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When I finally get through the worst intrusive thought of the day and i’m ready to go to sleep, my ocd says it’s not ocd i’m really just a horrible person. I can’t do this😪

Does your ocd ever start to tell you that you’re having a psychotic break? I have such a hard time telling what are ocd thoughts and what are real thoughts as it is. But now my newest ocd thought is that I’m losing my mind. Please tell me I’m not alone in this!!

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

I’m just so tired of OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’m at the point where I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. I feel like all I can think about is bad thoughts that aren’t true, and it’s wearing my soul down. I love my family and friends but my mind keeps telling me I hate them or that I want to hurt them or leave them. I don’t want to die but I can’t keep living like this anymore. I’m in so much pain some days that I just want it to end. I don’t understand why God would make me suffer so much when I’m so blessed with everything I have. I keep hearing that God is merciful and that he has a plan for us, a good plan, but how I can believe that when my soul hurts so bad. Everything in my life is perfect except me. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy. I used to be so anxious that I believed I would never make it to adulthood, but now that I’m an adult I don’t know what to do. I never dreamed of the future because I believed I never had one. I still feel the same way. I’m just going through the motions every day because I feel I have no purpose. Sometimes it feels like I’m only alive because my family loves me and I don’t want to hurt them with my death. Sometimes I crave the thought of alcohol and drugs because I wish I could numb myself. Sometimes I wonder if my family would let me go if they knew how much my mind haunts me. I don’t know what I’m living for except my family and the hope it’ll get better, but I’m running out of hope. I just wish it would stop, that I could have some peace. I want peace so damn bad. I sleep as much as I can because it’s the only time my mind is quiet. I’m missing out on my life because sleeping is one of my only sources of peace. I’m missing out on time with my family because my mind won’t leave me alone. I know it can get better but I don’t know if I can wait any longer. I’m losing my mind and sometimes I wish I could go to another world to escape it, but it wouldn’t matter. No matter where I go, my mind will never give me peace. It will always fight me. What should I do? Should I tell my family about this? I don’t want to bother them because the holidays are close and maybe this is just another depressive episode. Idk. I just need some advice.

How do I stop my overthinking in my relationship I over think and analyze everything can’t stop my thoughts and it’s driving not only myself crazy but my partner as well

It's especially worse before my period, but i still get this all other weeks. The past few months I've noticed more that i get in waves of not being attracted AT ALL, physically and sexually. Sometimes I'll think my fiance looks cute but then I feel like it quickly goes back to not feeling attracted. I analyze his appearance and face. I check our pictures a lot and sometimes i dont think he looks attractive and other times i think he looks attractive. I compare his personality to others... I keep getting the ick. I feel terrible. I basically have zero libido for sex or masturbating. I'm afraid that he's not the one for me, I feel like I'm getting FOMO. My anxiety gets so high in the morning to where I have break up urges sometimes. At the same time I don't want to lose him and the thought of me not being with him makes me cry.... We're getting married next year and sometimes I feel guilty wearing my ring because im having these thoughts. I feel guilt and question myself every time i think about wedding planning. I question if I love him anymore because of this. I fear I won't find him attractive ever again or in the future. I had a couple days where i had clarity and we talked about our future etc, found him handsome, had intimacy etc, but then like I said it reverts back to the doubting. I keep seeing posts that people who are married 10+ years are still in honeymoon phase, still find eachother massively attractive, have sex all the time. It makes me feel like something is wrong because we're not like that and that I'm supposed to be with someone else in order to feel that. Before we moved in together we had sex 1/2 times a week maybe. Now its like 1/2 a month... And i know part of it is because were familiar with each other/live together etc. But why do i not feel attracted!? My partner is so understanding, sweet and caring even through all of this. Hes so supportive and he's my best friend. I keep asking him for reassurance if he feels loved by me etc and he always says yes. We've been living together for 2 years and been together for 6 total. I keep getting into a depressive state and crying over this over and over and over again. thinking what if we're not supposed to be together, FOMO, if we're compatible, thinking I should just be alone. Its exhausting. And hes always there to hold my hand and comfort me. I got teared up just typing that. Hugging him gives me comfort. I feel like there's a part of me that's suddenly scared to get married, but I want to get married. but it's like suddenly the thought of marriage makes me scared??? But also at the same time i feel like if we were married already i wouldnt be going through this? A few months ago we were looking at houses together, picked out wedding colors, I was traveling for work and was so sad to leave him, and so happy to see him when I got home. I do see a future with him. We talked about kid names in the past. and now I feel like I'm questioning everything in my life for no reason. I HATE feeling this way. I just feel depressed all the time, don't want to do anything, just lay in bed and cry. I hate waking up in the morning. I barely have the motivation at work or just to do my hobbies. I want to be normal again. Anyone been through something similar? Does it get better??? Should I take meds for this?? I'm currently in therapy but I think im going to switch therapists.

