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the NOCD Community

Its tough… dealing with hocd and pocd when you know you also have real events based on your kid and teen years… especially at night when your alone… but it is my birthday… ill try to make the most of it… but i feel extremely alone…

I also can't ever just have a day or time to myself. If I have any "downtime", my brain will constantly guilt me into thinking I am unproductive. I have recently taken on embroidery, so I can occupy my hands, but even doing that, my brain will not register as "productive" since I am just sitting and watching a show while doing the embroidery. It's as if my brain will mark anything that isn't a paying job or something that has some connection to a paying job or career, as a waste of time. I probably haven't felt peace doing nothing since high school and I am almost 29 now.

I don't seem to have a gut feeling and if I do, I cannot feel it bc of the overwhelming obsessive thoughts that scramble around in my brain. I can't make any decision without a war going on in my head. I've been so tired lately with all this, I just want to know peace. Does anyone who may have been suffering through this longer than I have any tips on how to have some sort of normalcy?

Ive had intrusive thoughts for 2 months now..And I just remember about serial killers and now I imagine myself doing those things to my family and I feel uncomfortable looking at them. And now im questioning if I like my thoughts or not and it’s just causing me more worry I’m even googling my symptoms but nothing is show up. I also get sexual intrusive thoughts about the serial killers and it’s horrible and scary someone please help me.

I have been doing fantastic and frankly I have to admit the thoughts have very little effect on me anymore, or at least I can manage to ignore them better But despite this and the anxiety being reduced, ocd is still one of the toughest thing ever. This thing is as resourceful as it can be It will use anything and everything to keep you in the loop, it’s manipulative, cunning and it’s your own brain playing against you Lately I have been dealing with SOOCD and TOCD and doing good despite them. I realized that a lot of the sensations you feel with ocd is just the result of you focusing on the thoughts and giving them importance If you get out of your own mind you’ll realize those are things you would never actually do

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely amazing, nothing could bring me down! However now I’m here having to take my medication that I haven’t taken in months to stop my heart rate causing me an anxiety attack. I’m stood in work trying not to cry, basically this lady who works here believes in spirits and that they talk to her and tell her this which I respect you believe what you want you want but she’s decided to tell me a few things that just don’t help my ocd and now I’m sat here feeling over anxious about every thought that goes through my head. Like a couple days ago she told me that the guy I’ve started seeing, who’s gotta pretty serious, that it’s gonna fizzle out. Something that I didn’t need to know, something that’s not attacking every breathing moment! And my sister was talking to her last night and she mentioned something about my nans death that only we would ever know! So now I’m sat here thinking we’ll is she got that right, what’s that say about me and my relationship. I love this boy, more than I ever thought I could, so loosing him hurts me so bad. As well as that I’m now incredibly stressed because his parents are really weird with him going out and him coming to see me, yet his other family members and siblings seem to be able to do whatever they want. And I hate questioning it because I don’t want to hate his parents or for him to think I do, but they are making it really difficult for us to be together, ever. He has told me it’s not me that’s the problem it’s just his parents but still it sits in your head thinking he’s lying and actually doesn’t want to be with me even though he’s made it very clear that’s not the case at all. Idk I’m really struggling rn and my ocd keeps taking a very bad turn and I want to talk to someone but I don’t have enough money for therapy and I’ve been to the doctors so much yet they don’t seem to do anything. So I’m stuck in this massive cycle of just pain and overthinking! I just want to enjoy my relationship with him, but it feel’s impossible in my head! He’s absolutely amazing and always reassures me, but it’s trying to help myself that I can’t seem to do. I can’t seem to reassure myself at all that life is life so whatever happens happens, my brain loves to think that just I can’t convince myself! I’m on edge as last year during this time I was having the biggest heartbreak possible, last summer broke me and I was lost in this land of depression that I got myself out of then met the most amazing guy who helped me clime the rest of the way out of my depression. So I’m scared that I’m gonna be living the same life I was last year and I keep constantly thinking about how I was feeling last year that it’s making me feel horrible this year, I’m not feeling as bad but I definitely have my moments and I’m trying so hard to enjoy my time with him and I am! Just I don’t want any of these thoughts to come true

I got three hours of sleep last night. Had recovered earlier from a massive panic attack yesterday but I feel awful and unmotivated to do anything. My heart is racing and every time I try to close my eyes to get some rest I just get delirious fever dream thoughts. I know this is OCD and I know what I actually think about what OCD is trying to use against me. I'm doing ERP and my medication is still ramping up, but I keep having really bad days. OCD is becoming more and more convincing each day, but I should be getting better. I think I need a perspective change on this. I'm really hurting emotionally and physically. I am lost and don't remember how I've gotten out of this before.

