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the NOCD Community

I’ve been suffering with SO OCD for a while now and the thought of late in life lesbians really scary me like what if this is all real and that’s going to happen to me. My boyfriend and I are about to hit 2 years and I’m scared for the future. :(

I (15M) want to get help but I’m scared of punishment. I live in Arizona and I think I have ocd and it’s making me go insane. First off I hurt so many people in my freshman year of highschool I was overly sexual and went too far over texts being way too open with myself and the reason I was probably overly sexual was maybe because when I was 8 or 9 I was shown explicit content by my older brother and I think that gave me compulsive sexual behavior disorder cause I got addicted to it but idk if I deserve sympathy cause my little brother was also shown it at the same time I was and is not a bad person from what I can tell. But yea when I got into highschool idk why I thought I could be so sexual and not see an issue with it and I hurt 3 people because of it 2 of them said they don’t care about it anymore and just found it annoying (I still feel guilty what if they are lying to me to make me feel better) and the third one doesn’t want to talk to me ever again and I deserve it I scarred him for life. And before highschool I begged a 16 yr old for pictures and this is when I was like 13 or 14 and I was so persistent with it and honestly kinda Manipulative (my friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kind of but I still feel bad) and then in highschool I begged a 17 yr old for pictures this was when I was 14 and I gave him my friends ass pics because I wanted pics from him and he agreed ( my friend was 15/14) and I lied saying it was my friends little sisters and my friend told me she could get his pictures for me and I agreed and we later stopped cause she felt uncomfy and we both thought it was honestly gross I think and then he got upset and said he was gonna send her sisters pics to her to make her upset or blackmail her and I got scared and told her what I did and she felt sick and I told the guy what I did and told him I was gonna cut myself and he told my friend what I said and she told me not too and that she forgives me and I feel so bad cause that’s so wrong she felt she had to forgive me. After that the guy said he was manipulating me the whole time so I would feel guilty about what I did later. And now I feel so much guilt from everything and how I hurt so many people I hurt my little brother I was so rude and mean to him and yet he still loves me and I’m having thoughts on what if I’m a child predator or what if I sa’d my baby cousins or sa’d my little brother (besides the time I did cocsa when I was 9 or 8 and he was 6/7) or what if I sa’d someone at my school and these thoughts keep repeating over and over and it feels so real cause I think I’m honestly a monster and it’s not fair how I can keep walking the earth with innocent people

Tomorrow is my bday I don’t feel like celebrating because every year I m still struggling with my mental health no changes whatsoever I tried so hard and still stuck with health ocd and other issue is like a never ending cycle right now I m having some health issue which made my ocd even worse why I can’t just be happy and normal and I nipt life without ocd why I m no living I m surviving and is so exhausting

Has anyone ever struggled with ROCD & then went through a legitimate troubled period in their relationship? (Where the ROCD may have been a factor) I know all relationships have their ups and downs, but personally the downs for me are much harder than I would assume the average girl because I obsess over whether it means we aren’t good for eachother, if it makes us a toxic relationship, etc

It’s not tinnitus. It goes away immediately as soon as I wake back up. Kinda sounds like windshield wipers on slushy window, steady waves of that sound, and only gets louder and louder the more I drift off to sleep. The second I realize the sound is “pulling me in” I wake up and it’s completely gone. So it’s my brain producing it, but my ears hear it, if that makes any sense. It’s not just a noise getting louder that you can ignore if you want, it’s like it overtakes your whole head and it’s freaky. Very unsettling. Can anyone relate? I assume it’s just a brain having a hard time shutting down to sleep (?) Thanks all Kinda scared to sleep now

My biggest fear is developing a depressed mindset. I associate depression with suicide so I’m terrified of both. So many of my friends are depressed and want to end their life so the possibility that I could be like that to bothers me. I’m scared of not knowing myself and my own capabilities. Like what if one day I am sad and hate my life?! Not knowing is truly a scary thing for me. I’m scared of rope, and balconies. Because I’m scared of harming myself. My intrusive thought is more like what if I am depressed and I don’t know it and I snap and hurt myself. My imagination takes over, and I can almost replicate the feeling of depression. Like a warning that I don’t need. I think I have empathy for others then the empathy becomes self fear. Because there is always a “what if” or “do I want to” or a “am I”. Even though I know I love my life, find joy in so many things, look forward to the future, my depressed fear comes on and I feel like someone I’m not, which leads me to the fear of hurting myself! Anyone else relate? Or have tips they used to overcome suicidal/fear of depression OCD?!

