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What’s been the worst time of your POCD? I’m just wondering so I could see if I could relate to any of them.

Does anybody here watch adult videos? (P0rn) Do you think it cause your brain to have intrusive thoughts about literally everything?

I’ve been with my NOCD therapist for seven months. I have come a LONG way since last year. I was completely agoraphobic and over came it. I feel like I’m on the edge of recovery and then I had a huge flair up a couple of days ago. Anybody else been there? I don’t want reassurance, just support!

My ocd has been really bad lately, and all summer I felt like a happy person until now… I feel so depressed and have no energy to do anything, all day I’m ruminating in my thoughts and it’s just so tiresome…

I know that talk therapy is not beneficial for ocd, and is not meant to treat it. However, I was wondering if anyone has done erp for their ocd while also doing talk therapy for other areas of their life and how that has worked out?

everyday i wake up anxious and my thoughts/doubts just come rushing at me as soon as i wake up. its very hard to get myself to calm down. my rocd has been flaring up so bad lately and its very debiliating. i keep getting thoughts like “youre only with your boyfriend because youre lonely” “you dont actually love him” “you dont want to be with him” and its very scary because my fear of the future makes me worry about stuff like “do i even want to get married or have kids?” when i think of a future with him i get very scared just because i don’t want to grow up and become a real adult yknow? and i think that triggers my rocd and is what gives me those thoughts like “what if you dont really love him”. these thoughts are just coming up 24/7 and it’s so hard to ignore them. i dont know what to do. i feel like it’s getting my actual feelings confused. when i tell him i love him i feel like i’m lying to him, but at the same time i’m not? i don’t know!!!! i’ve been crying about this all morning. 0/10 day so far. i seriously don’t know what to do and i just feel so stuck. can anyone else relate? any advice? :(

I’m at the stage where I’m doubting if I even have OCD (which is driving me mad) and now I’m worried I’m not obsessing enough over things. At the same time, my OCD is playing whack-a-mole with loads of different themes, and because I’ve already been through the ringer with SO-OCD, I feel as though I’m not obsessing enough over it even though I’m still scared I’m gay/bi and the compulsions are getting sneakier (internet searches, checking, panicking and talking about things, avoidance) and I just feel like a mess constantly, like I don’t know what’s going on with me from day to day.

I wasn’t asking for reassurance, I was simply expressing feelings if hopelessness in a moment of crisis in a post, that literally not 1 person here reacted to or responded to it. I wasn’t suicidal when I reached out with that post but I but damn well close in feelings of feeling miserable and gutted, and I feel worse now. I wanted to delete the post it before I slept, but I thought, no, let it be here, when you wake up maybe someone will know what you mean, respond. Nothing. So I deleted it this morning. Well, I’m not a needy person but I woke up and saw literally nothing and I can’t even begin to explain to you how further isolating this is and only emphasizes that I’m some kind of horrible exception as the cliché of OCD goes. People responded to other posts, and ones that were reassurance seeking. There are all kinds of people on this app, and literally nothing, so it must be me. I’m not posting this to get reassurance, but just to say F peoples good sentiments, when I’m in crisis it’s suddenly too much. Or I “word things wrong” or my “tone too aggressive”, my Just Right OCD and Moral Scrupulosity are going to eat this up. When I’m in crisis I do sound aggressive—Aggressively upset with OCD and my circumstances. Which means that when I’m in crisis in my real life or even on this app, everyone disappears. It’s such an eye opener. In the worst way. Thanks for nothing.

