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Can anybody comment on my last 2 posts please:( I feel so hopeless

In case nobody has asked you recently 🧡

I’ve been dealing with short term memory loss recently. Forgetting simple things: names, objects, so on and so forth. It’s to the point where I feel as if I’m spinning out of control. I write here only to use it as a journal and to hopefully connect with those in the community. I’m not googling symptoms as I know it’ll send me further down the rabbit hole. I feel as if me having the short term memory issues is a symptom of me constantly thinking and worrying. I come from a family of depression, schizophrenia, dementia, and other illnesses. I unfortunately deal with anxiety and undiagnosed OCD (100% fit the criteria and in therapy working with tools to cope) so having this terrifies me. I’m compulsively looking up test, watching YouTube, and looking for reassurance in other avenues. Brain fog follows here and there, but my main concern is the memory. I’m in the process of learning acceptance/uncertainty. It’s difficult, but I’m determined, hence my presence here. I’m actively doing the work. It’s a roller coaster, but I see incremental progress. Day by day guys. I may be searching for certainty in majority of my compulsions, but the one thing I know is with my will, I will conquer this. Thank you!

And what keeps your hopes high and how do you remain positive? I've been dealing with this for almost 2 years now💔

I keep focusing on my breathing and my anxiety in general and I feel like I'm stuck in my body and mind suffering. My meds aren't helping idk what else to do.

I know this all sounds really bad so I’m conflicted… My bf said he wanted to look at this boss’s computer when he leaves to see how much the boss’s salary is. I told him I don’t think that’s a good idea and he said I’m a party pooper. And it was clear he was only worried about getting caught. Then he said I effectively “shamed” him into not doing it although he said it in kind of a lighthearted way not an angry way. But now I’m obsessing about the rightness of the relationship. We have had similar conversations before about him cheating on tests or lying to get off of work (although I don’t usually care about those as much which I feel like is bad in itself) or about lying on a resume. But I know he’s a good person overall… but then stuff like this happens or he makes jokes that I find disturbing or unsettling and it freaks me out :( I don’t want someone to say I should break up with him but I’m afraid that’s what peoples reaction would be to this

Isn’t it funny how you have the whole symptom but still doubt it’s ocd Like for me I have experience false attraction, I have faced anxiety and fear, I don’t feel anxious anymore, false memories, no sexual drive towards my partner,intrusive thoughts in my dreams and doing compulsion in my dreams, I have got from thinking that you can turn gay to thinking you might be bi, I have also analyze my past looking for evidence, I have also avoided watching YouTube and movies because I feel like it’s a trigger and I feel scared to I also scare to talk with friends because I’m afraid to get attached to them and also get an arousal,I have feared all this and more, the funny part is I have overcome them all, the only thing I have now is gronal response and it looking so real and also where the word gay or bi feels arousing, and I always check my pants 24/7 this what I’m facing now and to be honest it’s not easy when everything feels so real

Is your OCD like this cause I feel like I’m alone. I have intrusive violent thoughts of killing my mom. I’ve been dealing with this since 2012 when I was just 11 no medication is working I’m to the point where I feel like I’m going crazy, having extreme anxiety every single day I wake up, I get urges images it’s like the OCD is convincing me that I will do it. I also worry about the future God am I actually going to be a murderer what is going on i’ve been feeling suicidal. What is the point of living? If I can’t enjoy life the way I want to enjoy life. Rather my OCD is interfering with my life and daily tasks. In and out of mental hospitals, nothing is working. Why am I here and what is the point of me to suffer with this disorder if there’s a God, please take me with you I don’t longer want to live this life of worry.

Trying to get a diagnosis where I live is almost impossible. I’ve seen doctors and psychiatrists over and over again to try to know for sure this is OCD. I know it’s only going to make me feel better for awhile because I will always have doubts. But I just need to know. From there on I can learn to cope and hopefully continue on with my life. Honestly I think I just need to let it go and the repeated attempt to see a psychiatrist and get diagnosed is only making everything worse. I know all this. I just wish for some relief from worrying whether I have it or not. And I know even with a diagnosis I’ll still doubt but not having a diagnosis (OCD or not) is making me worry even more. This is the biggest thing setting me back from recovery and doing the work because I’m scared all my fears are real and that I’m just a monster. It’s hard to let it pass when I go back and forth from being so sure I have it to thinking I’m just a liar looking for excuses for my messed up brain. I’m not looking for any reassurance I’m just stressed out and needed to vent. Please avoid any reassurance of any kind in the comments. Thank you 🙏