Around this time last August, I had a terrible OCD relapse. It got to the point where I didn’t see the point in living anymore. I had everything I had dreamed of a house, a lovely fiancé, a good job and a decent amount of money coming in, so why was i feeling like I didn’t deserve or needed to leave my life? I have suffered from intrusive thoughts all my life but I have particularly struggled since the age of 19 when I started to have sexual intrusive thoughts. I didn’t understand what was happening, the more I tried to make these thoughts go away, the more aggressively they came. I would stay awake Googling all night and not sleeping. I carried on with life but was doing mental compulsions constantly. Every 6 months I’d have a big relapse where I would be so anxious that I couldn’t eat, sleep or take care of myself. I had never been open about my intrusive thoughts with anyone. I had therapy and didn’t tell the therapist the extent of my intrusive thoughts as I thought I would be sectioned or that my thoughts would be confirmed as truth. So I talked about generic things like checking doors, the gas and my hair straighteners. Where really I was worried that my whole life was a lie that I wasn’t attracted to my partner, that I could be gay, that I could be an evil person etc. Anyway, my big relapse happened a year ago, I was trying to plan my wedding but felt like a fraud. It got to a point where I couldn’t keep it in and broke down to my fiancé, I told him all my intrusive thoughts, my worries that I didn’t love him, I gave him permission to leave me when that was the last thing I wanted. I now know what true love is, he was amazing he told me he wouldn’t leave unless that’s really what I wanted. He supported me, I sought out therapy again, although it was hard I opened up, my GP diagnosed me with OCD. It didn’t get better over night, I still struggled for months on end, trying to put in to practice what I had learnt from therapy, there were many dark days. The support system that I had once I opened up was the best thing I could of hoped for my mum was incredible as was my partner. I am getting married next May, I am planning my wedding, I have bought my wedding dress, I feel like me again. I can be at peace alone without constant thoughts running through my head. Today I went for a walk alone and read a book on a bench, something I could never of done a year ago. I’m retraining as a counsellor as I hope to help people in the way I was helped! I want to raise more awareness to ocd as before my diagnosis I had no idea people had the same scary thoughts that I did. It gets better, keep pushing, do your ERP it won’t get better over night but trust the process give it time!

They haven't said anything to me or about me in two days even though I've been gone for two days, I coube dead and they still haven't said a word about me. I don't understand why they won't even ask, I know I'm overreacting but shouldn't they know by now that this isn't normal behavior? I can't help but overreact because I showed many signs and even said that I was having a really bad time but they don't care, they didn't even say anything when I talked about it a little in the voice chat. I just want them to ask if I'm okay because then I'd know that they'd wanna hear but they haven't asked so that must mean they don't wanna hear me and they don't care about me I've gone a month without my Prozac, I can't do this anymore, I wanna be gone

My ROCD got very bad a few weeks ago when my husband had to go the hospital and had lied about drinking alcohol. Right after that, and old colleague of mine started texting and flirting with me. I didn’t stop it right away. I used him as a potential scapegoat in my mind if anything went wrong with my husband. I didn’t cheat, but even after my husband has forgiven me I’m still stuck in a cycle of going over everything that happened and checking if I lied or trying to remember if I lied. Has anything like this happened to you? My anxiety won’t go away when I think about the situation, which has been constant.

I had a very bad what if this morning questioning weather I believe in my heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, and now I'm questioning everything my faith and everything about it and I hate this thing, I was so certain 1 hr ago and now I'm scared I never had faith in the first place. If anyone has had similar experiences pls give me some advice on what to do.

I know reassurance is bad but can someone please walk me through and help me with this specific situation because it's so bad and im so scared something bad did actually happen to me but I don't know. is this real event ocd?? is this denial about being sa'd??? I can't tell what is happening.

I need help I feel so bad I'm thinking about situations with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do and if they were really bad situations or not.

