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My OCD makes me angry at the world. I have been so angry/irritable lately and I can’t seem to control it. Does anyone else struggle with anger and rage due to their OCD?

Hello. I am 39 years old and I see that OCD is increasingly damaging my mind. I forget things, I am unfocused, I tolerate changes less, I get tense very easily, I am more fearful and so on. I stopped leading a social and active life, let's say normal or functional, at 19 years old. I locked myself in a bubble in the hope that I would find a cure for my disorder and unfortunately I lost my youth without improving, which is a horrible burden that has often made me become very depressed and feel such a great degree of nostalgia and regret that it makes me think about suicide. I have never had a girlfriend and many years ago I stopped having friends. For many years I was fine with it and even enjoyed my loneliness, my misery, my depression, my isolation and my lack of connection and harmony with the outside world. The problem is that for about 6 years now, this has finally taken its toll on me, especially the fact that I have never had a girlfriend or sexual experiences. My libido has increased, I fall in love very easily and become attached to many women that I barely know or with whom I have minimal contact in a store, street, etc. My rational part tells me that it is not a real love, but my obsessive disorder is characterized by sabotaging myself and making me magnify many things. It is a disorder in which I ended up stopping going out and going to school because it suggested that I couldn't speak, that I was very hungry, that I liked vulgar and disgusting things, etc. Even to this day I can get a feeling of hunger because someone insults me while I'm driving or if someone says a mocking comment to me it can cause me to not be able to speak or any of my suggestions. All day I feel a tickle of anxiety in my mouth. He's not leaving anymore. I also can't speak naturally because there is almost always the fear of losing the topic of conversation, not knowing what to say and boring the other person. I imagine scenarios asking a woman out and I know that at any moment she could lose the ability to converse fluently and therefore bore her. Plus my self-esteem is on the floor. I have felt disgusting in the eyes of women since I was a boy. I've tried logging onto Tinder, Bumble, and other apps without much success, which further affects my self-esteem. Sometimes I can't stand the urge to have sex and it bothers me a lot because I also tend to have animosity towards women. I would like to be asexual or not have a libido. I also wish I didn't feel this need to socialize, but I can't. It's already overtaken me and all these years of isolation have finally sabotaged me and my body and mind are crying out for social contact. I really regret not having been braver in the few opportunities I had to have a girlfriend or sexual relations. I think if I had had these experiences right now I wouldn't have this need to date a woman. It would be the same as what I feel with friends. I did have friends, I know what that is and therefore, I don't need them. If I had had a girlfriend and sex right now it would be a reminder that I was once able to be functional, I would already know what that is and therefore, I could concentrate on other things and even close that chapter. To make matters worse, my disorder makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I suddenly have the opportunity to talk to women more or less my age. I feel something ridiculous and disgusting that makes me feel like I'm cheating on my mom and my brother. It's something very strange. My damn fucked up mind has me in the middle of needing to have sex and some relationship with a woman and not being able to, because I don't know how to flirt, I have low self-esteem, I'm afraid of cruel and mocking rejection and I also don't want to expose myself to women who could be shit Does anyone identify themselves or has something similar happen to them? I've been taking fluvoxamine and quetiapine for years, but they only keep me more or less functioning and not going under. I'm tired, really. I hate having this need and not being able to do anything. I see even ugly men on the street with girlfriends and it irritates me. I also have this fixation that when I see a woman touching, kissing, caressing or sitting near a man I am surprised that they are not disgusted by it. I do not know what to do. I am getting sicker and sicker and also all these years of isolation and bad social experiences have made me hate people in general and women even more for not paying attention to me. As a teenager when I went out with my friends I was the one who only saw how my friends flirted, were successful with women, had affairs, had sexual experiences and I was invisible. They didn't seem to care and didn't even know what to do. Furthermore, the lost years of my youth are a very heavy burden that does not allow me to live in peace. I could even win the lottery and my life could magically improve and I couldn't even be happy for these lost years. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. To make matters worse, I haven't seen a psychologist in years because I have never worked because of my anxiety and as a consequence, I depend in part on what my mother gives me in terms of money, who sometimes drives me crazy. The problem is that sometimes my body and mind also ask me to be alone, but my OCD makes me have at the same time fear of loneliness and panic attacks because if I am going to live alone, it is really being alone without anyone. No friends, no work colleagues, no girlfriend, nothing. I thank you in advance for your attention.

do u ever notice how like if u used to like someone u still acknowledge theyre attractive but ur not attracted to them? thats how i feel abt my past crushes but theres a guy i want to stay in love w and stuff but i feel like my rocd made me lose the spark and now i feel like im forcing myself to like him and i feel like im convincing myself id find him attractive but then i wonder if i know hes attractive but am not attracted. but im sexualy attracted to him still but i dont know if im still in love but i want to be desperately but also i wanted attention from other guys before and now i dont want to but i always try to feel how i used to i used to get so excited and fluttery around him and now i dont or maybe i overanalyze the moment but i never feel that anymore but i want to so badly and every time i get a thought that i wont feel that way again i get so sad and stressed. pls guve me advice

I am always anxious and overthinking in my relationship I’m scared that it’s the Lords way of telling me he isn’t the one. I always hear that when you’re with the right person you’ll have peace about it and know that they’re the one.. but that freaks me out because I’m alwaysss overthinking and anxious 😭 I’m scared that he isn’t the one the Lord has for me

I spend a lot of time ruminating about my health and how I'm going to get past all of the thoughts I think of and the events that I think of in the past. It leaves me really nauseous randomly throughout my days. Anyone else get this from their OCD? It makes me worry more about my health

