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Guys is there something we can do when we got tired...we can't do compulsions then what can we do...I need an escape right now...nothing is exciting me...what can I do ??

In the start of my recovery I deleted TikTok because I felt like it was detrimental to my mental health. Now that im starting to get better I am unsure if I want it back. On one hand I feel like I’m wasting less time and have less negative thoughts being pushed on me because in it’s peak it felt like the algorithm on that app was curated to make me more anxious/scared. However on the other side of the coin is not using this app an avoidance behavior showing that I’m not really healed just using compulsive behavior to avoid being triggered

I have recently started a new job and i have a male colleague. I am so convinced i have a new “crush” on him but i have a boyfriend. I find myself sometimes looking for him and my heart will drop if i was to see him. I’m hoping this anxiety is because i don’t want to have a crush on him. I don’t know if this is my rocd or not. Is it possible for my ocd to convince me i like him and that results in me wanting to be near him even though i love my boyfriend so much. I don’t think i can carry this guilt anymore and i have been considering breaking up with him as i feel like such an awful person. I don’t know what to do i feel so upset

Cw// mentions of animal abuse (note it's of drawings and fake animals stuff but still) When I turned 18 I started digging into communities like 4chan and sites like it to look at the art that was there which ranged from bizarre disturbing furry r18 content to little cute ponies being hurt, idk why but I was drawn to it, like it freaked me but was drawn to it I never hurt or abused anything nor wanted too, like I would stay up might upset if I saw stuff of irl animals being hurt. But I git so desensitised to the internet, it wasn't until mid 2021 that snapped out of it started staying away from those sites. Ironically enough I later got into happy tree friends Either way I regret being looking at and interacting with that side and gen wish I can take it back

Hello, I'm currently going through the absolute worst time of my life mentally, I am living in a constant state of TERROR of what feels like the onset of schizophrenia or another horrific psychotic disorder. I do not have any delusions or hallucinations that I know of, but l've made a few posts explaining some of the symptoms that I am having, if anyone cares to skim through them. I just wanted to see if anyone could maybe share their story or experience if they've ever gone through this same theme? I am seriously going through hell. All the stories that I do see about people who went through this, it didn't seem that serious and they got over it in like a week or two, and they only seemed to describe being hyper aware of stuff out of the corner of their eyes and noises and stuff, that's it. It just feels so so much more severe than that in my case. Please someone pm or comment your experience. I've almost fully convinced myself that I have it or will be full blown psychotic in no time

I feel like I have shut down due to all of the suffering. I’m crying, zoning out & contemplating not being alive daily lately. It feels crippling, like the world’s weight is on my chest & I feel heart broken for myself. My mind has constant layers of noise & I can’t keep up. The guilt from the thoughts is consuming. I want to document this because my hope is that one day I can update that I’m in a better place & look back to see how far I have come. Please leave something encouraging or something that has helped you. Such as books, supplements, videos, something positive someone said that changed your life or even therapists on here that helped you. Thank you ❤️

Does this happen to anyone else. My themes consist of unwanted sexual thoughts & POCD & ROCD… It constantly will list any attractive person, celebrity, even people from my past, put an unwanted sexual image in my head and say “that looks good” which makes me feel so guilty because I genuinely DONT think or feel sexual about anyone that’s not my partner. Me and my partner don’t even watch porn in our relationship or look at sexual type scenes in movies, that just is what we do and that’s okay… it really fucked me up when my partner watched it behind my back, and when I bought it into our relationship because I thought that would be the only way I’d ever be okay with what happened… I removed it from our relationship when I knew it was causing damage and I was still overthinking and still worrying over it. This was before I had ocd btw. And now it’ll just manipulate me, because if someone is attractive then obviously they’d be attractive whatever they were doing, but it doesn’t mean I want to think that stuff or want any sexual thought in my head, especially about someone from my past, like IM NOT WANTING THIS THOUGHT! 😭😥 I don’t see people in a sexual way, I don’t feel turned on by anyone but my partner in all seriousness… so why is it doing this? I hate it and feel so immoral, I can’t help that there may be attractive people in this world. I can’t help that? But it doesn’t mean I’m trying to or wanting to think of them in a sexual context… I don’t! I hate it so much and just am about at the point of crying over this… I hate how it automatically says this stuff when I have those types of thoughts pop up, like I hate it so much… can anyone relate ? Anyone have any coping mechanisms, because I can’t handle this.

