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the NOCD Community

I was crying over my ocd symptoms this afternoon and my husband said “it’s so strange because really bad people like hitler think they are good people and you and other ocd sufferers think you are bad people when you are really good people” Strangely comforting- everyone on this app are really good people ??

How is everyone today?

I think I've had a breakthrough. (Long post, TL;DR; at the end) When I was 20 I fell in love with this girl, lets call her Mary. I had liked Mary from when I was young. I remember us playing and talking to each other. I remember I'd think about her throughout school. She lived in a different town and I didn't see her often, but she was one of the first girls I had wanted a physical relationship with. Fast forward to when I was 20: We reconnected when she came to visit me and my family. We had a little date where I took her out for a walk around my town, we had coffee and shared some biscuits. She even wrote me a list of places I should see in her town, which I later moved to. I began thinking of her day and night. I wanted to be with her. For a long time I had fantasized about her a lot and had a major crush on her always, but I can't say I loved her. When I moved to her town, I tried asking her out again. We hung out a few times, but never a date. I started seeing this other girl (lets call her Jennifer), but we broke it off after a while. I think it was mostly the physical aspect that I looked for in that relationship. After her there was another girl, who I didn't feel attracted to, so that ended. After all this I tried again with Mary and we did end up going out once, but she ghosted on me. I got the message and didn't bother her again. My friendship with her, I felt, was important and didn't want to lose her. It was more important for me that she was happy the was she chose to be happy. The thing is that, by that time (about 5 years in) in my eyes she was kind of... The "one". Also, I was still - theoretically - a virgin. Between work and school, there was not much time left for my personal life. I got depression because I couldn't find love and started comparing myself to other men and was eventually lead to impotence and 0 sex drive. I couldn't even fall in love because there was something blocking me. A year later was when my HOCD kicked in and the time since then has been hell. I'm getting all these intrusive thoughts. I'm reminded of all the stupid shit I did when I was a kid. And I even get flashbacks that don't even seem real. TL;DR; Fell in love with a girl who I had a crush on since I was 11. I considered her to be my "one". I pursued her for a long time, but nothing ever happened. I ended up heart borken, depressed and lonely. Question Could it be that Mary was indeed my "one" and I have lost the desire to harbor feelings for another woman? Could it be that my brain created this OCD theme to keep me from pursuing another love to protect me from a potential heart-break?

my doctor said to me yesterday “ you know it’s ok to my gay or bi but u don’t know that “ that really hit me hard but now all i can think about is i think being bi is wrong and i’m scared to come out and i’m just in denial. i hate it so much?

Hello with everyone, as you know people with HOCD, generally consume great deal of our time questioning about our sexual orientation, having intrusive thoughts and suffering with this disorder. All of us, search information that can help us, and in some cases there isn't relevant to share but I found something that tells about the therapy EPR. I hope it could help you in any way. Some of these techniques include: Listening to 2-3 minute audio tapes or tape loops about the feared subject. Leaving cell phone voice-mail messages for yourself about the feared subject. Writing 2-page compositions about a particular obsession (and then taping them in your own voice). Writing feared sentences repetitively. Hanging signs in your room or house with feared statements. Wearing T-shirts with feared slogans. Visiting locations that will stimulate thoughts. Being around people who will stimulate thoughts. Agreeing with all feared thoughts and telling yourself they are true and represent your real desires. Reading books on the subject of your thoughts. Visiting websites that relate to your thoughts. These are some typical exposure therapy homework assignments I have assigned to people over the years: Reading books by or about gay persons. Watching videos on gay themes or about gay characters. Visiting gay meetings shops, browsing in gay bookstores, or visiting areas of town that are more predominantly gay. Wearing a T-shirt at home with the word ‘gay’ on it. Wearing clothes in fit, color, or style that could possibly look effeminate for a man or masculine for a woman. Looking at pictures of good-looking people of your own sex and rating them on attractiveness. Reading magazines, such as Playboy, if you are a woman, or Playgirl, if you are a man. Standing close to members of your own sex. Doing a series of writing assignments of a couple of pages each that suggest more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be. Making a series of three-minute tapes that based on the writings gradually suggest more and more that you are gay, and listening to them several times a day changing them when they no longer bother you). Some typical response prevention exercises might include: Not checking your reactions to attractive members of your own sex. Not imagining yourself in sexual situations with same-sex individuals to check on your own reactions. Not behaving sexually with members of the opposite sex just to check your own reactions. Resist reviewing previous situations where you were with members of the same or opposite sex, or where things were ambiguous to see if you did anything questionable. Avoid observing yourself to see if you behaved in a way you imagine a homosexual or member of the opposite sex would. Some typical exposure homework for those with doubts about their own sexual identity might include: Reading about people who are sexually confused. Reading about people who are transgendered. Looking at pictures of people who are transgendered or are transvestites. Telling yourself and listening to tapes telling you that you will never really know what you are. Some corresponding response prevention exercises to go along with the above would be: Not checking your reactions when viewing members of either sex. Not acting sexually to simply test your reactions. Avoiding reviewing thoughts or situations you have uncertainty about. Many of the above therapy tasks can sound scary and intimidating. Obviously you don’t do these things all at once. Behavioral change is gradual change. Recovering from OCD is certainly not an easy task. We rarely use the word ‘easy’ at our clinic. It takes persistence and determination but it can be done. People do it all the time especially, with proper help and advice. My own advice to those of you reading this would be to get yourself out of the compulsion trap and get yourself into treatment with qualified people.

