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working to conquer OCD
Feels like I am accepting the thoughts when I don't have a panicked response. It's like I feel like I want the thought even though I never would because of lack of anxciety. Assuming this is part of ocd?
Sorry, this might be very specific. I have this OCD theme where I'm afraid of supporting a problematic artist by accident. I really love music, its my number one coping mechanism and I tend to fixate on musicians that I love. I love learning about the history of my favorite bands or musicians and collecting merch. But I have this fear that I'll find out a musician is problematic and I'll be a bad person for liking them or their music still. I have this one artist I love, hes really helping with my mental health recently and provides me with safety and an escape and im afraid one of these days I'll find out something awful about him and have that ripped away from me. Does anyone else experience this?
TW // angel numbers // mention of death I was recently diagnosed with OCD caused by PTSD. I’ve never told anyone my story because I feel like it’s such a specific obsession/compulsion that not many people relate to. I want to tell my (extremely long) story in hopes that someone else who may be experiencing this won’t feel so alone. Over 10 years ago, I met a guy on Omegle. It was weird, but we continued to communicate over the years by coming in and out of each other’s lives. We never met in person, but we loved each other deeply. In 2020, I hadn’t talked to him for a while but I randomly saw a Snapchat story of his. He sent me a message shortly after saying “hey stranger” and we quickly reconnected. It was like no time had passed, but we had both been through some serious life experiences since the last time we had talked. Within months, we were talking about our relationship and our future together just like we did when we were younger, but this time we were old enough and had the means to carry out these plans. Shortly after, I noticed a change in his behavior. I saw him commenting on other girl’s posts while he was still telling me he was in love with me and while we were making plans to be together. I came to find out that he was on tinder. I confronted him and he claims he deleted it by sending me screenshots of it being deleted. I believed him. Weeks later, our communication ended. I felt sick and abandoned by the one person I’ve truly loved. Months later, he wished me a happy birthday and I said thank you out of obligation. 7 months later, I got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to check up on him. I went to his Instagram page and scrolled to the tagged photos. There it was- something I never thought I’d have to face. I saw multiple posts saying goodbye to him as he had passed away in an accident a couple weeks prior. I felt my world crash. No matter how bad he hurt me, I felt that the love of my life was gone and I would never get to meet him, touch him, hold him, kiss him, or experience life with him. All the things I had wished to experience with him were now just a dream. I started trying to find ways of coping with his death. I reached out to his mom and she told me that he had always said he was going to marry me. I couldn’t even imagine what his family was facing. I needed comfort in any way possible. Tiktok was becoming more popular at the time and so was the practice of spirituality and witchcraft. I ended up on that side of tiktok and indulged myself in it. I started asking the universe for signs and I started asking him to send me signs if he was okay. I asked him to send me 444 as a sign that he was with me. Within days, I was seeing 444 everywhere. I started relying on seeing 444 for comfort. I would talk to him as if he was near me. After some time, I met a new guy. In this situationship, I asked the “universe” or “my guides” for signs that meant specific things, such as 973 meaning that my relationship with this new guy would work out and that 733 meant we were soulmates. It started getting really out of hand. I would start my mornings scrolling through tiktok looking at the numbers of likes, comments, and shares on videos looking for these numbers. I needed to see these numbers every day because (in my mind), if I didn’t see it, we wouldn’t be together and I wasn’t okay with that. At first, it started off as numbers only meaning good things, but when I noticed something off in this new situationship, I asked for a sign of 358 if there was a “third party” involved (simply put- if he was seeing someone else). But I also asked for the sign of 235 if he wasn’t seeing someone else. I started seeing both of the signs, but it was confusing as the meanings were completely opposite and contradictory of each other. I started feeling crazy because I was seeing both of these signs. Over time, that situationship ended but I would still see the signs like 973, 733, 358, and 235. I