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I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?

This is so bad I don’t know how I’m going to survive this life this new problem I have is taking its toll on me I feel like life isn’t the same now. No one cares no one understands. I started suddenly having pocd I’ve never had it before But I deliberately imagined something really disgusting about licking/sucking and it’s bad and I imagined it on purpose it wasn’t an intrusive thoguht but I don’t. Feel disgusted or anxious or anything I jsut feel nothing now I keep imagining it in hope I will get anxiety but I feel like I can make myself have shudders/anxiety on demand so I think it’s fake now and Soemone on here wrote as long as you feel disgusted that means it’s not a desire and your not a p but now I don’t know what I feel and i just want to live a normal life

I’m trying to figure out the best medicine for ocd/anxiety I’m currently taking 20mg of Prozac and have been taking it for awhile but no success. Can anyone tell me what they are taking and how it’s helped them

My real event OCD has mostly gotten better over the past year. I've come to terms with my events and even though sometimes they make me anxious, I don't have as visceral of a reaction as I used to and im learning to accept that they happened. But sometimes it the thought still hits me that my family wouldn't love me if they knew, my friends wouldn't love me if I knew. I'll never be able to have a romantic partner if anyone knew what I did. That im morally a bad person if I don't tell people. Etc. My event was having unfiltered internet access as a kid and getting exposed to bad fictional porn. Basically having seen a lot of problematic NSFW fiction, mainly feral furry stuff. Its been over a year since I realized how bad that was and stopped. I'm not into animals or anything, was just groomed by an unsafe internet as a kid and it took me a long time to realize that stuff wasnt normal. My biggest shame is that it took me until adulthood to realize. Still, I know not everyone would be understanding of this and think I'm a freak or a z**phile. It sucks because I feel like I need to compulsively confess or else nobody knows the real me or they don't love the real me, and that im hiding that I'm a horrible person. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with these thoughts?

Hi! is it possible to live a happy life with OCD? Can you see OCD as a disorder in which you are sensitive to reacting with obsession and compulsion in stressful situations? I found it very difficult that OCD is an chronic condition. It suggest that things will never get better. how do you guys see this?

Ok… ive had fears of pocd for as long as i can remember when i actually got to baby sit my little cousins those fears went away. But that was years ago and the fears are back. I always do little mental compulsions against them even though i know in therapy you arent supposed to but now… i had a dream and i feel sick… i can lucid dream. And i had a dream about a father and daughter and them growing up and dating one another and being sexually aroused at the end of that dream. I woke up and felt disgusted. Automatically thought suicide. Then questioned if i really had tht dream. I calmed myself by saying that a pedo wouldnt feel so bad about having such a dream but… wouldn’t they? Are there not pedos who wish they werent pedos? I use to ignore every post relating to pocd on here. It was too triggering and i felt like it would just make things worse. And now here i am. I just cant handle this subset my stomach felt sick.. im supposed to be hanging with a loved one but i feel terrible. They sent pictures of their beautiful baby and i feel ashamed looking at them after the dream. In the past when i had a dream like this and was in nocd therapy my therapist said we cant control dreams but i can lucid dream?! So i can control mines knew that was a wrong thought to have (the dad grooming their daughter for when she was an adult to have a relationship with then) and pushed past it until i became uncomfortable enough and woke up…. I cant take anymore.i just cant take it. Im confused on the complete dream

All my days are pretty much consumed by real events I obsess with. I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to lose my life, but I’m also tired of living like this.

Hi guys also another question I’ve been doing ERP for awhile now. And I’m just getting into exposures and when I’m doing them with my therapist like writing out the things that scare me and saying them out loud it doesn’t seem to scare me. It’s more so when I’m alone having these constant thoughts daily is what becomes overwhelming and makes them feel real. Any insight on this?

