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feels like i’m in deep denial idk wtf to do i’m freaking out i can’t sleep i just want to feel normal again 😭😭😭 i wanna be a girl not a boy 😭😭

These past couple days, Ive had 2 huge panic attacks in a row. I’m getting worried because they were kind of the worst theyve ever been. I couldn’t function at all and if my partner weren’t with me, I’m afraid I wouldnt have been able to move or get up. I was convulsing and couldnt stop having the worst intrusive thoughts. I was so disappointed in myself that I started having super intense suicidal thoughts and couldn’t speak. I really hate ocd. I ruined some of the most fun days that were planned out in a trip too. Idk what to do anymore

I wanted to ask because I have this problem that my intrusive thoughts have completely attached to my ocs. There's one character I have, she has blonde hair and has a name pretty similar to my younger sister but not (the oc's name is Charlotte Wine who is a 32yr old women) and I had this for a while. I don't know what to do about it and now I completely avoided drawing or sexualising her because it now mixed up my little sister's name with hers and vice versa. I'm scared that if I do that I would be doing something horrible and criminal. The character was never based on my little sister so I don't know what to do about this. And I've just completely avoided drawing her and stuck to what's safe. It makes my uncomfortable just drawing her now because my brain attached itself to it

I haven’t been on this app in a while but randomly decided to open and scroll through my old posts… I can remember the guttural feelings of despair. The hopelessness that I would never get better that this was simply my life. I’m proud to say it did end, most days my symptoms are sub clinical and I wouldn’t say I’m “back to who I was before OCD” but only because I like who I am now better. At the time this app was the only social media I could stand to scroll through without spiraling I am so greatfull to this community if anyone has any questions or needs to talk feel free to comment.

Hey everyone! This is my first time posting on this app and I’ve been wanting to write my story for a while, but was always so scared to. Now, i feel comfortable enough after reading so many relatable posts and stories when it comes to suffering with ROCD. Every relationship I’ve been in, ROCD has always popped up in different ways. The same questions will always pop up, “Am I with the right person? Am I attracted to him? Can I see a future with him?” And then the BIG and SCARY one, “Do I love him??” Eeeeek!!! Currently, I am in a happy and healthy relationship with my marine boyfriend for more than a year now. The first couple of months of dating him, there was no doubt in my mind that I didn’t love him or find him attractive. I was head over heels for this man and always had a hard time saying goodbye whenever he had to go home, which was two hours away (ik not too far, but never knew when the next time I was going to see him since his work schedule was always up in the air). ANYWAYS, my ROCD started flaring up in this relationship around month 9 when we started talking about our future together since he will be moving to another state in few months (life of a marine moving bases every couple years). The feeling of the ROCD symptoms wasn’t like WHAM here’s ROCD! It started popping up slowly. First, I started getting anxious with the idea of moving, which is completely normal, but then, questions like “Am I ready to move and leave my family in a few months? Can I see myself getting married to him? Is he the one?” It was like a domino effect and more dominos kept adding on and getting scarier. Lately, it’s been thoughts like “Do I find him attractive? Do I like his side profile when he drives? Is he annoying when I hear his voice on the phone?” I always feel like a horrible person thinking these thoughts and I desperately want to go back to how to my normal self in this relationship. It feels like im always self sabotaging every situation like celebrating holidays together and hanging out with our families. I never feel present during the fun times with him and I’ve been feeling this way for five months now. Every time I see him now, I feel this heaviness anxiety ball in my chest and my heart beating fast like I should run away from him. DEEP DOWN, I know that’s not what I want but these scary thoughts have been going on for so long now, it’s getting unbearable to the point I just want to give up and break up with him even though DEEP DOWN that’s not what I want. I feel like even that deep down feeling is disappearing and I don’t feel like my happy self anymore. It’s physically and mentally exhausting to the point I don’t want get out of bed. The only time I feel some sort of relief/peace is when im home alone or at work (preschool) to keep my mind busy. ROCD IS NO JOKE and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I sometimes feel like maybe it’s not ROCD. My mind is so mean to me and back and forth. It’s horrible to suffer with this pain and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Just know that if you are dealing with something similar, you are not alone.

I cut someone off in the middle of what they were saying because at the last minute I knew what they were talking about. I apologized for this and how I worded what I said, and they didn't really acknowledge it but they don't seem mad at me. I feel like a really shitty person though. This is something I want to stop doing through text

Just feels like i can never win in life... I dont ever have a special talent that makes me stand out from anyone... I cant win at games, nor ever have a victorious moment based on my skill instead of luck... i just lose and lose and lose... from having OCD based on real events, to my OCD gaslighting me into thinking my fears are true, to just never being able to ever win in life once in my life... i have no one in my college who understands... let alone anyone who cares... Maybe I deserve this because Ive done bad things in life... maybe I deserve this because of my childhood mistakes... who knows... Im just in a state of giving up on ever being happy because I genuinely feel like nothing works out for me, either by my own stupidity or just life being a bitch...

So here’s how my life has been, I was one day watching TikTok and suddenly a random fearful thought popped up in my mind saying “what if im secretly gay” and I had anxiety for the rest of the night and continued since December 20 to now. But here’s the thing. Im still sexually attracted to women and i even just have gotten a girlfriend which is a girl that I have wanted for 2 years and never got the chance and even felt really sad that she went with another guy and stopped talking with me. But now I’m scared that I’m secretly gay and I don’t love her. When she came over we started making out and i got a boner and even leaked a little if you know what I mean. The whole time I was hard when she was over. But then when she leaves and I’m alone the thoughts start to come back and I pray but I heard that praying doesn’t do anything and people who were trying to pray to not be gay would still end up being gay. But before all of this I would always want to find a girlfriend and I even like this one girl in my school who I would daydream about us together but now I don’t feel nothing to her. I’m also scared that in the future I’m gonna try to do gay sexual things with men to find reassurance or something.

