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the NOCD Community

What are your dreams/goals in life?

REMINDER TO NOT GOOGLE. THIS IS FOR GIRLS WHO HAVE ALREADY LOOKED THIS UP. Have you read up on comphet? When my HOCD first blew up, and I didn't know it was HOCD, I freaked out and read a list of comphet symptoms. That list *seriously* messed me up on my HOCD journey. (again, do not google this.) For those girls who have read what I've read--can I just complain for a sec?? that list is totally horrible! it feels like you just need to be a *little* neurodivergent with daddy issues/trauma associated with men (like me) and you can relate to nearly the whole damn list! NOWHERE on there is there a disclaimer about hocd! it's dangerous for people like me who are now fucked up forever because they didn't bother to be a little more clear.

I'm so sorry... But Is it possible to think that you may have done something wrong even if you don't remember? (child abuse is what scares me right now)

Question - I’m sure alcohol triggers a lot of anxieties for people especially that day after feeling. What are things you do to help with the ruminating thoughts the day after socially/ drinking more than usual?

I'm convinced there's no beating HOCD. I just want to give up. I have no fight left in me anymore.

I’ve realised something recently about OCD I think it may help someone if they struggle with urges and impulses with ocd, this might not apply to everyone but that’s ok it’s just a personal thing that if anyone had experienced it or worried about it, it may help them, as I have come across others that have struggled with this type of urge before (anxiety driven). I’ll just give an example of one kind of urge and use two scenarios if they make sense, if it doesn’t apply to you that doesn’t mean it’s real for you and you actually are the thing you fear, this is just an example of one disturbing urge a lot of us get. If I get an urge, in the way that if I get an urge to do something bad (even though this is just created by fear, logically I know that but I still fear that it means something about me etc) For example, if I am worried I may strangle my dog when petting them for example (I know it sounds horrible but it’s the reality of ocd) I will then fear my hand is going to move towards their neck to strangle them and I can feel my hand has become hyper bodily aware and I can feel an urge in my hand like I might do that thing (again this is anxiety driven) then I will actually continue to pet that part of my dog anyway and I will literally feel the slightest movement in my hand which is no where near strangling my dog, literally just brushing past a part near the neck but then I will worry that I meant it and wanted to strangle my dog and believe I had acted on it. However, this is the thing I have noticed, the DOUBT part of ocd in that moment is almost doubting your logic, I found that the only reason I will actually go near the neck is not because I’m trying to strangle my dog, but more about the fact that I know that if I put my hand near the neck, LOGICALLY I know this isn’t doing any harm, but your brain is misfiring that you did go to do that thing intentionally? Or like when you are driving at night you may worry you will hit someone, and actually move your car the tiniest, slightest bit, with the fear saying ‘Someone could be there’ but your logic knows there isn’t, hence why you would have literally moved your hand the tiniest bit on the steering wheel as a way of trying to prove or disprove a point, if you genuinely believed someone was there, you would stop because your logic knows there is actually someone there. I know this sounds confusing, but it makes sense, we are literally doubting our logic, we are doubting that we don’t actually know the truth about what our brain is falsely sending us, even though we do. OCD is in the fear part of your brain, it isn’t logical at all, so it doesn’t understand logic, but that doesn’t mean you don’t understand it, even if you fear it’s real. I know this sounds deep, I’m sorry if it was long, I just wanted to some how get this out there and hopefully give someone a realisation and help them if they are struggling??

How could thousands of different thoughts in different non related types be ocd

How can I stop checking things? I’ve been up all night making sure I haven’t accidentally sent any messages or posted any pictures to social media sites and I’m still getting thoughts that I have or what if I have and it’s really hard to not check. Any tips on how to stop this cycle?

HELP So I’ve started imagining situations as a form of a compulsion, when I masterbaiting over porn( women only) I have to imagine what it would be like with a man to check if I like it more and each time I do it the less disgusted I feel and the more aroused, what if this just means I’m fucking gay, it’s like every time I master-bait I have to check and it’s like I’m getting addicted and my hocd is telling me I’m using it as a excuse to wank over the gay thoughts, but I always cum over the women in the porn, how can I beat this shit, Like I’ve started having dreams about girls again but my hocd has taken away my satisfaction, so I’ve been seeing if the gay thoughts bring me satisfaction but they really don’t, I don’t get this I feel so sick after and so unhappy, I just know gay ain’t for me but I don’t know how long I can fight these thoughts I feel like these compulsions have turned me gay, like the constant imagining, Also when I try to imagine a man having sex with me like as erp it’s always a girl, like my brain knows I want to be with a girl but this shit won’t go

Back in November i did LSD and ever since then i just noticed that i have a lot of bad thoughts and have been doing actions repeatedly for no reason over and over the way i want them to be even though i know it's already fine the way it is but i still need to continue to check it idk I tried asking my dad to go see someone about it but he said " doctors need to worry about actual sicknesses " and it just made me feel like trash and that it's all in my head.

