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working to conquer OCD
ugh i just feel miserable and like im letting God down. im so scared to be punished by Him. im a believer and i feel like i’m just so hard on myself. does anyone else struggle with this? i feel like my repentance isn’t enough.
My OCD is getting better but i get random intrusive thoughts ranging from different subtypes, like i’ll be enjoying life and randomly get a rlly depressing thought that makes me afraid because i don’t want to believe the thought, and then the next second it’s a horrible harm ocd thought or a religious thought or pocd Please no reassurance, it’s just that i was wondering if anyone dealt else dealt with ocd that is rlly random and not just one theme I think this happens when you beat one big theme and OCD starts coming back in smaller ways? Either way, ik the solution, leave the thoughts, accept the uncertainty, don’t do compulsions 😌
I had the breakup thought it didn’t freak me out and I’m afraid that it’s true that we have to but I don’t want to at all. I had so much fun with him this weekend and he cares for me so much and I care for him so much. I’m litterally crying because he felt bad about something he did. I just hate being away from him. He my favorite person and he’s one of the most if not the most important person in my life and I can’t even imagine loosing him. I just want to physically be with him right now and cuddle and just be happy with him. But no I have to be at my house in my bed alone with out him. Which is nice I have space but I want him in that space.
I’ve been on Fluvoxamine (LUVOX) since 2015. It has worked wonders for my intrusive thoughts, ever since starting at the lowest dose of 50 MG per day. Over the years I’ve had to gradually increase the dose and for the past year I have been at the max 300 MG per day. Unfortunately, over the past few months, I’ve noticed intrusive thoughts and obsessions coming back. Has anyone else taken Luvox for a long period of time and then had it just stop working? If so, what medication did you try next that seemed to work as well as Luvox?
I really want someone to tell me that even if I am really a pedo that they would still love me. Idk. I know it won't cure my distress but it does help a little knowing I would have unconditional love from somebody... I'm so scared that I won't.
Can anyone relate? I have a fear of going crazy and hearing things, I'm in a spiral atm but I've gone through my videos and I've been recording sounds for so long and never thought anything of it. Always to make sure I can hear them back. I feel ashamed.
(sorry for long paragraph but please read and give advice🙏) 2-3 months ago i got to a point where my thoughts were too much and i got numb and felt resentment towards God. I used to think “why did God allow this to happen to me” And it was just crazy. Now about a month ago i feel like i started to have ocd left over mind patterns where i guess my mind started having disturbing thoughts by it self? This time it didn’t feel like ocd. It felt like it was me. Truly me. And i didn’t feel guilty over it for a long time. After this I thought i had committed the sin of blasphemy and for a while i didn’t care? Or maybe i did care but since i was tired of having these thoughts i just made myself not care. Then for about 2 weeks i didn’t seek God at all. And all those thoughts in my mind had calmed down and i didn’t have any thoughts for a while. I felt at ease/peace? Idk if that was a good/bad thing. But recently my mom started talking abt how God is coming soon and that we need to be ready. And i told her to stop bc it was getting me nervous js thinking abt it. She told me “why are you scared if all you have to do is seek him” but in my mind i just kept thinking of my circumstance. but i kept saying “i’m sorry God”. Then yesterday morning i was crying to God and letting go of everything i felt bc the day before was a rlly bad day. So i was just crying and also asking for forgiveness. And i felt like God was actually listening to me? I feel like God still loves me but i just don’t get how. And if i’m truly forgiven. bc i keep thinking that i committed the sin of blasphemy. Because i don’t know if i actually care that i did or that if i care that my heart is hardened towards God. Idk what to do. Then i also wonder why i’m still alive after having all those weird thoughts about God. How can he possibly let me live? Am i truly forgiven? Is God not done with me and that’s the reason why i’m alive? or am i alive so God can punish me and do something to me and he’s just waiting for the right moment? Do i truly care? Do I actually want forgiveness? All these questions. Please help me figure all this out.