I was doing a compulsion and finally I think I did it right than ocd tried to force me to do it again if I won't do it again I will get as I was before years I ago which I fight a lot to never be in that state now I am afarid that If I don't do what ocd is telling me I will be bad again but I am afraid I will destroy the compulsion I am stuck idk what to do to please help I am so scared

My boyfriend and I are on a vacation with his friendgroup. Girls and boys. Those girls know each other very well and I didn’t when I first got to know them. I’ve seen them like 6 times now and are on vacation with his group. But I find it difficult to get in the group of girls. They’re very close. My boyfriend saw that and asked if I’m okay. Then we went to our private room and I started to cry because it was just overwhelming and I find it difficult and didn’t felt comfortable. He was really sweet and helped me and said he understand. But now I just feel stupid that I cried and I’m scared he thinks I didn’t like it. Which I do but I just find It hard and in the beginning it feels uneasy. I’m scared I will lose him because of this. And because of that crying and being insecure about this.

Hey everyone, I am just wondering if anyone else on here struggles with feeling like they should “confess” their intrusive thoughts? Obviously this is a form of reassurance and a compulsion but it’s so damn hard. I also have PTSD from being groomed and the trauma from telling people what happened to me. I find that my OCD latches into this and tells me that I have to “confess” my intrusive thoughts because it’s the same as not telling anyone about being groomed. Just wondering if anyone else finds that OCD and PTSD are constantly triggering each other? Big love to everyone fighting ♥️

although this seems small, i've made it about two days without asking my partner any reassurance and im so proud of myself. we were fighting a lot and it was giving me anxiety and made me feel like i had to constantly ask reassurance to make sure we were okay. i decided to do this to push myself and relieve my partner from the stress of reassuring me all the time, and i feel so much better. the first couple of hours were hard, but i now write them down and try my best to move on. i'm so happy with this experiment so far :)

I was on tik tok and on my fyp I saw a reddit video asking teachers what it was like to have a crush on a student. The teacher said she had a crush on a 7th grader but her therapist told her that It was her actions that defined her, not her feelings. She didn't pursue the kid or anything and kept boundaries. The comments were really grossed out, which I was too, but then I began to wonder if thats how I am with animals. I started worrying that I have an attraction to animals and that im just not wanting to accept my feelings and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'd never want to hurt or do anything sexual with an animal but I still get all these intrusive feelings and thoughts around my dog and other animals. I have this same obsession around fictional animals and it makes me so anxious. Like what if im attracted to fictional animal characters and just don't want to admit it? I cant even watch movies like the Lion King or anything without getting bad intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Like I'm afraid I'll find something horrible out about myself. Now I'm doubting if it's OCD at all .... or if I have OCD and still feel attraction, or something like that. All of this over a video. OCD is the worst.

Hi everyone, I’m a first time mom. I was diagnosed with anxiety for the first time in 2015 after my best friend and her mom passed in a car accident. Since then I have been terrified of being in a vehicle whether I’m the one driving or not. I have started having panic attacks the past year or so that come out of nowhere and feel like I’m going to die. I didn’t realize they were panic attacks until a few months ago. I thought it was an issue with my heart at first so I started obsessing over my heart( a few family members have heart problems) but they found nothing wrong. I had a baby 10 months ago and the past 3 months I keep feeling as if something terrible is going to happen to her, so I’m constantly checking her breathing, O2 levels etc. I checked some books out of the library the other day and had to fight myself not to use a sanitizer wipe on them(just in case someone was sick the last time they were checked out) and I’m constantly worried about having another panic attack (which usually results in another panic attack). Has anyone else gone through this after having a baby or am I completely off my rocker?

So, I want to get a job but that isn't easy without a license, and I want to finish college before I get a license because having a job to pay for car insurance plus full-time at college wouldn't be easy, but I'm not sure I'm really ready for college. And when people ask me what I'm doing, going to college or what, I just have to say "I'm taking a break from college" and the reason why is because of OCD and not feeling ready yet, but I can't tell them that because I know they wouldn't understand and few people even know I have OCD; and because that's all I say I feel like I sound lazy to them. The worst culprit of this is my dad who always asks me about what I am doing, and he doesn't know I have OCD because he isn't even understanding about simple things

Currently on the way up north and ocd is trying to get in the front seat with me. I’m acknowledging it’s there, it’s uncomfortable, but I am trying to sit with it. It’s a big trigger going back to where my ocd first started getting really bad but ofcourse ocd wants to latch onto things I love. It will be okay. Even if ocd gets bad again. Trying to tell myself I can do hard things. I just hate this anxious feeling in my chest.