Anyone else experienced sudden Severe OCD symptoms after a loss of loved one? Been trying to take supplements that help but still get waves of grief, OCD, anxiety, all sorts of overwhelming emotions and feelings. Anyone have any advice? Thank you so much

I have this same problem repeatedly where I see things online about faking OCD and people talking about how OCD isn’t just cleaning and it makes me feel like I’m faking it and it’s pretty much its own theme now. I have a handwashing problem and since it’s so heavily stigmatized as faking I never do it when others are watching because then I feel like I’m seeking attention. Pretty much all of my visible compulsions I do are behind closed doors or on my own and I can’t do anything about it because if I try to show somebody then I’m attention seeking and faking. If I try to talk about the fear then I’m also attention seeking because now I’m guilt tripping and seeking sympathy and therefore I shouldn’t tell anyone and I shouldn’t show anyone. I’m essentially hiding an entire mental illness because of this, the only person I’ve ever really told about my issues is my therapist, nobody else feels safe.

Hi How to deal with a fucked up narcissistic mom that caused me to have ocd ?????? I have so much anger towards her and idk how to let it out.

I made a comment that was stereotypical, and now I feel like a huge racist. I promise that I didn’t mean it with any ill intent. I meant it with admiration. I don’t know why I feel bad. I’m the most anti-racist person in my family and I constantly thrive to be better. I don’t know why I’m freaking out. Oh my god. Why is this happening? I know what my intentions were. I feel so scared of being judged oh my god

Here is my OCD, it is several. Read this in full: The first is that I have a crush on an actress from a concert in 2015. I have a picture of her. I know weird, but we all have our peculiarities. The actress at the time is **17 years** (but would turn 18 in 30 days) and is a senior in **high school** I am currently **19 years and 10 months**. I am a sophomore in **college**. Thus the age gap is *1 year and 11 months and a 2 grade difference. My first OCD source of anxiety is that I will be **20** and the age gap will become **2 years and 2 months**. (The actress’s age won’t change as it is of a photo from 2015) and on top of that there will be a two grade difference. I feel guilty knowing that. My second OCD is magical OCD or real event OCD. Remember that image I was talking about of the actress in 2015. I am beginning to doubt if it was from 2015. The time stamp and caption and all else point to her being 2015, but I am afraid there is a second, 100% identical image (down to the pixel) of that actress from 2008 (when the actress was a child) and that every time I access the image from 2015, I am actually accessing the supposed image from 2008. I have no proof of such an image though. What about the time stamp under the image? I convinced myself that someone accidentally or deliberately changed the year of that image from 2008 to 2015. (The actress was 17-18 in 2015 and 10-11 in 2008, and somehow I managed to convince myself that the actress looked the same across the 9 years). I am sorry if I sound pushy, but I don’t know how to deal with both sources of anxiety. I don’t know how to do ERP for any of this. I would love a one on one therapy session but I don’t have money nor do I want anything on my medical records.