I can't get over knowing this is a life long thing. this will never end. i am going to be battling this for the rest of my life. i don't want any more medication than i already take. i deal with a lack of the biochemical serotonin. my levels are naturally too low to function without lab-created serotonin pumped into my body in little tablets i swallow. they taste bad, but i feel good. sometimes it makes me wonder if i will perpetually be "living the high". sure you could call this an episode, a breakdown of some kind, but its all the time. i took my meds this morning. i hate when people ask. i understand that i have this thing, and when i don't take it I'm not this happy go lucky guy but seriously? I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood? i cant be angry at something because I'm medicated? what would my life be like if i hadn't started medication. would i be dead right now? (MAJOR TW) would i have wrapped a cord around my neck and be gone 2 years ago? if i wasn't on an unnatural and manmade pill, would i be dead? would that be a better way to be? a more natural way? i don't know. but its hard sometimes. i don't feel like i will ever be a normal person. will i always have to carry around with my little happy pills? do i have to worry about either packing up and taking with me 2 little pill bottles, or make sure i'm home by a certain time to do my little routine and be happy just like i should be? i hate being the one in the group that has to be on medication always, the person that makes others stop joking around about depression or suicide or anything when they walk in? i just want to be a normal person.

i’m in this weird position of having health/somatic OCD but also having physical health conditions. it’s so annoying because for example i’ll feel a sensation in my chest and logically i’ll know it’s just something like GERD flaring up but my brain will keep telling me “what if it’s not??” and i won’t be able to take my mind off the sensation/doing checks/any techniques i’ve been taught by doctors to try make the sensation go away. i don’t even know how to properly ERP it because i KNOW that there’s a sensation that isn’t psychosomatic and that there’s a real risk to my health because of the other conditions which could send my health into a tailspin on any given day. it just feels like it’s perfectly justified for me to have a valid reason to be concerned with how volatile my health already is

