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Anyone feel like talking? I might delete this post btw, just so you know in case it just vanishes

Having surgery on my collarbone tomorrow and I’m terrified, I’m scared that I’m gonna go under and not wake up, has anyone dealt with this before? How did you get over it?

I have been feeling horrible lately. It is my first year at uni and it is also mid terms season. But my therapist says that the stress of that and just everything right now has caused my ocd to skyrocket. I have been feeling the worst I have ever felt in so long. But today was a little bit easier. The anxiety had gone down a bit but I was just left with this deep homesickness. Ever since I got here I think it has just felt like summer camp and everything will go back to normal. I think it is just finally hitting me and it hurts a lot, and is so scary too. I am not sure if I am ready for my life to change like this. Don’t get me wrong I love it here. It is so beautiful and it is like a little city. I am working towards my dreams and I have such good friends. But sometimes it just feels like one day after another. I miss my hometown. And my friends and family. I miss them so much. I miss being around people that know and love me. It feels so jarring and lonely here. Which is weird because my best friend is here with me and so is a couple of my other friends. But idk. My other friend group felt like a family. We r a family. I miss being around them and being somewhere familiar, even though I have a couple of my friends here. I want to feel that comfort of being somewhere familiar. Of knowing my parents are somewhere in the house and I can get a hug from my mom or dad anytime. I know it could be worse. I see my other friends when I can! I live close to home as well I can literally come home every weekend. I don’t know why it feels so horrible to be here right now. Obviously this has been effecting my mental health and ocd. I just feel depressed and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t even know how to put it into words it just feels so horribly lonely.

My hocd is so bad right now :( It feels so real & convincing that I’m unable to spend any quality time with my boyfriend without having intrusive thoughts. We have been planning on getting married soon & this spike is ruining everything because I feel so unsure if I am gay or not. Don’t know what to do.

Please can someone help, I have realised that I am having Rocd about my best friend. I have experienced it with my boyfriend for a few years, and for the most part, it doesn’t bother me so much anymore, but I seem to be really agonising over my best friend at the moment and trying to figure out if we have drifted, if she still considers me a best friend, if our friendship will ever feel back to normal etc… basically worrying I am going to lose my most valued friendship! Some context is that she has two very young children, and we have both had a lot of difficult family circumstances this year- which have led to us both feeling a bit out of sorts, and of course since she’s had children her main focus has switched. We’ve managed to maintain a great, very close friendship for 12 years even though we live a few hours away from each other, and prior to recently, I have always felt so secure and at ease with her. These recent obsessions about the friendship have made me feel so disconnected from her, my brain is making me feel like I don’t know her, like she’s a stranger when we’re together, and I have been feeling so anxious around her that I have started to avoid it because I don’t know what to say anymore. I have felt distant and disconnected and lonely with a lot of friends this year , like I have no true connections… but it’s making me feel particularly bad about this friend because I value her friendship more than anything else in the world. I have experienced this feeling with my boyfriend in the past when I convinced myself that he was going to leave me, but I managed to get over it. I am finding this friendship theme really difficult to get over because I don’t see her regularly to enable me to do erp, and I don’t want to be clingy by messaging her all the time. Can anyone advise a way of getting over this theme or a way of doing ERP even though we live far away from each other? I’d love to hear from anyone who has experienced the same thing and got over it. I feel desperate to not lose this friendship and I pray that it’s just my brain playing tricks on me.