Hello! My name is Tina. I’ve never posted before but I’ve been a member for about a year and wanted to introduce myself. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, but I've suffered from extreme germaphobic/contamination paranoia habits and compulsions since I was a young child in addition to powerful, obsessive rumination and intrusive thoughts and emotions. I've relied on the NOCD app before while I was still trying to grasp if my psychological functions and way of life reflected behaviors caused by OCD before I was diagnosed. I am new to Illinois as a music grad student at Northwestern and my germaphobic tendencies have worsened. This has been a detriment to both my physical and mental health as I constantly expose myself to harmful cleaning chemical fumes every day from overly sanitizing myself and things around me. In addition, I have more severe emotional reckonings that change my outlook of my entire demeanor and day, which daily affect my social life and ability to function normally outside of my mind and pursue my music degree. However, I am very happy to be receiving therapy and using NOCD.

What’s good times to feed your cat? And how many times? I’m getting a cat and was wondering to be safe, the cat I’m planning to get is 3-4 months old and is a female (she’s spayed) ANY cat tips is needed! I want to be the best I can be!

The last 5 months of my life have left me heartbroken, battered and bruised from the inside out 💔 5 months ago; I ended my 14 year relationship with my former partner. Someone who I was in a relationship with from 18-32 years old. The relationship was tragically ended after the first 5 months of the year had been the demise of us. Initially, my ex had been terminated from his employment due to being accused of embezzling money from his company for the past 2 years. At first, he claimed his innocence, but eventually had confessed his guilt to me. From there and despite me standing by his side after having been made aware of his wrongdoings; it was the beginning of the end of us. Our entire lives had started to cave in as each month passed and the pressure from the situation caved in on us in all different areas and aspects of our lives. Eventually, it had caused such a strain on our relationship; that I decided to make the executive decision to end our relationship in June. It was 2 weeks after having broken up, but still remaining under the same roof; that we had gotten into our worst domestic dispute to date. The police were called, an arrest was made against him, a restraining order/order of protection were put in place for my safety and he was removed from our then home indefinitely. From there, I was solely responsible for the upkeep of our home, taking care of our 5 dogs (children), two large size fish tanks, snake and axolotl. In addition to being solely responsible for taking care of myself financially, etc. from that point forward. I had to put our home up for sale (what the domestic dispute was over), start to pay my own car payment, insurance, etc. The list of responsibilities was endless. Aside from the financial aspect of the breakup; I also had to conduct all open houses, private showings, etc. all the while managing our 5 dogs by myself, entirely. We’d lived in that home for what would have been 5 years together; a home that I put the security deposit down on all by myself at the age of 27 years young. A 5-figure down payment I ultimately had to sacrifice in the selling of our home because he refused to reimburse me at closing. For 5 months; I stood imprisoned in that home by myself living in purgatory while it withered away from the inside out. I literally physically saw the demise of it break down with my own two eyes and had to endure what that did to me mentally, emotionally and physically over the last 5 months. All the while; might I add, that I’d been a “House Husband (homemaker)” our entire relationship. Until, ultimately being forced to change that in an emergency situation that unfortunately presented itself due to his illegal activities. As of last week; I had 3 days to find a new place to live, hire a moving company, pack up an entire home and all that was mentioned in it above, move to my new residence and now ultimately unpack, settle in, etc. Again, all by myself; while having been mentally, emotionally and physically unstable at this point. I’ve been forthcoming about all of the details within my story, but it’s all that I have left out (you can only imagine); that truly, eats away at me. All the while, I hadn’t seen, spoken to, etc. my ex for the last 5 months, but decides to contact me within the 3 days mentioned for the first time since June for his “Closure.” Meanwhile, earlier in the week; last week, I had unfortunately crossed paths with him (unknowingly) and witnessed him on what was confirmed to be a “Date,” at a restaurant I introduced him to that I frequented at. As if witnessing that in-person wasn’t gut-wrenching enough; he had the audacity to contact me by text message, phone call and multiple e-mails (against court orders, mind you); for his, “Closure.” Adding insult to injury; the holiday’s/Christmas are my favorite time of year since childhood and they’re extremely sentimental to me as well. Details of which he’s obviously been aware of over the past 14 years. Needless to say; my entire holiday season this year has been entirely sabotaged by both him and all of the above circumstances mentioned above. To say that I lack the “Holiday Spirit,” this year; would be an understatement and I was once suicidal during the holiday season/Christmas in 2020 due to my Harm, etc. OCD. But this holiday season; after these past 5 months and the havoc they’ve caused to my life as I once knew it, the lives of my 5 dogs (children), etc. I am truly shaken to the core in a devastatingly catastrophic way. However, I’d like to state that I am safe now. I have since relocated successfully and I intend on putting my best foot forward (despite all odds stacked against me); for not only myself, but my 5 dogs (children), etc. because they all both depend and rely on me and are ultimately what give me the strength, courage, etc. to be motivated to keep going! And so, I wrap this story up by stating that I am truly concerned (scared) for a negative relapse on my mental health. I have been in both recovery and remission for ex amount of time now from my chronic OCD, major depressive disorder and severe anxiety disorder. With all of the above being said; I ask, I beg and I plead with anyone/everyone was has taken the time to read this post in its entirety (thank you, wholeheartedly); to keep me, my 5 dogs (children), etc. in your thoughts and prayers this holiday season and into the new year ahead of us. Again, thank you to anyone/everyone whohas taken the time to read my post and gain a glimpse of my story/into our lives as of the year and especially these past 5 months. I wholeheartedly; thank you all and am both grateful and appreciative! Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌 Happy Holiday’s 🎅🎄🎁

