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Been trying to stay off this app but I’ve hit a wall today… not long woke up and just feeling so overwhelmed by thoughts… I know thoughts are just “thoughts” but when you suffer with ocd it makes you question every single moral and thing about yourself. I had an intrusive thought come in that said “I wish I hadn’t gotten with anyone attractive in my past” while it’s putting images of their bodies/body parts in my head saying “that’s attractive” or something like that… like um I genuinely wish I hadn’t had a past with ANYONE… I’m not trying to think these things… I hate when it puts images in my head like someone’s body or body part, I don’t want to think that. I’m totally committed to my boyfriend and it makes me feel so immoral and wrong, I wouldn’t even look sideways at another person let alone think this way about people from my past… they are not relevant to me. And I am faithful and loyal x a million… I just want to curl up in a ball and cry but I have to be up and look after my daughter, with tears in my eyes. I don’t know and can’t help what I may have thought of people from my past when I was with them, that is my PAST, I obviously may have thought they were attractive and thought stuff of their body etc when I was with them, but that isn’t what I want to think now… when I met my boyfriend I was so in love with him so quickly, truly never felt that way about anyone else, he made me realise he was the person I was searching for my whole life. I didn’t have ocd when I met him, I was somewhat “normal” just quite insecure, I did not have these types of thoughts going through my head. I have quite a big past and it will list every single individual person and put images in my head, saying stuff about them or their body/body parts or about how I may have felt in the past… this is so draining and I’m in tears writing this, because I just want my life back before this happened. It feels like you’re in a bad dream trying to run away from This monster and you can’t control anything. How could I be thinking something truly if it makes me want to scream and cry and I’m hitting myself in the face at times trying to make it stop!! I wish I never had a past, I may still have intrusive thoughts but maybe it wouldn’t be like this. Does anyone else experience this while in a relationship. I know how draining it is for me, but my partner too who has put up with so many confessions which I’m trying to stop because I’ve just started again after us breaking up months ago over the constant confessions… I hate this illness and literally just feel like crying all the time, it’s evil, and wants to torture you. How can I not be upset over these types of thoughts when they’re the total opposite of me. I don’t have enough money for a therapist, I started seeing a NOCD therapist but had to stop because they don’t offer Medicare yet in Australia. I feel so alone and sad and I’m balling my eyes out.

I think I have real event or moral scrupulosity OCD for sure because I keep remembering something I did at 19 two years ago - it was something I knew was kind of not okay and so I did it discreetly without others knowing, but I don’t think it registered how bad it was until more recently this year. I keep thinking about why I did it and maybe it’s not the same as people who would do it for completely selfish and bad reasons (I think it might have been a compulsive behavior at the time), but it still wasn’t okay! Then again, maybe I’m deflecting - maybe I was being selfish in a way. The people around me didn’t give the okay for that, so why did I do it!! They don’t know I did it because I hid it and I didn’t do anything directly to them, but that really doesn’t make it any better. I feel like such a POS and it’s probably because I am one. I also worry I did it a second time, but I can’t remember and it upsets me so much. With my other OCD issues, I haven’t done any of the things that I’ve obsessed about (though I worry I will, especially when thinking about how I did this), but I actually did do something here, and I shouldn’t have done it. But maybe it’s not OCD - maybe I just deserve to feel guilty for this. Maybe I’m right and I’m a terrible human being who should be forever haunted by what I did. I kind of just want to die now… I don’t feel even the least bit redeemable, like why did I do that… I think my life might be over and I don’t deserve to have friends or people who care about me because honestly, that was super wrong and I don’t know if there’s any coming back from that 😞 I keep thinking about how if something bad happens to me, I’ll deserve it. Or how maybe I should punish myself somehow. I don’t know what to do because I don’t think I can atone in any way and I can’t go on feeling like I don’t deserve to live.

How is it even possible to move on knowing you did something so horrible ? I am reminded of it so frequently and I just can’t even imagine how much my childhood friend is hurting.

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How do you talk to your OCD intrusive thoughts on a productive way? I can’t help but be scared by them, which I know just reinforces the cycle. What has worked for you?

