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the NOCD Community

I’m scared that I will forget how to talk and understand things. I think it is called Aphasia. I’m so scared, I can’t focus. Does anyone else have this? I’m having a panic attack now.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about people being worried that they’re a P. I struggled with this a lot, this was my first run around with OCD. When I talked to my therapist about this, she told me something that helped me a lot. “If it bothers you this much when those thoughts come to your mind, it tells you everything you need to know.” If it scares you to your core when these thoughts come, you are not a monster. Your OCD will try to tell you different, but stop arguing with it. Acknowledge the thought by saying “I’m noticing an intrusive thought.” You are not validating the intrusive thought, you are acknowledging that it is there. When you argue with it, it will continue to swirl your brain. The bottom line is, we have a disorder. It’s sole purpose is to try and make us believe we are something that we’re not. In my experience, acknowledging the thought is there, and just having the knowledge that it’s my OCD and not me, I’ve had huge progress. I don’t get hooked on my thoughts nearly as much. If we argue with the intrusive thoughts it will have you hooked longer and cause us more suffering. Also, by acknowledging the intrusive thoughts, you are not suppressing it and ignoring it. You are existing with it. All of this is apart of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.) If you’d like to learn more about it I recommend doing some research and seeing what it can do for you. Remember, you are NOT the person your OCD wants you to believe you are. You are not your OCD, think of it as an annoying roommate that moved into your apartment.

I’m a new adjunct professor at a US university. It hasn’t been a week already and one student already complained to the head of my department that my teaching style is terrible. I thus received a long email from the head saying that I better improve my teaching style or else I’m out… So what on earth happened? I was just merely following a department syllabus to teach. I didn’t change anything to it, but apparently, the student thinks the order of topics is wrong and that she speaks on behalf of all students in saying that I’m confusing them all. She’s also disrespected me on multiple occasions, speaking over me while I’m talking, hovering over her phone, and whispering to other students. So here I am, thinking that I do suck and that I need to quit before I’m fired or my contract isn’t renewed. I’m just an adjunct and I don’t have the rights that full time faculty have. It’s sad because I do genuinely enjoy teaching and I just want everyone to have fun with it. But, this student doesn’t even give me the opportunity to teach. She then tells other people in the class to just skip my lecture and go to tutoring. How could I deal with the OCD induced from this? OCD wants me to just quit already and go home. That I’m a worthless person and I shouldn’t be teaching.

Does anyone else’s OCD take things and run with them? For example, my boyfriend got annoyed with me recently and responded kind of rudely to a question I asked him. I told him that wasn’t fair and he agreed and apologized immediately. But now I keep ruminating on it that maybe this is just him revealing his true self now that we’ve been together for a while. Maybe the real him is aggressive and he’s going to snap at me in the future and I’m going to be stuck in a relationship that is unhealthy! Also I’m fearing everyone reading this won’t believe me that my relationship is good and they’ll be judging me saying it’s not OCD. Struggling right now.

Hey guys, I just upped my fluvoxamine to 100 mg. Does anyone have experience with Luvox that they wouldn’t mind sharing.

I need someone to give me insight into my condition.I'm experiencing a strong desire to take advantage of Amazon's courtesy policy, which allows for a full refund while retaining the product. Although I recognize this is unethical, the urge arises from a financial necessity to save money, making it difficult for me to either pay for the item or return it. Please support me. Thanks

I’m a young adult, second year in college and I rented my first apartment this year. I’m moving in exactly 1 week, and god this whole process is beyond stressful. I’m excited to live separate of my parents and have my own place, but can’t stop stressing about the “what ifs”. What if my neighbors suck, what if my landlord sucks, what if me and my roommate don’t get along, what if I can’t function on my own, what if I mess up my rent, what if I develop debt, all the what ifs of adulting are weighing me down. I should be excited right now, I should be hopeful for the future but ocd once again ruins everything for me. I wish I could appreciate this new start instead of worrying so much about it. Anyone else go through something like this?

I’m 25 years old and have been struggling with OCD since I was 16. It started after mainly after I got into college. I would check things, have mental compulsions, and get severely stressed. I had a very traumatizing childhood but the OCD didn’t start until I got on my own in college. I have always been a good student but would do things such as retyping, rewriting, as well as questioning any work I’ve done. I also engage in compulsions such as cleaning things until they feel right, having things in a specific order, having rituals with checking, and intense fear if I don’t engage in compulsions past trauma will occur or something bad will happen. I’ve felt like I’m crazy and abnormal and I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m looking to hopefully engage with a great community as well as have a good therapy experience.

