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the NOCD Community

Hey guys I’d love your opinion on some stuff! I’ve had my first instrusive thought about being depressed/suicidal on September 13th 2017. I got intrusive thoughts where I had depression and thought I was gonna end up killing myslef to a point where I really convinced myself I was depressed and would constantly look up depression symptoms. Then it somehow became into thoughts being bisexual cause I thought a girl was super super super pretty which was October 28th, 2017 but this spiraled into Harm/killer OCD thoughts after watching a violent scene in the movies and thought I enjoyed it and it’s been torture for me ever since. A year later here I am. Harm OCD has prolly been the hardest! At first I was so bad when I was scared to talk to people and felt guilty becoming friends with them Because they’re Talking to a serial killer. Some days are good. Some days are terrible. I can’t stay out too long and feel anxious going to places sometimes because it might spike my killer thoughts again. If I was able to survive a year without meds do you guys think I’ll be able to get rid of this killer thoughts without meds? I’m convinced where therapy won’t ever help me... and I gonna suffer like This forever. I have health insurance and I don’t know where to start and who to go to.

Does anyone here have ROCD? What is it like for you?

What is ERP and can you can you do it yourself?

I’ve finally given up on having friends. No one cares for me as much as I care for them. It’s a horrible feeling. So horrible I’d rather be alone ??‍♀️.

I had a panic attack at work today, like full on crying, and had to leave early. I’m so embarrassed and scared to go back tomorrow

Does anxiety make you feel like ur gonna go out of control and your about hurt someone like even kill someone (my fear is harm ocd) and I feel like I’m Going insane I even begin to cry thinking I’m gonna be like this forever sincenits already been a year... is this actually anxiety or am I becoming a psychopath mental serial killer?

I have several OCD themes currently. It’s pretty much entwined in my entire existence and has been for decades. I was only diagnosed a few months ago and have been making progress with ERP on my contamination issues which is an amazing feeling. To have some control over this has made the future seem bright. Unfortunately lately I’ve been struggling with questioning my 10 plus year marriage (something I’ve dealt with on and off the entire time). My feelings had been solid for at least the past year with no obsessing in that area so it’s really very disturbing to experience this now just as I am getting a slight handle on my OCD. I’ve been so distracted with this the past 2 weeks I haven’t been able to make much progress. Just now I considered the possibility that OCD is behind this. Has anyone ever found that OCD started to sabotage you in one area when you were making progress in another? Is this possible?

I’m really not feeling well at all because of my OCD. How do you know when you need intensive treatment? I guess I follow up with my doc and therapist.

So I’ve had HOCD nearly a year and still haven’t seriously thought about therapy. It’s gotten sorta better but nothing significant, I always end up slipping back into the cycle. I don’t really have time or energy for therapy but is it bad that I’ve just tried to deal with it on my own this long?

Just got finished with my erp for Hocd and because I decided to look at the most gayest pics because I want this shit to be done with I almost gave up doing this smh. But now when I see the pics I start to think hmm I’m a try that on a chick haha and then I smile and I’m like yeah buddy! So I’m getting better but it’s kind of weird too because I’m getting aroused as I’m switching my thinking to trying that with a chick which is good but then I have to keep looking at the gay pics while I was just getting aroused thinking that and it sucks because then it makes want to look up naked pics of chicks so I can jack off to them smh haha but I still have to look at the Gay ass pics smh.

Anyone got advice on how to explain to my parents/friends that I have OCD and need help, I can’t cope alone anymore. I need support from someone.

Does anyone else get weird about the whole “knock on wood” thing? Like, okay, it’s a silly joke superstition thing, BUT ALSO I do it all the time, it’s starting to get kind of obsessive-compulsive, like I literally pulled over yesterday and got out of my car to tap on a tree because I said something that required ~the knock.~

so i’m not looking for reassurance or anything, just advice. so I have really bad HOCD, and sometimes it cans feel as if I am really gay. I hate that feeling and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to convince myself that it is just OCD trying to trick me. I have liked guys my whole life, but I have never been allowed to date, so a boyfriend seems so scary. I know for a fact that I want a husband in the future, but when I think about being in a relationship, I freak out. does anyone have any advice on how to change my mindset??

