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the NOCD Community

Why everything I was once is gone? I had goals, I always been such an empathic and good person, I had so many plans in life and since ocd came to my life everything is gone, ocd has ruined everything in my life, I can’t see to find myself anymore. I hate my brain for making me think that I’m a bad person when I know I’m not. OCD really took everything away from me. I already have a lot in my plate for me to be dealing with this, it’s so unfair. I have never had it easy and now when my life was starting to get better I get OCD:(

im not diagnosed, but these past two days have been terrible. i constantly have this underlying feeling that i might do something that i think is gross and i feel like i can’t do anything on my own because otherwise i might do something wrong. like i feel like i constantly have to be in front of people so that i can make sure of my every action. this is so exhausting and I’m so confused. and like i keep getting terrible images and stuff replaying in my head. i also try to recall what happened but i feel like i have false event too. i used to have religious ocd and that eventually stopped completely, but now it feels like all my work getting over that was pointless. also like i feel like i might have contamination ocd but not the typical germ type. I just get terrible images and I can’t remember if those images are true or not even though they’re impossible and i feel terrible. I don’t know if i could ever get over this because even the thought of it is terrible.

Has anyone been prescribed Escitalopram for their OCD? And if so what was your experience like. I just got into my 2nd week of it and got bumped up to 20mg. Today has been weird because my anxiety is gone which has been for a bit but the thoughts seem stronger today especially the Harm related ones. Almost like commands now. Can anyone relate?

I've never had COVID until now. I've tried so hard to avoid it. My family all got it first and I have a baby. We stayed away from the others as much as possible, even had my husband and other kid stay somewhere else, but it was too late and the baby got it and I had to take him to the ER for a 106 fever, and then I got sick from him and I am very sick, and I know the virus is everywhere in, on, and around me, and I don't know how I will ever survive knowing I can't possibly get rid of it from everything. I had to go to the ER for heart symptoms from my illness and they did lots of tests but I'm just very sick. I bet my anxiety was giving me heart palpitations. This really feels like my worst nightmare. Even after I'm better, how can I disinfectant every single thing, the carpets, my baby's stuff, so I'm not worried about infecting other people or even about just having the virus on me? I know it can't make me sick again but it's the contamination that kills me.

I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.

i’ve been doing so much better sometimes i forget i even have ocd and then it comes right back to remind me in new ways

Hello, so I have been thinking about getting medication for ocd. But I am not diagnosed by my doctor they tested me and said I had it but never followed up. I want to get an official diagnosis where should I get it that won’t be to expensive because I am a college student.

Hello! I'm new here and new to OCD. My therapist suggested I might have OCD due to my tendency to ruminate endlessly on doubts and fears. These thoughts are indeed intrusive and I can't seem to stop them. The thing I'm kind of stuck on is that I can't see where the compulsions come in. Unless the thoughts themselves are compulsions. Can anyone relate to this?

My health concern OCD has been getting A LOT worse in the last days. I'm always panicking about having some serious illness, and I have yet again come to the point where I can't understand if I feel actually unwell or if it's just my mind. I'm under a lot of stress these days, I have some big changes coming up, and I know this is my way of coping, but it's tiring

Does anyone with so ocd get scared or feel like they r just going to suddenly realise they r gay. Like all of a sudden you’ll be like omg I’m gay and then I get scared like ong it’s happening to me Can any relate to this

Im so scared to fall asleep I genuinely do not want to because the fact that there are confirmed cases of people murdering others in their SLEEP is enough proof that my fears are legitimate. What if i harm myself or my family. what if the next time my boyfriend sleeps over I hurt him. what if I am eating cough drops in my sleep and that's why they are in my bed when I fell asleep with them on my end table, and I choke on one and die. These fears are genuine like yeah ocd is probably amplified it but the proof that this happens is hard to ignore. if I could lock myself in a empty room every night with no way of hurting anyone I absolutely would at least I'd know me and everyone else is safe. how do I even begin to combat this fear again and not let this fear bother me anymore.

Anyone get thoughts that they are possessed?

is there anyone that is not on meds for ocd and is recovering? im really trying to stay away from meds

Can someone give tips about living in uncertainty?

