Welcome to
the NOCD Community

like the title says, i don’t want reassurance i just desperately need some guidance but my posts keep getting blocked even though i’ve posted like 3 times just now :/ if someone could hear me out that would be really appreciated!!!!

Whenever I see cute social media posts about relationships and romance, I feel like I shut off emotionally and go numb immediately. I start thinking "Why don't I want that" or "Why don't I feel that way" when I actually do feel that way at times. It's so upsetting and makes me think I need to break up with my boyfriend :( The "maybe, maybe not" strategy is really difficult for me because I'm too hyperaware of the circumstances of my feelings. Is there something I can do to ease into accepting my doubts and thoughts?

I don’t want to stop talking to him but I also enjoy flirting / conversing with other men . I feel guilty about this and don’t know how to handle this situation. We’ve been on and off for over a year partly due to my ocd and partly due to his own issues . I feel like I keep sabotaging it but I also feel like my needs haven’t been met lately and it’s like at his convenience but I get so anxious ab him moving on w someone new im so possessive of him but I also don’t want to commit it’s so horrible

I feel like some days im doing amazing then I fall and I’m not getting better. Just now I was resting my mind you I’m on my lady days and I suddenly was resting my eyes and felt like an adrenaline rush and was awaken scared and my heart started to go fast but physically felt light and a lost of energy like almost slightly numb. My heart was fast and I’m wearing a heart monitor (instructed my the doctor) for 7 days and everytime I have a symptom of a fast heart rate I’m supposed to tap it. And record my bp. I struggle with low bp. And it’s been a long time since I’ve actually been scared. I’ve tapped on it multiple times and what is that supposed to do save me? I feel like there’s something wrong and idk if us girls whenever we have our lady days our hearts get upset I know mine does. My bp right now is 105/69 and 88 palpitations idk if it’s normal.

Hi all! Looking for tips or advice on managing ROCD while working through real relationship difficulties. While deciding to stay or split, the daily stress is compounded by ROCD waves, which are constantly triggered by long difficult talks and therapy w/partner. This is a normal part of the process…but ROCD makes the push and pull feel waaay bigger, sometimes for days at a time. There’s so much thinking about the relationship that can easily dip into mental rumination if I’m not careful—but there is also a lot of real thinking to be done here! Anybody been in a similar situation? What kept you grounded? What did you learn?

Hi, everyone. Having a rough go of things today and am in need of some support from members undergoing ERP while also having an ADHD/ADD diagnosis. Can anyone provide some insights on how to effectively do ERP when I have ADHD? It seems like the two disorders love to use my brain as a battle zone when I’m trying to practice an exposure, and it makes it difficult to sit and focus on what I need to do. Recently, it’s been the case where I start an exposure & OCD is like “Are you sure you’re even doing this right? Stop the exposure, read about how to do it the right way just to make sure you’re getting the most out of this & don’t come back until you’ve done so.” Meanwhile, ADHD is spiraling out of control and won’t let me sit down to focus on the exposure. It’s like I’ll plum forget I’m even doing one in the first place and will move on to something else! It’s frustrating because it’s almost as if I draw a blank on what I should be doing despite having it in writing directly in front of me, but searching up the “how” has almost become compulsive.

Anyone else here that has autism, inattentive adhd, and experiences pure O? I think this is me. I’m diagnosed with autism and OCD and am in the process of taking medication for what could be adhd. What’s it been like for you guys living with all of these? For much of my life what I do is driven by emotion. When I’m feeling great, it’s easier for me to feel up to completing a task or doing something that interests me. When something gives me anxiety and causes me to overthink, it can become overwhelming, I’m kind of shut down and in survival mode. I’m more reserved, less talkative, really stressed, and my mind is just racing. I don’t feel in control of my mind. It’s hard for me to think clearly and feel like I’m able to process my emotions and thoughts. I feel like if I’m to go and do something, I need my emotions and values to be in sync. Otherwise, I overthink, I can’t focus, I’m anxious, and it feels like I’m not being genuine. I want my life to be fulfilling. It took me an hour just to write all of this. This was very difficult for me to do. Lots of deleting and overthinking because I wanted to get it right, along with feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed because I didn’t know exactly what and how I was going to write for this post. At times, it felt like I was scatterbrained and my brain just went blank. I guess it just feels like I got a lot of background noise in my head right now. I wish that I could’ve written this message in such a way where I could’ve felt like it had a clear beginning, middle, and end (since I like to do things with intention). I’m just going to send it as is though because my anxiety would spike and I would overthink a lot more. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this ❤️.

I can’t afford any therapy or NOCD. I can’t work due to my ocd and I have no insurance. I have no monthly income. My family who I live with say I don’t need therapy so they don’t want to pay. Plus they can’t afford it either. Im stuck.