Warning this is going to be a long post and it’s me looking for help To preface I’m a 27 year old Male. I’ve had ocd as long as I can remember. My parents split at a young age pretty badly and my dad could be mentally and physically abusive. I felt dark and depressed at a young age. Body dysmorphia at a young age. Developed contamination ocd and washed my hands to the point they’d bleed. Also had messed up thoughts and images in my head. Felt off even when everything was okay. This continued and I eventually moved into sports (mainly wrestling) which helped me a lot I think. Still had it but it would come in waves. Through all this my mom was the most supportive. Got me a psychiatrist. Sat with me when I cried and didn’t know how to stop. She was truly an amazing parent. I remember thinking sometimes I’ll grow up to be a man and a dad who I hated in both my dad and stepdad and would never be as close with my kids because I wasn’t a mom. Especially because she carried me for 9 months. Other than that I’d say a normal nerdy boy. I liked super hero’s and fantasy over sports and trucks but normal. I had my first pure o episode with religion in 8th grade I think Wondered if it was all real after a convo with my cousin. Drove me insane. Eventually I got somewhat over it. As I got into high school I had HOCD at the end of my freshman year into my sophomore year because I had a thought about my friend. I’ll say I noticed male attractiveness more maybe in celebrity couples and wondered who I felt like I was imagining kissing in a movie scene here or there but always thought I was attracted to girls. Had sexual dreams about girls as early as 5. Chased them etc. I also had thoughts during the HOCD why do I notice the guy more and feel like I have to adjust my view to notice girl more. That lead to a couple days where I wondered do I like girls or want to be them. Anyways the HOCD went away. After my grandpa died my episode kind of faded I excelled at school and wrestling had a girlfriend my junior year but we broke up and went to college. That was my only serious gf. I also became really close to my coaches who acted as father figures and made me think maybe it’ll be okay that I’ll be a dad. I lost virginity my freshman year of college to a girl and otherwise felt normal. Still had ocd about wrestling and the occasional religious or sexual orientation question but otherwise normal. My junior year I finally entered a serious relationship. I felt great like I made it. Occasional thought of HOCD and wondered why I felt like the extra piece in a couple photos I took with her but good. It eventually got ugly and my college wrestling career was going down with it. I broke up with her my senior year of college. The HOCD came back. On top of this I had learned she had an abortion without me knowing and my mom had cancer. My best friend who felt like a spiritual oasis and made me feel safe had cancer. I had some other minor traumas too. I waited a year before I told her I had HOCD again. During this time I also dated around with women a lot before meeting my now fiancé. She said we will figure it out. A year and a half from graduating, my moms in remission I have a great girlfriend but I still have HOCD. Then I woke up one day and felt like my mind totally flipped. Sure I noticed guys were attractive, even got off to gay porn a couple times but was always sure straight was my reality. It felt crushing when I thought it flopped and felt real and I liked the thoughts. I was sick for a week with fear. This happened two more times. I kept dating my fiancé though and eventually got to a a manageable point. However it felt like it was always in the back of my mind. I eventually tried to really figure it out July 4 2021. I was sitting alone and thought why do I feel this? If I were gay I’d want to be the motherly one and the other would be the man of the relationship I guess. I always noticed I had a little bit of a feminine side and felt different from other guys like maybe a female/feminine brain but a guy and was okay with that. If I were gay someone else would be the completing piece. Then it hit me. “Omg im trans”. Never in my life did I want to be a girl. I questioned those couple days and maybe envied some female things but ultimately thought guys were cooler and it was better. However when I thought this it felt like a feeling of clarity like id figured out why I didn’t want to be a dad or man and be the bad half of life. Part felt good but also terrifying. I immediately texted my mom I think im trans and she said there’s no way. It wouldn’t leave me though it made sense somehow even if all the other aspects of it didn’t. Eventually the other aspects caught up and id be on and off about it but always had the thought you are trans in the back of my head. Eventually my mom died and I went manic. I lost her and I think I could be a woman internally. To think I didn’t end my life is a miracle. I eventually found a therapist who started to work through it with me. I had hen added another therapist who specialized in ocd. It still wouldn’t go away. The idea of it be better being a woman and the good feeling of being a mom stuck even if nothing else made sense. So basically I’m still dealing with what I hope is HOCD and TOCD. I’ve done everything. Read trans and gay forums. Masterbated to all types of porn with different scenarios getting mixed results imagining being with a man and taken dysphoria test, most recently telling me I do have dysphoria. To top it off I proposed to my now fiancé. From the first day I met her I loved her soul. I thought she was my answer. Through thick and thin she stood by me. Even after I told her about these thoughts when we were 2 years into our relationship. She means the world to me no matter who I am. I imagine having kids with her and it makes sense even with all these thoughts. But these thoughts made me think I’m doing something wrong and I’m in denial. Recently I’ve totally lost it to the point where I feel I know I’m trans and it kills me. I hate that there’s any positive feelings with it. I’ve been told by my therapist this could be trauma ocd and autism but it still feels like I discovered an ugly truth. I pray to God everyday this will go away and I’ll be happy as me but it doesn’t and now I feel like I’m about to make a big decision and leave my life to chase a feeling that may ultimately ruin my life if I’m wrong. I’d have to leave her, leave my job (I’m a firefighter) and the life I’ve worked and endeared my ass off for. Don’t get me wrong, being a guy isn’t totally bad. Something says being a woman and mom encompasses a part of me though that may have been the answer and makes life makes sense. Like a new filter on reality which makes no sense. I relate to pieces of HOCD/TOCD and to pieces of these forums whether they be gay or trans. I don’t want any of it. I want to confidently and happily marry my potential wife and have a family and love me but something says I can’t. I’m asking and praying that I can get help and someone can relate. Basically I want the truth but I’m afraid I may have found it and I hope somebody out there can help me see otherwise. Thanks for reading. I hope this helps someone else as much as I hope it helps me.