I've recently have had themes, switch lately, so many questions in my head all day long, and the one that is making me super anxious lately that my mind has latched onto is fear of psychosis or going crazy, my mind has been throwing random thoughts of my wife being a witch and casting spells on me, now I know that this is ridiculous, but I work in an office and have alot of down time and it's like everytime I get that thought, I feel a rush of anxiety, my head starts tingling and I feel that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, and start panicking, I think I'm just freaking myself out and I think the reason why I latched onto such a ridiculous random idea is because my wife has said she has always been interested in this sort of thing and my daughter has bought books in the past on casting spells, still it has been really getting me thinking and panicking about having delusions and that in itself makes me nervous, but again I can see it for what it is, and I think it's just my OCD causing my anxious thoughts, just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar?

It feels like now im for sure attracted and im just hiding it but i still don’t want it

Today has been a rough morning. I’ve been doing a lot of googling… a lot of online quizzes… I can’t put my phone down. I saw an attractive girl who was very masculine (and lesbian) last night on TikTok and I got anxiety and blocked her immediately. Is she “hot” or is she “pretty”? I wouldn’t categorize her as pretty because she looks like a man. So that must mean I think she’s hot. If I think she’s hot, that must mean I think masculine women are hot and I want to be with one. This morning I woke up and unblocked her to see if I actually thought she was attractive and if the anxiety I felt was anxiety and not the “lightning bolt” feeling people talk about getting when they see someone attractive. I went through the comments to see if there were any straight woman commenting on her attractiveness. There were, so that was relieving. I watched her a few of her videos until I felt good enough that I would not want to be with her.

For those who have conquered or healed from soocd, I know most do ERP but how do you know the difference from acceptance and doing it to calm down your anxiety and ocd. Do you ever fully recover? Doing erp seems like an acceptance of the denial. Someone please help. I’ve been struggling with SOOCD for 2 months because of my dreams. And ROCD goes along with it. I can’t see myself being with a woman at all and I don’t want to be at all, it’s just not me and it never has been. I never questioned my sexuality ever until these dream’s happened and then I dug myself a deep hole because of it. I’m also 18 years old and in a 1 and a half relationship with my amazing boyfriend. My mind is going through so much, someone please explain to me all of this and why just why. I don’t care if this is reassurance I just simply don’t understand why this is all of a sudden.

I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. I am still feeling this way and my girlfriend decided to take a break because she is unhappy about what I say about my thoughts brings her confidence about herself down, I feel nothing towards her. have thoughts that I am a manipulator and narcissist, thoughts that I don't care about breaking up, that she is fat, not attractive, etc and that I can just move on and date other people or live the typical college life or download dating apps and engage in hooking up with people. I also have thoughts about people performing oral sex a certain way that I want it to be like, anytime I see a girl my mind thinks oh she can probably give a good oral sex then I have the image of how it would be in my head, I also have this fetish/kink with acrylic nails that if a girl has it my mind start to fantasize about the person performing oral sex on my with the nails or having sex with them. I am not sure if this is because of watching 🌽. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

I have ocd over taking meds. And my ocd makes me second guess or change my mind constantly. I’ve been batttling this for almost six months. I was put in zoloft 200 mg right away six weeks ago. I am also in Klonopin which is freaking me out bc I want off of it so badly. Four weeks into treatment my psych added remeron 15 mg. With the 200 mg I’ve had diarrhea and tremors, which I can’t decide it it’s anxiety or the meds. I also cried a lot those first few weeks. My doctor told me I could lower my dose to 150. Now I can’t stop ruminating over whether I should have stayed with the 200 or not. This is week six. All I can think about is whether or not to go back up to 200, which mh psych did give me permission to do. Ugh! I’m a mess and not just relaxing and letting the meds work. Anyone else struggle with these thoughts?

