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I’m scared I’m lying to myself. All I have is depression and hardly any anxiety about it. I’m on Sertraline and only have been for 4 weeks. I don’t want to have to lose my wife. I feel like my mind has been hijacked.

Often times my OCD will convince me that my entire personality is a lie and that i’ve actually just created it in a long scheme of manipulation to get people to like me and that in reality im a horrible person. It’s really stressful and im not sure how to negate it. I’ve tried talking to my therapist about it and she tried to combat these thoughts by retelling her observations of my behavior and how my friends view me but then i think, hmm what if all that i’ve shown them is a lie in order to produce this response of “oh, of course you’re a good person”! I’m afraid that there is this deep evil part of me lurking beneath a facade that i’ve created even though ive never put that sort of thought into who i am at any point in my life (making it to be a facade, that is) it’s not my most reoccurring intrusive thought, but certainly a stressful one.

I don’t know why my brain keeps targeting you but it is and it’s pissing me off, I hate how my head goes like oh did they bleed or enjoyed it or why didn’t they and I know full well why they didn’t and it just pisses me off because I don’t want these fucking thoughts anyone!- Or ask these questions. Oh did you cry?- Or the fact that more stuff pop into my head and me just imagining what happened is stuck in my mind and one of my thoughts- I don’t want to say sexualised- More like it popped up- About a baby!- I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL!- I know it’s wrong!- I can’t even look at any other porn and my head keeps saying that I like my mom romantically and not platonically!- LIKE WHY ME?!— IT JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO SEE THE DOCTERS SO I CAN STOP SUFFERING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND IMAGES, I FEEL LIKE I VICTEM BLAME THEM AS WELL, MY THOUGHTS ARE LIKE THAT WHEN I KNOW IT WASNT THEIR FUCKING FAULT!— AND IM SO SORRY.

How can I feel normal again and not numb? I feel like I have grieved my relationship because of the breakup urges and it is a pattern for me to just randomly lose interest and this one really came out of left field. Woke up and felt I need to break up and had no feelings towards my boyfriend. I just want to not feel numb and live in the moment but I want to feel like I love him again and it is so hard. Please help me I am hopeless

Does anyone else feel that because of their OCD they are easier to gaslight? Especially when someone says something defamatory about you and you know that it isnt true, youre still able to find a way to gaslight yourself into believing youve done something or acted in a way thats deplorable?

Bad week at work continues. Thoughts won't stop high anxiety. My thoughts then are just quit and I get so upset and anxious and picture everything I'll lose

So recently after a big obsession with so much anxiety and rumination it seems that I'm not giving a big reaction towards my intrusive thoughts and it seems there coming in less and then they usually come by and I don't give a reaction sometimes and I worry why didn't or why don't I have a reaction towards the intrusive thoughts what if there not intrusive then I start to worry but then I would just say oh this is ocd messing with me but thn I get the classic what if it's not ocd and it's you you like your thoughts you want to be xyz and I start to freak out why am i like this not giving a reaction it's soo annoying because I don't want to be/do my thoughts but then there's that are you sure thought and feeling that bother me sooo much I need help

For all of us who judge ourselves for decisions, actions, other people's jugdement, humiliating, and insults of us. I hope we manage to live by these meditations.