Hi everyone. Something has been bothering me for a few days now, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I have been interested in artificial intelligence for quite some time and experiment with it passionately. I've developed an online platform where I use AI to write blog posts and articles. These writings are original and not plagiarized; they are generated by combining the data on which the AI has been trained to produce unique text pieces. I publish these articles on my blog or website, which receives a decent amount of traffic, and I'll soon be eligible for on-page advertisements. This means I could potentially earn money from content I didn't write myself. However, it's not straightforward to create such articles; it requires time and expertise to set the right instructions, parameters, and conditions for the AI software. A concern is the potentially harmful use of AI technology in the future. I wonder if my use of AI contributes to the development of a "monster" that could cause great harm or even loss of life. A thought that frequently crosses my mind is how I can justify continuing to use AI. One rationalization I often tell myself is that the more I understand about artificial intelligence, the better equipped I'll be to counter its negative impacts if it ever becomes a threat to me or my environment. By engaging with AI, I get to know its dangers more intimately. But then another thought occurs to me: if I were to compare this situation to a different period in our history, say World War II, what would the ethical implications be? Imagine if someone knew one of the major criminals of that era, understood the potential dangers he posed, but chose to benefit financially from his rise to power by supporting his political party or producing goods that would help him directly or indirectly. If that person then fled the country when things got dangerous, capitalizing on their intimate knowledge of the situation, would that be ethical? Knowing the risks associated with that person and then fleeing right before things escalated? I draw a parallel with my current situation; I see potential future dangers. Is it ethically responsible for me to continue utilizing this technology? Something like this also happened with me in the past. I used to love making electric house music, was quite good at it aswell. But suddenly got the thought: what if my house music makes people on a house party want to take drugs (as I have done myself in the past). Even since that moment ive been having trouble creating music even tough i coule definitely do it for a income. I just dropped it with many many and i mean many hours and a lot of money invested in it. Same is happening right now with AI. poured alot of hours into it, learning to program aswell, and am at the brink of dumping this one also because in potential it could be used for very very bad purposes by the wrong people which i am sure already is being used in harmfull ways, and me making money of some technology that can do harm to others in the wrong hands feels like im some kind of bad person. Because even tough my data should be 'safe' at their database their model gets trained ont the way people communicate with it and so speeding up the development of ai and then contributing to a smarter and more complex technology that again in the wrong hands could be used and will be used for bad things... on the other side of things, dont we use alot of technology that can also be used by bad people? Why dont i feel bad about that yet? Maybe because im not yet aware of it? Been getting work requests (writing scripts for people etc) which i used to use ai for and now im too scared / guilty feeling to use it. And cannot fulfill incoming requests by customers. I just realized that I've also been paying for their services for almost a year now. 20 x 12 is 240 euros that is being used to improve ai and therefore improve the possible or more so the fact that it some day or already is being used in malicious ways. Ive read online that ai in the wrong hands can be used in dirty war tactics, biochemical weapons and so on and on. I found a website that works an getting ai to be safer and you can donate to them. I feel i need to donate the equivalent of 240 euros to their cause just to even the part of paying for ai services out. would this be a compulsion?

Tw: vent I think I romanticise mental illness and I'm terrified that I find it attractive. I don't believe this - I LITERALLY STRUGGLE EVERYDAY but I STILL somehow think mental illness is cool for other people. I'm worried I might be attracted to it ffs - I'M MESSED UP. I feel so awful and I hate that I'm like this. I tell myself "no, you know that's wrong" but it's like my view is so messed up that I'm like nah. I hate it and I'm so scared. I can't take anything else. Day after day another thing comes along and at this point.. I'm just gonna have to accept I'm an awful person, right? I know thoughts don't define a person but I can't keep giving myself the benefit of the doubt. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone says "oh, well, thoughts don't define you, it's only if you act on them! :)" but how am I meant to live with myself. I'm just so done with everything. My brain feels like when you're drawing, and you rub something out, draw over it again, rub it out, draw again, until the paper is falling to pieces and you can't do anything with it anymore. There's just so many things wrong with me and I don't even deserve to be posting anything here. I've prayed, I've vented, I've apologised over and over to whoever in the universe is listening, but it's not enough. I'm sick of trying to be good anymore. I'm sick of giving it my all. I'm sick of being a sick person. I just want to be good. Why is that too much to ask? I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to have bad thoughts and views. Why isn't that enough? Thoughts don't define me, blah blah blah blah. Maybe they don't, but how am I meant to live with my thoughts? I'm the one that's in my head, that's having to hear these thoughts and constantly tell them to be BETTER. They're not intrusive, I know they're not. I know that's a classic ocd thing to say but please just trust me. I'm tired of people telling me they're "just intrusive". I know some can be, but these are genuine thoughts and I'm tired of denying it. I know everyone can be better and change, but how am I meant to when I DON'T KNOW HOW?? I just need someone to tell me HOW. I know I would never ever hurt even a fly. I just want to scream and cry until someone tells me how to fix this. I would never want to die, of course not, I just want to know how to be better, how to be the change I want to see in the world. I just want to be good, that's all I've ever wanted. I'm not here for reassurance, I just want somebody to understand for once.