I’m hoping to incorporate a character with OCD into one of the books I’m writing, but I’d love to get some facts from you guys so that I can really portray it accurately. Because I have very few physical compulsions I don’t feel like I know enough about those to really write about it well. I wanted to look at the less glamorous side of OCD (its a sci-fi novel so its going to be fairly unglamorous anyway) and would love to portray it accurately and sensitively. Would anyone be able to give me information about compulsions such as skin picking, checking, etc. The compulsions that are so common but don’t get a lot of exposure or awareness because they aren’t “quirky” or “cute”. I really want to do it justice and portray it properly. Any help or information on this would be greatly appreciated! I really want to get this properly and create more awareness / realism in fiction!

Happy Thanksgiving all, It looks like I am the only guy with ROCD in this group:) Is it common for a man to have ROCD? 4 month ago I woke up in the morning with a poisoning idea that my girlfriend might not be the one....so far I am feeling better, however this thought comes to me at least twice a day: it is definitely my first doubt every day when I Just wake up:(

My 13 yr old son was just diagnosed with OCD. Does anyone have advise on how we can best support him? He I s seeing a therapist and is doing ERP therapy.

So yesterday I cried over a bowl of ice cream. A 29 year old woman, crying at a rocky road. Why? Because I was challenging myself. My contamination ocd peaked this week after eating a Caesar salad the same day romaine was announced to be carrying e. Coli. After several triggers in other categories peaked higher, I found myself ignoring the challenges of resisting my compulsions just to get through the other stuff. Mainly relationship OCD and responsibility OCD. But last night I wanted to wind down with some ice cream. I haven’t done this in so long and after a rough day I just really wanted to have a little enjoyment in something. I scooped out a spoonful and it fell on the counter. Not dirty at the moment but it was earlier that day. Typically my compulsion would be to throw the contaminated ice cream down the drain with the spoon, and wash the bowl and the spoon, and start over. But i just threw the ice cream in the bowl and didn’t wash anything. By the time I sat down to eat it, I was panicking with fear that some bacteria would be in there and it was just multiplying. I still wasn’t crying. I was trying to convince myself it would be okay. Then my stomach began to turn and I knew I was now too repulsed to eat anything. That’s when i broke. Now it was just me against ocd with no rewarding sensation to follow because the thought of this truly repulsed me. I battled this for a half hour crying in front of my girlfriend with embarrassment and a ton of frustration. I fought with the idea of “you didn’t throw it away right away, that’s a good start!”as a form of giving in. But I couldn’t do it. It was then that I gave up and took my ice cream back to the sink. Teary eyed, I refused to let ocd take me as prisoner after all the anguish. I scooped an almost melted marshmallow out of the bowl and quickly forced it into my mouth. It sat there until I could decide whether to just swallow it or chew it first. I decided to swallow it but on its way to the back of my throat I got a tiny chew in— Victory! After that, the feeling of the slimy marshmallow in my mouth lingered for the next 30 minutes with minor panicking about bacteria crawling around and the possible health afflictions that might come with it. But I also knew that with one tiny marshmallow bite, I was taking one giant leap for my mental health. I wish everyone the strength to push through their compulsions and challenge yourselves this holiday. Much love to you all ❤️