Hello anyone reading, I just wanted to vent here because at this point i’m not sure what to do or if i’ll ever be normal and my OCD is causing my mental health to go down the drain badly. It’s so debilitating I can’t do anything daily other than focus on it. I can’t feel comfortable anywhere, not even in my own home. I deal with the type of OCD where i’m convinced things are contaminated with chemicals or feces or any number of things. TMI: For example when I used the bathroom the other day in a public one and it went off on its own so now i’m convinced I had feces all over me so I had to shower and wash my clothes. Now i can’t even sit in my car cause the seat supposedly is covered now too from the drive home. I can’t touch anything on my floor or anywhere for that matter without washing my hands like my phone charger or my feet/shoes/ankles, door knobs, handles, anything cause i don’t even know why anymore. I’m terrified of cleaning products being on me or touching them, people spraying anything. I can’t have my windows down in the car anymore because i’m terrified of someone’s window washer fluid getting all over me. I watched a video about a guy accidentally drinking paint thinner cause he kept it in a water bottle and had to convince myself that my water wasn’t paint thinner and etc These are just some of the examples I have and I don’t know how to get over it or handle it anymore and I feel like I’m literally going crazy. Any suggestions or advice would mean a lot. please

My OCD makes me doubt my faith & God! It also makes me doubt myself, my values and literally everything! Makes me even doubt if this is OCD! I love God & Jesus! I know I gave my life to Him! Being reborn! I’ve seen the changes! It hurts to have these thoughts & feelings of doubt! I’ve been having this for 6 months. It started as a thought of “is God real” now it’s like my mind has interrogated me over and over again making me question everything! Yelling accusations at me! Telling me I don’t “believe enough” or “maybe I don’t believe” or “I don’t love Him” and just stuff like that and I hate it! I want faith & belief and I refuse to give up! I try to remind myself this isn’t a Faith problem but an OCD problem but my OCD tries to make me doubt that! Anyone gone through this? Any advice?

Got hit on back of my head from someone elbow by accident kinda hard but there was no pain or anything I am shy and nervous so I just said why you do that and left. As I was walking I head my heart beating in my head. Now I fear I have brain damage or something bad I still remember everything my passwords my name so I didn't lose my memory. Now I'm going feel different all day and worry in my head because of it

I hate that I get over one thing then my brain moves into the next thing to be upset about and I feel like this one is the worst thing to be obsessing over. Eugh. I feel evil and gross and I feel like ppl will think I’m a threat and I don’t want ppl to think of me that way. I’d never hurt anyone or want to ever But I’m trying to get through the day and survive. AS HORRIBLLY CHEESY AS THAT SOUNDS ITS TRUE I JUST WANNA BE OK😭 does anyone know how to move on from these feelings especially when it’s stuff from the past. I want to move on from and live now but I’m so scared to move because what if ppl find out? And they’ll think I don’t care because I’m not actively feeling ugly about it like I do now and literally all the time. I feel so horrible for even saying that too much guilt. Anyone have help ideas? Advice? Words? Idk I feel dizzy af with my emotions rn sorry if this didn’t make sense.

I've been reading through the posts on this app all morning to see if someone can relate to the way I'm feeling. I'm constantly bombarded by thoughts about me or other people being hurt by my cause. It terrifies me to the core and I end up going down in tears at the very thought of it. It's so hard to open up to others about it because I'm worried I'm just insane, and not someone worth saving. It's gotten to the point where I'm very depressed, I refuse to leave my room in the morning to get ready for school, and I don't feel emotion anymore. Another issue I've been having is secluding myself because I'm afraid of harming people. But it's all my mind goes on about, and I can't make it stop. I'm crying whilst posting this, and I just want to feel normal again.