Hey guys, I am dating someone right now and experiencing regularly panic attacks. I start to overthink everything and I create scenarios in my mind, based on tiny things that happen. My fear is, that he is secretly meeting other woman and just playing with me. I had a couple of toxic relationships in the past, which my anxiety is based on. How can I gain trust again? I know I can't control anyways which decision he makes

the past day or so has been awful. my intrusive thoughts and just overall ocd has been nonstop. it’s constant thoughts that say horrific things about people, communities, friends, and a lot of thoughts even say slurs. i feel like i always have to react to them or else i’d be agreeing. for example, this morning i was brushing my teeth and i started worrying about a wisdom tooth removal coming up. my ocd was telling me that while i’m loopy or put asleep i’ll say the horrible things that my intrusive thoughts say. while still brushing my teeth i began to zone out in these thoughts and they were more vivid. they were of me in a dentist chair, knocked out, saying a slur or something, and then a few other random intrusive thoughts popped up. it was then that i stopped zoning out (still brushing my teeth) and my ocd freaked out and said that while “i” was thinking these things, i was repeating them out loud (since my mouth was moving from brushing my teeth). it was at this point that i literally couldn’t remember what had just happened and tried to think or “remember/recall” what the ocd/intrusive thoughts said, causing the ocd to repeat all these horrible things. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i can’t resist compulsions because every time i do, something worse pops into my head. i can’t tell the difference between reality or not within these thoughts. i can’t remember anything. did i just say this? or that? constant questioning. i hope this made sense, and if someone is still reading this far i apologize for wasting your time but i do appreciate it. just really stuck and confuses and panicky right now

Hi! I need some advice and can’t see my therapist for a few weeks because I am on vacation. Basically I have ROCD and some other themes and recently I’ve been focused on the need to confess porn I watched as a kid to my partner. Some of it had pretty disturbing themes and I’ve already confessed most of it to him because I haven’t been able to stop the compulsion. I convince myself that he needs to know because it could change how he feels about me and about the relationship. Anyway every time I confess I feel momentary relief and then just remember more stuff I want to tell him. I know I need to stop if I ever want to feel better but I feel like such a disgusting and horrible person. It’s gotten to the point where even relatively normal and common types of porn I came across as a teen I still feel like I have to confess. I know that I don’t expect him to tell me everything he’s watched and I would never judge him for stuff like that that he saw a long time ago especially because I know fantasy and actually wanting to act on stuff aren’t the same but I still can’t convince myself it’s okay not to tell him. Has anyone dealt with something similar and have advice for getting through this. It feels like the only thing I can think about.

I’ve had OCD my whole entire life I’m talking about 11,12 maybe even younger I never got help with it so it ended up getting worse as I got older and it would be little things here in there that I would obsess about but I was always told it was normal which now we know it was not. my first obsession, that I remember being my worst obsession was when I was first taught about the illuminati. It ruined my whole day that’s all I can think about in my OCD kept telling me if you think about it, the devil will take your soul and my poor child self was so terrified, I would sit on the couch and say God’s name over and over and over again, it took me months to get over it and from that point on my OCD just kept getting worse I thought I was a cannibal. I thought that I was a rapist I thought I was a murderer, and at the age of 17 I had my worst one seriously which I hate to talk about but I ended up thinking I was a pedophile just from watching one simple little video on how a mother found out that her son liked little kids and at first thought all I could think was I don’t think I want to watch this and when I woke up the next morning the first thought I got was what if you were a pedophile that broke me and I am now almost 20 and I’m still having trouble with this thought and it scares me still because I don’t want to be a pedophile. I’ve never thought like that in my life I’m having feelings that I’ve never had before in my life and it makes me think am I Does anybody else have these thoughts when I hear other people talk about POCD it never sounds the same as mine and I keep calling myself a pedophile. I keep referring to myself as one and I know in the back of my head that I can’t be but my anxiety and my OCD makes me feel feelings that I’ve never felt before I might be the only one or I’m not, but it would be nice to know if anybody else is going through the same thing because I’m stuck and I am been fighting for a long time and I don’t want to give up no but it’s really getting hard and I’m noticing I can’t live like this the rest of my life if I’m going to be a monster