Quick rant It’s crazy in middle school and high school I was known as that Fboy who would cheat on his girlfriends and get with so many girls, and now have hocd. It started out so stupidly too. Me and my girlfriend made a fake tinder with her pictures and started “bullying” guys calling them simps and whatnot. I had fun w that, and when she went home, I kept doing it. After a few hours of doing it, in my head I was like “is it gay that I like this?” While I think this is what started it, I could be wrong, i have trouble remembering things now. I know that I’d avoid making eye contact with guys, otherwise I’d think that they thought I was gay. If there was an attractive guy I’d get anxious and tried not to look at his face. And then after smoking weed, I drove my friend home, and I was feeling really anxious, and when I looked at him, I got the thought “do I wanna kiss him? Should I?” And then I got anxious I thought “why would I think that” but the next day I completely forgot. That happened when I was high like 3 times, and once when I was on lsd. This was all in the span of one year. What makes me reluctant to say this was hocd, was that at the time I didn’t obsess too much about the thoughts. I was too busy obsessing about my weight I guess. I had become obsessed at that with not eating and going to the gym and I became depressed because even though everyone told me I was skinny, I thought I was fat. Then in January of this year, I got the flu for a week. After a week, I got better and BAM. I got the thought “i think I’m gay, should I tell my parents” and I got an anxiety attack. I never consciously made that decision, nor did I put any thought into it, so I was confused as to why I thought that. After that I became depressed and anxious. I quit my job because we got a new worker who was gay and I just kept comparing myself to see if I was similar to him, and then I remembered the friend I had the gay thoughts about works there. Then I dropped out of the semester because it was too hard to concentrate. Fast forward to now, I’m a hell of a lot better, I’d say 75% better. I still get things that bother me, and make me overthink like seeing attractive men in movies, or seeing anything related to my friend. I’m thinking about doing one of those calls with one of the therapists on this app to see if they could help with that 25% I need, to feel 100% like I used to.

How are you guys.. first post here.. been dealing with this terrible condition for a couple years now.. I went to therapy a while back and half assed it (excuse my french) and it got me by enough to live an OK life. Eventually a year or so went by and some vacation triggered it all about 4 weeks ago and I have been a mess since. Not sure what i’m even going through to be honest. Just constantly feeling irritable and constantly having thoughts and i’m at the point where i’m sitting there emotionless but i’m freaking out inside. I am scared I am losing my sense of rationality, the other night I had a bad headache which sent me into a spiral of a panic attack and I thought I was going to lose my mind and harm everyone.. I had to take a pill to calm me down and leave the house because my feelings were so intense in that moment I couldnt tell if I wanted to harm or not. Best way to put it is i constantly feel stuck and doomed and even when I try accpentance i cant shut my damn mind up. I could go on for hours about my ocd, my brain is way to good for its ownself.... constantly a step ahead to ruin my life.. as i type things like this it says to shut up and not get help bc i want this and i will harm.. or when i go to my appointments i get urges to tell the guy to shutup and i get thoughts of leaving.. everything my true core wants.. i think the opposite and it drives me nuts even tho i show no emotion about it , cant think about it all right now as i think of more of my issues i will make another post.. thanks.. also i am such a nice person but i get thoughts all the time that make me feel like im ACTUALLY bad or an asshole

What are some common/uncommon misconceptions about OCD and OCD recovery that you wished more people knew about?

Anyone wake up with intense anxiety? I can’t sleep at night. The minute I wake up I’m consumed with anxiety to the point I’m crying. It’s been like this for two weeks and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted.

I looked up psychopath symptoms and it definitely didn't help. I feel disconnected from myself, others and even reality a little. Then i have horrible harm thoughts. Maybe I am crazy and deserve to be locked up.

Hi guys, I would like to share something and ask your opinion about it if that's fine. So, I was at work yesterday (I work in a grocery store) and I saw a child walking by. As always, I felt a lot of anxiety, but not just that, I also felt a very strong groinal response. Now, that's not the (great) problem because I'm aware that POCD comes with this type of symptom. The thing that worries me is that I've not been dealing with groinal responses for a long time, and when I had it yesterday, it felt very different than it used to feel when I first started having POCD thoughts. It felt absolutely real and it was very similar to arousal. In addition, in that moment, I don't think I felt enough disgust towards my groinal response, I don't think I realised that my body was responding to seeing a child, and not an adult. I don't know. I'm confused as it feels like it was more than just a groinal response. What do you think about this? Should I worry about it or let it go? (I sincerely apologise if this was disturbing!) Thank you for reading this!

