Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Is pushing away intrusive thoughts a compulsion?

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?

I really think I have social anxiety. Everytime I am in public I feel uncomfortable. I am scared to go to school.Also I am scared that I am weird. I am scared that I make people uncomfortable . I panic when I accidentally make eye contact with peolple .I don't want to make people uncomfortable but I feel like I do that.

I just got triggered by something and I started to spiral. I was obsessing with my thoughts for a really long time I wasn’t doing anything but sitting there and obsessing. I finally had to bring my partner to work and it takes about 40 min to get there. I finally noticed that I had to pee really bad I was obsessing over my POCD and I got in my head thinking what if this feeling is sexual and you are a P. I finally made myself pull over at a gas station and went to the restroom. I never had a problem with my OCD until i started heavily drinking. When I was drinking with friends one night at a bonfire there were these two little girls at the time I really loved kids I wanted to have some of my own some day. So I started playing with the little girls just being silly and picking them up and playing. I eventually pick one of them up and kissed her on the cheek because I thought she was so cute. But I was drinking and the father told them to go inside the house. Know that I’m thinking about it I don’t know if it was because or he just wanted them to go inside because it was getting late. He never said anything to me and my friends never said anything to. But I instantly felt bad for being drunk and playing with. But for some reason I woke up the next day and I felt like I had done something wrong and what if I was a P for kissing the little girl on the cheek. I started drinking back then just for fun but it slowly became a problem I had just turned 21 and I wanted to have fun with my friends and that is what people do when they turn 21. I’m now 31 and an alcoholic but for the last 10 years I haven’t been able to forget about that night and I just have been obsessing about it ever sense. I think now that the alcohol brought out my OCD and I wish I could go back and never started drinking in the first place. Now I am almost 3 months sober. But recently I have been prescribed medication that will make you physically sick if you drink on them. I also have found an online 24 hour zoom meeting that is awesome. The reason I bought the drinking up is after I stopped to go to the bathroom the thoughts of being a P went away greatly I wasn’t having sexual feelings I just had to go to the bathroom. When I got back in the car and started listening to the zoom AA meeting my thoughts pretty much went away. I wanted to let everyone know about the online meetings it’s called The Zoo Crew. I am so happy to be sober now and so grateful that I found the meetings. So I just wanted to get that out there for anyone struggling with POCD, OCD in general, or alcoholism. There has been very few problem that I have talked about having these thoughts with. Most of them have been with medical professionals it feels so good to have found this app and be able to talk about it with other people. I hope this could help someone else in knowing you’re not alone in this. I know this was really long but I hope it helps someone. Thank you!!!

I hope I am wrong, but it seems like there are very few resources for sensorimotor OCD. I see Michael Greenberg and OCD recovery but not much else except maybe a single post or video. Is this an uncommon issue? Or are there resources that I haven’t found yet?

How to stop ruminating about the past? I keep ruminating on my past mistakes and I dont know what to do . I feel like I didn't really evolved as a person . I feel like I don't deserve to be happy

i am 2 years clean from self harm and im very proud of how far i've come. my intrusive thoughts attack my accomplishments and i struggle with false memory ocd. my brain takes instances where i accidentally get hurt and tells me i did it to myself. a couple months ago i noticed my wrist was itchy while i was just pacing around my room, when i looked at my wrist there was a scratch. i did NOT do it to myself, i must have accidentally scratched myself sometime throughout the day. but because i didn't remember what could have caused the scratch my brain told me i did it to myself even though i didn't. tonight i remembered when i got that accidental scratch and had a panic attack while arguing with my intrusive thoughts telling me i did. it hurts to be 2 years clean and have intrusive thoughts that attack my success in recovery. if you can relate to this or have advice, please let me know.

really triggered and sad by so many things right now. I feel like while brushing my teeth i spat into the sink and wiped my mouth with water too slow, i am so triggered by my eyebrows recently that i’ve avoided even looking at them but if i accidentally see them i feel so horrible, and if i’m looking at an object but i feel like my eyes were blurry or stinging that’s another trigger cause i feel that means i didn’t see the object properly. sometimes sitting with distress is too much, is there something else i can do to also make me feel confident about my abilities in all these things??