A good life, success, healing, beautiful things? ⚠️ Important: please don’t read if this is triggering. No one should think this way about themselves, of course you deserve it all. I struggle with real events and harm OCD. My worst fear is being a bad person, causing harm or doing the wrong thing. These thoughts haunt me all the time and cause me to essentially throw my life away. I don’t go out, pursue opportunities, etc. because what if I don’t deserve them? I think of the worst things I’ve ever done all the time. The things that I’m most ashamed of. Like a broken record that’s all I replay in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 10 years ago. And I beat myself up for not doing better. And I just don’t know how to move past it. I’ve read a lot of quotes and books about self help and love and acceptance (e.g. once you know better, do better). But for me I feel like I have to hate myself forever. I won’t ever get a clean slate, there’s a permanent stain on my record. I just can’t forgive myself, whether other people know it or not, I can’t allow myself to move forward. It’s about integrity for me. Does anyone relate? How do you do it? I’m so sorry if you’re also struggling. I don’t wish this for anyone. Please keep fighting, you’re not alone. ❤️

I am really struggling with harm ocd. ( The fear of hurting others) My ocd is very tough to combat at the minute. I feel like i’m having intrusive thoughts every minute of every single day. Except from when Im distracted. I feel guilty and foul for the thoughts. I have this strong intrusive feeling that feels impulsive, as if i’m about to act on a thought. It almost feels like I want to. But I really don’t and i’m so scared this isn’t normal. I keep thinking. “What if this isn’t OCD” “What if i did that” and it’s really worrying me as it feels relentless and as if I’m about to do it. In my head chest wrists. I feel tired of this. I don’t know much about compulsions etc but i find myself - Asking my bf if he gets intrusive thoughts like me. Asking him if he actually does and asking repeatedly. - I ask him over and over again and check if he definitely does. - I will literally try to fight the thoughts by kind of saying “ as if i’m not that type of person” Then saying everything will be okay to myself. Please can someone tell me if this is normal. Yes I may be looking for reassurance but i need to know if it is, Im scared, i’m crying. Please tell me if you’ve had this feeling of as if you’re about to do it!

I am really struggling with harm ocd. ( The fear of hurting others) My ocd is very tough to combat at the minute. I feel like i’m having intrusive thoughts every minute of every single day. Except from when Im distracted. I feel guilty and foul for the thoughts. I have this strong intrusive feeling that feels impulsive, as if i’m about to act on a thought. It almost feels like I want to. But I really don’t and i’m so scared this isn’t normal. I keep thinking. “What if this isn’t OCD” “What if i did that” and it’s really worrying me as it feels relentless and as if I’m about to do it. In my head chest wrists. I feel tired of this. I don’t know much about compulsions etc but i find myself - Asking my bf if he gets intrusive thoughts like me. Asking him if he actually does and asking repeatedly. - I ask him over and over again and check if he definitely does. - I will literally try to fight the thoughts by kind of saying “ as if i’m not that type of person” Then saying everything will be okay to myself. Please can someone tell me if this is normal. Yes I may be looking for reassurance but i need to know if it is, Im scared, i’m crying. Please tell me if you’ve had this feeling of as if you’re about to do it!

How should I cope. I keep getting bad thoughts about the holy Spirit and I feel so bad and guilty all the time. But I definitely do not want to act on them or even mention them. Ik God loves me, but my mind keeps painting a bad picture of him. I also when I try to be concerned about my bad thoughts, my mind will retaliate and say, how can u be scared of hurting someone u don't believe in. And it is really freaking me out... It's like I'm trying to degrade God or the holy Spirit for no reason. And I think I'm hurting there feelings and I feel hopeless and depressed all the time. And I'm just worried God is angry with me or he sees me as fit for punishment or something.

Really struggling lately with ROCD. But also unsure if it’s OCD or relationship dissatisfaction. There is good days then bad. Largely depending on how I’m doing on an individual level. It’s as if small things and some big things are so intolerant at this point. At this point I’m so torn between throwing everything away and sticking it out with someone I do love and cherish. Is it trauma response, anxiety, OCD, dissatisfaction. Ugh! Anyone struggle currently with this or have in the past?

I’m currently in a very dark place I need some help. Are there Christians on this app who have got over the fear over the unforgivable sin? It makes me want to die.