Felt genuinely genuinely turned on and it felt so natural :((( like I saw a child and had instant feelings of attraction 💔 I also felt turned on by a tv show where there was spanking…… I’m hurting a lot. It just feels so natural and real

I cant seem to go out and drink alcohol without thinking the worst possible thing has happened which is cheating on my girlfriend, i love my girlfriend so fucking much and i couldn’t picture life without her and doing anything wrong to her like cheat is against my morals. But i have had a situation before about a month ago where i thought i cheated on my girlfriend on a night out when i had a drink i wasn’t drunk and remembered everything but still thought i might have cheated on her and after obsessing over it i had visions and intrusive thoughts of me doing such a thing in the location i was in and started believing the visions to the point i had a mental breakdowns when all evidence pointed to me doing such a thing. I have recently got over that situation but last week i got really drunk black out drunk nearly and my memory isn’t the best but i had an argument with my girlfriend and was in a pissed off mood and now I’m having the same visions and thoughts just in the club that i was in and there was no proof that i did any of this i spoke to multiple people that were there and said i was fine and my girlfriend was separate in the club with her friends as-well as her brother was in the club with his friends and all said that i haven’t done anything and never said anything, like even black out drunk i would be shocked to the core that id remember something and be crying and tell someone that id done such a thing, but as the same as last time im making up visions in my head of me kissing someone in the club and I don’t know if they are real or not its really getting to me because i actually can’t remember much from that night but i know that doing such a thing would ruin my life and i especially wouldn’t do it while my girlfriend and her brother are in the club. It just hurts to have these thoughts and memories everytime i have a patchy memory or drink alcohol i always feel like i do the worst possible thing to ruin my life, and its torment and really gets me down, does anyone else get false memories or have a feeling of doing something guilty everytime they drink and can’t remember that goes against their morals? And if anyone has any tips against and dealing with false memories it wound be greatly helpful👍.

I struggle with pocd amongst many other ocd themes and even the thought of having children triggers it so badly. I try and avoid being around kids because they trigger it obviously but it makes me so sad because I was always so good with kids until I started struggling with this theme. I want children because I think it adds something very special to your life but I know having kids would drive my ocd insane. It’s like I can image how great I would be as a mum and then there is this ocd barrier between me and that. Maybe a lot of therapy could help but I’ve had ocd my whole life I think it’s just apart of my brain I don’t know if it can be fixed

Trigger warning: my severe existential ocd thoughts about ,,Solipsism" After having a stressful phase two and a half years ago I read about the meaning of life. In a forum somebody wrote ,,what is the meaning of life when I don't even I know if other people are real". Ever since then I am afraid that many eternal sadistic gods or only one evil god chose to only create me as a sentient/real being, making everyone else an unconscious robot. I am deeply scared that one day those higher beings will reveal themselves to me that I am indeed the only sentient being. I am also afraid that I will exist for all eternity by myself (because those higher beings/gods want me to suffer due to their evil nature). They perfidiously give me love now (through my parents, sister etc.) so that one day they will take away everything (they will tell me everything beautiful I have experienced was an illusion.) Only I and these gods exist (no biblical god additionaly). Furthermore, I would like to say that I don't believe in it 100%, but I have a great fear of it because it could theoretically be true I have been dealing with depression for two and a half years and as a result, I have quit work and social activities. Is considered a psychosis or ocd? What kind of therapy is best for me? Best reagards, Betty

I guess this isn't exactly OCD but I'd still like to know if anyone else out there has this. A few years ago I had a really bad heart flutter out of nowhere that kinda changed my life. I've always been a little bit of a hypochondriac but never to the degree that I am now about my heart. It kept fluttering for a few seconds and it scared the life out of me. Since then I obsess over my heartbeat and heart health. I went to the doctor a bit after it happened and they told me after a series of tests that my heart was completely fine. A couple years after that I got some pretty nasty heart flutters again only this time my arms started tingling and I felt blackness around my eyes almost like I was about to go out. Ever since those my life has been ruined honestly. I don't drink caffeine anymore, I try not to eat much salt, etc. To make things worse though I have a lingering fear that my hearts gonna stop on me at any time. I don't go out with family, I don't go out with my girlfriend, I stay inside all day because it's the only place where I'm comfortable. How do I conquer this? To give more details I'm always stressed out 24/7. My OCD about other things has always made me stress out to the max. So maybe that's what's wrong with my heart? Idk. Thank you for reading and I hope someone has some solutions for me. I want my life back.