I'm starting to notice that my Intrusive thoughts gets intense in the mornings and I find it really hard to let go. I usually like to meditate before I start my day, but I find it really hard to. In the end, I just won't do it and it throws me off. How do you cope when your Intrusive thoughts is getting loud?

is it sa if he asked a couple times and I didn't want to at first just because I was on my period but then when he asked again, I wanted to after? People keep saying that asking like that is actually sa and that's freaking me out because what do I do if that happened to me??? I feel like my ocd is latching onto a specific scenario that was confusing and now im just reviewing every situation.

I had an issue back as a teen where is constantly be rping smut with friends or daydreaming about it. (I can totally disassociate into my mind, it’s like a go to a different place) I’d get aroused by this stuff but since I was a afab (female at birth) I didn’t see an issue since no one would ever be able to know. Right? I was doing this on walks, on car trips… somewhat around my family. Anyways recalling this all has made me feel as if this was another bit of proof to add onto the huge pile that I’m a degenerate depraved dangerous individual… and I have no where to look to find anyone in the same boat as me. Did I do a bad thing? Was this bad? I wish if it was that there was something that outright said it… like I wasn’t attracted to my family as I did this. Sure they were near me but I never involved them or told them or even made any hint or gesture. Sometimes to me it’s as if they weren’t even there at all when I daydreamed… I really really need advice. Do I let this go? Was this normal behaviour for a teen? Or was I screwed up?

I love the app, but i’m seeking too much reassurance whether that be reading others posts or writing my own post it’s doing nothing for me. I think i need to start trying harder because due to feeling like nothing i do will help im not trying but i feel like i need t start

Anyone ever have an obsession about the idea of people lying about their ages? I am so extremely paranoid when back in the day I’d be pretty easy going with the idea. I believed people to a degree and went with my own judgment. This was from 18-19 and for the most part I think I was pretty spot on. Now I turn 20 and this obsession has kicked in I’m deathly afraid I might’ve talked inappropriately with someone who lied about their age over online. I don’t talk to anyone online anymore, I don’t make friends, I have to ID the people I talk to and I’ve become pretty reclusive and obsessive. Even people who do show ID’s to me won’t satisfy my extreme paranoia. I’ll always have this nagging voice in my head… haunting me. I’ve had to make someone show me two pieces of ID just to calm my whirlwind of a mind. All of this because if I had ever talked inappropriately with a minor even accidentally at 18-19 I know that I’d never live it down. Cause knowing that just feels like a quick trip to nowhere land for me. I’d be a danger to myself, and maybe that’s why I have such a deep deep deep fear over this all. That I won’t be scared of what others may think of me, but what I might think of myself. I scare me more than anyone.

Any tips on trying to figure out how to consume media again? I used to love bonding with people by getting into the stuff they liked. I loved watching tv and playing video games etc. it was a big part of my personal identity, but lately I started worrying that if I ever watched and or played anything that could be offensive it would make me a bad person. This started a huge spiral for me. I think being critical of everything in a society with so much to fix is genuinely important, but I started to worry there could be problems with anything I could ever see and feel like if I watched anything with a bad joke or found something bad in a video games I had to keep it a huge secret. I want to do the right thing so badly, but when I get so anxious I find problems in everything. It’s made me feel really disconnected from the people around me who share the same moral beliefs as me, but are much more relaxed with the media they consume. Am I bad person for even feeling like I should relax to. I can’t seem to find anything anymore that doesn’t make me anxiou and all I can do is imagine someone finding out I watched it and didn’t shut it off immediately and being so hurt or worst knowing I like it and being hurt that I could ever like something that really hurts them. It’s hard because I know these are valid things to be afraid of but it has become obsessions and compulsions for me. I selfishly just want to feel like I can enjoy things again, but I also can’t live with myself doing something that could be really wrong or hurt someone. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I just want to do the right thing and there is no rule book to be a good person. Has anyone ever gotten through this a been to enjoy media again?

That come and tell me that my fears are not true 💔

Does anybody have tips for mild OCD flare ups. I’m not completely in panic but I’m feeling it getting there. The trigger was I played a video game with a male character I’m attracted to. The problem is he is a merman and I worry about being a zoophile for liking him since he is part fish. He is still sentient and can talk, he was also once a human (it’s a scifi horror game) I’ve taken my propranolol for the physical symptoms but I’m trying to curb the mental symptoms before they get any worse.