I have people pleasing OCD and I always avoid conflicts with people who are mean, so I’m trying to face mean people as an ERP. One hour ago a girl in our major chat group, (she’s the one who have contact with our Doctor to help us)she was kinda mean and arrogant with some of us, we asked her to ask a Doctor an important and urgent question but she refused without any convincing reason, and was acting arrogant towards some of us and made it seems like we’re losers and neglected, so I got annoyed and had a little conflict with her, and another girl told me to stop or it’s gonna turn into a fight, and I don’t mean to cause problems, so at the end I told the mean girl “okay, thanks for hard work” and she ignored it, so I got annoyed again and thought that she didn’t deserve it so I deleted the (thank you for your hard work) part. I know I did right thing by facing her for being mean, but I got triggered I had these thoughts: - I did good and I was finally assertive but I ruined it at the end when I thanked her. - I just let down myself by trying to please her at the end by thanking her. - Now she and everyone think that I got scared of her and decided to thank her. - What if I saw her in college and I was not strong enough to face her again, especially that the Doctor loves her the most. - What if I looked like a troublemaker or a loser to everyone? - No one supported me while talking to her what if I’m wrong? - I feel exposed. - I don’t want problems I can’t handle stress. - I must’ve been more assertive with her. - I must let her know who really I am and she must respect me. - I must take revenge. - I must let her know her place. - I gotta make her feel like loser next to me. - I got triggered so I must be weak and shouldn’t have done this. What I felt: - Stress - Anger - Shame - Embarrassment - Insulted The compulsions that I did: - I responded to my fear of causing a problem and thanked her to lighten up the mood. - I got mad cus she didn’t reply and felt like a loser so I deleted it. - I kept checking who read my chats with her. - I told my friend about and asked for her opinion as way to gain certainty. - I archived the group chat cuz I feel embarrassed and ashamed when I see it. And now I’m facing annoying OCD thoughts about it, I feel so triggered, did I do the right ERP and is it normal to get triggered after it?

Has anyone ever experienced wanting to be exactly like someone? Even a crush?

I’m really trying to sit with the discomfort of the Harm OCD urges. The other day it felt like I was about to snap and act on my thoughts and it scared the heck out of me. Now I can’t shake it. It feels like because I didn’t act on them, I’m missing out on something. How horrible is that? It’s freaking me out. It’s also coming in that I don’t have a choice and I want this to happen. If anyone has any tips, I’d greatly appreciate it because I’m very terrified. I’m trying to accept it and move on but it’s super sticky.

years ago i was told i have ocd. i speak with a mental health nurse weekly and he said i don't have ocd because i don't do rituals and now i feel like well what do i have then all my life i was told i have ocd and to be told this has made me feel weird 😢

Its done, i dont know if ive done something awful one night intoxicated, im looking for evidence all the time, looking on facebook etc, looking at any evidence possible but the crime i feel I committed would put me in prison and is awful, i just hope I haven’t done it.

I was diagnosed with IBS at the top of this year, and my ocd panic attacks coincide with when my stomach is not doing well- but then it becomes the chicken or the egg I can’t tell if the stress is coming from the pain or if i’m creating pain with stress!! Anyways- just curious anyone else struggle with tummy issues of that variety. I write this as I try to make sure I don’t pull myself into another panic attack due to the feeling in my stomach, but instead try something new.. like write in this forum! Hope you all have a great day !

I keep seeing posts on here about people saying that they its its ocd and that deep down they know they’re straight but they cant get rid of their thoughts and that triggers me soo much. Because I don’t relate to that deep down feeling and deep down I feel like im lying to myself and that I’m in denial and that I would be happier living my “true self”. And even when I say that I love my partner and that if this was true I couldn’t have stay 5 years with him my mind tells me well yea but when you kiss him you dont feel much and when you tell him that you love him you feel like you cant get attached. I’m just soo down. And the thing is when I wish for something like “ I just wanna be normal” or “ I just wanna be straight” it feels like im just like the people that are in denial and I tell myself no you can’t wish for that because that’s not you and you can’t change that about yourself. Ughhh i’m sooo tired… can anyone relate?

Hi everyone. I've been struggling with post partum OCD for about 18 months. My OCD themes tend to me around POCD. I've been going to therapy since last December and I feel as tho I'm still in a constant loop there are times I do really well then times are just really bad. Can anyone give me some tips on how to help this. It just makes me feel like such a bad mom to have these types of thoughts

There is a sense of panic…urgency to breakup…..I don’t feel confident , there are so many questions coming up….. what do I do? I feel I can’t do this anymore….i just not able to ignore these thoughts and feelings….i feel nothing is going to get better….but I also can’t hurt him by breaking up. So many what ifs questions….i feel hopeless….i feel like I just want to exit. I don’t even know what do I want anymore. But I also know I can’t hurt my bf like this. Please anyone gone through with this..any wisdom any advice will be helpful