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

Could I just be a **** with strong morals? This afternoon I read the news abt a **** doing something horrible, and I wondered how could he do such thing, and how could someone develope a liking to the very thing that triggers me. How does that happen? I know I would never such thing, but what if I'm secretely attracted? I could be a non offending ****. I had to test if attraction could happen. I picked up a very triggering memory from last month that has been recently reappearing in my mind these past days, triggering me each time and putting me in bed all day without eating anything, feeling distressed and miserable. In that memory there is a young girl, that has legs exposed, and they trigger me a lot. I wanted to know if I was attracted, and I compulsively stared at it, and I didn't get any answers, I only felt more triggered and wondered if what I was feeling was actually attraction, was that weird feeling me liking the legs? Yesterday I had a revelation: what simply bothers you, just bothers you, there is no secret attraction, everything else is overthinking. That's it, it bothers you, it doesn't mean something else, but you misinterpret it for something else, which is "coincidentally" what you fear the most. It makes sense, all the time i was deeply disturbed, distressed, tortured myself with ruminations, to the point that i stayed in bed all day, self harmed, smoked an unhealthy number of cigarettes etc. are a testament to that. But these beliefs have been shattered when I tried to test for attraction. I pictured that triggering image of the girl from memory, and instead of just checking for attraction, I tried to see what would happen if I forced myself to liking it. And I'm afraid it kind of worked, and, at the same time I was trying to force attraction an involuntary smile slowly formed. I got very scared, it lasted an instant, and I went back to my usual self, distressed and bothered by what happened, what it meant. This is very concerning. It could be just false thoughts, false fabricated induced feelings, but it felt very very real, indistinguishable from reality. It felt like a glimpse at a possible reality where I was actually attracted. Maybe I was for that second. Maybe attraction is simply voluntary, and if I decide to become attracted by something that becomes real. Or maybe I was a monster all along. I don't know. I'm very scared. What did just happen? Why did that happen? I can't explain it. Are we what we think? So if I believe that I like it, will that become true? It's very scary. Are simply morals preventing me from being a monster, and maybe I'm not a monster, but that "thing" is something that always exists, and it means I could easily allow it to become the truth? The thing is that, whenever I had those triggering episodes in the past and I ruminated hours to understand if I was attracted, I knew that I was always felt uncomfortable, distressed, triggered, but I never tried to see if there was something else hiding underneath all those things. There was something very strong blocking myself from doing that, I think it was fear. I always checked for attraction, but I never tested it directly, I never tried to force myself to be attracted, to tell myself "you like it" and to see what would happen in fear that it would be the truth. It felt so easy to go "there" in my mind, and I'm so afraid that I might have crossed the line between being bothered and liking it. I feel like more than forcing myself to be attracted, another word could be allowing myself to be attracted to remove the barrier that I self-imposed myself, and see what happened. And I don't know if I felt attraction, it could be very false. But also very real. I'm afraid that all this time my morals are the only thing stopping me from aknowledging that maybe I'm secretely attracted. I can't tolerate this. If this is true, and not a distortion of OCD, if I truly am a monster in denial, I don't want to keep on living. Please someone tell me what actually happened, because I don't know. I need to believe, to know that what I felt was false, that it was OCD, that those feelings were fabricated, emulated, copied, but not true, that they were egodystonic. Help.

I have trouble disengaging with my intrusive thoughts because when I say something positive in response to some disparaging comment it made or disengage it will get louder; more aggressive and sometimes even screams at me. So I’ve usually resorted to actually fighting the intrusive thoughts, but I realise that this isn’t helping & I feel like my thoughts have made me a bitch to people lately because my patience has just been spent on that thing and I’m just tired. I’ve come to conclusion last night that fighting the thoughts isn’t going to help but rather disengaging. The best analogy I’ve used is that it acts like a kid having a fit when it doesn’t get its own way and to just ignore it. But surely, I can’t be the only one whose intrusive thoughts have temper tantrums?

What if I am what my OCD says? What if I am deep down a horrible monster and my ocd has been right all along and I’ve just been trying to fight it and deny that I am what it says?

Been going through a huge spike recently. I saw a post by an influencer I follow that also has OCD speaking about her experience telling people her thoughts and how living in secrecy isn’t the best. It sent me down a spiral after seeing it and all I could think about was telling people every intrusive thought I’ve ever had. I’ve been experiencing intrusive images, urges, scenarios, you name it, etc. The people in my life know I suffer from OCD, and I told my bestfriend my OCD mainly shows up as disturbing sexual thoughts in my brain. But somehow that wasn’t enough, and my overthinking hasn’t gone away. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do you cope with it? Really needing some support from the OCD community right now, I hope everyone is having a great day!

Ive been in a relationship for 6 months w the literally love of my life and ive really been struggling not to fall into the insecurities my ocd hounds me about. I struggle to be secure when asking for reassurance about my intrusive thoughts, not because of her, but because of me. She’s made it clear multiple times that me asking for validation is no issue whatsoever (obviously in healthy moderation) and that she would tell me if i was crossing any sort of boundary, yet i am constantly worried that shes only saying it to appease me and that it does really bother her despite there being no evidence of that being true. I also have bad intrusive thoughts that she will fall out of love with me which i hate even typing lest it manifests. I hate thinking this and it upsets me often because it’s not something i want to dwell on. If i keep thinking about it i set us up for failure. If anyone has any coping tips pls lmk!!!