Hey,i'm 19 years old and i have been dealing with ocd since 2019.Before that,i had struggled with it at my childhood times too,but i overcame it.Everything was perfect but many things have changed since 2019.Now,i really don't know what i can do.I always doubt about everything.I always have some distressful thoughts about sexual things.I overthink too much.For example i think that i'm gonna go crazy and i also overthink that if that happens, what other people say about me.Yeah,i know we shouldn't care these thoughts.I should just observe and watch them.But i can't help myself.Please help me..

...I want to beat OCD because it's, well, ruining my life. I'm sure everyone feels the same way, don't you? I'm honestly really grateful this community exists. These thoughts started as ONE part of my day. But now, my whole day revolves around them. Ain't that crazy? I mean, I'M starting to go crazy. I'm not being me anymore. I hate it. People around me hate it. I'm losing people that were by my side.. Notably, my family members. Mom, dad, my sister... They genuinely dislike me now. Oh well, anyways, I didn't want to turn this into my sob story, I wanted to be able to resonate with everyone in the midst of this chaos,,, or something like that, sorry if you cringed while reading it, haha. You can call me Zara, I am a normal girl... except for the fact that I have OCD, and it's getting severe. Well, maybe not so normal lol.. but not in a good way. I don't remember when, but I started developing this idea that I must walk, talk, look, and act perfectly, though, that's impossible as you know. I sought balance in everything. I am not diagnosed quite yet, but hopefully, I am not being ignorant by labeling these as some of the symptoms: ripping the whole paper once I make one mistake in my writing, sit in the closest-to-perfect posture, repeating the whole sentence if I mispronounce one letter, fixing everything in my room in an extremely sophisticated clean manner... or, feeling like something is terribly wrong if I don't. An unshakable "cringe" sensation that keeps getting worse if I do it wrong. That was during primary school, of course. Needless to say, that affected my study techniques, my friendships... so I was friendless and was very slow at everything, of course;; but hey, I got full marks almost all the time, yaay! In 6th grade, we moved to a much, much bigger city. I suffered a major burnout I couldn't recover from, and I went from being a clean freak, to a messy freak... from the straight A's to the B's... yeah, only my marks weren't THAT much affected. Everything else changed about me, and of course, nobody liked it, especially me. Islam (My religion), however, kept me strong and hopeful. It was, for the longest time, my biggest and only support system, so I never gave up on myself through the years, and that kept my family hopeful for me too. Waiting silently. But the last couple of months, my prayer habits started to get affected as well.. I would feel like I forgot a step. Didn't wear my prayer clothes completely the right way.. that I accidentally invalidated my ablution.. and it started going south much quicker than I imagined. And that was it for me, folks. There went the very last straw. The little remarks and subtle criticism and tiny signs of annoyance turned into meltdowns, frustration, tears from my family's side. Nobody believed in me anymore, and of course, I do not blame them, they waited for me way too long just to see me let them down once again. I completely stopped taking care of myself, I became a disgusting, most of the time depressed mess. Useless to the family, I stopped helping with chores.. not like I did too much because of how slow I am anyway. But this time, it turned into me, just giving them more giant messes to deal with, instead of just doing nothing but sometimes fix my own. I told them I suspect having OCD, and that I should go to a doctor, or a therapist.. but my father completely brushed it off, saying there's nothing wrong with me, and that even if there was something, OCD is the easiest mental illness to deal with, it's just meant to be ignored. We are broke anyway, so I understand. With the resources, and loving community on this app, I hope I am able to conquer this challenge and, at least go back to performing prayers. I miss my relationship with my God, and since he did not give up on me, giving me a new chance everyday, I don't want to give up on myself either. I will post, in sha' Allah, about my journey and what I do everyday, continuing to try to convince my father, etc... and show you that even my tough case that followed me through my life can be beaten! So please watch me!💚 Thank you so much for sticking around until the end of this text, and have an amazing day!

I’ve been having OCD for almost 5 months now. I talked to a social worker recently & im getting therapy session though not sure what the therapy is yet. Recently I spoke up about something that happened to me at 8 yo & suddenly all my bad thoughts went away, no anxiety but that only lasted so long :(. But, now I have hope & IK that OCD isn’t me bc it leaves & comes out of my control. Rn I’m scared of “becoming a bad person” these thoughts almost feel genuine bc OCD made sure I felt that way.

GoodMorning All! Anyone have any useful tips on what to do when you are physically, mentally, and emotionally drained?

