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im scared again that it’s not ocd and i actually think like this. i can’t get out of bed

For reference, I have some trauma and immense regret of sexting another male at a very young age, (my freshman year of high school), given I was still new to the whole idea of dating and sexual activities, all I knew at the time was that I had a crippling porn addiction and caused me to act out of line from time to time. When I was sexting with him, as gross and disgusting as it seems, I want attracted to him as a person or the idea of him at all…it was more like I just simply enjoyed sexting. Given this issue got out and it caused immense trauma and caused me to isolate extremely because I knew I wasn’t gay nor wanted to be. Same goes for bisexual. I simply couldn’t understand why I would do such an act if I didn’t find the person attractive to begin with and would never EVER act out sexually towards a man. The issue now is, I’m terrified of social media, (where this took place), I’m afraid of what if I do the same thing again…what if I actually want it this time. What if I’m actually gay now because of it…it has traumatized me for so so so long and I don’t know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

I’ve been having what I think is relationship ocd. It started the other day when my boyfriend bought a car literally in my sleep. We don’t live together but we talk everyday before bed. He says the opportunity presented itself after I had gone to bed and he went to pick up the car with one of his friends last at night. Now, I always thought him and I communicated very well and clearly with each other. So I was upset that he didn’t even send me a text about his plans to go pick up this car in the middle of the night. A huge fight broke out and it triggered me to feel unsafe and doubtful of my relationship. He never does anything wrong, this was the first thing I could honestly say I was very very very angry about. To some it might not be a big deal but like I said, I thought him and I had good communication habits between ourselves. Since then, I’ve been contemplating whether I even want to be with him or not. Despite loving him. I also felt bad about being harsh with him because again, he’s a really good guy. Anyway, today is my birthday. Because I work today, my boyfriend and my family and I went to celebrate my birthday on Saturday with a brunch. (That’s important to the story) Comes today, my actual birthday, my boyfriend didn’t say anything. No text, no call, no post, nothing. He started talking to me like normal. I then tell him that he seemed to have forgotten what day was today and he said “no I didn’t forget, I’m going to your house later to set up” I then express how unimportant he’s been making me feel and he explained that in his brain he didn’t think of saying happy birthday and forgot to say happy birthday because we celebrated on Saturday. Please help, I’m having really relationship issues and it’s mixing with what I think is relationship ocd.

I feel like giving up. I can’t help but feel like a horrible person. I was playing basketball with one of my students and thought if I try to swipe the ball I may hit her gr***. I still swiped to get the ball… I feel as though I am a horrible person.. Then similarly today I was walking and one of my students came by me and I thought how my purse could also hit her gr***. Yet, I still let it keep swinging but freaked out and wanted it to stop. I can’t remember exactly if I like grab the purse and quickly put it on the table or what… but I know it freaked me out.

Hey,can someone help..is Hocd make me feel very stressful when I want to date a girl or to have something with a girl..I never had something like this I’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 years(we broke up)and now since I have these thoughts I feel extremely stressed when someone asks me something like “is there any girl”and the thoughts are going again..like “how to tell that im gay how to tell that I’m attracted to boys(i don’t want this thoughts) and I’m very stressed about this I don’t want to have this I really want to let this thing go..and I just don’t know what’s happening’s..sorry for the English guys

Does anyone here do yoga? Every time I see exercise recommended the word yoga is usually following it. I’m aware it is also a prelude to meditation but I’ve done like one session. How is it for you?

The past couple of days have been torture. Last night, visuals plagued my mind, thinking I would do something sexual with my friend. I hung out with her today and was anxious the entire time. I can’t even have fun anymore. Groinals, constant thoughts, checking, getting nervous and weird when she gets close to me, eye contact is hard. Does anyone else have sexual orientation ocd and find hanging out with your girl friends to be very difficult? I was doing alright for a while and wasn’t getting terribly triggered. (I have a bf btw)