A bit of a background on me: I have suffered from ocd for as long as I can remember, and I have reached my breaking point about now being isolated inside with my family. I was going to seek therapy but with covid-19 that does not make things easy. This is my first time seeking the courage to reach out to a community. so hello, future friends and fellow sufferers. Anyway, Last night I had an intrusive thought about my brother naked and noticed I got a groinal response to it. The more I checked, I felt the more intense it got, going from a tingling to an almost swelling feeling. I did not get an erection but it almost felt like I was getting one. however it felt very different from a normal erection. At one point I got so panicked about it I felt Iike I was going to have a heart attack. Now Ik for a fact that I am not aroused by, or attracted to my brother or any men for that matter. I also suffer from pocd and am familiar with groinal responses to that too. But am I crazy? Has anyone else experienced this? And how have you dealt with it? Ik I’m reassurance seeking but I just want some clarity on if this is normal for ocd sufferers or if I was actually arroused. Thank you in advance ?

I'm NOT asking for reassurance. I just want to know if I maybe developed depression. My ocd has been fucking me up since more than two years ago. I want to know if I maybe developed depression because of it. If so, I really need therapy. My symptoms are as followed: -No more appetite for more than 6 months -No more sex drive for more than 6 months -When OCD is active, I get recurrent thoughts of suicuide. -low self esteem -thinking that life sucks ass and dying would be better. Can this be caused by depression?

My ex best friend and I had a tremendous fall out 3 years ago. We were inseparable for so many years and my ocd started to latch onto this idea of “what if something bad happens to her and she develops ocd like me and her life is ‘ruined’?” bc her mom had very clear symptoms of it too. So I started fighting with her all the time constantly checking her every thought and action which I know was toxic on my end and so annoying and invasive, but I felt like if I didn’t then something bad would happen and I wouldn’t be able to “prevent it” and she would spiral and I couldn’t stand to watch that, what I perceived to be true. We fought constantly, but in addition she also lied to me a lot and at the very end got quite physical with me-choked me, scratched me etc. I grew to be toxic from my ocd constantly causing fights with her trying to check if she was okay 24/7 but I still think I didn’t deserve that and she cut me out immediately after and has never looked back since and it’s been years. I cried and cried to make up with her bc the guilt was absolutely killing me for so long, my brain got hooked on the scenario and if she felt bad, would make up with me, missed me, etc. anyone have tips for accepting your faults especially due to ocd when your intentions were good, and accepting being cut off and shut out by someone you were so close to who purposefully ignores you even when you’re in the same group?

So here is my story . I've always been weird regarding the way I thought. Thinking that if I did a certain action then a certain outcome( whether it's tapping my foot as I leave my room or doing a certain action) I would do these , daily thinking that I couldnt start my day without them. I've also have always been an Overthinker and have been prone to anxiety since I was young. I've always thought that this was a normal thing I would do ( I had religious themes that were terrifying when I was around 11) So I feel like I've always had OCD but just never diagnosed . During Middleschool I identified as Pansexual because all of my friends were bi. And the dumb middleschooler in me was all like , " I wanna be like everyone else too!" And so I did. Even though throughout the whole thing I only ever had boy crushes. I even played Otome games(Games targeted towards females , they're kind of like dating games where you end up with a guy) So entering highschool I realized that I was straight and only wanted to be with guys. So I ended up doing what any Highschooler did and started dating , having crushes and the whole thing. I would make sure I look nice for a guy, flirt and everything. But last year due to a stream of bad luck regarding dating , I fell into this weird pit of anxiety, of me ending up alone in the future. ( My dream was to get married and have children) and then suddenly the thought came back again , the HOCD hit me like a wave. I had every symptom in the book, the rumination, false memories, the feeling of dread, the gronials,google searching,loss of attraction, force myself to watch porn,I would just go about through my day like basically a zombie and I couldn't eat without puking, till the point where I had to go to the doctor. But as weird as it started it disappeared as soon as school started. Heck , I even started dating again and I had been talking to this guy who really liked me and I liked and we eventually started going out. Heck, when he kissed me it felt so right and amazing. His scent would be on my clothes and everything and I would get so excited and I would miss him a lot. But that all shattered once well, his parents got involved and flatly told him that they wanted him to break things off with me because they didn't want the friendship him and my dad had to just break off. So in concern of his parents and my dad , I broke things off which utterly broke me. I felt like a zombie throughout that whole thing. It was horrible. And that's when HOCD started to come back once more and haunt me,but differently this time. I didn't have the google searching, or the intense feeling of anxiety, I have a little bit of my attraction, but the rumination remains and the gronials too.My brain also always tries to tell me that whenever I feel attracted to a guy that it's fake and that I'm forcing myself to do it. It tells me different things like ",oh you have to do this, you'll feel better once you try it and worse of all my brain keeps reminding me of my middleschool years. But it's significantly less harsh than it was , I hate the fact that I'm going through this because it feels like, I'm going to never be happy with a guy ever. Or my brain is trying to convince me that I'm forcing my feelings that I don't truly feel this way for him. I feel so lost , numb, I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. :(