I've heard so many times, if you have a lack of peace about a decision, then don't do it because God will give you peace when you're going in the right direction. I've always had anxiety from a young age and always had fear when it came to anything new in my life. I'm praying for God's direction concerning marriage to my bf, and I am still very anxious about the decision to take this step. It appears that the relationship is all that I prayed for when it comes to values and spiritual components. We have similar decision for various ministries in church. And our church families dont seem to object and have been supportive. Doesn't make sense why I have debilitating anxiety and fear. I need the Lord to move in a powerful way.

Hey guys. I wanted to make a post specifically about SOOCD - because I think that in some ways, it can be difficult to deal with because of the nuances of this theme. I think what makes SOOCD so difficult is because these doubts can feel so powerful, so real, that you lose attraction to the gender that you previously preferred. They make your libido go down, your desire for intimacy go down, and your shame and sadness go up. Now, all of these symptoms - loss of attraction due to anxiety, loss of libido - all seem to fuel SOOCD because ocd can easily grab that “evidence” and say “Well the reason that this is happening is because you’re actually gay/straight/bi(insert feared outcome). It can so easily twist what really is- you feeling so down about these doubts - that it feels impossible to think about a connection like that again. I just wanted to write this to all those dealing with SOOCD right now. For me, well, it’s been about two years, on and off. At first I thought it was a legitimate search for my “real” sexuality, before it came all consuming and I was diagnosed with OCD. For me, it’s been really difficult because going so long dealing with SOOCD symptoms made me forget what attraction felt like. And even if I did feel attracted to a man again (to clarify I am a heterosexual woman)- well, my ocd would find some way to question it. I am 20 and have always wanted a relationship. Always wanted to date and find a guy I really connected with. So for me, it was devastating to question myself to this degree. I spent days, weeks, months ruminating, trying to figure it out. It always felt like the answer was right there, just evading me. I would settle on one label, then another, then another. I felt like I couldn’t date unless it was gone. That I might be a fraud, a liar, a bad person, if I didn’t figure out my sexuality. And I think that sometimes it’s worth addressing the pain that ocd can bring. For me, it’s devastating to realize that ocd has kept me from dating and finding someone. I kept trying to date anyways, despite my doubts, hoping to use it as an ERP. But what made it difficult was that the false attraction was so bad that I couldn’t tell what guys I was even attracted to, or not… so I went out on dates with a lot of guys that I wasn’t even attracted to. I went in knowing that it would be difficult to discern this - cause man, that false attraction is insane! So after trying that approach, and realizing that it simply fueled ocd every time I didn’t find a guy attractive, I decided that I would just go about my life doing ERP and if something happened, it happened. In some ways, with SOOCD - I just choose to trust that someone great will come my way, especially when false attraction is making it difficult for me to discern that. The thing is - it’s okay to want security - not certainty - about your sexuality. And that’s something I struggled with here- is thinking, well, now that I have ocd about my sexuality, will I ever be able to be secure in it again? Or will I constantly have to say “I don’t know”, in order to keep the doubts from coming in again? People without ocd don’t go around saying “I am living with the uncertainty of my sexuality right now”. They live with the uncertainty by not addressing the topic, not addressing doubts, and continuing with what they want to do. And what I want to say is - You deserve to feel secure in your sexuality. To say proudly- I know who I am. You don’t have to live in this amorphous gray zone because ocd says so. But in order to be able to be secure - ERP is the only way. You must face the doubts, the fear, because that is the only way to be free to choose what YOU want, not what OCD tells you to do. And coming from someone who has had this theme - SOOCD feels so real. So absolutely real. But I can’t tell you how worthwhile it was for me to do the ERP, and to finally feel secure again, even if it lasted only for a moment. So to anyone dealing with this theme - I’m sorry. It sucks. Especially because honestly, our sexualities are a really important part of the way we relate to people - How we move forward to have meaningful relationships, with the people we want to have them with. And it can feel paralyzing to have these doubts, like you have to resolve them before finding love, or that having them means something at all in the first place. If it helps to think about it like this - we must face the fear to find the love we deserve. Do that ERP, resist resist resist, because on the other side of that - is what you deserve. A chance to find love. And clarity. And security. Because you, as a human, are inherently worthy of these things. Keep going guys, I am so proud of each of you ❤️🤗

Just went down the Reddit rabbit hole. Consumed a bunch of posts of people saying that anyone who did what I did is a piece of shit who shouldn’t be given the time of day. And guess I agree, but seeing so many people say it in one place can make my head spin. It’s just hard because I was having an ok day. I even gave somebody on here advice earlier. But now I feel so drained. And so so selfish for trying to move forward.