Just two months ago, I had been in a relationship where I thought she was my forever. I still sit here hoping she is, but I can’t assign it certainty. My OCD is a big part of us not being together anymore. Confessions tore her down as I was seeking reassurance. So why do I love the OCD? I am on a journey to be my purest self. If I didn’t truly care about the things and people around me, I probably wouldn’t have a lick of OCD. Having this diagnosis confirms that I do truly care about the world around me. I hate it because it pushed me away from a beautiful woman who I yearn for to this day. Maybe the right woman will know how to understand my OCD, maybe the perfect woman doesn’t have to understand it. Who knows? What I do know is that I’m not alone. To the ones reading this, we aren’t alone. You have the privilege to be able to read, write, perceive, we are living. We are alive and I hope we can say that for plenty of decades. I hope to find what’s meant for me. Until then, we’re on an unknown path that we must be comfortable in exploring.

2 weeks ago a guy I’ve been on and off with for a long time we spent time in an air b and b together. I was excited we were exchanging gifts for fall. We got there and we ate and watched tv and around 7 pm his mom called I was instantly upset. I know it’s a bad habit but I go silent when I’m upset or bothered it’s a coping mechanism even for a long part of my life I was mute because of depression and childhood trauma. I was upset because his mom is overprotective of him and she just thinks that I am a bad person and thinks I’m competing with her. She assumes every time we hang out we are having s*x which makes me angry all the time because it shows she has low standards. And he agrees with her because his mother’s love is more than for any woman he will ever date. Point of the story we were watching a movie then I was bored of it then we watched TikTok and then I was cracking jokes with him. At some point we were wrestling and then we were kissing but I was pulling away from him saying no. I am the same height as him but he is stronger than me so even when I’m pulling away I can’t.He had my arms pinned down. I eventually give in to the kiss and we make out then at some point he pulls away and says we can’t do that and then he says he feels like he assaulted me. I denied it but I was mad because at that point I wanted to continue so I went to bed mad. Then in the morning I initiated the kissing but then it was like he was kissing me back then pushed away immediately I stopped. Why do I experience this with him? He has always done this with me especially when he wanted to be on the receiving end never the initiating end for my pleasure. I also have just become mute with him because he doesn’t understand me I have autism and it’s hard for me to let my guard down I am constantly masking. He has manipulative behaviors towards others but a part of me thinks he will change the other part has given up. He cares about me but it’s like sometimes a switch turns on and he changes.

Has anyone ended a relationship because of ROCD, almost preemptively, out of fear of hurting the other person or because of obsessive fears that they might be cheating, and then regretted it afterward? We have gotten back in touch and I have already changed the dynamic. I am no longer seeking reassurance, I am sitting with the discomfort, and I am handling the anxiety in a healthier way. My question is: for those who have been in this situation, how did you handle the night before the first date after reconnecting? Specifically, the obsessive thoughts about how to act normal, not seem over eager, not chase, and not slip back into reassurance seeking.

i’m scared if i’m dying or if i have a tumor my side head hurts on my left and it feels like something is crawling on my head and my eye kinda hurts idk what to do help.

Guys I need help issues I've been going through and I honestly need help because if I was masturbating earlier today and it's felt like I purposely thought of my father why it's just I don't know why I just did and I feel so weirded out by it it's just like my thought just starting you know I don't know how to explain it it was just that was doing it and then my brain just focused on that instead my for some reason like it felt like I chose to think it's I am sorry if I'm not explaining it well but I feel like a weirdo and I don't want to be near my family anymore like I've been going through a lot and this is just horrible it's just like I chose to thank the thought and it felt like I wanted it and I feel so weird at all if someone had the same issue please let me know I just want to know I'm not alone in this it's not even that I also had sexuality issues because recently I've been down a spiral of looking at transgender and feminine men content and it's just like confusing for me I think it's just because my brain makes association of men that just made me think of my dad because I'm 18 and young and I'm on explorer myself so after I do it to be so types I honestly just feel shame and regret I don't think I am gay at least not that I know because afterwards I don't really like it but I just feel shame when I do it but also I feel so horrible because it felt like I thotght it on purpose like it's just I don't know how to explain it I just thought it and now I'm afraid

I want to know whats the worst thoughts / content you ever got and how you got through it , and what about your relationship? Because I’m currently having thoughts that go like “imagine xyz act “ (sexual ocd) and it can throw in things like my bf friends names or even continue the statement like that and it bothers me so much . I feel like I’m going numb yet at the same time I feel really sad and depressed about it