felt crazy. A couple months later, I flew to a different state for a festival and reconnected with an old friend. I met him in 2008 and I remember being so head over heels for him (let’s call him A). I still think he was my first love. We “dated” in middle school, but it didn’t last long. We stopped contact and he got a girlfriend a couple years later. They were together for like 7 years, but he and I would talk every now and then just casually. We met up once or twice while they were together but just as friends. They broke up around 2019 and we got in contact again. I had moved a couple hours away from home, but he came to visit me in my new house. This was the first time we ever had hung out as more than friends. We would talk every few months and he mentioned he has moved to a different state (which brings me back to the beginning of this paragraph lol). I knew he lived in the state that I was going to for the festival, so I texted him and asked if he was available. I skipped a whole day and a half of the festival to see him. It was the happiest I had been in years. I remember the love I felt and I felt so alive. It felt like a break from the obsession with seeing angel numbers regarding my last situationship. I flew back home but A and I kept texting almost daily. We planned for him to visit a couple months later and he did. Then I went back out there a few months after that. Everything felt like it was getting serious with us. Soon enough, I started creating new angel numbers regarding the relationship with A. Like before, the numbers started out having only positive meanings. Come to today, I moved out to the state where he lives and we now live together. But I have constant fears from previous experiences. I ask the universe, spirit guides, God – whatever or whoever I’m asking – to show me numbers like 838 if he’s cheating or 482 if we’re going to break up. Some days, I see these numbers EVERYWHERE and I become so filled with anxiety and fear. I feel like I can’t escape it. Part of me shuts down like my world is ending. I look at every license plate I pass, every price tag, numbers or likes/comments/shares on social media posts, the time- anything with numbers. Often, I’ll open apps just to search for numbers like they’re a sign. I started becoming obsessed with asking pendulum readers and tarot readers on tiktok questions like “is he cheating”. One person said that he was being intimate with someone else and from that point on, I became obsessed with asking for a sign of 838 if he’s cheating or 228 if he isn’t. But I see both everywhere, it makes me feel like the universe is playing games with me. Here’s my biggest issue: Part of me wants to believe that these are just numbers and it doesn’t mean anything, but then that would mean that the good numbers don’t mean anything… like 443 meaning we’ll stay together happily, or 228 meaning he’s not cheating. I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been able to find treatment. I haven’t told A that I’m experiencing this… part of me wants to but I don’t know how he’d react. It’s like a constant battle. Anyways, if you’re here, thank you for reading. You’re officially the first to know my story ❤️ I hope it wasn’t a rambling mess.
I have been trying not to post on here but I really need some help. I have had ocd for 10+ years Had themes including, contamination, health, existential etc but only had one other debilitating episode But recently I had a thought that felt like a memory from 10+ years ago. It’s very egodistonic and hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I had extreme anxiety instantly and felt like somehow I had forgot about it all this time as it’s never crossed my mind before. However I know if it had I would have had extreme anxiety which I would have remembered and extreme anxiety after the “event”. I know I wouldn’t do what is in the “memory” but it feels so real It’s been 8 months since then and it has got worse and worse. I have never experienced anxiety and depression as severe as this. I can’t function anymore and feel like I can’t go on. How is this possible. If this is true how could I lived my whole life without thinking about it or any anxiety. It feels very real and no way I can disprove it. Has anyone experienced this? I’ve been doing therapy for 6 weeks with NOCD but I just can’t accept this. It’s unbearable. Is it possible OCD can make up vivid scenarios and then drop them on you. I’ve never done anything bad and can’t live with this. Sorry for the cry for help but I’m struggling so much. Why is my mind doing this? Has anyone recovered from this? Any information from people with similar experiences is greatly appreciated. Thank you
I feel like I have every form of OCD or have gone through it at some point. I’m almost 9 weeks pregnant and my OCD is bad. I’m trying to avoid my compulsions but it’s so hard. What works for you? What techniques help you resist your compulsions?