Hello everyone, Happy Sunday. I am still working on locating individuals who are interested in partaking in my research. Please please take a moment to read the attachment on this post! I am initiating my integrated research project for my masters program and need a few participants to partake in a brief interview. Again, kindly read the document and message me directly to the email listed if you meet the criteria and are truly interested in participating. 💕🫶🏼 greatly appreciate you all who take the time to reach out!! Thanks so much in advance, Vanessa

This is the worst my OCD has gotten! I’ve freaked out many times about harming my children, touching them inappropriately, etc. the other night I got blackout drunk and woke up and had thoughts of something specifically that I did to my 5 year old. It’s horrendous. Do you think it’s possible to become our worst fear when drunk? Do you think my son would wake up if I did something? This is awful! And I’ve been very suicidal since. I’m not sure how I can accept the uncertainty of this and move on. Yes, I’m in therapy.

I can't seem to shake the troubling sexual images that come to mind when I'm feeling alright. I like men, hell I'm getting married to one. He's the light of my life. But when this started in 2022 I can't shake these sexual images that pop up so frequently about being with other women. I'm not into it. But my body reacts differently and it sucks. I don't know what to do or what this is but it's really awful. Please help

I developed ocd only after having my first baby. Postpartum ocd. It never went away and i’ve had it on and off ever since. I have a question..If you are so focused and stuck on an intrusive thought and you tell yourself over and over “it isn’t real because you’ve never had these kind of thoughts before it’s just the ocd” and then suddenly a random memory pops up from before the baby but this time its different than you remember and now you are having an ocd thought in the memory but you know you never had ocd before the baby..can ocd change a memory and add something to it to fit the lie the ocd is trying to convince you of? Has this happened to anyone else?

Does everyone really have em too?

For the past 8 months I’ve been terrified of developing schizophrenia, I’ve gone through various stages of this theme, like in the beginning I was really afraid of hallucinating and stuff like that but as the months and this obsession progressed I’ve become more afraid of having delusions and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. In the beginning after watching a demonic horror movie or something I would start getting awful intrusive thoughts like “what if I start to believe my wife is a demon” or “what if I start believing the government is run by satan” or some shit, but now i get thoughts like that all the time and even without watching horror movies, and now the “what if I start to believe” part is gone and now the thoughts are like “what if my wife is a demon.. well you can’t prove she’s not” etc etc. my ocd or anxiety has really latched onto these delusional, demonic thoughts. I hate them so much, I have never ever believed in superstitious stuff like this before, I am a literal atheist and a secular humanist. What is wrong with me? Has anyone ever had intrusive thoughts like this?

That I hate that joke. It's made a bunch of people that have no idea the depths that it can bring people to.

Has anyone here stopped taking hormonal birth control pill when in a relationship? How did it affect attraction to partner, sex, and ability to orgasm etc. I just stopped taking the birth control pill for medical reasons but I’m freaking out about how it might impact my sexuality/ attraction

Has anyone successfully conquered this type of ocd, if anyone does I really need to talk to someone and ask a few questions❤️

Hello! I'm not quite sure if this "symptom" is part of OCD, but I'm curious. Does anyone have an absolute need for a routine? I usually create a bullet point list (sometimes with times) either on my phone or on a sheet of paper. It feels like I'm a bit rigid at times as well. Not a huge fan of events or things happening that would disrupt my routine or list. I'm fairly new to understanding my OCD diagnosis, so I would love to hear other opinions! Thank you.

Hi all, this technically isn’t OCD related although I believe my OCD and hyper fixation on it is making it worse. I just know this community has been supportive in the past. I was able to get past my harm thoughts and urges OCD which made life hell a year and a half ago. I thought that was impossible, but I did it and feel like that is behind me. Although thoughts still come into my mind, I manage so much better. Recently, after a painful ear irrigation to clean ear wax I got stuck because I had a bad habit of sticking my finger in there to clean it out. Ever since then, I’ve had a feeling of fullness in that ear and now tinnitus which has just gotten worse and is in the other ear now. Multiple tones, like 8 or so. I’m also getting noise distortions and can’t mask my tinnitus very well because it seems to get louder with a lot of other noises. My life feels like a living hell, I miss my old hearing and the worst part of this is that I feel like it’s all my fault. Maybe that’s my OCD wanting to go back in time and not completely ruin my life. I don’t know how to go forward, and it doesn’t seem to get better, only worse. Feeling suicidal. By comparison, OCD felt easy. Thoughts I realized are controllable. This can’t be controlled though and I hate it. I don’t see a way out of this at this point unless I start seeing improvements. Any support helps.

I have a mix between harm ocd and religious ocd. It sucks so bad I miss the Christian I was. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts will sound like instruction from god to do harm. I know it’s a load of crap but when it happens it can be distressing. I hate that it latches on to the things we love the most. If any of you have experienced this or have your own complex mixes I feel for you ❤️‍🩹 hang in there.

I’m not 100% sure that I have OCD, but I do have PTSD and some new intrusive thoughts were triggered a couple weeks ago. It feels like they have changed my whole perception of my life since then. Every experience that should be fun or relaxing is tainted with the horrible dread I feel when these thoughts creep in. I was really enjoying my life for a while before these new thoughts started and it feels like I have lost contact with that version of myself and my life. I’m afraid of these thoughts tainting things that I want to stay good and pure. I’m just feeling really lost about how to soothe myself and dig out of this

There’s some days where I literally feel so alone. I can’t handle this anxiety and shame anymore

Does anyone have any mild auditory hallucinations with their OCD? I have OCD and anxiety with psychotic features.