Tw: intimacy I’ve had bad ROCD, especially around intimacy and sex. It was actually manageable for a little while but now it’s gotten bad again. Sometimes when I’m half-asleep or not paying attention I get subconscious thoughts or little flashes of wanting/imagining intimacy. The second I snap back to reality I feel instantly disgusted and sick to my stomach. There’s kind of an opportunity to date someone right now but the whole idea terrifies me. I have literally zero experience (and I’m not that young), so people are always surprised and it makes me feel weird and alienated, like I can’t just be “normal” about it. On top of that my retroactive jealousy is awful. I can’t get over the other person’s history or body count, especially if anything was casual, because it goes against everything I actually want. Logically I don’t even care that much about sex or pleasure, but my brain is completely latched onto it. I can’t feel comfortable being touched by someone who’s touched other people that way. I hate the idea of being someone they just settle with. I hate the idea of them teaching me anything because all I can think about is how they learned it with someone else. Yet I want love so, so badly. I just want to feel safe and comfortable with someone while my mind is finally quiet instead of screaming “they’ve slept with other people, you’re not special, they won’t find it as special with you because you’re not the first.” It’s so frustrating and exhausting. I want a perfect relationship while knowing no one is perfect and has a past. :< Anyone else stuck in this exact mess? I could really use some hope. I know I keep posting this but I'm just feeling hopeless and scared. I know it'll get better but right now it's very bad.

Thanksgiving and I’m worried I’m gonna over eat and feel like Gods telling me to fast but I never know when or how long and when I’m fasting I just have anxiety the whole time but I think I have a good addiction cuz I always think abt it and I try to not over eat but whenever I’m hungry I’m like oh I like HAVE to eat so I don’t starve myself and over indulge later but it’s okay to be hungry.. idk why I always think I have to and go to it for comfort instead of Christ but deciding the boundaries and what not is hard. And it’s a sin if I ignore it and just keep doing what I’m doing I think it’s an idol cuz I can’t fast and deny my flesh for a certain amount Of time

I keep obsessing over diabetes im so scared of getting it because im overweight and what if I dont lose weight quick enough and end up getting it? I'm soo anxious. I also googled the symptoms and it said tingly feet and hand are a symptom and mine are tingly. I'm so scared. It doesn't help that the healthcare where I live is awful and my doctor refuses to help me when I need her it's making my anxiety so much worse

i have an elder cat that is so loud and has a very annoying meow. He doesn't understand personal space at all. A while ago i wanted to sleep but he kept jumping on my bed bothering me no matter how many times i would get him off the bed. Eventually after he kept doing it over and over again i felt disrespected and i got pissed off and i picked him up very quickly and a bit roughly, in the sense that i didn't pick him up slowly and gently by supporting his legs, only by his armpits and he is a bit of an overweight cat, so im afraid it hurt him; what makes it worse is that i knew i should have supported his legs, but i was so tired and frustrated that I impulsively did the "not nice" way. Then for a second in my brain i felt like punishing him, an intrusive kind of voice "hold him still in air as punishment", and i did that as a test i think, I self sabotaged myself into carrying out that order, and I held him in air for a second and immediately felt horrible and put him back in the floor again. The very moment I picked him up in air i immediately felt bad and any ounce of anger was gone, just horror for what I did. I felt like I did something unforgivable and irreversible. For some time I reassured myself thinking that i didn't hurt him, at most he had a meow of discomfort, and at worst he would have felt slight discomfort. Now I googled and apparently i hurt him. Lifting an overweight cat only by his armpits will hurt him no matter what. I feel evil and like an animal abuser. Maybe I am. I've never harmed my cat physically outside of possibly this event. I don't have a lot of patience but I force it upon me, so whatever annoying thing they do i suppress it all the time and i try to treat them with care, I was left to deal with 3 cats alone all by myself in a tiny apartment and sometimes is overwhelming.

I've had fluvoxamine prescribed to me for my OCD/anxiety for 2 months now and have yet to try it out because I'm scared it could make me feel emotionless or have some sort of psychosis feeling side effect. Has anyone taken this for their OCD and does it give bad side effects? Should I just take the leap and try it? I'm so scared 😨

I recently found out that I have OCD and it was honestly an enormous relief. I spent nearly ten years having been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression, receiving incorrect treatments and trying to apply coping mechanisms that were actually making things worse for me. You may think that this would make me angry to think I could have been on the path to recovery sooner and wasn’t, but I’m honestly just thankful to finally know. When I read NOCD’s list of subtypes, my jaw was on the FLOOR because it felt like half of the article was written about me. The only time in the last decade I felt I found something effective was an audiobook I found on my own about intrusive thoughts which used a technique very similar to ERP. Go figure. Anyway, I had a couple of questions that may be cathartic or help others be reflective. First, who else was misdiagnosed? How long? What was your treatment experience like and what was your reaction when you learned the truth? Share as much or as little as would be helpful to you. Second, were there ancient signs you suddenly started remembering that now make way more sense? For me, it was sensorimotor and existential OCD. In high school, I had an extended phase where I couldn’t stop paying attention to how much I blinked and also had a phase where I could not stop questioning reality and your classic existential questions. I also had a period in college when my eye floaters drove me absolutely nuts every day. Anyway, hope you’ve come across this feeling well and I’d be happy to hear from you.