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This seems overwhelming. Why bother with it?

i think my intrusive thoughts are real. what do i do now man

I keep having a terrible feeling that I am going to die or I need to die. Almost as if my brain is telling me I need to kill myself. It’s hard to tell if I really want to do something like that. I know it’s wrong and I wouldn’t want to leave or upset my family. These feelings send me into an immediate spiral. My body starts having hot flashes and I start shaking pretty bad. I know my body is just reacting to thoughts. Does anyone else experience similar feelings/thoughts like this? I’m absolutely terrified everyday and don’t know what else to do. I recently started Fluvoxamine 50 mg 2 weeks ago and was put back on Abilify 2mg. I started the Abilify 3 days ago. I don’t feel anything as of yet.

I'm really frustrated right now because once again I feel like I can't keep up with my own brain and I just can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of doing this. My head is always going and going and going and I just want to unplug it. It makes me so stressed. It's like I have someone else in my head who won't shut up and is always pointing everything I do out. Like I'm walking on eggshells around myself so I don't trigger these thoughts. But if I walk on egg shells then it just goes on about something else and I feel like I'm going crazy.. I feel so bad because it makes me so snappy. I want to bash my head in because I'm so over it. The only thing I know that helps is anxiety meds, because I had one one time and it actually really helped me (it didn't even do it's job! Because of how bad my anxiety is!! I'm just so desperate at this point for relief) But the last time I brought up going on meds for anxiety with my mom she said I'll get addicted, like my dad, or my grandma, or whoever else in my family because everyone in my family is addicted to SOMETHING. I don't see the issue in trying though. I feel like I'm someone who could really benefit from anxiety meds. I don't talk about my feelings often BECAUSE of anxiety, so it seems like I'm just trying to go on meds for no reason. But it's like..my body hurts. All the time. And my brain never stops. My brain is so messed up. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't like this. It's never going away, I've tried and I've tried and I'm still a mess. I just want it to stop. I'm not asking for much. I just want the fear to stop and the intrusive thoughts to stop and the racing thoughts and the feelings of doom and the nervousness and and I actually want to feel okay in my own skin for fucking once. I've tried everything nothing works im losing patience and I'm losing hope. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like my brain is broken and that makes me sad to be honest. I feel like everyone around me can work. Why can't my stupid brain work???? I try so hard. I try so hard all the time. And it still doesn't do what it needs to do. I hate myself so much.

Hey, so this is more of a venting and like talking post. I know weed is different for everyone, but for me personally, it has really changed my life for the better. In the fall semester of school I was at my lowest, I was very stressed, had breakdowns every week, and was going to doctor appointments after doctor appointments bc my stress/anxiety caused me to have heart problems and other problems during that time. I stopped taking care off myself, never had friends or a social life, and my adhd and trauma caused a lot of triggers for me. That was really the time I stopped smoking to focus on school. This semester, I'm doing better than I ever have, I finally got diagnosed with adhd and OCD, and I started smoking more heavily, about maybe 2-3 times a day. Since I've been smoking more, I've seen a huge improvement. My grades are better than last semester, I'm happier, I've been able to think about stuff without worrying or being emotional about it, Im able to let things not go to my head, and its limited both my obsessions and compulsions. Weed along with meds (I got genetic testing to make sure my meds wouldn't interfere) I've seen a huge improvement in myself. Ive been learning new things about myself now that I'm not in my head, I joined my college's step team which I would've never been able to do with my social anxiety, I'm more productive, I've been slowly healing my c-ptsd bc its been helping me take a second to chill out and reflect and think. I've made so many new friends and finally have a social life by letting go and not worrying with the use of weed. Its really healed me, especially since when I'm sober, bc of trauma I'm always in "survivor mode" and i will constantly find something to stress and worry about. i've only had one bad stress flair up this semester, and only went to the urgent care once compared to last semester with something not too serious. its made me more kind to others and to me, made less angry and had made me a genuinely happier person and allows me to see life in a so much more deep and meaningful way. I don't get memory fog from it, and can still remember things i did while high, mainly because I started using it in senior year of high school and don't get much negative effects from it. Thing is, my boyfriend doesn't get it and thinks I smoke to much. I've tried to explain how much of a better person ( and definitely a better partner since I've been using it to help me think rationally with arguments and stuff) but he still doesn't get it. His sister is kinda an alcoholic and his other sister smokes weed heavily and has more of a addiction type relationship with weed,doesn't have a job and has a problem, so I think its bc he's only seen how substances hurt and not help, but its still incredibly frustrating. I made it clear I'm not stopping anytime soon and sometimes he'll still make comments about it. I feel like I've only changed a good way from gardening more regularly, and I only do it when I know I have nothing to do, have stuff that I can put off for a few hours, and when I know I'm not driving that day or not driving for more than 2 hours. My therapist says that if it works it works and she thinks I should officially get a medical card, but I'm worried that my bf might say stuff about it now more often now that I have my card and can buy it now without needing to really hide it. He got mad at me today bc he found out i smoke during school, which I only do during my hour gap in between my classes and don't do it in the morning often, during my STEM classes. I have only core classes after my hour break which are easy classes that I have A's in, and its mainly a talk based lecture so I don't see the harm in doing it. Am I in the wrong? is there a way to help my bf understand that i'm worse without it? Should I stop or do less ? I don't know I'm just lost. I feel like I don't let it run my life, but sometimes I feel like he thinks I'm some like addict or something.