I want to heart about your OCD story. Please use this comment section as a safe space where we can all share our struggles, and find those who relate to us. I’ll go first. When I was 13 years old, I went through one of the toughest years of my life. It was awful. My anxiety was on full and my depression followed wherever I went. I started to do compulsions then. Checking, double checking, triple checking. Whether it was an email, an essay I wrote, the lock, the hair straighter etc etc etc. I used to seek reassurance from someone, who is to this day my best friend. I was so embarrassed when I would do it, but I felt like I had to. I would cry myself to sleep. I didn’t know I had OCD. When I was 16 and learning about mental illnesses in class, I remember listening to a group presentation on OCD. From there, I knew what was wrong with me. My OCD died down when I was 14, yet I vividly remembered the struggle. At 18 years old, right after graduating high school (just recently), my OCD came back at full force. It seems like it accompanies my anxiety when it reaches a level beyond the scale. Every morning I wake up, and I’m scared to go about my day. Whether I’m reading, driving, painting, talking or anything, I’m constantly scared of what my OCD will do. I’m scared of my own brain. I hope we can all someday think of OCD as just a memory. Thank you. ❤️

I’ve been seeing a few posts lately that I have commented this same thing on, and I feel like it might be helpful for any of you struggling with relationship ocd or sexual ocd, just please hear me out. I can just say from experience, I have horrible intrusive thoughts all the time about ex’s/people from my past, intrusive thoughts around my relationship or sexual ones, they are draining and confusing and scary. The reason they scare you so much and make you so upset is because you’re a good loyal partner, you love your partner. That’s why ocd does this, it knows your morals and values and that you have found the love of your life, so it tries to rewin that… for about a year I spent almost every day “confessing” to my partner about all my intrusive thoughts, and there was a day he woke up and couldn’t handle it anymore as much as he loved me and knew I had ocd, he could not handle hearing the intrusions, and we broke up. That month of us broken up was one of the most painful, it didn’t make the ocd go away by telling him all the intrusions, it actually made everything worse… I got to the point of realising that I can’t put that on him, when they are literally lies ocd tells you, it is so seperate from you or what you want. You just need to remind yourself that when you want to “confess” an intrusive thought, that he will always have the same reaction of “it’s okay babe I know you don’t mean it, I know you have ocd” etc, just reassuring you, but in reality that’s fuelling the ocd and tearing your relationship apart. Please take it from me, You do not need to tell your partner things that OCD is telling you, because that’s not who you are…. At the end of the day it gets on top of them, they don’t have ocd so they can’t understand it the same way as we do, they have intrusive thoughts too, it’s just they would understand what they are and be able to ignore UNWANTED thoughts, where as our mind gets stuck on them, because we are fearful. If a thought was really true you wouldn’t worry about it or second guess it. Just try and out yourself in their shoes, as much as you want to be there for your partner and would always support them, imagine if they were confessing these UNTRUE thoughts to you 24/7, it would eventually get on top of you… Please please listen, it took me till we broke up to realise the impact it had on him, and I’m telling you right now their reaction will always be the same, they aren’t going to suddenly stop loving you, because you’re having intrusive thoughts… if they aren’t wanted thoughts they aren’t your own. OCD is very convincing and it lies and makes you doubt everything. Don’t give importance to them. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes because believe me I struggle and get caught up in the ocd all the time, but these are just things you HAVE TO remind yourself…. I’ll tell you something. Even when my partner left me and we were broken up, I was single and could do what I want, but did I? No… I just wanted my boyfriend home. I didn’t want to act on any of those thoughts and didn’t want any of those thoughts even without him being with me. So that kind of was the proof in the pudding, that I know I am totally in love with my partner and wouldn’t ever do anything Disloyal even if we weren’t together… so I already knew how much I loved him, but that just proved to me even more how these thoughts are literally nothing to do with me and my morals and values, it’s OCD. If this post can help just one person, it will make me feel good for posting this. Remember we are not this mental condition. We can overcome this and don’t let anyone , not a doctor, not a family member, not a complete stranger, tell you recovery is impossible because that’s just not true. Having that mindset will make you think there’s no such thing as recovery but I have heard stories of people being fully recovered and dedicating their life to helping other OCD sufferers… if you want some really helpful tips on how to recover Listen to Ali Greymond on Spotify, YouTube, Instagram etc.

