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can ocd give us false feelings? I had an intrusive thought and I’m scared I liked it.

My OCD has gotten way better, but I still struggle with one thing in particular. This does not necessarily have to do with my ocd but I also struggled with it while I was still struggling. It is this feeling of always needing to do better, to evolve, change things etc. This affects my relationship. Everyday I bring something up to my partner that we/he could change. Everyday I insist on having deep/meta psychological talks about how we feel, what we need, what we should change and it is really taking a toll on my partner. It feels like I am constantly trying to be better, to make him or us better and it is hurting both of us. He is not a better partner at all, I am just sooo scared of things not turning out okay or right. I just have this heavy pressure on my heart, idk if it is fomo, anxiety or whatever but it sucks joy out of things. I feel like I‘m constantly trying to live im check lists. „Oh this was a cute moment, check“ „okay, we just had a good conversation, check“ and so on. Every moment i spend with him has to be evaluated and it. Is. Draining. It drains me so so much. I am just so scared of not being mature enough, that m partner and I don’t talk enough, don’t know each other enough or that things should be different. Do any of you have the same problem? This is not just a relationship problem for me. I also feel like I am not doing enough, I should be experiencing more things, etc. I know i should just let go but I can’t. Do you have tips, advice or similar story? Please share, I feel so frustrated and alone. I don’t want to be this serious, strict being.

I don’t know what to do anymore, my OCD has really started to mess with my work life. I have gotten written up for my absences because I just can’t work up the motivation to go to work, it just gives me so much anxiety and stress to even think about work but I have worked so hard to get to where I am with this career and I just don’t know what to do and I am stressing so much because I am so miserable

I have this boyfriend who i’ve been with for over a year and I love him and I felt like I was ready so I lost my virginity to him and we’ve been having sex for a while. I’ve grown this extreme fear that God hates me and every time I do it, I’m disappointing him or like he no longer likes me because I’ve done it. I tried to pray and ask if I shouldn’t be doing it or if I should stop but I never really get any response or clear answers so I’ve been continuing to do it because I love my boyfriend and I want to be normal and feel normal but the feeling of God hating me seeps and every time we are getting together and every day throughout my life. I go to a Catholic school so every time we pray or God has brought up I feel deep guilt I feel like I’m not worthy of praying, or speaking to God anymore. We had reconciliation the other week, and I finally got up the courage to tell the priest that I lost my virginity and that I felt like God didn’t love me and was looking for some reassurance. the priest responded by saying he doesn’t think God is mad at me but he’s just disappointed in me. This actually made me feel a lot worse because it kind of confirmed the idea that God was disappointed or didn’t like me which to me is very scary and makes me feel sick. A lot of the time it feels like I’m being told I shouldn’t do it and I know I shouldn’t do it but I do it anyway, so I feel like I’m gonna go to hell. But at the same time I feel like if I didn’t have OCD, I wouldn’t be thinking those things and it wouldn’t matter so I feel like I really don’t know what to do.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

Does anyone else just feel like their mere fucking existence is bothersome to any living or breathing creature. The amount of times I say sorry for absolutely butt fuck nothing is insane. The amount of times I need someone to double check that what I’m doing is right or tell me that the text I’m sending is okay or that whatever situation I just experienced is okay and that I did nothing wrong. And then I actually become more bothersome by trying to not be bothersome cuz I burden the fuck out of the poor people in my life by asking them if every single thing I part take in is OKAY!?!?!!?? Ugh. I’m so sick of this how do I stop.

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

So I have started to liken OCD to the fire triangle in that it needs certain elements to survive and those elements can be different for every person but the one element that is present for everyone always is anxiety/rumination. So here's my triangle 1) anxiety/rumination/overthinking 2) a constant feeling that there is an immediate problem which must be solved immediatley (which basically is anxiety) 3) a refusal to fully accept that we can't have certainty on most things in life Now what I'm saying is that I have always been quite an anxious, deep thinking person and I think that is just who I am naturally and sometimes all you can do about that is try to stay busy and I also find that exercise helps but if I can remove one of the other 2 elements then I could start making some real progress

how to not get frustrated with yourself when you do a compulsion (especially if it’s one that you always do)

I was on the nocd live the other night and they told me that if you enjoy/like your intrusive thoughts then it isn’t ocd. i thought you could feel anything to an intrusive thought and it does not have to mean anything?

I ate a frozen pizza and in the middle of eating it I imagined to myself "what if it was an edible cookie" because the way I was eating it it was the shape of a cookie due to not having pizza cutter around (or at least I cant find one) I just cant stand the thought of the possibility of accidentally eating an edible unknowingly or just anything drugged and I'm exhausted of this irrational fear controlling every single day and triggering panic attacks (or anxiety). I wasn't always like this, why is this happening to me now??? I used to be a very impulsive person and eat whatever was put in front of me, and I've always been fine, so why is this eating me now? To be honest I feel calm typing this right now, just a little frightened that I scared myself with that thought, but I'm scared that this calmness won't last long. I hate this!

I'm learning to accept God's love as unconditional. I want this love to inspire me to do good but am afraid that without guilt or fear as a motivation I will end up not caring. Is this a facet of my OCD that I should just ignore or is it a logical concern?

