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the NOCD Community

Like just chilling having a good day then you start searching inside for something wrong something you done in the past or you start making things up just to lead you in failure

I have been on this app and on treatment for almost a year now, and I am recovering, but I have recently started experiencing false memories- I feel like it’s my OCD trying to interfere more now that I am unbothered by my symptoms. Recently I have been having moments where I wonder if I had said something terrible to someone or if I committed an act, it feels so real but it’s never as vivid as a real memory. It’s like trying to remember a dream. It is okay, I know I wouldn’t have done any of those things.

Anyone have a real event / false memory but because you were drunk it feels even more scary? Mine has real details , false details and I don’t know what’s real.

How do you handle it if there’s actually a chance you did something wrong? I have bad real event/false memory, though I don’t know how many are actually false memories. Anyway, when I was 19, I had a flirty relationship with someone who was 17. We kinda did this on and off for a while and we used to text a lot. I know at a few different points, we had a sexual relationship and it often came out through text, but I can’t remember when we did certain things. I don’t know if I broke the law or something and because this is such a serious matter, I feel like I’m dying inside. I don’t know what to do, there’s no proof of it because it was a few years ago now and even if there was I don’t think I’d go back and look which makes me feel like I’m a terrible person. What if I did something awful? Can someone give me some advice? I’ve been doing really well the past few days but then this came up and knocked me off my feet. It feels like there’s a real possibility I did something and I’m so terrified.

It's been 9 months that I've been ruminating on this memory. I really need some help figuring this one out... it's more so about did I do something wrong and I am losing sleep over something I did... I'm sure we all know with Pure O and "me time" (if you get my hint) there comes a lot of shame. About 9 months ago I had some "me time" in the morning before getting up to start off my day with my sister who I live with. I was fantasizing about a fictional character as I'm sure others do (it's pretty common) and after I was done I panicked because I didn't want my sister to know or even suspect that I was having some "me time" . Before I even walk out of my room to greet her I try to calm myself down both from the anxiety of her finding out and the "high" I guess you could say. I went to use the bathroom to wash my hands and to continue to try calming down. At this point, I feel like I might've started to have a silent anxiety attack but I'm not sure because I couldn't concentrate all that well on what my sister was talking to me about while making breakfast and my fear is that I was still sort of in a daze after the "me time" and between the anxiety about her even finding out what I was doing, I don't know if this whole morning was a really just an anxiety attack or if i am a pervert or if my OCD brain is trying to just ruminate on it to confuse me. Please I need some input. It's getting to the point where I am losing sleep.

And welcome to today's segment of "what the fuck did I just read?". Okay jokes aside my brain is a prison and comedy is how I cope. I remember when I was maybe 12 I watched this episode of family guy where Peter Griffin rides a bull and it ends up violating him and heres the more fucked up part. I'm scared I acted in some questionable things if you know what I mean to that episode. Hence the zoophile title. I know that makes me sound like a total piece of shit and I feel like I am. I would like to preference by saying that I have pets and I'm definitely not attracted to them. I feel like this may be a false memory type of thing because I remember having the same memory of maybe I did that but it didn't bother me as much. Which makes me feel like I didn't do that? Because if I had a younger memory and came to the conclusion that I probably didn't do that wouldn't that go in favor of not doing it? I don't fucking know. I'm also moving and I've noticed a common theme of when I'm going through life changes my OCD flares up. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm writing this. I'm hoping once I'll type it out I'll realize how ridiculous this sounds and I'll feel better but so far...nothing. I'm seriously considering taking up alcoholism as a profession because what the fuck else am I supposed to do. This app genuinely helps though. It makes me feel less alone knowing lots of other people are going though this shit and if you're still mentally stable I applaud you. I dunno. I guess I'm just writing this to hopefully help someone else feel less alone too. Anyways I suck, OCD sucks and I think I'm a total piece of shit!. I did just now go back and watch that clip and I remember it differently which makes me feel like I'f I did do something to myself if you know what I mean it may have been to something else entirely. But again I'm really just posting this to hopefully help someone else out. And some feedback would be helpful too on wether or not you think I'm a zoophile as well. Tip you're friendly neighborhood OCD ridden spiderman I'll be here for the long run.