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

It certainly sounds easy. But what they don’t tell us is how excruciatingly difficult it is. How terrifying it feels. How you feel like you need to drive right then and admit yourself because you feel like you’re going crazy. They don’t say how your brain feels like it’s on fire and how all your worst fears feel like they are about to happen.

Anyone else have the fear of blacking out/having a psychotic break and harming others or myself/having no control of your body? Any tips on how to deal with this or anyone who’s recovered from this? It’s probably been my worst yet - the fear of having no control over my body or my actions.

I have asked my psychiatrist to try and increase my dose of sertraline from 200 mg, which is the max recommended dosage, to at least 225mg (studies have shown that in more severe Ocd cases, doses even up to 400 mg can really make the difference), but he refused. The reason he gave me was a possibility of developing the serotonin syndrome. Instead he prescribed an anti-psychotic, quetiapine in addition to the 200mg of Zoloft. He said it is what all psychiatrists prescribe in such cases. It has got nothing to do with the fact that I do not have any of the psychotic disorders, it just puts the cherry on the top of the sertraline cake. I am a vegan, try to eat as healthy as possible. On one hand, sertraline saves my life, it really is a blessing to me, but at the same time, on the other hand, it causes a long and hard range of physical problems. 10 years ago, and now again. After I reach the 100mg dose, I start gaining weight abnormally, my blood pressure rockets sky high, my LDL cholesterol is way too high, and I get diabetes 2. It all calms down only when I get to the 200mg of Zoloft. Interesting. Lower doses cause more problems than higher. In 2023 I gained about 27kg in 6 months. No diet, no exercise, no fasting, nothing works, I just can't lose weight on my own without medication. I ended up in hospital due to my super high blood pressure for 8 days in August 2023. Since then till now I have been to all possible specialists (cardiologist, neurologist, endocrinologist, diabetologist,....) to exclude all other possible culprits for all my problems. Every single one of them concluded that sertraline is the only one which is to blame, but since without Zoloft I have no life, and my life with it is like 90% better, it is better not to change it for another medicine and risk other complications. Instead, we should treat all the physical illnesses and conditions with the appropriate medications. It was a hell of a ride. So I went to the pharmacy and got the Kventiax (quetiapine). I read the patient directions for use. Among the very common side effects are: developing diabetes or worsening the existing condition, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, gaining a lot of weight, heart attack,... All the conditions I have been dealing with for a year and trying to get them under control with medications and guidance from specialists. I must say, I was very disappointed with my psychiatrist. He seemed to be ok, but now... he is well aware of all the health issues I have to fight because of sertraline and he prescribed a medicine that significantly worsens all of them. I refuse to take it. Instead, I contacted the very manufacturer of both Zoloft (Asentra) and Kventiax (quetiapine) and asked about the higher doses than max recommended of sertraline for ocd, about the serotonin syndrome and about my fears about quetiapine. Not only did they confirm that quetiapine very very commonly (in more than one patient out of ten) causes all the above mentioned problems, but that it is common knowledge among doctors and pharmaceutical professionals that even the lowest amounts of it can easily cause the serotonin syndrome. They