Would love to hear how other mamas are doing with dealing with Postpartum OCD….Sometimes I feel like a danger to myself and my child or worse what if I acted on my intrusive thoughts! Looking for help/advice

I think something just hardcore triggered me and I really need help. What do I do? Do lean into this or try to ground myself? I feel like I'm going to pass out.

When I was 12 there was a girl in our school at first I was very excited to go with her... when our final exams were over I had cried a little becoz I will not be seeing her for few days... After few weeks we were again going school together.. But my excitement to go with her started fading away... Even when if I see her around I was not interested to talk.that's the story.... 10 years later I suddenly developed hocd.I am a straight women.. The same sex attraction I get now I know that's Becoz of hocd.. You know how it works.. But I am constantly worried about the event which happened 9 years ago... I am not sure how I felt for that girl.. All I remember was.. I was very excited to school with but that excitement faded away also.. My hocd constantly tells me that you were in love with that girl you are denying it.. What worries me even more that.. Why I didn't get anxiety back then.. I was pretty normal.. And that incident doesn't mattered to me at all before my hocd.. But after hocd that particular event of mine is a favourite thing of hocd to give me anxiety..

My brain always tells me I need to break up with my boyfriend in order to live out Gods will for my life. The thoughts in my head tell me that they are God talking and then I get confused between my thoughts and Gods voice. It is like I have to choose between God and my boyfriend. However that contradicts Gods word. God does not do ultimatums and He wants us to love like Jesus. I know I serve a good and loving God and He works for me, not against me. However, my brain seems to paint a picture of Him as ONLY a judge and if I don’t do what my thoughts say, ultimately He will just abandon me and I won’t live for His glory like I DESIRE to. Everything I try to do to get these thoughts to go away is only temporary and I don’t know how to make them stop or if they are God or my mind. Back story: I was recently saved in January of this year. I have become born again through Christ. Before that, I took Gods word on account some of the time but looked at it more like a suggestion rather than the way, the truth, and the life. I feel like I always need to be in control and not knowing exactly how my boyfriends heart with God is, is extremely uncomfortable for my OCD. I know I have to remember that I once was lost too, so I have no reason to think God won’t change his heart like He has changed mine. He is also a Christian but has had events go on in his life that has made him fall away. He still loves God and is a strong believer but not how he used to be. I see TikTok’s and instagram posts of Christians that say that a man of God won’t do this or that, or you will know if this man is sent by God. But how do I really know? However, I am not to judge. God is the only one that truly knows the hearts of His children but my OCD can’t seem to handle that. I experience many thoughts that I need to break up with him because he may not be on the same page as me quite yet. However, I can’t decipher whether that is my OCD or God because these thoughts repeat over and over in my mind until I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I get so confused and feel like the only way to stop them is just to listen and do what they say but then I feel I would be obeying my fear and not God. I do believe it is OCD but my thoughts continue to make me doubt the truth.

I just feel a bit nervous. (Picture of us camping up north last year for reference) So I know this is kind of random. And a weird trigger. But it’s coming up on a year since my ocd/ROCD began. I remember feeling anxious and having intrusive thoughts for weeks leading up to my panic attack that caused a downward spiral of depression. Every year me and my boyfriend go camping with his family in the top of Michigan on a property they’ve had for years and years. I remember sitting on the property and getting that deep anxious pit feeling that made me sick, intrusive thoughts swirling, etc. coming back from the trip is when everything got worse for me. I ended up very mentally depressed from the undiagnosed ocd symptoms for weeks. We are packing to go up for our yearly trip today, and going to be there tonight. I’m excited but I am also nervous, because of the ocd symptoms starting there, it’s kind of a trigger there for me if that makes sense? Which sucks, because I’ve always loved the place. But I’m gonna knuckle down, go up north for our yearly camping trip, and try to stay in the moment and focus on the now. I’m scared. But we will see how it goes. I’m just so scared of ocd getting bad again, as If it will magically just sky rocket all over again and then I’ll become extremely depressed. It’s all still so fresh in my brain even though I’ve come a long way since the diagnoses and when it felt like my brain completely broke. I’m just afraid. It doesn’t help that I’ve had the biggest back door spike in a LONG TIME the last three days (today being okay but still)