I… I looked at homosexual explicit anime content a couple times when i was 14… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time… and my hocd has triggered me with it… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time and i was also addicted to explicit content at the time… i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all… in any way… and this is POCD related too because this was a very wide known explicit anime that involved very young characters… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all in any way… I remember when i pleasured myself to explicit content involving a man and a woman when i was 12-13… and i finished at the same time the dude did… my hocd is saying im in denial for this… I had no idea what sexuality was or anything like that… my first ever crush was a woman and i always want it to be women… i dont ever want to be attracted to men in any way shape or form… It was an educational video, so it was showing his privates finishing inside of the woman... i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… Its making me feel like im not anxious of triggering thoughts when i try to check my reaction too… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… When i think about beautiful attractive women, i feel happy and relaxed… actually comfortable… when i see guys, get intrusive thoughts about guys, or intrusive feelings, it makes me feel so anxious and uncomfortable… Its making me think i wanted to finish at the same time as the guy in the video… i dont think i was attracted to him because when he moaned in the video i remember feeling turned off by it… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I remember finishing when the guy did… his privates were shown when he was finishing… i dont ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form in my lifetime… I also remember that i wasnt attracted to the guy at all… I just wanted to finish when he did because I wanted to keep up the same pace… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… i didnt know what the content was or what it represented and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented…

I… I looked at homosexual explicit anime content a couple times when i was 14… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time… and my hocd has triggered me with it… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time and i was also addicted to explicit content at the time… i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all… in any way… and this is POCD related too because this was a very wide known explicit anime that involved very young characters… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all in any way… I remember when i pleasured myself to explicit content involving a man and a woman when i was 12-13… and i finished at the same time the dude did… my hocd is saying im in denial for this… I had no idea what sexuality was or anything like that… my first ever crush was a woman and i always want it to be women… i dont ever want to be attracted to men in any way shape or form… It was an educational video, so it was showing his privates finishing inside of the woman... i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… Its making me feel like im not anxious of triggering thoughts when i try to check my reaction too… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… When i think about beautiful attractive women, i feel happy and relaxed… actually comfortable… when i see guys, get intrusive thoughts about guys, or intrusive feelings, it makes me feel so anxious and uncomfortable… Its making me think i wanted to finish at the same time as the guy in the video… i dont think i was attracted to him because when he moaned in the video i remember feeling turned off by it… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I remember finishing when the guy did… his privates were shown when he was finishing… i dont ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form in my lifetime… I also remember that i wasnt attracted to the guy at all… I just wanted to finish when he did because I wanted to keep up the same pace… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… i didnt know what the content was or what it represented and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented…

Hey guys. I just wanted to come on here and let you all know how strong you are. Ocd is not a choice - it is a malfunction of the brain.. that causes it to prioritize distressing things like obsession, rumination and anxiety. An OCD brain has physical differences to a non ocd brain. I say this to remind you when things are hard. Your brain is physically wired to make this process difficult, it’s not your fault. And all of this causes a war within yourself.. a war that a lot of people don’t see. I was just feeling a bit sad today… looking at the ways that ocd has affected my life. It made me isolate from my family and friends, turned against my best friend, made me question my whole life path and my sexuality endlessly. Sometimes I forget that this isn’t something that the average person experiences. I just assume that everyone lives with this difficulty when making decisions, with the anxiety, with the daily effort to be better and try. I’m dealing with more SOOCD again.. and part of me just grieves for the part of me that used to be so excited about dating. Dating used to be such a fun, thrilling thing! I used to talk about my crushes with my friends and get so excited when there was a potential boyfriend in the works. So sure of what I wanted, of my preferences. I just wish I felt that attraction again. I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for so long that I haven’t felt attraction in a long time. It feels sometimes like a part of myself that I’ve lost forever. I know that’s not true, and that it’ll just take work to get it back.. but it’s a hard feeling to sit with sometimes. That’s one thing that I always give myself credit for. Is for trying. Even on my hardest days I always tried.. tried to do some erp even if I accidentally compulsed during it or tried to think about how I could be better for my friends, my family, and my lil niece. And I hope that it’s something you’ll give yourself credit for, too. Maybe it’s hard for you to shower, be alone, drive, or make future plans. Maintaining relationships might be difficult too. But you always try. You’re here, right? Take a moment to remind yourself how far you’ve come. I will too. Rewiring our brains is our responsibility. And it sucks sometimes. But hey, it gives me some solace to know that there’s a community of other people on here going through it too.. and that we’re in this together. Stay strong guys ❤️🤗 I believe in you!