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

Does anyone have OCD regarding always feeling like you are not good enough at your job? I'm 58 years old now I've had OCD since childhood. Every job I've been at I never felt as good as my colleagues. I am a nurse but I worked at that for 15 years I had a breakdown of sorts in 2017 and went on disability. I now work part time as a a swim instructor for kids. I always was afraid of killing someone when I was a nurse. Then I tried dog grooming but I was afraid I would do it wrong and hurt the dogs. At least now the stakes are lower. But my OCD is the same. I work with colleagues who are about 40 years younger than I am . I am afraid of teaching certain classes bc I feel like I wouldn't do as good a job as someone else. I know I can do it but it's like I have a fear of not giving them their money's worth. I've been at my current job for 2 years . I've gotten very positive comments from my managers but I can't seem to believe them. I feel a lot of shame bc I lost a lot of my life to OCD and I am at an age where people are starting to retire after long and successful careers and here I am working at an entry level job. I'm planning on trying to get out of my comfort zone and teaching some of the classes I'm afraid of .it's really hard. I'm always scared what if I lose my benefits and had to work again as a nurse how would I do it.

I'm 20F, recently my 20M partner broke up with me. It was not a quick and done break up, it was more of a "we're not working" and a "we can fix this" and just non stop switching. From both of us. I don't think he is trying to hurt me, or even trying to lose me. He's an avoidant, runs from any sign of conflict or serious discussions. So ultimately, he stopped showing any sort of emotion, and completely started acting like nothing bothered him. We still text, in all honesty this is not anything to do with me or even our relationship, he's just in a very poor mental state. He doesn't have a ton of people he trusts, because of the fact he pushes people away. I'm trying to gain his trust, so that we can get to the point of a true discussion and let him feel like it's okay to break down those avoidant walls. I'm kind of going through hell though. But I know it's not an issue with me, I know it's about him. And I'm okay sticking around and comforting him even while I'm hurt. He cheated on me earlier in the relationship. Over social media, texting past girls he knew, hooked up with, or even strangers, and watching porn. I obviously was extremely hurt, but his apology was very sincere and ever since that happened, he actually abided by all my boundaries I set up. No social media, no bars, nothing until I trust him. He did listen and he did put in the effort. I've forgiven him for what he did. He told me in the beginning he has trouble committing. I'm his longest relationship, which was only about 5 months. I want to be able to get it to him that I will walk away if he does not commit to changing. If anyone is an avoidant, or has successfully healed with an avoidant please reach out. As much as you'd like to say "You're worth more, leave him.", he is a good person. He needs help and I care for him. Leaving is not an easy option for me to make

How is this OCD? Who with Pocd thinks about a naked child ???? I was over here thinking if I’m actually attracted to kids because I find some of them good looking you know and my little cousin I have thoughts about her too and I was thinking about her naked but I wasn’t aroused or nothing so that’s where I’m confused It was intentional so does that make me a p*do?