Hello! I am new here and I'm not sure what to do or say. I honestly was diagnosed with ocd almost 30 years ago. I do believe I had a lot of anxiety and some ocd before hand. In the years that I was diagnosed I was in an abusive relationship that I finally was able to get out of in 1999. During those years my contamination ocd was off the charts. Upon leaving that relationship ( safely.. at least physically for the most part) my ocd calmed down. But I'm not sure if that is because of my leaving or the fact that I was then on pills. Afterwards I was a sleeping pill addict for almost a decade. I finally left the pills behind and I started running marathons. I feel better than I had in decades I've continued running but after a few traumatic experiences with hearing domestic situations in my apartment complex and being robbed twice I find my ocd symptoms coming up with a vengeance. It's more than just contamination now. I'm constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone. I'm always worried that there is an animal in need that I didn't see and/or couldn't help. I feel I can't do enough good in the world. I'm paralyzed. I find myself putting off normal chores and organizational tons that drive me crazy because my ocd wants them so so badly I don't know how else to describe what I'm experiencing. I am also concerned that I have some mild form of Tourette's. I'm so embarrassed and I want to feel normal again. But every trigger seems to prolong my agony. Sorry for the long post and for any writing errors. I can't see very well with my new bifocals. lol
I have been on tiktok and have seen multiple videos of girls finding out their boyfriend has cheated on them. Cheating OCD is one that i struggle with the most and i have now got this mindset that all men cheat. My boyfriend says he would never cheat on me, but when he goes clubbing i get anxious as my ocd is telling me he is cheating on me. There is then this thought that this is my gut feeling and that he is actually cheating on me. The only time i feel okay is when i ask him if he has cheated on me (which i know is bad and is a common compulsion) but as I am so convinced he is going to cheat on me i don’t know what else to do. Does anyone know how to help this
Its giving me feelings of anxiety and guilt whenever i get triggered by my pocd and real events ocd based of extremely horrible real events i did when i was 13… I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭
I am scared. I love my fiancé. I love everything about him with my heart and soul. I just feel so empty. I have ROCD if you haven’t noticed lol. I keep going in cycles and phases where I feel ok with my past trauma regarding my ex partner, and feeling like maybe the trauma is still there. If you’re asking now at this point if there’s any feelings involved- no. I don’t feel romantic feelings of the sort. But, I am so scared. I am scared to see this person in public, so I don’t go out. I am scared to think about this person because what if I am thinking about them because I want them? It’s triggering, and I always make sure to not ruminate. But, as I meditate and I do ERP, I find myself feeling more lost and more susceptible to the pain of it. The trauma does not pain me anymore, it’s the thought that I might never be able to give my fiancé the life he wants. So, now I have to contemplate giving up a future that I have thought about. Waiting to make the engagement public to my family, for absolutely nothing. I love this person, they have been pure and honest and open. I am young, still. What if I am just with the wrong person, and this isn’t the person for me? It’s all a facade and delusion the COUNTLESS times I have redirected my thoughts to just tell them “You’re wrong, I love this man.” As I sit here, on the verge of crying, I wonder…. Is it even OCD, or am I just a bad person for concealing the thoughts and not giving it direct attention? Most importantly, is the man I love the one for me? Or is it truly all a joke?
TW - Not belonging with God Every time I talk about how I believe that the Jewish people belong with Jesus more than I do, people tell me they don't think so. Is that reassurance? When I talk to my aunt about it, she seems to think it is reassurance, and that it isn't good for my OCD to give me it, but she still tells me the things she said she believed was reassurance to this day.
Guys I’m worried because I’m not reacting how I used to. I had a disturbing image in my head and I’m not reacting to it like I should. Please help me
Hocd, pocd, and real events ocd based on explicit anime content i consumed when i was 13, 14, and when i was 17, and 18 are hitting me pretty bad rn…
I’m going to be alone for a few weeks and I need some advice on how not to ruminate, it tends to be worse when I’m not distracted and I’m scared about being alone. Any advice?
I cant get up the stairs the ocd has made every thing impossible , i do thought replacement and i cant do it anymore , no matter what i do its not good enough for it and it scares me to death if i dont do what it wants , its a case of even when i do it right it says iv done it wrong and i dont know what to do anymore, i want to go to bed rather then sleep downstairs but at this rate ill be stuck downstairs for the rest of my days. Someone help i aint got money for treatment i just wanna know what to do
I’ve been advised by my NOCD therapist to go back on medication to give myself a little help. Just wanted to ask people’s opinions on what’s worked and what hasn’t. I was on meds in March I was on stertaline but it was just making me numb and destroying my sex drive even further which was then making my theme worst (HOCD)
My OCD is fighting back with a fear of being densensitized. I remember when I was in therapy (I quit because it wasn't working after several months). I mentioned a particularly triggering episode of Black Mirror, and my therapist said something to the effect of we want you to be able to watch it and feel nothing. Therapy is for me, and that isn't what I want. That is desensitization. Black Mirror is *intended* to be disturbing and provoke anxiety. What I want is to be able to feel that momentarily and let it go...not feel nothing at all. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
how do i live my life with the past real event on my mind every second of the day i'm disgusted by it and regret and shame and just can't seem to forgive and move on 😣 i just think it's so bad what happened and can't move on
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