I sometimes repost things on my insta story to spread awarness about different issues like racism, homophobia ect. I today went idk why through my history archive to see what i have posted before. One repost has made me really anxious now. It was a repost from two years ago about the racism some football players from England faced after a match. The front page was saying that and under that was shown a hate comment saying the hard r n slur. I now am having so much anxiety about this. I know that my intentions were to spread awarness about the incident and nothing more, but now i feel terrible that the post contained the slur. It almost feels like i said it. I don’t know if this is actually wrong of me as a white person or if this is my ocd. I would really appreciate if someone could help!!!

Any Muslims who are suffering from soocd or have suffered from soocd? Or any religious ppl of other religons?

My ocd subtype changed again. Now I'm worried what if I go crazy. With all this anxiety and worrying it already feels like I am. I don't want to go crazy or experience psychosis. I'm so scared. Does anyone know how to deal with this?

If this makes you confused, i couldnt write the whole thing out there, i mean we know that in ocd the things that we rumminate about arent the problem, so in harm ocd the problem isnt you being a psychopath, in Pocd the problem is not you being a pedophile, the problem is your reaction to the thoughts. I got myself fall back into ocd's trap, i cant even say its a setback cause i realized how blind i was through the weeks and i was rumminating and obsessing everyday without knowing it. Its so difficult cause you care about something then it turns into ocd and before you know it youre in the trap... So i started experiencing things like hate towards myself cause of ocd and how stressful is but i can say that right now i do love myself, i just realized at some point that it started to go that way, or the so much rummination about religious stuffs made me start to hate all of that, i have certain thoughts about some things that feels like its me, i mean opinions that are negative, it feels like its my opinion, and at some point i got scared that i have to work with these, i have some problems, maybe im depressed, maybe i lost my faith, and this just made the feelings of anger and sadness worse, and then i was like if i notice all of these things and give attention to them i feel worse and it gives me alot of guilt, but if i ignore it makes me feel like im being a bad person cause im avoiding that im actually problematic or toxic... so then i was like "is this still part of the this is not the real problem?" So i should ignore these things cause thinking about them just makes me feel worse? I dont know if someone can relate to me, its really confusing to write it out too what im experiencing, if you do please share what helped you

Yesterday was a bit of a more difficult day… I was online a lot. Today I’m going to try to not get on this app or on Reddit/quora… I wanted to ask this to the straight females in this group struggling with soocd. How does it make you feel when someone says that “most woman are attracted to other woman” I’ve also seen “all woman are bisexual”? For me, I have a hard time with this. I can recognize that a woman is pretty. But I can’t recognize if I want to kiss her/ be with her. So in a way this brings me relief, but the relief comes with a “but that means you really do want to be with a woman and your just hiding it” I’d like to have some other thoughts on this!