Why is it that you beat one OCD think, but another OCD thing comes up related to it, but the same theme?

Sorry about how long this is!! Hello to the person reading this!! I'm new to this site and I just finished my profile! In my bio it describes my situation and why I joined. If anyone has time to check out my profile and read what I wrote I would really appreciate it! In my bio I said "disorders/conditions" referring to the things I might have that are undiagnosed, but I do not in any way mean disorder or condition in a negative way I just don't know another word or phrase to use and if you have some please tell me so I can fix it ASAP. I'm asking you to go to my profile because what I want to talk about it is a LOT of reading, and it would be easier for me and from how I think about people reading these posts hopefully easy for you as a reader! If you think it would be easier for me to just post it also let me know. If after reading it, you have anything to say about my situation or something I said feel free to comment on this post and let me know! I'm open to anything you would like for me to know about how you feel about something I said, any advice, any constructive criticism so I can fix certain words or phrases, if you think I should get rid of something or add something, any feedback about the things I mentioned, any resources you recommend for me to check out to educate myself more on something I said that you disagree with or just something you think might help, if you think something I said was just plain wrong please tell me why and if you're able to give me something to switch it to so it is more accurate or something I can read with correct information on that subject so I can edit it and correct myself, and just anything you recommend for me to do, read, fix, change, consider, anything! I tried my hardest to make sure what I said wouldn't be taken the wrong way because of the way I worded it but if anyone thinks something I said could be said in a better way or shouldn't be said at all tell me so I can fix or remove it. Again, I am open to constructive criticism on anything you think needs it! I am not in any way trying to be rude or offensive to anyone and if anything I said rubbed you the wrong way or if you could understand what I meant but others might take it the wrong way please tell me how you feel and if you want to give me suggestions to fix the statement I will take all of them into consideration and if anybody wants me to leave the platform because you think it may not be right for me, let me know you feel that way so I can educate and improve myself so I can find somewhere that would suit my situation better. If you need any extra info or context, I'll provide it to help you better understand. I included some things about my family history so if that is unnecessary let me know and I'll remove it. If you notice something that just doesn't have anything to do with what I'm trying to say, and it's just not needed in my bio to help explain my situation tell me! I will do my best to make sure if someone comments that I will respond but I'm doing schoolwork so it won't be immediately, but I will try to respond to everyone when I can. I joined this website for support from people who might understand what I'm going through and might have some advice that helped them. I mentioned in my bio I am not diagnosed with OCD so I understand if you don't think I should be talking about my situation on here. I came here because I think I might have OCD, but I am not diagnosed in any way, and I am not trying to diagnose myself. If anyone thinks anything negatively about something I said, please comment on this post what it was that made you feel that way and something I could do to fix the thing I said that you did not like but if you do comment because you have negative thoughts, PLEASE TELL ME but also please try to keep it remotely respectful. I don't want anyone to feel like I am trying to be rude, mean, disrespectful or anything like that so if you do feel like that tell me what I said that needs fixed!!!! I want everyone to be comfortable so if something makes you uncomfortable, please let me know! Sorry about this long message I just want to make sure you guys know to come to me about anything you think of what I said or something I should do or something to make by bio more positive. I am so grateful for anyone that reads this and my bio even if you don't have anything to say about anything I said. I am just grateful that you even read this message. I hope all of you have a wonderful rest of your days/nights! I hope you are able to find the support you need to cope with your struggles because you matter, and you deserve the love, support, and kindness people may not have given you in the past. I hope you all know how amazing you are. I want you all to know proud I am of you for waking up today. I am so proud of you for making it through everything you've been through prior today because you are alive today and right now and that is one of the best things anyone could do. I don't want to sound like I'm trying too hard, but I feel like some people really need to hear it even from a stranger. I hope you all know that even though I don't personally know you I am proud of you for being alive today. You are doing amazing in your journey with your mental health. Sorry if I said too much. Btw I added a trigger warning because some stuff I wrote about in my bio could be triggering if it has any specific tags as to what it is a warning for on this message it probably won't line up with what I said in my bio. Anyways I hope if you read all of this you check out my profile and give me some feedback!

i think i gave up, every time i try to calm down, practice self-compassion or accept uncertainty something worse happens that seems to confirm my event. it feels too, too real even now, it's getting worse with each passing day. i'm really scared, it's hard for me to enjoy the few good moments i have with everyone because now i'm convinced that i'm a horrible person, i know everyone will hate me when they find out, i feel like i'm lying to them. i'll lose everything. i feel like my life is genuinely ending, i'll lose all the good things i worked hard for.