I know this app is for ocd help but I genuinely need some help in my relationship or just some guidance. Does anyone know how to break down built up resentment ? And how to stop anger towards your partner, I’ll take any answer

TW: death I've recently been struggling a lot with obsessing over death and the fear that I or my boyfriend are dying, and obsessing over the fact that both of us will eventually die. It's to the point that it is severely affecting my life, I have frequent anxiety attacks about these ideas and can't stop myself from googling every single symptom either one of us experiences because I'm terrified I'll miss something and my boyfriend will die. If I manage to move past it for a bit or calm down I just end up with intrusive thoughts reminding me of it and spiral into another anxiety attack. Has anyone else experienced this issue and if so what helped you?

i have a nightly routine that i do, almost every single night. I wash my hands three times, and i have to put lotion on my hands before i touch anything or i’ll end up having to do it again and again until i don’t feel dirty. i have to fix my bed i can’t leave it messy. i have to close the door three times then leave, well technically four but my brain doesn’t count the fourth one. i have to check in another room, scan it, then close the door. then i walk into my bedroom where i have to take four sips of water from my water bottle. i have drink some normally first, then i go in with the four sips, but the fourth sip is a long one and i HAVE to do it right or else i’ll start all over again. i’m in therapy, and i have broken some of these habits, but there’s still some that still cloud me. i still have to wash hands, not three times, just once and put lotion on it. still close the door three, technically four times, still scan another room, still take my four sips of water. i have very bad, intrusive, intese thoughts that i wish i didn’t think. i don’t wanna type them. i can’t. but you probably know what i’m getting. yoh know, i’m just gonna say it, pedophilia. i know, i know. i can’t be thinking like this, and i wish i didn’t. i didn’t chose to think this. i want this to stop. i fight back my thoughts and do things to distract myself. like, doing unimaginable things to people, and i hate, i really, really do, i’m tearing just writing this. i don’t want to hurt people or gibe them pain. it’s not like me, at all. i remember the times where i didn’t think like this. where i was happy and didn’t think about hurting people. i just want to change. i want to be free from these thoughts. i wanna live my life without hurting others. i wanna heal from this. there’s something else i want to say but can’t wuite put my finger on it. if anyone out there has thought like this and overcome it, how’d you do it? what can i do to change? how do i stop these thoughts for coming? please, i’m really desperate, i don’t wanna be thinking like this and it’s not just that, if you have intrusive thoughts, you know what it’s like. i need help, something, to get rid of these thoughts and think normally. please, help, i’m desperate. does anyone else have suicidal thoughts? like, not wanna to kill yourself but to have something really bad happen and that would kill you? cause that’s how i think. i don’t wanna die but at the same time i do. i just don’t wanna take my own two hands just to commit. like something natural? i don’t know… how you guys distract from these thoughts? heal from them? as i said, i’m currently in therapy and my therapist is well aware that i’m suicidal. she helps a lot, there’s just a lot of things, i can’t talk to her anout right now. but if anyone out there, share your story, how did you heal from this? what are ways that i can help myself. thank you. is anyone else, out there, picking at their fingers and face. i know it’s apart of ocd and it’s called excoriation disorder and dermatillomania. i’ve been struggling with this for a very long time now, since i was a kid (i’m 16 turning 17 in february, also a girl :) my mom and sister don’t really understand what’s it’s like dealing with this. i’ve noticed that acrylic nails have helped a lot when it comes to picking my skin but unfortunately, i don’t really like or do my nails that often now and it’s a pain to take off. if anyone else has dealt with this before or is currently dealing with this: what do you do to help? what do you do to stop picking? what can i try? i know a couple things i could try is buying a figet or putting duct tape around all 10 of my fingers but that in itself is pretty difficult considering that my mom is usually the one that buys things for me and my sister. i’ll try to convice her, she mostly get whatever i need and what so i think it’ll be fine plus i’m using these things for a good cause. thank again, :) i have or had i don’t really know, some type of transgender phase, i’m not necessarily a dude. i don’t even like guys😭 i’m pretty sure i’m not cause i don’t feel like i am. maybe i’m more leaning towards genderfluid or nonbinary. but i don’t yet so she/her is fine for now. that phase was pretty embarrasing not gonna lie…. ehhh, i’ll eventu figure it out but honestly i feel more comfortable as a girl. maybe, i could go by she/they? ugh i don’t know, i feel like i should leave that there though it feels right. maybe different days i can chose different pronouns to feel more comfortable. is that even possible. ohhh nevermind i just search it up it’s literally called genderfluid LMAO. i did at one point have a panic attack over this i know, i know. i just got so overwhelmed and terrified at the fact of transitioning i didn’t like not one bit. i calm down a little bit after and went back to sleep. i don’t what the cause for that was, honestly. if you’ver experience something similar, tell me: what did you do to overcome it? did anyone experience something like this? i do still think anout here and there but not as often as before i never treally stopped and thinked about it but i don’t really want to. i think i’m more comfortable as a girl foe now. anyways, anyone who have gone through this, please let me know: what do you identify as? how did you come to terms with it? how did you feel when you realized? have you ever questioned yourself before? if you went through different phases, how did feel and what did you land with? thank you so much :D wow, that was a lot of thoughts, i’ve been thinking for a long time now. i’m glad to get it off my chest and get help for it too. i wanna be able to get better. i wanna be able to live my life and be incontrol again. i think i’ve been sitting here for the past 2 hours writing this. i feel a lot better telling this to people rather then pushing these feelings down and never see or come to terms with them again. it’s almost 2AM right now and i feel so much better just writing this all down and getting the help i need. if you’ve read this far, thank you, thank you so much. you clearly feel the same or similar to me and i really do hope we BOTH get better. we’ll heal and that takes time, it justs takes one step at a time. i hope someone could relate to me on one thing or maybe even all. of course, i wouldn’t wish ocd on anybody, it’s truly exhausting having your own brain being your own enemy. i really wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy. i hope someone could help me and i’ll also be able to relate to someone or help someone with whatever they need. i know it feels like you’ve got knifes in your heart and brain , they’re not on the same level but eventually they will both heal and will give what our brain and heart needs. we’ll all heal together and it will take time. the process is slow but it’s worth it in the end❤️‍🩹

Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

Im crippling from the stress, the last two years of my life were dreadful to say the least but especially this year,was horrible, I'm 14 and haven't received continuous therapy sessions for it just two random sessions with two different therapists that diagnosed me with OCD,my ocd started as me being a cleaning freak to the point of insanity,I'd spent hours cleaning my enviroment (not in a normal healthy way), TW my defecation body parts where so messed up(to the point of bleeding and scarring)from cleaning them over and over again so harshly,and I still felt unclean most of the time,I would repeat my wudu(a process of rinsing certain body parts like the face and arms to prepare for prayer,Im Muslim), so many times I've missed the times of prayers for it.However, in the last year i started getting really agressive sexual intrusion photos and thoughts of either family members or friends and just people in general,it was terrible and they developed into sexual intrusive dreams of people i know creating this shame and making me spiral and go back to some sexual stuff i used to do as I was introduced to p0rn/sexual g0re from such a young age against my will and never recovered from the scarring thoughts, this has affected me deeply because in Islam in order to pray you have to be Tahir meaning you didn't have sexual intercourse or sexual thoughts or sexual dreams (i always have the latter two 😔)and if you did you have to perform and cleaning ritual of cleansing your entire body properly which is exhausting to me because I do it so many times in a day which is driving me again to a point of insanity I hate myself

Hello I’m Ana Sanchez I’m a mother of 2olders young ladies and 6month baby boy I live with my bf the father of my baby boy he’s the stepdad of my daughters… I’m a stay mom at home he works and my oldest goes to high school and the little one goes to middle school.. At the moment I’m at a rough patch of my life.. I have been living with trauma and with anxiety and depression since I can remember growing up my parents were toxic and alcoholism problems with my dad and well I suffer from abandon and well I been single for so many years like 8years and now I’m in a relationship everything start well like every other relationship but now after I give birth I noticed I have become for not myself I been to toxic and super jealous I will I’m ruined my relationship but my bf he always tired to help me and being there for me but idk I still feel weird that I’m not doing a good job as a mother and as a wife I need help I don’t wanna listen and believe to my thoughts and they getting louder and strong I had started going to Christian Church and I have noticed a different but is just here and there I berly started like I said so I do feel I need help.. I have no one to talk and I do have family but I don’t wanna be bothering them with my problems they have enough of problems already.. and I wanna be free I wanna be better and happy with my family and I wanna learn how to forgive so I can be able to move on.. I’m asking for help before is to late…