Anyone else have overwhelming urges to eye roll, snort , contort body a specific way , clear throat, etc ? Psychiatrist says it’s a stress response but they are starting to feel like an “ overwhelming” need to do them almost in the same fashion I have the urge to repeat sounds and noises in my head.

they don’t go well with OCD. I was asked by my mother if I could make some chocolate covered strawberries for her boss+coworker. I have made them multiple times before and they always end up okay. now im worried about making it for them though. what if i get them sick? what if they get sick and my mother loses her job? what am i supposed to do about it…. obviously i wash everything before i make the strawberries so i know that everything is clean. i have only ever made them for family so i don’t use gloves or anything (gross?) should I just buy some gloves to make it for them? is that me being dramatic?? it’s either i wash my hands constantly or make them with gloves. i feel so bad for all the ones i already made for my family, what if they get sick?

I was remembering something my therapist said about how sometimes SA victims feel things in their body when they’re being assaulted or can 0rgasm and stuff (it’s a physiological response, and it doesn’t mean they consented or enjoyed it) and my brain briefly imagined a fictional character I like and their SA story and imagined them 0rgasming during it. And my brain was like uncomfortable, and I didn’t even feel groinal response, but then like I didn’t feel uncomfortable for a few seconds? And I don’t know why, but my brain feels like I enjoyed it? Even tho immediately after I felt that lack of discomfort, I immediately felt fear and disgust over possibly being into the idea? I don’t know what to make of this and I have no idea how to tell what I just felt or not. I’m really scared because like… I absolutely despise SA and the idea of being into something to do with it. And this character I’m like heavily emotionally attached to (I have adhd and they’re my hyperfix and have been for almost a year) and this feels like a betrayal and really gross because what happened to them was awful. How am I meant to tell whether or not I felt arousal or not? What if my brain went into a weird headspace where I enjoy SA somehow? Is it possible my brain separated the action happening from the context for a split second? If that’s what happened, does that mean I’m into SA, or am a bad person?

First day of school after 2 month break, I feel both fine and stressed in same time. I wanna go back home, I don't wanna stay with normal people. They are all so normal while I'm so abnormal. I don't wanna stay with them. I don't like school. Everyone grew up, but I'm still the same.. No.. not the same.. I'm worse than previous semester. I can't touch anything that is dirty. I'm scared to touch my own bag. I'm scared to touch tables. I' scared to touch anything. Not even my own face or body. I can only touch my phone and my pocket and my hands. I wash hands 10 times at once or else I will feel like dying. Everything feels so dirty... I don't wanna do anything... No one understand me there... Not even my family... People will just say that I'm overdramatic if I explain... Hiding all these from people is better than explaining and got judged in the end. I hope I will survive.. I used to plan that I will die today...On the first day of the next semester. And today is that day... I don't wanna die yet... I hope I can surpass that plan... I don't wanna die before I could reach my goal... I hope I will be fine...

i feel like im being crushed by the weight of deadlines and my thoughts. i have so much to do in the next 3 weeks and i feel so distracted by my brain. i just got diagnosed with OCD and it feels good to put a name to all these endless thoughts i have. i think so much and never get a break and on top of it im so overwhelmed by assignments i feel paralyzed (i have adhd, too). even when i do things i enjoy my brain still somehow thinks of something to ruin the moment. 🫠

Does anyone else feel like they’ve really just convinced themselves they have OCD just to feel better about the thoughts and feelings they have? Sometimes I feel like a liar or a fraud. I’m undiagnosed and sometimes I feel like an imposter on this app. I worry that I’ve just convinced myself of having OCD as an excuse for my thoughts and feelings, so I can feel better.