I feel like I am paying attention to my breathing and have gotten scared a couple times really bad that I couldn’t breathe. I feel crazy. I had this problem years ago as well and it came back!

My support people have had to pause being supportive temporarily (I hope?) and it came out of left field so I'm feeling a little lost. I was speechless then started to cry afterwards. I lost my job & my partner last month, so I'm already struggling with those support systems being gone... and now my family support. My reaction to this kind of thing is to be hard on myself and also to push away. I "decided" that I'm on my own and won't ask for help going forward, which is probably an over-correction. Just sitting in my feelings for a bit, trying to be non-judgmental about how I feel, then I'll try to move onto an evening activity I would normally do instead of ruminating. This is hard. I know a lot of you are struggling and I want you to know you're not alone 🩷

How do folks here feel about ways they have or have not seen people with OCD portrayed in media (like films/movies)? Do you feel like it has given an inaccurate or accurate picture of what life is like with OCD? Why/why not? I was thinking on this after seeing an episode of Grey's Anatomy showing a patient who had OCD.

Starting to lose hope that it'll get better because I don't feel like I deserve it. I just keep relieving painful memories over and over about this stupid addiction. I just wish I knew all of the risks and dangers

I'm 41 when I was 11 my parents put me on Ritalin and immediately I started counting coins and doing religious chants I got this game jenga for Christmas and when I tell you I sat there putting that puzzle together and pulling out different pieces of it for over 6 hours in the middle of the night because it didn't feel right it was awful. They brought me back to the doctor and they immediately took me off the Ritalin but I still had the OCD so they tried every drug in the book on me and I've been on Prozac and Remeron for about 30 years I also developed panic disorder with agoraphobia so I'm on Lorazepam for the last 10 years. I have the going over in my head thing and touching or repeating OCD that I still battle with where if I'm doing something something reminds me of something else that could be bad so I have to redo whatever I was doing so for instance if I was putting on my shirt and I hear an ambulance go by I have to take the shirt off put it back on think of good thoughts and the right order and then put the shirt on this can take up to an hour. Or if I go to get up and a commercial comes on that scares me about something with health I have to automatically sit back down wait until that commercial's over or if I hear a word that reminds me of something that I'm worried about I take that thing I'm worried about will happen if I continue watching whatever show I'm watching I had a gambling addiction too so playing this game Baccarat you either bet on red or blue and if I bet on red look at the table the table is blue then I look at the B from Baccarat and that's the second letter of the alphabet so I'd say I'm going to lose by 2. This isn't talking in my head slowly this is basically just me quickly thinking it you notice the blue you notice the B and all that I'm going to lose and you get that Dreadful feeling you're going to and then you do. :and sometimes it would happen by whatever I thought I would lose by and that would reinforce my OCD even though I know OCD is not some kind of fortune teller I have a hard time explaining things to people because there's so many words I'm not allowed to use because it'll trigger my OCD or I think something bad will happen. I always over explain things even though I understand people understood what I said I have come a long way but I remember when I was 20 on Christmas Eve I drove into this addition pulled into a random person's house looked at their address numbers as four numbers and then as the first two and the last two and they had to add up right and they had to add up right then I would have to look at the clock and add the time so if it was 7:15 7 + 1 + 5 13 (13 was a bad number) that would have to add right with the address and if it didn't add I would back out and pull back in their driveway I pulled in and out of these people's driveway like 40 times and I saw another neighbor staring out the window on a cordless phone obviously calling the cops like what the hell is this guy doing. There's so much more but it's hard to explain that you would have to be inside my brain to understand how it works So that's just some of the weird stuff I have with OCD hopefully anybody else that experiences anything remotely like that understands it is OCD This was my first post sorry it was so long