I’m scared of the truth, I’m scared of what I’ve done intoxicated one night, I feel I’ve messed my life up and ruined it, my head is telling me I’ve done something awful to a female (worst case scenario) it’s telling me I done it and I’m capable of it I’m so scared, Please help me

Harm OCD is getting really scary for me. Lately it's been worse than simply "thoughts". It's been coming in the form of commands, and an urge to act as if I can really do something like punch someone I love constantly. I always feel like crap after I "test" myself but it just comes right back. I'm so damn scared that I'm going to go too far and raise my hand at her. Oh God it feels so real, like it's something I can't stop myself from doing even though I know it's beyond wrong. I don't want to end up in jail or hurt the woman I love. Why is this happening to me?? I was so happy just two months ago. Never had a thought of hurting anyone ever for any reason. Now it's like it's all I can think about. Oh God my life is going off the rails and it feels like it's inevitable.

I’m a college student and I’ve had a healthy and stable relationship with my bf of almost two years, but about 3 months ago symptoms of ROCD started flaring for the first time. I was scared and extremely distressed. I told my mom all my doubts about my relationship. I had to pull myself together after a few weeks because college was starting back up. Since I’ve been at college my mom has only really made things worse for me even tho I explained to her that I thought I had ROCD (now I’ve been officially diagnosed) but my mom seems to not be on board or not understand no matter how much I try to explain things to her. She pokes and triggers my OCD every time we speak about it and I’m not sure if it’s intentional or even how to handle things moving forward. Any reason why she might not be supporting me? I’ve tried sending her videos on ROCD and other things to help her understand.

Does anyone struggle with OCD since they were a pediatric? I believe I have a rare form of OCD called PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections) caused by a strep infection which causes antibodies and pathogens to enter the BBB (blood brain barrier) and basically alters your neurons and synapses. This caused me to have OCD and severe tics which alleviate my OCD. Not only do tics alleviate my OCD but seeking constant reassurance on top of that makes my OCD such a struggle.

Im really stressed right now because im worried my boyfriend is too boring for me and not deep enough. He’s not great at communication, doesn’t have many interests and it feels like we run out of things to talk about. We also do spend everyday together with the rare day off. His family is from Poland and they don’t talk much during dinners I’ve had with them and seem a bit boring as well. I’m wondering if this is something he could change or if im just overreacting or if it’s an incompatibility. I do love him and he’s really kind and sweet but I need him to know how he’s feeling but he always says he doesn’t know or that he isn’t thinking about anything. im so scared and i don’t want to break up but I don’t want to be bored and lonely in a relationship forever.

Is normal that I feel like I’m not pure and I don’t deserve love because and I’m worthless because my father mistreat me Whenever I try to convince myself that I’m actually worthy and I deserve better it actually gets worse because of OCD, and I know the solution is to accept these thoughts and ignore it, but I’m afraid of believing it and manifesting it in reality, like if I accept the thought that I’m actually not deserving of love I might act on it and it will actually become a reality and no one will love me

Hello. I want to start by saying that I am in no way offering medical advice to anyone. These are just my personal experiences. I recently completed a 36 course tms regiment for ocd/depression. Did it help? Somewhat. While it helped with my general sense of anxiety and for sure helped with depression, the results were not a miraculous as I’d hoped they’d be. I was struggling pretty badly with daily brain fog and anxiety. I even tried another ssri for a short period in hopes it would help the treatment (currently not on any prescribed meds). I did not tolerate the ssri side effects so quickly went off it. Now here is the part worth sharing. I did start to research ocd and inflammation. I found a plethora of data showing some causation between ocd and inflammation within the brain. I decided to try modifying my diet to see if something in it was inflaming me. I initially went to keto. Boy what a difference it made. My brain fog almost immediately went away. Anxiety and ocd are still there but more muted. I slowly incorporated some carbs back into my diet and found that it maybe gluten that is inflaming me. Hope this helps anyone trying to look for additional areas of focus in their mental health recovery journey. Cheers and keep up the good work.

Okay so I tried erp and I feel so confused because I did what I was supposed to do and tried to expose myself but it never made me triggered cause I knew it was just not a real situation. Like I get so much more triggered in real life situations but I don’t in erp and I try to make it really painful in erp but it doesn’t work.