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I’m scared I’m lying to myself. All I have is depression and hardly any anxiety about it. I’m on Sertraline and only have been for 4 weeks. I don’t want to have to lose my wife. I feel like my mind has been hijacked.

Often times my OCD will convince me that my entire personality is a lie and that i’ve actually just created it in a long scheme of manipulation to get people to like me and that in reality im a horrible person. It’s really stressful and im not sure how to negate it. I’ve tried talking to my therapist about it and she tried to combat these thoughts by retelling her observations of my behavior and how my friends view me but then i think, hmm what if all that i’ve shown them is a lie in order to produce this response of “oh, of course you’re a good person”! I’m afraid that there is this deep evil part of me lurking beneath a facade that i’ve created even though ive never put that sort of thought into who i am at any point in my life (making it to be a facade, that is) it’s not my most reoccurring intrusive thought, but certainly a stressful one.

I don’t know why my brain keeps targeting you but it is and it’s pissing me off, I hate how my head goes like oh did they bleed or enjoyed it or why didn’t they and I know full well why they didn’t and it just pisses me off because I don’t want these fucking thoughts anyone!- Or ask these questions. Oh did you cry?- Or the fact that more stuff pop into my head and me just imagining what happened is stuck in my mind and one of my thoughts- I don’t want to say sexualised- More like it popped up- About a baby!- I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL!- I know it’s wrong!- I can’t even look at any other porn and my head keeps saying that I like my mom romantically and not platonically!- LIKE WHY ME?!— IT JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO SEE THE DOCTERS SO I CAN STOP SUFFERING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND IMAGES, I FEEL LIKE I VICTEM BLAME THEM AS WELL, MY THOUGHTS ARE LIKE THAT WHEN I KNOW IT WASNT THEIR FUCKING FAULT!— AND IM SO SORRY.

Does anyone else feel that because of their OCD they are easier to gaslight? Especially when someone says something defamatory about you and you know that it isnt true, youre still able to find a way to gaslight yourself into believing youve done something or acted in a way thats deplorable?

Bad week at work continues. Thoughts won't stop high anxiety. My thoughts then are just quit and I get so upset and anxious and picture everything I'll lose

So recently after a big obsession with so much anxiety and rumination it seems that I'm not giving a big reaction towards my intrusive thoughts and it seems there coming in less and then they usually come by and I don't give a reaction sometimes and I worry why didn't or why don't I have a reaction towards the intrusive thoughts what if there not intrusive then I start to worry but then I would just say oh this is ocd messing with me but thn I get the classic what if it's not ocd and it's you you like your thoughts you want to be xyz and I start to freak out why am i like this not giving a reaction it's soo annoying because I don't want to be/do my thoughts but then there's that are you sure thought and feeling that bother me sooo much I need help

For all of us who judge ourselves for decisions, actions, other people's jugdement, humiliating, and insults of us. I hope we manage to live by these meditations.

