent experience and I was sick twice last year where I threw up which I think has just driven my phobia to become more solid. I'm talking vomiting so hard I would cry from the back pain I got. I don't often talk about my phobias publicly because I don't believe others should have the ammo to force me to have exposure therapy at any time THEY choose. Today I noticed some leftovers were moldy and got very triggered. It is the moment where I realized I do have this phobia. But I have been very strong this week and I managed to put it in a trash can (withouth washing my hands or rubbing them or anything after :D) and I tried eating something small to feel more comfortable getting actual food. I still got very triggered but I think acknowledging this made it easier to do some exposure and not engage in compulsions! I'm very proud of myself and I think I will talk to my family and friends about this soon so I can maybe figure out how to do some exposure for it. I don't think I can do much about my maggot phobia withouth professional help it's been with me since I was a little kid but maybe I can nip this emetophia in the bud before it evolves.

I have been having strange and terrifying thoughts about my own consciousness, what is self/ego etc. I am starting erp therapy but the thought of the ACT part particularly has triggered me as it utilitises mindfulness which i believe is part of what got me in this state of hyperawareness in the first place. I am not completely against mindfulness but i am really scared and confused about the prospect of 'observing' thoughts and accepting them without interfering because it is too close for comfort to the spiritual/no self stuff im trying to forget. Anyone else had any similar concerns or who has any idea what im talking about!? Getting worked up about this is increasing the feelings of depersonalization which us something else i really don't want.

The what ifs are really bothering me today. I was about to go to sleep last night and it all came back and hit me at once. I hate myself and I hate this. When I was a teenager I didn’t realize. I had no bad intentions and you would think that would be enough for someone to get through this because I know myself and I know I meant no harm when I was younger. But it’s so scary to me. The “what ifs” terrify me. I understand that it would be completely different for someone who has bad intentions and does whatever they want to without a thought in the world but me I didn’t know. I’m not trying to make an excuse either I legit had no clue. It’s embarrassing really to talk about but I’ve talked about it briefly before on here but I just can’t get it out of my head. I’m so so terrified. If I could go back and change everything knowing what I know now and didn’t then, it wouldn’t even be a problem now. I have watched Chrissie Hodges on real event ocd and she even said that when you are young, you aren’t emotionally mature and things happen. I know that when you have ocd and you get older you realize what happened and it attaches to it and makes you obsess over it. I’m so upset. I’m about to go on vacation in a week and now I’m back to having thoughts of I don’t deserve to go or be happy. My mom said yesterday that I deserve to be happy and I just looked at her and said really you think so? And she said yes and she literally knows everything about me, the ocd, the real events, my themes, everything. So when she said that I didn’t believe her but it meant a lot to hear it. I just wish I could believe it and what others have said when they told me I was being too hard on myself and needed to let it go. That I was punishing myself enough. I really don’t want what the ocd tells me to be true 💔

Long story time, apologise in advance. When I was maybe thirteen or fourteen, I started experiencing really bad bullying at school and was called 'gay' on a daily basis. I believe this caused me to internalise a lot of the concerns but I wouldn't say that this was when OCD really started. I still continued to fancy girls and want their attention. Anyway I had a few relationships at school age. First girlfriend cheated on me with a girl when she realised she was a lesbian, which triggered off a mixture of thoughts including 'maybe I turned her gay' and 'you can become gay'. Then my second girlfriend ended up cheating on me when she started working at a gym, which gave me a real kind of inferiority complex around any guys who had a 'gymbod' or were physically attractive. Then I got really bad acne, which I now understand triggered BDD, I spent hours picking my skin and caused me to have a bad self-image problem, causing scarring that still gives me social anxiety today. I started dating my wife/ Girlfriend at the time, and after six months of a fantastic relationship, I had checked my self because of bleeding from the backpassage - and touching this sensitive area triggered a 'am I gay' question that triggered HOCD. Thing is, I still wanted to be with my girlfriend. She broke my heart once when we split up for a few weeks that devestated me, and there were even a few occasions where I've been tempted to sleep with other women (not that I would act on it.) Eventually, through trial and error the HOCD fears were mostly completely gone and certainly since my kids have been born, the thoughts and worries didn't concern me, although they might pop up from time to time, they weren't enough to start me ruminating. I have however continued to suffer with other anxiety disorders and obsessions, mostly related to health. 'Is this cancer' type fears. To be honest I thought the HOCD thing was gone forever, and I felt the best I've felt in decades, but I was walking in an evening ten days ago and suddenly got hit by a 'what if OCD came back' and almost immediately I feel like I've been cast back into an ocean of fear and anxiety. Logically it makes no sense. I've been eyeing up women all these years, I've got married, had kids, I was very happy. I've enjoyed the thought of being with other women, although I never would have done it. I've never had any desire to start looking at gay porn or have a relationship with a man in all of the better years I've had without stress and anxiety - and yet now I'm questioning EVERYTHING. I'm questioning every memory. Every feeling. Every past incident. It feels so real again. I know it doesn't even make sense. Even the way this started again makes it likely to be OCD, but I can't shake the thought that I'm lying to myself. I've been so suicidal this past week. I've felt like ending it. Getting support in the UK is so difficult. I can't live like this anymore.