The past couple days I’ve felt what recovery is. My intrusive thoughts are rare, and not particularly unsettling. I often laugh them off or immediately forget about them. Any physical symptoms (disassociation mostly) have been there, but for the first time I really do not care and am not afraid. When that happens, I find I have times where they’re so unimportant that I don’t even feel them, because I don’t care and I’m not trying to make them go away. I’ve been journalling my progress to make note of what makes things worse, and what makes things better, so I thought I’d share them. 1. ERP. Nobody wants to hear that, I know. I make loop tapes of my intrusive thoughts or write them out and read them over and over. Right now my ERP schedule is 15 minutes in the morning, 15 at night, and 15 in the afternoon if I have the time or am particularly anxious. I don’t have many compulsions and have good control over the ones I do have, so just listening to the thoughts makes me think about them less through the rest of the day. 2. Mindfulness meditation. I get really anxious before I go to bed because there aren’t many distractions, so I like to meditate for about 5-15 minutes before sleep, depending on how anxious I feel. Taking the time to focus on my breathing and be able to notice the thoughts without attaching meaning or judgement to them is really helpful. 3. Gentle yoga before bed. If I’m very anxious and restless, I watch YouTube videos on yoga for night time anxiety. Gentle stretches and slow movements help me settle down and feel ready for bed. 4. Exercise. On the days I go to the gym for an hour or so, my anxiety plummets. Its nice to be able to focus on something outside my obsessions and emotions and really engage with something positive. If you don’t like the gym, you could try exercising at home. I do 5 push-ups when I first wake up, and I have an exercise bike (although I don’t use it much since I started at the gym) 5. Reading and writing. I used to love writing stories but I really lost sight of it when my OCD was at its worst. Forcing myself to go ahead and write even though it was crappy and disjointed really made a difference. Lowering the importance of your OCD is SO important (and will become easier with ERP) 6. Not researching. I don’t google OCD. I don’t google my obsessions or my disassociation. I don’t talk about it (I’ve even tried to post less on here) and I don’t dwell on whether or not I will recover. In general, maintaining positive habits and self care and really focusing on things other than OCD, as well as plenty of ERP have really helped me gain control of my life, but I still believe ERP is the most important thing I’ve done for my recovery so far. I wish you all the best in your own journeys, everyone is different so experiment and see what works for you!

I can't remember when my hocd started but when I was at my gymnastics I always thought that the other girls thought I was gay so I'd prove to them and tell them about my crushes on boys to show them that I was straight. Idek why they would think I was gay I just thought they did for some reason. Then for some reason I couldn't stop looking at their boobs I was like obsessed with them but I wasn't attracted to them it was really weird..I only had these thoughts while I was at gymnastics, but then a couple months later I was at a pool and I had this feeling that felt like heavy and awful that I was gay. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days after it was all I could think about. I looked up "I keep thinking I'm gay and I don't want to be" and saw hocd show up. I was so relieved, but the thoughts just kept coming back so I just kept obsessing about the fact I might be gay. I looked up pictures of pretty girls to see if I was attracted and I felt the best feeling ever when I wasn't. I had one panic attack and started bawling because I thought I was actually turning gay even though I had only ever had crushes on guys before. For hours and hours I would look up "hocd or denial" and would bawl if I had like 1 symptom of denial. All I could think about in school was "what if I'm gay "what if I like her" "oh shit." It was awful. Then things started to get really scary. I started to feel somewhat attracted to girls and I was freaking the hell out. I even kinda had a teeny crush on a guy (which eventually turned into a relationship for about three months but I stopped liking him and so we broke up). But then I got terrified that I had a crush on this one girl and am still scared to hell that I do like her. Every time I see her I get really anxious and I can't stop staring at her, this happened with a couple different girls too but I've gotten over them and knew that I didn't really like them. But this "crush" won't go away and I hateeeee it I honestly wish I never met her or knew who she was. I can't tell if I like her or if it's just hocd it's so confusing. I eventually told my best friend about this and she said she had OCD too so not to worry.. ?yeah right. Then I figured out that bisexuality was a thing I'd never heard of it before but I freaked out . (I'm only 14 so I don't know a ton about that kind of stuff) and started to obsess about that and am still obsessing about it. Recently my hocd will come and go every few days and it makes me so anxious when I don't obsess about it because I'm worried that I've accepted that I'm bi. I just try to avoid girls so I don't have the thoughts. Every day the thoughts seem more and more real and Idek anymore.. I'm sorry this was long but I just wanted to share my story of hocd. If anyone Is willing to share theirs that would be great, hope y'all have a good thanksgiving!

Hello, I have contamination OCD and actually I don’t know what dirt or contamination there might be, things are simply ,contaminated‘ - do you know this thought/feeling, too?? And do you also have very clean areas in your house and areas which are quite untidy because you avoid touching things there?