Okay, i hope this is my last post in a long time lol, because i think i may be getting worse due to this. I have what i believe is Incest OCD. I have struggled with this since July 25th, and it has been a complete hell for me. I think/i fear of falling in love with my sister, and it started like an unwanted adrenaline rush when i saw her one morning. Idk why i felt that way, but i havent stopped thinking about it. I have had almost non stop anxiety since that day, i've been ruminating about it and googling and all of those nasty compulsions we all know. I used to have groinals (an extremely powerful arousal sensation, to be precise) that is gone now, when i learned that focusing on them Made it Even more powerful. The thing is... i have been having small times of happiness and numbness nowadays. Like, no anxiety (apparently) at all. I still have these thoughts but... it feels weird, like if i'm accepting them and they don't scare me no more, but still have immense guilt over it. I fear that this happiness/numbness may mean that i'm actually in love with her now or something like that (which i don't want to be true, i swear). I feel guilty over all happiness i get. I even stopped editing videos, playing videogames and hearing music because of this weird "enhightened" happiness that idk what it truly means. I can't truly enjoy anything now. Idk what to think anymore. I feel like i have turned into what i feared the most. I know it's wrong, and i swear I would never do anything to my sister, but this feeling is weird. I don't want it to be true, i feel i Will never be in peace with myself. I have tried to avoid as many compulsions i can (looking at her to check if i feel something, avoiding her...) but i still feel worse than before. I even had suicidal thoughts because i don't like this theme of course, but now these suicidal thoughts are gone as well... Hell, i even remember i had never felt any kind of weird emotion or arousal to my sister before all of this started. I'm trying so hard to convince me this is not me, but my OCD doing bs to my mind. I miss those old times i could be with her without thinking this shit. Any advice will be welcome. I'm trying to be detailed with how i feel because this is just hell for me and i want to know if someone feels remotely the same as me I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with OCD in only one session, so idk if it's a valid diagnosis. I have had many other obsessions with different themes (Harm/Self-harm intrussive thoughts, obsession over Dementia and Rabies...) , so thats why i hope this may be OCD as well. More recently, i was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Moderate Anxiety by another psychologist. She doesnt think i have OCD as I don't have "physical compulsions" like washing My hands for hours or stuff that bothers all aspects of My life (even though my school is being affected, and of course i try to avoid being with my family or talking/thinking about sex or Even talking to my uni crush, which triggers my anxiety). I hope i wrote all of this correctly, as i'm not a native English speaker. Any advice or story related to this is welcome.

It’s probably desensitization but I’m scared I’m getting worse and worse. My morals feel like they’ve been hijacked and I’m scared I’m turning into a bad person. Nothing really disgusts me enough anymore. I’m so tired. When all of this started, I was still able to do things normally even if it felt like I had a weight on my head but it got better. Until I had an intrusive thought about looking for CSEM which has just gotten worse because it’s like it’s turned into an urge. I’m worried at some point (sooner or later), I’m gonna end up doing it. Or I have the scary thought of what if I want to and I’ll regret NOT ever seeing it which is also gross. And I’ve heard about people running into it on social media somehow which then triggers this screwed up sense of morbid curiosity about how that would even end up on social media without being flagged/removed and the thought of “what if you went looking for it there” - I just want it to stop!!! I feel like I can’t even live life now because the thought/urge is there every single day and I can’t escape. Nothing brings me joy - I’m empty all of the time. I can’t make myself play a game or watch a show because I can’t focus and I feel almost nothing towards them. And even if I did feel happy, it wouldn’t last long before being ripped away again. I’m worried I have some sort of addiction to be having this thought every day of “look for it, do it, you have to know” - but I shouldn’t? I’ve cut back immensely on a lot of NSFW stuff and what little I do see (like in books) doesn’t seem to trigger me. This thought actually started happening after multiple accounts of hearing people being prosecuted for having that sort of material (people talk about exes or husbands of friends and whatnot having done that and you also hear about famous people sometimes - it’s everywhere and I’m so sick of hearing about it all of the time because I’m worried I’m gonna end up BEING one of those people). It will not go away even if I stop paying it any mind and I’m frightened all the time now. I feel disgusting and I’m afraid I’m a horrible person. I feel cursed and I just want everything to go back to normal. I want to be disgusted and opposed again and it just isn’t happening! 😞 even now I feel like an imposter posting here because it doesn’t seem like OCD anymore, I’m just gross and out of control like some freak. I feel like I’m gonna have to cut my life short to avoid it happening (but I’m also too scared to do that and I WANT to live but it just feels like I won’t be able to “help myself” which is no excuse but that’s how it feels). I’m not gonna do it at the moment (like I said, I’m too scared) but it feels like I deserve it and it’s the only outcome for me. It feels like too much to do anything because what if I snap?? What if I get too curious?? I’m just so done with all of this - I feel like I’m gonna explode. And no amount of people saying “I don’t think you’ll do it” would make me feel better. I just don’t know what to do - I can’t get therapy, I can’t tell anyone. I’m so alone and it feels like mental torture

Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong. Like I don’t have ocd because mine is very specific. It makes me feel like a bad person, like a monster. But then I read things on here. Other people’s scary thoughts. Some even similar to mine and it makes me feel like I am not alone. I am definitely better then the way I was before but sometimes it does come back and I remember how hard it is. I know I am a good person. I know I am capable of doing great things. I know I can allow myself to relax. You are not a monster. You are miss understood but u r trying. And u will get better. Everyone is cable of happiness. You are kind and hard working. Even if your thoughts are scary or bad. Maybe ur actions too. You are good. Keep going. You will feel like a new person before you know it.

Yesterday I got all dressed up to go out with my cousins and I went to the bar we were supposed to meet up at only to be waiting there for an hour until I figured they weren’t coming…so out of desperation or vulnerability I suppose I texted my ex who lived near by only to then be rejected once again from him. Yesterday was intense because it worsened my intrusive thoughts. I just felt so alone and so sad. It’s so hard making friends and it really sucks sometimes because I like to be social I like to make friends but I just never make any. I feel like something just isn’t clicking with me. I’m already 27 and I really wish I had a significant other I want that in my life I want a family.

for meta based obsessions (meta means to surpass) such as meta-OCD, where one doubts whether they have OCD even though the reason they doubt their OCD is because they have OCD… or meta-consciousness, where one doubts whether they are conscious or not despite only being able to doubt their own consciousness because they are consciousness in the first place… respond as so: ‘maybe, maybe not; i’m just going to live my life as if I certainly did have OCD / certainly was conscious’ for non-meta based obsessions, respond as so; ‘maybe, maybe not; let’s just see what happens’

I’m sorry I’ve been offline. I’ve had a fever which took the energy right out of me.

Yesterday it was a tough day for me, karma came back to beat my ass up. I went on 2 dates this week with a guy but we won't go on dates anymore since we didn't felt like we were compatible (I am obsessing a little over him tho even if I felt the same as he did (that we aren't compatible)). That is ok like fine not ideal but I think it is kinda common. The worse is that I feel like I ruined my life because yesterday I was talking to a friend and he asked me if I was ok I said I wasn't and he asked why and I replied with the boy I went on dates thing. My friend left me on read for the entire afternoon and I panicked because I knoe that he liked me in the past and we have had a little more than friendship back then. Turns out he still likes me which I tbh I thought he still liked me but I wasn't sure and I was trying not to send mixed signs tho I really like him like I have a lot of affection towards him but I don't feel any sexual attraction which I guess makes us incompatible for any kind of romantic relationship. Yeah so he got sad I got sad now I feel like shit. Because clearly there is a pattern in me of being confused about my feelings and having a crush on multiple people at the same time. Apart from that I was going to stay with this friend on a lot of group projects in college but now I feel like it would be best if I find other people to work with. I would appreciate if anyone could give me their 2 cents on this. I am feeling like absolute crap like I ruin everything and I will never have a normal life with good friendships and a boyfriend who trully loves me because I am a mess and I just want to evaporate.

I have sudden obsession with my bresth because i feel like I have bad breath and my friend wanted to tell me but she can't

Partner comes home from overseas tomorrow. I usually feel excited but now my ocd is cutting in and saying I don't deserve to feel excited. I know I've got to let the thoughts come and go, but this is too intense I'm shaking and my chest is burning with anxiety. Instead of being a happy moment, I'm going to be anxiety ridden. I hate OCD...

Does anyone else freak out at the store/have to inspect every item to make sure there's nothing "wrong" with it or to make sure no one has "messed with it" somehow? It's become so exhausting to go to a store, sometimes I walk out without the item I was looking for because I saw a spot on it I didn't like