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

Could I just be a **** with strong morals? This afternoon I read the news abt a **** doing something horrible, and I wondered how could he do such thing, and how could someone develope a liking to the very thing that triggers me. How does that happen? I know I would never such thing, but what if I'm secretely attracted? I could be a non offending ****. I had to test if attraction could happen. I picked up a very triggering memory from last month that has been recently reappearing in my mind these past days, triggering me each time and putting me in bed all day without eating anything, feeling distressed and miserable. In that memory there is a young girl, that has legs exposed, and they trigger me a lot. I wanted to know if I was attracted, and I compulsively stared at it, and I didn't get any answers, I only felt more triggered and wondered if what I was feeling was actually attraction, was that weird feeling me liking the legs? Yesterday I had a revelation: what simply bothers you, just bothers you, there is no secret attraction, everything else is overthinking. That's it, it bothers you, it doesn't mean something else, but you misinterpret it for something else, which is "coincidentally" what you fear the most. It makes sense, all the time i was deeply disturbed, distressed, tortured myself with ruminations, to the point that i stayed in bed all day, self harmed, smoked an unhealthy number of cigarettes etc. are a testament to that. But these beliefs have been shattered when I tried to test for attraction. I pictured that triggering image of the girl from memory, and instead of just checking for attraction, I tried to see what would happen if I forced myself to liking it. And I'm afraid it kind of worked, and, at the same time I was trying to force attraction an involuntary smile slowly formed. I got very scared, it lasted an instant, and I went back to my usual self, distressed and bothered by what happened, what it meant. This is very concerning. It could be just false thoughts, false fabricated induced feelings, but it felt very very real, indistinguishable from reality. It felt like a glimpse at a possible reality where I was actually attracted. Maybe I was for that second. Maybe attraction is simply voluntary, and if I decide to become attracted by something that becomes real. Or maybe I was a monster all along. I don't know. I'm very scared. What did just happen? Why did that happen? I can't explain it. Are we what we think? So if I believe that I like it, will that become true? It's very scary. Are simply morals preventing me from being a monster, and maybe I'm not a monster, but that "thing" is something that always exists, and it means I could easily allow it to become the truth? The thing is that, whenever I had those triggering episodes in the past and I ruminated hours to understand if I was attracted, I knew that I was always felt uncomfortable, distressed, triggered, but I never tried to see if there was something else hiding underneath all those things. There was something very strong blocking myself from doing that, I think it was fear. I always checked for attraction, but I never tested it directly, I never tried to force myself to be attracted, to tell myself "you like it" and to see what would happen in fear that it would be the truth. It felt so easy to go "there" in my mind, and I'm so afraid that I might have crossed the line between being bothered and liking it. I feel like more than forcing myself to be attracted, another word could be allowing myself to be attracted to remove the barrier that I self-imposed myself, and see what happened. And I don't know if I felt attraction, it could be very false. But also very real. I'm afraid that all this time my morals are the only thing stopping me from aknowledging that maybe I'm secretely attracted. I can't tolerate this. If this is true, and not a distortion of OCD, if I truly am a monster in denial, I don't want to keep on living. Please someone tell me what actually happened, because I don't know. I need to believe, to know that what I felt was false, that it was OCD, that those feelings were fabricated, emulated, copied, but not true, that they were egodystonic. Help.

I have trouble disengaging with my intrusive thoughts because when I say something positive in response to some disparaging comment it made or disengage it will get louder; more aggressive and sometimes even screams at me. So I’ve usually resorted to actually fighting the intrusive thoughts, but I realise that this isn’t helping & I feel like my thoughts have made me a bitch to people lately because my patience has just been spent on that thing and I’m just tired. I’ve come to conclusion last night that fighting the thoughts isn’t going to help but rather disengaging. The best analogy I’ve used is that it acts like a kid having a fit when it doesn’t get its own way and to just ignore it. But surely, I can’t be the only one whose intrusive thoughts have temper tantrums?

What if I am what my OCD says? What if I am deep down a horrible monster and my ocd has been right all along and I’ve just been trying to fight it and deny that I am what it says?

Been going through a huge spike recently. I saw a post by an influencer I follow that also has OCD speaking about her experience telling people her thoughts and how living in secrecy isn’t the best. It sent me down a spiral after seeing it and all I could think about was telling people every intrusive thought I’ve ever had. I’ve been experiencing intrusive images, urges, scenarios, you name it, etc. The people in my life know I suffer from OCD, and I told my bestfriend my OCD mainly shows up as disturbing sexual thoughts in my brain. But somehow that wasn’t enough, and my overthinking hasn’t gone away. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do you cope with it? Really needing some support from the OCD community right now, I hope everyone is having a great day!

Ive been in a relationship for 6 months w the literally love of my life and ive really been struggling not to fall into the insecurities my ocd hounds me about. I struggle to be secure when asking for reassurance about my intrusive thoughts, not because of her, but because of me. She’s made it clear multiple times that me asking for validation is no issue whatsoever (obviously in healthy moderation) and that she would tell me if i was crossing any sort of boundary, yet i am constantly worried that shes only saying it to appease me and that it does really bother her despite there being no evidence of that being true. I also have bad intrusive thoughts that she will fall out of love with me which i hate even typing lest it manifests. I hate thinking this and it upsets me often because it’s not something i want to dwell on. If i keep thinking about it i set us up for failure. If anyone has any coping tips pls lmk!!!

I know this app is for ocd help but I genuinely need some help in my relationship or just some guidance. Does anyone know how to break down built up resentment ? And how to stop anger towards your partner, I’ll take any answer

TW: death I've recently been struggling a lot with obsessing over death and the fear that I or my boyfriend are dying, and obsessing over the fact that both of us will eventually die. It's to the point that it is severely affecting my life, I have frequent anxiety attacks about these ideas and can't stop myself from googling every single symptom either one of us experiences because I'm terrified I'll miss something and my boyfriend will die. If I manage to move past it for a bit or calm down I just end up with intrusive thoughts reminding me of it and spiral into another anxiety attack. Has anyone else experienced this issue and if so what helped you?

Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

Im crippling from the stress, the last two years of my life were dreadful to say the least but especially this year,was horrible, I'm 14 and haven't received continuous therapy sessions for it just two random sessions with two different therapists that diagnosed me with OCD,my ocd started as me being a cleaning freak to the point of insanity,I'd spent hours cleaning my enviroment (not in a normal healthy way), TW my defecation body parts where so messed up(to the point of bleeding and scarring)from cleaning them over and over again so harshly,and I still felt unclean most of the time,I would repeat my wudu(a process of rinsing certain body parts like the face and arms to prepare for prayer,Im Muslim), so many times I've missed the times of prayers for it.However, in the last year i started getting really agressive sexual intrusion photos and thoughts of either family members or friends and just people in general,it was terrible and they developed into sexual intrusive dreams of people i know creating this shame and making me spiral and go back to some sexual stuff i used to do as I was introduced to p0rn/sexual g0re from such a young age against my will and never recovered from the scarring thoughts, this has affected me deeply because in Islam in order to pray you have to be Tahir meaning you didn't have sexual intercourse or sexual thoughts or sexual dreams (i always have the latter two 😔)and if you did you have to perform and cleaning ritual of cleansing your entire body properly which is exhausting to me because I do it so many times in a day which is driving me again to a point of insanity I hate myself

Hello I’m Ana Sanchez I’m a mother of 2olders young ladies and 6month baby boy I live with my bf the father of my baby boy he’s the stepdad of my daughters… I’m a stay mom at home he works and my oldest goes to high school and the little one goes to middle school.. At the moment I’m at a rough patch of my life.. I have been living with trauma and with anxiety and depression since I can remember growing up my parents were toxic and alcoholism problems with my dad and well I suffer from abandon and well I been single for so many years like 8years and now I’m in a relationship everything start well like every other relationship but now after I give birth I noticed I have become for not myself I been to toxic and super jealous I will I’m ruined my relationship but my bf he always tired to help me and being there for me but idk I still feel weird that I’m not doing a good job as a mother and as a wife I need help I don’t wanna listen and believe to my thoughts and they getting louder and strong I had started going to Christian Church and I have noticed a different but is just here and there I berly started like I said so I do feel I need help.. I have no one to talk and I do have family but I don’t wanna be bothering them with my problems they have enough of problems already.. and I wanna be free I wanna be better and happy with my family and I wanna learn how to forgive so I can be able to move on.. I’m asking for help before is to late…

This theme is new for me. I have heard of Scrupulosity OCD but have never obsessed over it. I have a fear that If I watch something on tv like a show or movie or a game that just mentions the word demon, that i’ll be inviting the enemy into my home. As someone who’s been a Christian for a while, I tend to stay away from movies such as those. Not as a compulsion, just not something I want to watch. The shows/games that have mentioned the word demon are not demonic by any means and in fact, the point of the game is to defeat the monsters. But my brain goes “well it mentions this scary word, and you read it so that must mean something.” I know it may sound silly, especially to non believers, but it just made me feel yucky. I fear being/becoming evil as I already have a fear of being a bad person. I really love Jesus & have no problem expressing my faith as I’m proud to be a christian. I saw an article by NOCD of an example of scrupulosity ocd where a woman said in her mind “hail satan.” Obviously that must have been extremely difficult to bare. But the exposure was to have her say it willingly. That seems terrible. Now I know there are boundaries you can set with your therapist as if anything goes against your religious practice, you are not obligated to do it. So i’m working with my therapist on exposures that work for me. Obviously everyone is different. I’m currently exposing myself to scary symbols like devil horns and pentagrams. I myself as a christian cannot do the more extreme exposures as It goes against my religion. Other exposures my therapist wants me to do is to say Satan or 666 over and over. Now this one’s scary too (obviously) but the reason these exposures feel okay to do is because I don’t want to do anything that resembles worship towards the enemy. That is just my own personal preference. Saying a scary name or looking at scary things does not equate to worshiping or idolizing so while It brings me a lot of discomfort, I am okay with these exposures. Can anyone give me their experiences with this theme and what exposures you have done?

I have severe various forms of ocd. Now it’s harm related. I love my family and daughter but today all of the sudden when I’m driving I had a horrible thought of: omg i will kill my own child one day because I’m crazy. And this thought is so horrifying because I have no intentions of harming anyone but these thoughts come up and I’m freaking out…anyone else have extreme intrusive thoughts?