Anyone who has had sexual orientation OCD since the “dating age” (middle school/high school)— how did you ever determine your sexuality? I don’t want reassurance because I understand our experiences may be different. I’m just curious— did you try boys and girls? Did you just find your person and know? I started having SOOCD at age 16 and I’m now 28. OCD has ruined my ability to date more than anything else. I feel like it stole my chance at love. I’ve had three long-term situationships with men. I adored them but they were also toxic because I think I subconsciously didn’t believe I deserved better. I felt that if I knew the relationship wouldn’t work because of fundamental differences, at least it was okay that I couldn’t fully be present in the relationship. Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m just grieving that part of my life I missed out on.

I’m struggling so much in such a state, I’m in a constant loosing battle, I’m bent over crying after self harming because I hate my ocd and how it makes me behave and the way all I ever do is make it worse. I have severe responsibility ocd. I feel so broken I’ve been stuck with this for so long and I’ve spelt my entire adult life like this. I don’t want to be too depressing but I just feel so low and so guilty and so anxious because of the compulsions it makes me do. It’s endless and I’m so so tired

I don't know if this is ROCD, pure OCD, or what, but it feels like he's reeeally critical of me, and I'm already terribly critical of myself, so it makes it so hard to push through my negative internal voice. But I tried telling her my OCD obsessions exist outside of him. I would hate to break up with him just to find myself just as depressed. We also just moved in together, and it feels impossible to leave without repercussions. I feel like it helps to make pros and cons: Pros: - Cooks for us all the time - Takes the reins on house/rent/utility setup (despite me asking to help) - Takes us on fun surprise/spontanous adventures, never a dull moment - Likes the same shows/movies/activities - We dress up and go to events together - Strong sexual chemistry Cons: - Feels he's taking care of everything despite *insisting* on it - Very much a know-it-all, which leads to a lot of criticism of me (constant sighs, intense reactions to small mistakes, no room for me to be human) - Expresses that I'm not his type physically, but I should be glad he still wants to be with me, and if I just go to the gym, he'll want to have sex with me more - Has misophonia, which makes him averse to any mouth sounds, so he gets mad at me when I'm eating and wants me to leave the room, and can be a jerk about it - Tends to think the worst of my actions, and will chalk things up to the "type of person" I am, which often takes me by surprise and makes me feel misunderstood - My mom/friends don't like him at all, but our mutual friends obviously love him, yet they see his flaws, too Anyway, it's eating at me, and I'm afraid of what the future might bring, and I just wish I could feel confident again so that I stand up for myself more. If those bad things were gone, he'd be amazing and perfect, but they weigh on me soooo much

Less than a year ago, I had a very big anxiety flare up to the point that I felt as though I needed to report to the police / harm myself. I ended up leaving an anonymous tip at the police hotline about something that I know I didn’t even do but everything told me I had to or else I will go to jail. And similarly after that I called the help line and explained I had unwanted intrusive thoughts and I didn’t think I deserved to live for having those thoughts. After these many months and working with my therapist, I’ve been able to feel a lot less anxious around this topic and now I’m getting lots of anxiety about what I did that time when I was so anxious. I gave in to my compulsions and confessed for stuff that I know sounds bad saying out loud but only certain people will understand I would never do. So now I’m just looking for someone to relate and perhaps let me know that I don’t have anything to worry about? I know it’s bad to seek reassurance but I’m not sure where to go. And I’m worried I’m going to keep incriminating myself.