Anyone else who spends every day with their partner have times where they feel disassociated and just don’t feel anything and panic that you don’t feel anything- makes me sad when I get agitated at everything he does when I feel like that

All of a sudden it feels like I want to be lesbian! I haven’t been having any anxiety and now I just have the urge to kiss every girl. I don’t understand how this could switch overnight, I know this isn’t me but now I feel like I’m lying when I even say that. I’ve always dreamed of being with a man, but now all of a sudden it feels wrong? Not only that but my brain is all over the place to the point I can’t think straight.

I want to start from adding that I had OCD as long as I know, but not as severe as I experience it now. Sometimes I wonder, how did it get this much worse? And I trace its roots at a time when I started believing in the Law of Attraction. (I don't believe it, even then I didn't but acted as if I wanted to try) The books I read around Law of Attraction most often taught that always have a positive thought, and not a negative one for positive thoughts manifest good things and negative ones bad things. I would keep a journal, and deliberately think positive thoughts and undo the negative thoughts that I had. Although, at that time, I had no idea what OCD was. But neutralizing thoughts begun around this time after reading books like The Secret, and other popular books around the concept of Law of Attraction. It was also this time when I got into a relationship, and it started consuming me when I started magical thinking. Certain hairstyle mean (the hairstyle) dictates how my girlfriend talks to me. Let's say, I change my hairstyle one day and my girlfriend is happy and wants to hang out. It caused me to believe that this new hairstyle brought or made this thing happened. Now let me add, I don't believe in these things. I don't. But as of writing this now, I just feel so unbelievably stupid that I could think something so rubbish and idiotic like that. I know it's a mental disorder and I shouldn't label it like that. But I think for anyone who is in the recovery process, when you look back, you do have that anger on your chest that why did I waste so much time? So this way I believe I learnt OCD. I had it already and I know I had. But the severity of OCD has all come from this concept of Law of Attraction. It was 2017 and it's 2024 now. I don't know how to express this more clearly. But do you have similar experiences where you feel like your OCD wasn't this much worse or something that resonates with what I just said. If you feel like you can contribute to this, please do so. Stay Safe. Awais Bahar

Hello! I know I have contamination OCD in some sort of way. I cannot use or touch things that are “dirty” is a big one, whether there is a stain, crumb, or if it had been somewhere I deemed dirty. I cannot put outside clothes on my bed, I cannot use certain utensils, and there is so much more. I get so much physical anxiety from these things. However, I cannot figure out what the obsession is. I cannot do certain things but I don’t know WHY. I don’t know what the fear is if I do it. I don’t think someone will die, I don’t want to get sick but I also don’t think getting sick is the obsession. Just wondering if anybody else has ideas or what their own obsessions are with it!

Hey everyone! I’d appreciate some help here. I love my girlfriend but I’m constantly worried that I’ve made mistake or that I won’t be happy with her. It’s really stealing a lot of my happiness and is really threatening to break us up. It makes me really sad because I don’t want to hurt her. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I get so worried about it that I nearly throw up (I know that’s gross, I’m sorry). Any help?

I have been struggling with ocd a lot lately, it makes my life impossible to deal, I just wanted to have a normal life, I have ocd since my childhood but I was recently diagnosed, I just worry so much about my dreams and their meaning. If I obsess in a though I will dream about it and it makes me a lot distressed,I just wanted them to stop

i don’t know if this could be my ocd playing into it but recently my dad just turned 60 and for the past 3 days i’ve been thinking about how my parents aren’t gonna be around forever and it’s making really anxious and sad, i keep questioning how long i’ll have left with him and looking up if 60 is an old age. Has anyone else gone through this ?

Hi guys I don’t want to start overthinking but I need opinions, so I saw my boyfriend was watching porn when I wasn’t home . I feel like he’s been throwing hints that he wants to have sex but I ignore it , I’ve never been such a horndog💀. Should I be mad he’s watching porn?

My ROCD HOCD only comes back when I get into relationships. Like for example when we broke up bruh my heart was messed up I’ve never experienced heart break before, but my ocd was like null during that experience. But when we started working things out my thoughts started to come back again? It’s like when the thing I love most is gone I get no bad thoughts? But I guess I wouldn’t have been that heart broken if I really wasn’t into him. Cos the whole time I was like he’s so pretty I don’t want anyone else. But at same time not one intrusive thought maybe ur not into him came???

I realize this is an extremely rare condition, but does anyone out there have this? The ENT tells me it’s psychosomatic and sensorimotor OCD. I do feel that there is likely some somatic/sensorimotor OCD involved since people become hyper focused on their breathing. Are there any good therapists for addressing this?

Hey so for almost the past year I’ve had thoughts and fears of hurting a loved one I’m not completely sure if it’s OCD, so I’m here asking for a confirmation or help because I’m 16 and I really wanna find out how I can help this. It usually calms down and starts again. The thoughts usually involve a sibling getting hurt by me. I’m kinda lost on what to do.

Does anyone else just start thinking about life, and how it may not be real? I’ve always found myself stuck in my head just going down a rabbit hole of thoughts such as existential thoughts. I don’t know how to distract myself and I just feel very depressed over this. It makes every day difficult to live. I also find myself worrying about death a lot, I’m still very young, 14, yet still feel like I have only a few years left.. as if I’m a grandma.