stated that due to the law they can not recommend to go over the 200mg of Zoloft, but that studies show that higher doses are beneficial to some patients with ocd and that the side effects do not increase at all. There is no blood or other test to make sure that one hasn't developed the serotonin syndrome, but close cooperation of a patient and their psychiatrist can monitor it well. They basically said that if I was to change anything, it would be much smarter to increase the already existing medication (Zoloft), than introducing any other new one. I am now totally disappointed with my psychiatrist. My trust in him is on very weak legs. I am angry and sad and disappointed at the same time. He knew about all I've been through, he knows about all the medications I am taking and he bluntly refused to do what I know 100%sure would mean the world of a difference to my mental health and instead he prescribed an additional new medication, that could very possibly have killed me. I need to talk to him somehow. I am seeing him at the end of January. I have a possibility to call him, to ask for his email and send it all to him or to print it all out and send it to him via regular post. I don't know how to approach it. How do I tell him that he might have killed me. That I am an individual end not just one of all other people with ocd. How that I am terribly disappointed and feel like I can't trust his decisions with ease and confidence any longer. And that it made me feel hurt when he sort of cynically dismissed my suggestion by saying, yeah those Americans and their studies. What words do I use? I have a strong fear of conflicts. I usually come across people who when you express your opinion that is not like theirs or is in a way a show of their wrongdoings, that they become verbally aggressive, they attack and I usually become as small as a pea or my blood pressure raises and I try to get a word in edgewise so that I can stop them from walking all over me. It's always my fault and never theirs. I would greatly appreciate if you told me what you would do, how would you react and what would you say to him or write to him (my psychiatrist) if you were in my shoes. I don't want to argue with him or insult him, but I would like to tell him what he did wrong. This is serious. He could have killed me with his careless prescription of quetiapine. I am sorry for the length of the post (as usually). I just wanted to tell you the whole situation so that I could get some advice from you that could help me do what I need to do. Thank you in advance for being there when I need someone to lean on. All the best to all of you. 🙏

This should be common sense, but unfortunately I stumble down these rabbit holes and subreddits because I have a complicated health problem, and am trying to seek a similar community. I have sought out medical advice with no real conclusion and ocd anxiety makes things worse so I guess this is a form of compulsion? I’m not exactly sure anymore. Anyways, I had a strange experience last night where I had a bit of swelling and discomfort in my mouth and fingers. I took an antihistamine just in case, and the issue resolved itself. I posted in a histamine intolerance subreddit asking if anyone has experienced similar as there was no known trigger. Well, someone told me it was anaphylaxis and that I had to be more careful with what I ate. Anaphylaxis is already a trigger of mine, and although I know logically it couldn’t have been, the opinion of another person feels like confirmation. I am now afraid to eat or drink because of it. I am unsure if posting on subreddits was a compulsion now but please be careful with anything like that. It can make things so much worse.

i feel like im posting here very often bc i want answers. its a compulsion. should i delete in order for me to stop looking for reasurance