I started a new job a month ago. Keep in mind I have severe relationship OCD so before I went in I was afraid I was going to have a weird thought about someone if they were good looking. Literally my first day I saw someone good looking and did a friendly smile because I was new and I just smiled at everyone to be nice- I did it again I’d say like 3 more times to that person in the days after and then I suddenly stopped because I was like what if he thinks I fudging fancy him so now every time I pass him I can’t look him in the eyes I look down or rush past looking annoyed so he doesn’t think I think he’s good looking. I’m really enjoying this job but this little thing every single day when I go in now is constantly at the back of my mind every morning I wake up it’s the first thing I think of, every intimate and loving moment with my boyfriend I picture this person (because my OCD imagines things that are bothering me in the best moments so I don’t enjoy them) And I am so afraid that one day someone in my team will be like oh yeah you need to get him to train you in on this because I will actually cry because I’ve built this up so much in my head now that I can’t enjoy my life my work everything because it’s really awkward (or in my mind it is) when I pass this person because I’ve made it seem like this huge deal and it makes me feel sick because I’ve already confessed this once to my boyfriend but it is so STUCK in my head now and of course you can never ask for help on this shit (my fellow ocd friends will know of course and by friends i mean everyone in this community) because people in my work would be like ooooo you fancy him or something not understanding that this is something i really struggle with. And I just don’t know at all how to move past it

I’m finally going to have a therapy consultation today to potentially start taking sessions with a therapist, I’m undiagnosed but I’ve been struggling with what I can only hope to be OCD (either that or I’m going crazy). However, now that I’ve scheduled an appointment, it kinda feels like my OCD has disappeared momentarily, making me wonder if I even need therapy. I started taking Magnesium and vitamin D regularly which I think has taken the edge off. So now I’m wondering if I even have OCD. I also know it’s only a matter of time before the triggers start again, but it’s just confusing and I don’t want to end up psyching myself out of getting help. Even if it’s not as bad at the moment, I want to learn to cope with it before it gets bad again.

Does anyone else worry that you or others they have confessed to or sought reassurance from are downplaying or minimizing things that are actually a problem or bad? How do you know for sure if you downplaying something that is bad?

I thought I was a hopeless case. But with NOCD tx, I am finally able to take back control of my life which I once thought was impossible. I am so proud of myself ❤️

I hope this post can find someone who is currently going through false memory ocd. I just want to say, I have been dealing with false memory OCD for the past two months. I’ve gotten into depression because of it. But today, I had an awakening that truly made me wake up from this nightmare. Call me weird, but I sat in my living room couch and pictured myself as how I was without OCD or its thinking patterns. I also pictured myself as how I am now with OCD tendencies. I started to conversate about what I am currently going through and I was just able to step out of that ocd bubble and stepped out as a normal person with normal thinking behaviors and let me tell you I laughed. I was so in that head space of not having the agony of fear and anxiety weighing over my head at that moment, instead I felt ‘free’ like when I did when I didn’t have OCD. My point here is, today I realized how much OCD can ruin your life and distort memories in this case. In terms of false memory or OCD adding stuff to a memory, it’s so funny how we fall into that trap. This may sound harsh, but realistically you just know when you do something bad or if you didn’t. Yes, bad memory can come into play and other natural/normal things. But a person with OCD with good memory, come on, don’t we see that our ENEMY is doubt. Your brain is just naturalized to grasp onto things that point out. For example, my real event OCD memory is about that I had an intrusive thought to be friendly to a guy behind my boyfriend’s back. All I can think ‘with ocd tendencies’ did i just act on that, did I smile more when I had that thought because I was smiling during this. See what I mean, a person with no OCD would come to me and say you just know. I didn’t go out of my way and start having a conversation with this guy, simply although my ocd finds it hard to grasp on to this but I was just smiling to whatever the guy was saying and this thought came in the midst that’s all. I realized that the ‘ what if’s’ are simple fears. There are no ‘what if’s’ from past events im sorry. It’s a simple yes or no because you just feel it within yourself. I also realized people with OCD over stretch things. For example, the day of my false memory I told my boyfriend that the thought was about flirting when I know it felt as being friendly because I wanted to give him worst case scenario. Not only that but I came across this YouTube video that distorted it more for me. This doctor on YouTube said ‘ you tend to remember a memory best, when you remember it the first time. I had an immense amount of anxiety now asking myself if the thought felt flirtation. But I will not let a video or no man come and torment it more for me. We have to be careful with things we hear and watch. To continue, We have to come to realization that if you are doubting yourself and omg did I do this or did it play out like that, come on step out of that bubble and see the root of this. So much unhealed trauma that we drag with us every day. The problem is never the problem but the way we interpret situations and how much of a big deal we make it when it’s so small. You know yourself and you know when you do bad things or not. It makes you unstable to sit here and doubt your every action. Accept for the things that you do and move on and stop dwelling on the what ifs. God has not called us to be double-minded but single-minded. The Bible says ‘ a double minded man is unstable in all his ways’ James 1:8. You got this, sit yourself as a person with a normal thinking pattern or who you used to be without OCD and picture yourself with your ocd tendencies in front of you and talk it out. God is with you, we can do this. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

I am very bad I used to to do my compulsion a number of time in different days and than i ended it right and i started doing compulsion only on the day they appeared bc if i made them the next day it's wrong and i have to make it in different days and do another compulsion to he right i different days idk how to explain but it's ruling my life i feel tired stuck i feel loney and with no hope please help me i need someone to talk to

I’m a rookie when it comes to ocd (I have had it almost all my life but got diagnosed 3 years ago). I want to know which books were most helpful for your recovery (my main struggles are with false memory, guilt, shame, and real event). Also, I have been reading Albert Ellis’s book “How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable”, would love your opinion on whether it was helpful if youve read it.