I’ve been worried for weeks now that something happened about a year ago in my relationship, a large part of me is like it obviously didn’t happen, but this small other part of me is like what if it did that’ll change everything I’m so tired idk what to do or how to combat it what methods can I use
In last few days I truly realized how pathetic I am, I need permission of completly random people just to live. I feel like I cant have my own opinion because it has to be wrong, or my opinion is affected by some sort of oppresing minorities. I dont have any kind of self esteem, Im just filled with shame. I dont feel anything more than shame for simply existing, all I want is to be reminded over and over again that Im allowed to be. I found out how much of a perfectionist and control freak I truly am, as well as how did white and black thinking affected me, and spoiler alert, it's the root of all of my problems. I've noticed that I dont feel guilt for my thoughts, I dont feel this emotional type of empathy or remorse, every single one of these feelings is just covered by a thick layer of shame. I dont want to be like this, I cannot keep on living if all I ever feel is shame, all I ever think of is "what would this group of people say about me" "what would they say about me" tho I never ever cared about it before. I think Im in some sort of depressive episode, since it lasts already for about a month, but it was like 5 days ago that it got so bad I have hardships with basic functioning. I also havent been leaving my house in about a month except for going out with trash once, I've lost all of my motivation, I no longer have any kind of future before me. I have an I.T exam today, I did and learnt nothing, I just no longer have a reason for why should I do it, it's all meaningless anyway. Im barely 14 and I feel like Im already a 50 year old man with middle age crisis, at least I still have my special interest, but it's also getting taken away by my ocd. Ocd ruined me and left nothing behind, Im a shell of who I was before this hell started. Now I think Im going to ask my dad about the I.T exam and hope that I'll pass it
i’m gonna try to make this my last post, i just keep thinking more about things (im probably making it worse) anyways to start off i’m making myself worry and worry. i’m scared that im gonna get worse , like im gonna eventually stop eating bc im gonna be scared theres something wrong with the food (ive never done this before) i think that im gonna start thinking everyone around me is full of germs. just other forms of ocd i feel like im just gonna suddenly get.. i just want to be better. how do i get better? i really really want to be different. i don’t want this to get worse. could i feel better during the summer? like could this all be this bad like a seasonal thing? like seasonal depression? is seasonal ocd a thing? like does it get worse this time of year? what do i do to try and make myself get out of this loop? even if it’s really hard what can i do to get better? i’m in a constant state of worry.. like im never gonna get better & only worse. nobody around me feels this why so why do i.
Hello friends, I have really debilitating health + death ocd. It manifested when I was around 9 years old and it’s gonna worse as I’ve aged. It really is awful and I just don’t wanna feel alone anymore, everyone around me thinks I’m literally insane and my family was so angry at me for asking for reassurance from them, it was a daily occurrence. The panic attacks were daily and they were awful. I was convinced I was going to die. In 2023, it was at its worst and I was in the worst state of my life. Everyday I felt a new symptom or sensation and thought I was dying of cancer, a brain tumor, my brain was swelling, a heart attack, a stroke, literally anything. Last year it was getting better with some therapy but it has its moments where it gets worse than better, I just wanna know if anyone else has these thoughts and what helps you guys!
I was diagnosed with OCD in late last October despite having it since I was around 4 years old. I have a long history of not eating in order to ”keep control” and realized that I had been eating badly last year. My usual ocd topics in my life have been harm ocd, magical thinking ocd and especially existential ocd. Right after my ocd diagnosis and starting setraline I developed a really big health concern ocd about my heart. I’m constantly aware of my heartbeat and worried that there is something wrong with my heart due to mild malnutrition even though seversl medical care professionals have told me several times that my heart is completely fine and I dont have to worry about it. I started eating better recently on purpose and then ended up quitting caffeine and I feel so calm (I’m used to having anxiety 24/7) and now that is freaking me out because I feel so calm and I’m afraid of my heart and I keep focusing on it 247 even though I’ve made immense progress since starting my ocd recovery journey. I just cant seem to let it go, it feels strange for my heart to feel calm. I feel good and calm and then I start freaking out about it thinking that something bad is going to happen or that my heart will stop working…. I know writing these thoughts out loud help and it’s incredibly hard for me to do so because I’m afraid of ”manifesting” it by speaking it out loud. My heart is adjusting to not having caffeine and eating more and I know that that’s what it is but I can let it go. Does anyone have any tips on how to push through this? This is my first post on here, I really want to recover because ocd has controlled me since I was 4 years old and I’m ready to live happily and to work towards that. Luckily my loved ones are very good with me about it but I want to write here since they’re not fully capable of understanding the nuances of ocd. Thank you for reading my message I’m new here so I’m not fully sure what to do 😅
This is something I've struggled with since around two years ago, when my symptoms started diminishing. I've had symptoms of OCD for my whole life. I only recognized this when I was 18 - but at that point, my symptoms started decreasing. This was distressing because labeling things was one of my compulsions, and I needed labels to fit right. So I'd write out or say that I had OCD over and over again (in addition to compulsively googling symptoms and all that), but it would never feel "right," which would make me think that I didn't actually have OCD. It also felt like my OCD symptoms were a part of me, so it was distressing to feel like I was losing a part of myself. I finally got help when I was 20, at which point my symptoms had decreased substantially. Again, this prevented me from being able to feel secure in the OCD label. I was hoping that a professional diagnosis would help me feel like I legitimately had it, but it didn't. But it's hard for me to differentiate if this is because I couldn't satisfy my compulsions around labels fitting just right or because I didn't feel like I resonated enough with the label. I'm now at a point where my symptoms are subclinical. I've never been able to fully convince myself that I have OCD, despite the severe, extremely distressing symptoms I had for over a decade. Like objectively, I had it. I was a textbook case. It took so much away from me. Severely impacted my academics, personal life, ability to do basic tasks like reading and writing and putting things away and cleaning myself, etc. But because I only sought treatment when things were getting better, it's just hard to feel secure in that. Like, my therapist here has never seen me at my worst. Do they even believe I have/had it? I've been wanting to write an essay or something about my past experiences just to show the world what I was going through when things were bad, because as it stands, all I have are the memories (deleting/throwing away/erasing stuff was also one of my compulsions, so most of the evidence is gone at this point). I feel like I need to share specific examples to prove it to others. My mom always told me I was a perfectionist. If I could just show her a fraction of what I was really going through, maybe she could begin to understand how things really were. Another thing I think about - they say that OCD is supposed to be a chronic thing. So did I ever really have it if I feel like I don't have it anymore? I always make such long posts...