When i do the compulsion of checking if i want my bf or a girl it always makes me feel like with my bf i cant kiss 1nd then i am like this is because of ocd but when i then think about kissing a woman it feels like it would go easy , shouldnt the compulsion bring me peace like bad reassurance ? Does this mean i am not into men , it feels way to similar ,like my intrusive thoughts are like normal thoughts

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

So i am dealing with my third relapse of ocd and this time the theme is paranormal. So you can imagine how distressing it is. My ocd creates image intrusive thoughts and even gets scared and doubts normal eye vision things. But i am learning through it. But here are some things i have learned and learning : 1. Don't try to runaway from triggers : one thing i have learnt is that we may think that if we runaway from triggers our ocd thoughts will stop, its a big no, it will never because in ocd anything and everything can be a trigger. So even if you think that sitting in your room and not going out will help you, i will say for sometime but then again ocd will come up with new fear. Now i know it will create anxiety but don't runaway from your triggers it is indirectly feeding your loop. 2. Also i would say that try to ignore these thoughts and image intrusive thoughts. No matter how much they come try to shift your focus on something else. Something that gives you happiness like try to think about your dream job and what will happen if you get it, daydreaming a bit is necessary to ignore these negative thoughts, think of your family and friends, your crush, your love maybe. And after few minutes when you shift your focus towards other thoughts and things you will eventually realise that these negative thoughts lose their importance. I know it is extremely tough to shift your focus but you need to do it. Think about your hopeful future, imagine yourself being happy. 3. Ocd brings in a lot of anxiety which leads to brain fog and anxiety and anxiety can create fake sensations, visions and beliefs. It can even cause fake smell also, so whenever ocd brings in the thought that what if i saw something, or what if i listened to something, what if i smelled something just say that anxiety creates fake sensations and it is scientifically proven. Also due to anxiety we become hypersensitive so our senses become more active they tend to notice things more easily. Like being hypersensitive means you will notice normal sounds more, peripheral vision illusions more certain smells more. And it is fine, our body is in hyper alert mode so it will. 4. Even when you start feeling a bit fine and bit okay don't expect that ocd will fade away immediately. It won't fade away immediately, it will take time, your hyper sensitive and anxious brain will take time to normalise things. It may take month or something. And in this moment you will get intrusive thoughts, maybe more weird or bizzarre images or thoughts. Because the brain had gotten into the habit of negative thinking, worrying and anxiety so yeah there will be moments when it will doubt many things, when it will bring extreme intrusive thoughts, try your best to not ruminate over it. 5. I have realised that we ocd sufferers have one thing in common we are very creative people, we love art and expression. And our minds have the habit of constantly think something. I have noticed that my ocd relapses only when my mind is empty, like when it has nothing else to think about, when i am idle and and my life is lonely with no external stimulation. So try to find a purpose and give direction to yourself that's it. Ocd increases when serotonin and dopamine decrease so try to maintain your serotonin and dopamine levels by having healthy diet, investing it into something you like maybe writing, art, music, acting anything you like. You can start a blog or a page or write a book about your ocd journey. 6. Lastly i would say that accept it that yes my brain is a bit more anxious, and it is fine. Also everyone is fighting a battle inside them, we are suffering from our thoughts, some are dealing with something else, and don't try to seek much reassurance or give attention to ocd thoughts, just let it be there and shift your focus. Think about how there are much important things in your life. And ocd happens when we are very scaredy like the ones who get scared easily, so try to win over your fears, win over it. It picks up our greatest fears and feeds on it. Win over these fears that's it. At the end i would say yes the fight is very tough, even though i have understood so many things about it, yet many days i go through the depression, i go through the anxiety, i go through the sadness, and there are days when i just sleep a lot to escape these thoughts and this fear because paranormal ocd is very draining. But i am learning through it and yes one day we all will defeat it. Keep learning, keep fighting, keep growing, stay strong. Ocd is just our mind trying to pull itself inwards away from the external world. Get into the external world, face the real life and real issues, ocd thoughts are imaginary and not real issues.

Hi, what's everyone's views on self diagnosis. If a professional option is not available is it ok to self diagnose or is just best to be open minded and not being sure with what the illness is. Thanks