hi everyone, welcome to my first post. i’m not exactly sure where to start so i’ll just share a little bit of my story. i always considered myself “normal” growing up, no issues mentally. then after covid hit, i was 17 when it started, i was severely depressed, and anxious; but it was manageable because it was situational, the world had been put on pause so it was easy for me to understand why i was feeling those ways. then it became general. the depression and anxiety weren’t geared towards covid or the loss of a normal life anymore, now it felt permanent. then, the OCD behaviors slowly started showing up. the urges and thoughts grew more and more intense and now it’s a couple years later and i’m 21 now and i learned to to pull myself out of my dark places but the one thing i can’t shake is the OCD. it paralyzes me, i live my life in fear and anger because i can’t go more than an hour without doing something because i feel like i HAVE to or else something bad will happen, or i’ll just simply feel so uncomfortable if i don’t complete the urge that it will consume my mind if i don’t give in. i have reoccurring urges that i know will come up when i do certain things (like i have to click my phone on and off and set and then unset my alarms 3 times before i go to bed and if i don’t do it perfectly or it doesn’t feel right then i have to do it again, BUT i don’t like the number 6 so if i do my alarms 3 more times then 3 + 3 = 6 and that feels uncomfortable. therefore i have to do it 3 additional times so that it lands on 9) OR i’ll get 1 time urges that just happen out of nowhere in the moment and i don’t do them religiously. if i were to make a list of every urge that i do everyday, it would take me years to write all of that. it is absolutely exhausting. i’m so tired of living this way and feeling like a prisoner in my own body. i feel like i’m a puppet and something is controlling me 24/7. i want control of my life again. i don’t want to be constantly consumed by these thoughts and urges. i don’t want to feel like my family is going to die just because i thought that in my head (it makes me scared even just typing that right now because i feel like it’s going to happen because of me). i live all day every day like this and i’m just drained. i really could use some help, i haven’t been able to see anyone about this and i don’t know where to start. please leave any advice on how you guys deal with your OCD and soothe your mind. i just want to be at peace in my own head. thank you guys so much for reading, it feels good to get this off my chest.

I was dating this guy for a couple months(we were NOT exclusive.). I had my birthday celebration last weekend where I got super drunk and blacked out, and had sex wigh a guy I met at the club. I told my FWB what happened and he got super upset. He said “sounds like this isn’t the first and second time this has happened and that hurts me.” He’s told me he can’t handle a relationship right now so I don’t know why he’s upset? I didn’t cheat bc I am still single, he knows that. Do I just distance myself from now on? He hasn’t talked to me since

Hello everyone, I am an 18 year old straight male who hopes he can continue being straight. For the past 5 months I’ve struggled with these unbearable thoughts of “what-ifs” all the way to thoughts simply TELLING me I am gay or bisexual to begin with. I have lived a happy life being straight and want nothing more than to marry a wife and have kids. This entity has stopped me from doing so. It interferes with everything, down to my most basic principles. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be bisexual. I don’t feel genuinely attracted to men of any nature and feel immensely disgusted by it if I did. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m seeing this wonderful girl that I’m holding off to ask out because my brain is in turmoil over these thoughts. Whenever I’m with her it feels like I’m constantly doubting my affection and love towards and of her, when I feel deep down I want to. Yet these ideas and thoughts push and push making it unbearable to enjoy anything, especially any sexual activity with her because whenever we do anything the thoughts of doing it with a man appear. I fear that because I love having sex or sexual activities that I’ll do it with any man for no apparent reason, or worse, I’d actually want it. Yet I never willingly or desirably look at a man and say I want that, or the stupid fucking bisexual phrase, “a hole is a hole,” always disgusted me. And I fear down to my deepest core values that I’ll somehow end up in a bed with a man. I just don’t want to and feel very uncomfortable over it, I don’t want to date or be intimate with any male and it’s driving me insane. Allowing these thoughts to come in and shrug them off is impossible for me as it feels equal to accepting them, someone who has conquered this please tell me if there is a way or similarity to your own struggles on defeating this identity killing beast.

Im having a horrible panic attack right now and have been because of rocd. I feel like a failure and my mom made it even worse. Please help me

I keep struggling. I have so many thoughts and if I do something like look at a picture and have these thoughts I feel like I’m awful. There are times some of the girls I teach and go to church with are wearing things shorter or not being careful and I still look and I know I’m not aroused or anything but I keep feeling as though that makes me a ped* help me. I’m in therapy but I can’t help but struggle.

I have just stumbled upon this app and am hoping it might help me feel less alone. I was diagnosed with (R) OCD this year and am now realising I have been suffering with OCD my whole life (in varying forms). However, this is the first time it’s causing me this level of distress. I have had a very bad time with men and relationships. Sexual abuse, domestic violence and up until the partner I have now- just being lied to, cheated on and treated terribly. I’m 26, have met the most wonderful man who I have been with for 2 years. My psychologist has supported me with my general recovery from abuse but I do think I will need to see someone who specialises in OCD, as this is the one thing that I can’t seem to crack even with her support and taking SSRIS for many months now. For me, it’s very vivid images of my partner having sex with other women, an intense disgust and judgement over his sexual/relationship past, analysing and ruminating over every word he’s ever told me and a general constant fear that he isn’t who he says he is in some way. I have had a bad couple of days with it, we are currently visiting my parents abroad, something I’ve been looking forward to- and since we’ve arrived I have just felt overcome with fear, doubt, disgust and an overwhelming desire and curiosity to ask him questions about his sexual past and then judge, analyse and continue to question every word. Even as I write this, I can’t let the ruminating and anxiety stop. Dreading him coming up to bed because these feelings build to the point where I feel so low, humiliated and that indescribable pain and fear that is all too familiar with OCD sufferers. The worst thing is he is my life, I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he is nothing but good to me, but those negative scary feelings, thoughts and compulsions are beyond difficult to live with and sustain a relationship and be at peace.