I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅
Last night I was staying at my boyfriend’s house and couldn’t sleep. I felt like i desperately needed to go back to my parents and clean and organize my room. This has happened a few times before when I was staying at his place. Since then he’s been very upset with me. Does anyone else’s partner do this? Any advice? It’s been hard. He’s made me feel so shameful for having OCD. As if it’s not tough enough /:
This is awful. I felt like I was doing so much better. Then today, I pretty much started an argument with him under the guise of a wanting to have a conversation about something bothering me. I just wanted to self sabotage and I knew it. I could literally feel the tell-tale anxiety and what-ifs running through my head. I could feel the guilt and the insanely strong desire to just do SOMETHING that would confirm or deny these thoughts. I knew I just need to sit with it, give it a “maybe, maybe not”, but I had a moment of weakness. Anyways. Mid argument I found myself wanting to just end it. Like let’s just be done with this. I’m exhausted. I can tell he’s beyond lost for what to do to help and he’s the sweetest man on the whole planet. He doesn’t deserve this at all. He’s also not a pushover. He’s patient and loving and so understanding, but I don’t think he’ll tolerate much more of this and I don’t blame him. I know OCD makes us feel like we’re juuuuust about to do things we would never do in a million years, but this one really freaked me out. I swear “I don’t love you anymore” was on the tip of my tongue and it felt so real in the moment. It would have completely crushed him. And now that I’m on the other side and out of the heat of the moment, I feel so incredibly guilty. It’s so unbelievably untrue and there would have been no coming back from that. I would have completely ruined our beautiful marriage for literally no reason. Trying to cope with the guilt. Trying to remember my tools from my therapist but just struggling. It’s so scary to feel like you had your mind taken over and it was so close to destroying the thing you care most about. My husband is the man I respect and adore more than anyone I’ve ever met before. He’s the man that showed me how deep my love can go and has made me such a better person. If I don’t love him, I’ve never really loved anything. So WHY would I feel so tempted to say something so horrible? I’m just really, really having a hard time today. I guess the lesson here is to not give into your compulsions. Do I feel less anxious? Yes. Do I feel more sure that I love him? Yes. But do I actually feel any better at all? No. And I dragged him down with me. :(
**TW for anyone who’s like me a picks up new fears** I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about inappropriately touching people I care about. These thoughts are distressing, and I never act on them, but sometimes I feel this overwhelming tension or urge. To manage it, I end up doing things like lightly smacking someone’s knee or arm, or poking them in a safe spot like their ribs. It feels like it helps release the tension or stop the thoughts. It scares me because I feel like it might mean I’m dangerous, even though I know I would never actually hurt anyone. I’m assuming it’s some sort of compulsion. Does anyone else experience something like this? Any advice or insight would be so helpful—I’m just trying to understand this better.
Literally have been so confident in myself and my sexuality through recovery. Right now I literally feel like I changed from straight and in love with my boyfriend to either bisexual / lesbian with a “desire” to do sexual things with women in the last 2 hours. It feels like I’m attracted to every single woman on my tik tok and instagram. Whyyyyyyyy 😭😭😭
Could someone please tell me how I should deal with conflicts in the family because of my OCD? I have contamination OCD. I have requested and begged my family members to do lots of compulsions for me which they do. We will be shifting our house soon, and I'll have to face a lot of triggers. I know that my family won't be able to comply with my requests at that time. So I tend to cry alone, because I'm unable to deal with the anxiety. ( I don't fight with them for not doing the compulsions. I just go and cry alone.) Lots of fights have happened because of my requests and because of my crying. Please advise.
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OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