So I posted a little while ago about my testing of being trans (MTF) and going by she/they in my closer circles. Now this is all well and good but I’m continually questioning whether my experience is real. I stoped wearing masculine underwear because it doesn’t feel right but I don’t know if that’s a compulsion or if I genuinely don’t feel at home being a man anymore (I’ve told my friends that he/him is no longer he/home). I’ve been going by any pronouns for a few months and like when someone calls me a guy I feel weird but also being called by she/they is still weird and so it’s also uncomfortable, especially because I’m so incredibly masc passing (I’m a bigger hairy individual). According to people around me when I talk about being trans I get nervous and excited In a good way? But also especially with how society is nowadays (USA) being trans is also terrifying. The other thing is like I lean toward playing masculine characters in like dnd and games. Idk it’s definitely scary and strange and I’m just trying to figure it all out. I feel like when I’m around my gf I’m a lot more comfortable being her girlfriend (which my ROCD also has gone a little hog wild recently because I continually interpret me being content in the relationship as me not caring and the minute that happens I think of my last relationship and how the end of it was everything I did being obligation not because I wanted to and I fear getting to that point) Outside of that context I’m like “I’m your boyfriend yup that’s it not a girl she/they feels weird” and like I’m still very comfortable in masculine spaces and (this could be internalized transphobia from my parents as well as some OCD) that if I’m in a feminine space I’m just gonna get horny or something and make everyone else in there and myself uncomfortable and then feel guilty for “faking” this and feeling any of that, because a part of me has had some SOOCD and like scared I’m not into my gf or women in general even though I know I am (I’m Bi) because I don’t get like an instant erection being around her anymore, but getting a boner in my underwear around a bunch of cis women just sounds embarrassing. A good move is probably to go see a gender therapist and figure this all out. Sorry this was just a run on rambling mess but yeah that’s my thoughts. Any other trans folks in here wanna help out and share their experiences?

The other day I disclosed to an acquaintance that I have OCD as part of a larger conversation. She interrupted me to say “I mean, don’t you think we’re all a little OCD?” I said no, that’s it’s a clinical disorder that requires the person to meet specific criteria to be diagnosed. I’m wondering how you all respond to moments like this? I am trying hard not to read into it and take it personally and instead see it as an opportunity to provide psycho education, and I’d love ideas of what to say!

I’ve been obsessing over the same thought for so long it seems so real and I’m questioning my sanity and I think it might be real. I’ve been thinking I might have aphasia but I can read and respond to people but sometimes I can’t understand people and it’s really confusing. Every time I try to let it go my stomach tightens but I’ve been getting these headaches for a long time and I’m scared it might be something serious. Can someone help?

Has you OCD ever used the word obsession against you? I'm assuming that along with our regular OCD thoughts that we accept the thought but not the content of the thoughts.

I have never been good about keeping a house organized and neat. I would throw things in drawers or whatever place and make it look decent enough. When I just lived by myself it was always thrown in one room. One room would look like a tornado hit it and the rest maybe decent. I couldn’t even keep it that way. I have my limits when it gets bad enough where and I go through this cleaning frenzy like my mom did when I was a kid. She would take an entire weekend up regularly turning the house upside down to clean it but by the time she was done you could eat off the floors. Everyone else in my immediate family are neat. My mother cleans things with toothbrushes. I have yet to see anyone to this day have as neat and organized house as my mom. She’s well known to be called OCD from those with a misconception about it but she feels driven and can’t stop with it. So, I think she probably is but anyway back to me. I am a mess a literally mess in my house. My mind would want to do tasks in certain orders. Like my mind would say I can’t start this until this other thing gets done and before you know it I am getting little done. So, she said I encourage you to just try doing something out of order. Ok, I did and now I have an absolutely overwhelming mess in my house. My brain can’t get passed thinking about it all the time and I can’t seem to get control of it! I am ADHD and OCD and I don’t know what’s driving what here or if it matters but I am terrified someone will come over yet I still can’t get this under control. Can anyone just not for whatever reason get their house straight to where they can enjoy other things in life?

Does anyone else catastrophize any little flaw that they don’t quite like about their partner?? There are things that my partner does from time to time that are weird and sometimes a turn off, and when I notice those quirky things he does I start to spiral because if those things bug me or turn me off slightly then maybe I don’t like him and I need to leave. I couldn’t even begin to try and explain the goofy behaviour because it’s so mundane and unimportant. It’s literally just Him being himself, and being quirky and different, and he’s a little more nerdy and awkward. And it hurts me so much because he is so amazing, but I catastrophize these flaws into automatic major deal breakers because they feel like “icks”. Idk what to do. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I’m not going to find a single person on the face of this earth that will be perfect. There isn’t someone that I will like everything about. Does anyone else relate or am I going crazy?

if you read it this far, I hope you know that all of this will be over, if you keep on fighting, you are one strong fighter, and with God anything is possible, and your not alone. I pray God will give you peace and joy🤍🫶🏼