I’m so scared that my OCD will never get better and that I’ll never have a normal life or fall in love and have kids. I’m just so scared that OCD is taking over my life and I’ll never get it back!

hi, so for the longest time i’ve been obsessed with picking my skin. probably since i was in middle school. if i’d gotten over this obsession i’d probably have clear skin right now, and better self esteem. whenever i look in the mirror all i see are flaws and there really isn’t any other way to put it. i pick at whatever pimples i see, and sometimes it gets so bad that i’m left with an ugly, noticeable scab that takes weeks to heal, and subsequently a dark spot that takes months to lighten. whenever i go out, i have to wear makeup - and even then i still don’t feel comfortable or slightly confident to socialize with others. if i have to talk to someone i will, but otherwise i try to avoid it so that they won’t have to look me in the face. when i used to have social media i would add tons of filter to make myself look better, but i just ended up looking unlike me... you know? but anyways does anyone have any tips on how to ease anxiety when i get caught in a compulsion loop to pick my skin? i have hormonal acne and i’m taking medication and using retinol cream + curology to control it, and while it may be doing the job, nothing will ever improve if i’m constantly digging at my skin

My Pure OCD/Harm OCD is triggered around my niece and nephew. I fear that because I experienced inappropriate sexual experiences with my cousins and siblings when I was a kid that I am going to turn into a pedophile as an adult. I know that what happened when we were kids was just kids exploring and we didn’t know it was wrong but it has traumatized me now as an adult. I remember reading an article as a kid that said if you were sexually abused as a kid you are more likely to become a pedophile as an adult. It’s really frustrating because I don’t usually get triggered by other kids and I’m generally fine with only mild pure o thoughts that I can control. But when I am left alone with my niece or nephew I get extremely anxious and the pure o thoughts rush in and it’s torture. But I feel okay if I’m with someone else Bcus I feel like I won’t be able to do anything harmful and my niece and nephew are more safe when I’m around others. I know I don’t want to hurt the because I love them and want the best for them. I am very protective of them. But the horrible anxiety and ocd makes me feel otherwise sometimes. I feel I’ll never be able to have kids because of this too. Anyone experience this too?

Right now I don’t even know if it’s OCD/HOCD anymore. I just got the thought in my head saying” what if the reason why you’re stressing about all this is because you’re scared how people will except you as being bi-sexual”. And, “ no boys will like you anymore because of you being bisexual” is this normal for people with OCD/HOCD. now I just feel like I’m questioning my sexuality I don’t want to feel this way anymore I want to go back to my normal self I feel like no one can relate to me.

Hey guys, I’m kinda freakin out. I keep feeling like I have a brain tumor. I read the symptoms, I asked my parents, my roommates and their girlfriends, I don’t know why I feel so weird. Does anybody have tips?

my bf and I are going on 3 years and before I was so certain I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. like SO sure. when we really clicked it was a moment of “he’s the one” and I was so happy for that. but within the last 6 months, this rocd has been clouding my dreams of being with him for the rest of my life... it just feels like a hopeless case... it’s like I can’t dream about it because it seems impossible and therefore it makes me anxious... has this happened to anyone else? where they go from being so sure, to so distressed...?

Can POCD make you feel like you don’t know why sexually abusing children is wrong, just that you’re afraid of becoming a child abuser for whatever reason? I’m constantly struggling to figure out why pedophilia doesn’t make me disgusted or angry enough. I feel like I’m actually a pedophile who doesn’t know it yet or is in denial. I know I shouldn’t ruminate but I feel like there’s some truth to the thing I’m constantly obsessing over.

I hate pOCD. I struggle with urges, is it normal to get urges with pOCD? My therapist said I should hold my toddler, change his diaper, etc. But I feel like I am white knuckling it through those. I also struggle after I change a diaper or give a bath that the only reason I cleaned an area was due to desire. This sucks so bad.

I have severe OCD. So many rituals. Can't function hardly at all any more. Fear of contamination and checking. Just found this and I'm so desperate so looking for help to help myself.

ARE THERE MEDICATIONS FOR THE “GROIN SENSATIONS” I would rather never have arousal in my life. Like is there any medications that can just take away arousal altogether? This is annoying I’m over it

I think there should be a sticky post with information on how OCD manifests itself. Most posts here seem to be in the style of "does anyone else have X" and the answer is invariably yes.

How did you tell your partner about your ocd? I’ve never been in a relationship but I am scared to death just thinking about having to tell a future boyfriend about my ocd. I feel weird and alone and like no one will ever want to be with me. Especially if they find out about my mental illness. I’m 23 now and feel like I will be alone forever.

My therapist says I have OCD, but I don’t think I have any intrusive thoughts or images. How can that be?

Anyone else afraid they’re schizophrenic?? I am legit scared that everyone I see if you to put like a tracker in my car or stalk me even though I know not everyone will do that and it’s scarying me?

I’m scared that I want to be a boy! I’ve been diagnosed with Harm OCD about 5 weeks ago and all of a sudden my thoughts have changed into me wanting to be a boy! I’m a 14 year old girl who’s never thought or wanted to be a boy before. I would rather the thoughts just go but sometimes the thoughts make me imagine life as a boy and it doesn’t seem that bad which then gives me anxiety because it makes me think that I might want to become a boy! I’ve always been a girly girl and loved dresses and makeup but ever since I’ve got the thought (which came out of no where) I’ve been avoiding makeup and avoiding seeing my friends! I get so scared that I might turn transgender and that I want to be a boy. Help. Is it ocd or am I trans?