Do you ever get depressed over how long you’ve been dealing with OCD? I’ve been dealing with it for over two years now. I mourn what my life could have been like if that one thought hadn’t popped into my mind. Makes you feel like life is going to be like this forever. In those moments, what makes you have hope or a feeling that things are gonna get better?

Can anyone please confort me? I'm having a really bad panic attack, I can't stop crying and I feel like im losing my mind from the fear. I feel like maybe I should just go to the hospital because it feels so real

my therapist has me doing a OCD diagnosis test to see if i have it.. and i’m scared to check off some of this stuff.. i don’t want a van to be waiting outside for me from being vulnerable.. she isn’t an NOCD therapist or she isn’t all things OCD.. she’s a regular therapist with some experience.. i don’t wanna be in grippy socks omg

I just got back from vacation and I had fun but when I’m at home sometimes I feel depressed about the monotony of my day-to-day life and it kinda triggers worries about my relationship too. My boyfriend and I went to spending every night together at my apartment really soon after we started dating. This is my first relationship and his first serious one. I’m 21, he’s 23. Right around the same time that we started dating, about a year and 7 months ago, we both lost our friend groups by coincidence. His just kinda grew apart from him I think and I had a falling out with2 of my best friends where they started prioritizing partying over my friendship more and more and not inviting me to things as I have always felt like kind of the outcast and they were basically like my connection to the larger social group because I’m shy. So I confronted them, felt gaslit and invalidated by them, told them I needed space and haven’t talked to them really since then and they haven’t reached out to me. Anyways that was really hard for me to go through and I still get sad when I think about it. So now as I’m getting older and haven’t lived with my parents for a couple years, I feel weird about how things are going. My boyfriend has been unofficially living with me for a really long time now although it just kind of happened so there wasn’t a moment where we decided we were living together. I feel like kind of a loser because of where I’m at with my schooling and work and my days off of work I usually spend all day gaming and using my phone until he comes home. And then I feel weird and lonely still on days like today and it worries me because sometimes I wish we had gotten the chance to have our own apartments where we didn’t see each other daily to see how that would go but I miss him whenever there is a day that I don’t see him (which is very rare.) I have talked to him about this but it’s hard for me to explain and have him understand without it sounding worse than it is and I can’t afford to not officially move in with him… It just worries me I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling weird and lonely about our situation but at the same time I know it’s not a normal way for relationships to go so I’m afraid it’s unhealthy and I know that it’s probably normal to feel lonely after losing most of your friends and I also am afraid it somehow was caused my me getting a boyfriend even though based on what happened I don’t think that’s possible. I’m scared and I know this is more my personal stuff that I have to figure out than anxiety or ocd probably but I’m afraid that it’s a bad sign that I feel this uncomfortable lonely feeling where I don’t like how every day is the same which includes coming to my apartment every day to my bf with this unofficial living situation that happened. I love him very much and I know he loves me very much too, we talk about a future together and I’m not implying that I want to end things with him. It just feels weird and I don’t know what to do or if it means there’s some deeper underlying issue that needs to be addressed…

this may seem really gross. but i was at work today and i was feeling things sexually and i often worry that it's because of other people because i will think about people and then get these feelings but i tell myself to stop in my head because i don't want to think them or feel that way about anyone else because i'm with someone that i love dearly. and i feel horrible about it because sometimes it happens with people younger than me. i feel disgusted with myself.

If you are on medication or have taken it for OCD and anxiety. Please give me your full and honest opinion about it. How did it benefit you ? What were the okie and negatives/ you’re overall experience? I’m seriously thinking about it but I want as much information before, so I make the best decision. And also what medication you take

Hey guys, I know this is taboo to some people so ignore it and move on if you have a different view but, has anyone here tried microdosing with natural medicine for ocd? The kind that grows in the woods and can be found under decaying trees and cow patties. You know the kind…

I am at the point now where reassurance no longer helps. No compulsion helps. I fully believe the horrible thing happened to the point where I’m living as if it happened. I hate myself because it’s something that is so out of character for me. I feel like there’s no other explanation that I feel this way other than it must have really happened. It makes me sick and disgusted. I want to turn back time and not drink to where I can’t remember. I hate myself so much. There’s no way out it feels like and I feel like I’m this different person now all because of one night. It really sucks.

When you're Asian and your parents tell you that mental health doesn't exist and that it's just my lil teenage drama. Yeah, sure, okay. F U