Feel like I may have done something that has harmed someone. I’ve been doing all the research on the legality today and even talked to the person about it and they said they don’t really care. It was 4 years ago and I can’t find anything about the statute of limitations on the crime so I feel like I should just tell the police now :(

i keep getting thoughts like ‘try being a p and see if you like it’ and stuff like that when i’d genuinely rather die than be like that. then i try not to think about it but i can’t stop thinking about it which makes it feel like im thinking about it on purpose

I’ve been struggling with what I hope to be HOCD for over 6 months now and I’m starting to loose hope…I had always been attracted to women, had plenty of crushes on women growing up, fantasies included, enjoyed spending time with the one I had a crush on, would avoid the usual things seen as “gay” or “feminine,” you know the usual kid stuff. I never had any issues or desires back then to be with a man but suddenly a few months back out of literal no where i got a thought and it’s stayed with me ever since. I know deep down that I don’t want to do these thoughts and that I’d rather die then be gay or bisexual but then the “what-ifs” come up and even when they don’t come up I have this underlying fear of “maybe it will happen. Maybe you are gay” and it scares me. Yet my brain still tries to lie straight to my face and say “oh no, you like this don’t you” it’s like I don’t know anymore and I couldn’t live with myself if I even experimented with it because I know for a fact I would be repulsed and don’t want it. Please help. Going about this with the idea of accepting uncertainty just makes me more anxious and feel as if I’m accepting these thoughts as facts for me and I don’t know what to do.

Anyone else feel like their brain starts to tell them they’d be happier if they were gay or trans? Like it feels that way and you feel like you’re living a lie or something is wrong. It feels like my thoughts have shifted to that making it hard to see if this is real or not.

Hey guys, so these past 4 months I had a sudden onset of OCD after a concussion. It first started with HOCD which was super distressing as I’ve been in a 9 year relationship with my girlfriend. It then evolved into transgender OCD, which was horrible as well but it felt easier to disprove my intrusive thoughts. That and of course horrible health anxiety about my head. And it’s funny, as soon as I got comfortable with one topic, the OCD would jump to another. Basically over time I accepted all these negative thoughts about all these topics, so where does my mind go? I had a physical groinal response to an image of an underage person. It freaked me out so much that all day I was obsessing over it, I eventually told my girlfriend as she’s been supportive with me over the other topics. But this…. She’s angry with me, and doesn’t trust me anymore. And she doesn’t understand the groinal response. She did ask to sit in a therapy session with me to help her understand. But that’s about all the communication I’ve gotten from her. I feel so alone. And it’s literally ruining everything I’ve built up with her for the past 9 years. I wish I hadn’t told her. And instead just asked her to join a therapy session with me. Just making this post as I just need someone to talk to.

What to do? So now my mother is refusing my OCD therapy, despite it's chronic from where it has been untreated so long. Not to mention its causes heart attacks and panic attacks and mental breakdowns. She's puts pressure on me. No Idea why I'm here? And why she even adopted me at all? For this? This is bs. The treatment I am getting. Not to mention when I admitted needing help, seeing doctors and getting treatment. Dakira then desides she does as well, I'm like okay, take me Seriously, this isn't fun, or, funny at all, I am on the edge of going so insane. My therapist thank goodness changed my appointment from 29th to the 16th and she acts as if this isn't something to care about...I'm done she can neglect me like she has been most all my life. But, to avoid my appointment schedule and important mental assessment artenuary is another. This is important to me, my health and my mental state of being, of that doesn't matter to her, I will call 911 and we can settle this in a court room. They will see my missed appointment and if I go off well, easy, she should have took me to my appointment,bout to ask to see if a friend can. This whole thing, her lack of support isn't safe on my end, I don't feel safe. Normally I don't talk at all, that's me .but, this is to much pressure. I'm about to go nuts Not only this, but I need meds and a better lifestyle than my living style now. I don't feel safe at all, she doesn't even know what OCD is and why people have it, say I don't clean? Yeah, because she doesn't give me my money enough to clean and doesn't understand noone can offord this mental illness. She doesn't get it's a struggle, doesn't try to help. She just sits on her ass watching TV and doing other things, not even asking, "Do you jeed anything?" I never cross her mind, she doesn't even get it, I fear my son's safety as he may have this as well, as for him I know he's safe since he is small it's easier to catch it and treat it. But, to do this, to love this way chronic with no medication is doing me in mentally and physically. It's too much to handle. So if I go nuts, it's not My fault.

Idk why OCD has latched onto my sister but she’s my other half & I started comparing us out the blue one day.. and the dogs go to her more so i’ve been feeling so rejected and low.. and my mind said well what if she wasn’t here anymore? i would never harm my sister or ever want to.. i really want to be okay again.. i was just okay a couple weeks ago and now im so sad & scared!