I just want my brain to stop. I feel like I can’t even talk to anyone about it anymore because I’m just bothering my boyfriend with my problems at this point. I have compulsively vented since elementary school about my intrusive thoughts, and that’s all I’ve ever known. I’m afraid of almost everything and can’t even get on an airplane. I don’t even have the money to afford specialized therapy for OCD. I keep thinking I might be God and everyone else is fake, getting scared at that thought and upset for even thinking it, but still continuing to think it. I’ve been stuck in bed all day. The worst part is nobody can give me reassurance because they could just be a figment of my imagination, so I’m just stuck in this loop.

Ive been really sad lately because i am afraid my bf doesn't care about me. He said he loved me for the first time yesterday. But today i am scared he is lying to me. I got a trigger today another guy texted me something weird and i sent him the text and was hoping he would be protective. But he just said that guy might have been the one who smashed his car window. And was t really acting protective at all and so now i am scared that means this is all a huge lie. I am so sad. All the time. I can't tell if he really cares and i feel like i should know. When we are lying in bed he never comes to my side to cuddle i always go to him. I know i shouldn't ask for reassurance but i need help, if someone can help me feel some relief somehow...i feel so sad and scared all the time my biggest fear is if someone is lying to me about how they feel

my rocd changed back to ex theme (which freaking sucks) so in the beginning of my relationship my fiancé didn’t gave me any memories of my exs a lot he looks very different from them but like 2 weeks in I scared believing he was my ex since I was 13-14 and etc. and I thought my ex was getting quote on quote revenge or pay back (I’m was being very delusional) so now us being 1 year and 9 months now I’m getting the same thoughts as before again now I did thought about how sometimes he brings back memories of an ex that I simply don’t want to remember and has moved on from it (even tho my rocd wants to say I haven’t but I did bc I would choose my fiancé over everyone else in the whole world) but now it has gotten so much worse especially since I had a dream about them and him and obviously I choosen my fiancé but I think that’s what really triggered in ep today because on ft he reminded me of them again and I was like wtf and I moved on from it but the intrusive thought keeps on popping up in my head over and over and I even gotten this heart sinking feeling in my chest aswell so I tried to calm down and look at photos of him bc it really calm my nerves but it only gotten worse the photos i saw of him looked a lil like my ex and I will panick and would get this heart sinking feeling in my chest and it won’t go away and the thought of my ex won’t go away even tho it’s makes me so uncomfortable… the only thing that’s similar is literally the hairstyle, and the glasses if far away and maybe the face structure but I never realized that until now when I’m in this ep and manners?? Which was also smt that I never thought was similar until I had this ep and I completely think I’m panicking so much that it’s making it so much worse and I honestly want this to end now. I have no desire to be, to see, to speak, or to even think about this person!!!! NOT TO EVEN DREAM!!!! Even if my rocd says I do miss them or wtv but I truly know I don’t! So please help me and give me some advice I’m so tired of this and I just want to live a happy life with my future husband

When I say regular therapist I mean the ones that have you sit down and have you talk about stuff like how they show in the movies. There’s no erp therapist near me that take my insurance so I’m thinking about just going to a regular therapist but Ive heard that regular therapist can make ocd worse.

How do people handle confessional compulsions? I feel like I have to confess everything all the time or else I'm a liar and a bad person and not confessing makes me feel sick to my stomach. Any advice for overcoming this? Ive tried to not confess but I just get so ill

I hate this crap, why does this make me feel so numb, I’m scared that it means that I don’t love my girlfriend anymore, even know I know I do, so much in fact, but why does it make me feel like I don’t? Why do I feel absolutely nothing right now? Why do I always feel numb? And only blush at what she says occasionally but more times than not I just feel drained, and my OCD says I need to leave because I don’t love my gf and the feeling nothing is proof, but I don’t want to leave, I don’t want too, I wanted to stay forever I don’t want too, but I’m scared what if I don’t feel something and I’m leading her on? I’m scared, I don’t want to hurt her and I’m scared and I don’t understand my feelings, because I feel absolutely nothing, through some I love yous/youre prettys/etc, but that could be normal. I know it’s not normal to always be flustered at the fact your partner said they love you, I understand it all. I’m just scared it means that I shouldn’t be here