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

I have noticed that my ocd symptoms has went sooooo downhill after my second trimester. I am terrified that this will get only worse during pregnancy. I recently finished my therapy and i dont have any medication currently. I have been getting instrutive false memories from past event. I feel that i’m losing my mind with it, and been crying all these 3 days in a row. I feel like i need to confess these hurtful false memories and instrutive thoughts to my man and i can see him getting upset by them. So, this one tv show triggered my cheating ocd, where this one girl kissed another guy than his spouse. And my situation basicaly was a taxi ride home with my male friend (i promised him to go for his avec to one wedding before knowing my man so i went. We never had anything romantic between us just old colleagues), and i was tipsy and telling him how glad i am to have him as one of my good friends. I kissed him on his cheek and the chat was that. Then we went home where my fiance and other friend was. This happened 3 yrs ago. So i think the cheek kiss triggered my cheating ocd also bc of that tv show. I have told my partner about this millions of times and he is okay with everything. There didnt happen anything else. (Even my ocd is reallllyyyy making it hellish for me to say this) Still i am ruminating so much. And i am doubting that do i remember right, did i kiss him properly, is there smtng i havent registered bc of alcohol etcetc. Or the worst have i told him not to tell me if i ask him? Its so ridiculous. I am SO dissapointed to myself as i was doing so well couple of months ago and now literally i have been asking reassurance from this person who was at the event with me already 2 years ago and now again. Im just embarrasing myself so bad right now😭 I feel so helpless with these kind of situations

I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.

Months ago I was constantly worrying about cheating on my partner. We were in a long distance relationship, and I was a different school. I avoided many things such as making friends, speaking or even looking at attractive people. I told myself I would only keep the friends I already had, since I knew I had no feelings for them at all. I constantly alert, making sure I did not mess up. I reminded myself daily of the consequences of cheating. Hurting my partner, loosing my friends, breaking up, etc. During those months, I had many events where I convinced myself I had cheated. I would confess online and luckily everyone told me that I had nothing to worry about. I was doing alright for a couple of days. One day, about a month ago, however, I did something that I have not been able to get off my mind and it gets triggered when I see something about cheating on social media. I was responding to my best friend on instagram (she's also my girlfriend's best friend). I was responding to her reels. I had finished going through all of them. I suddenly thought about her being attractive, of how I wanted her. I sent another message, but it was associated with the reel. It wasn't suggestive, but I was trying to be flirty, to make a move on her. I sent it and exited the app. I was thinking of the picture where I thought she seemed pretty. I was going to go see it, but I stopped myself. I thought of how disrespectful it would be to my partner. But as soon as I stopped myself, I realized what I had just done, The message I had just sent. I panicked and tried to unsend it, but I didn't. It wouldn't undue what I did, I knew I did something wrong. When I tried to think back and remember why I did that or what I had thought, I couldn't. I wasn't sure I was remembering properly or I simply didn't want to because I was scared of the answer. I've always been cautious. Earlier that day I had an intrusive thought about cheating with this friend and I argued heavily against it with myself. I was also going to respond to people on this sub-reddit, but as soon as I started typing, I felt a weird sense of attraction and flirtatiousness and I didn't send a reply. I don't comprehend why I didn't recognize this and stop myself from sending that extra message to my friend. As for this friend, I love her, but not in that way. I've always felt jealous when she hung out with my girlfriend. I wished that were me instead. When I called my girlfriend and my friend was there, I wished she would fall asleep so I could have time alone with my partner. I am now back home, and I constantly find myself hoping my friend is busy so I can spend time with my girlfriend alone. This makes me feel guilty because I know I should spend time with my friend too. I have confessed to a therapist and they told me to not confess. But I just saw a TikTok saying that texting someone with flirtatious intent is cheating and how it is a dealbreaker and it triggered me. I feel like I should confess. This event keeps being in the back of my mind. But if I were to confess I feel like I would just sound stupid, because I don't remember the details and maybe they wouldn't believe me. But at the same time, I did something wrong and I technically cheated and I feel like a liar.

Hey everyone, I'm hoping to share my story in hopes of finding some understanding and maybe some advice. When I was around 8-10 years old, my older brother showed me something explicit that impacted me deeply. Fast forward to ages 13-14, and I started having some confusing feelings and impulses related to smelling and licking underwear belonging to my brother and dad. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I can't seem to shake off those thoughts or these behaviors. Things took a turn for the worse when I made a mistake involving some inappropriate photos from a friend. I sent pictures of my friend's behind because I was trying to impress someone and wanted photos from a 17-year-old I was interested in (i would also beg for photos from him). Unfortunately, He  later told me that he had manipulated me the whole time, keeping me in a "loop of mystery." Honestly my overtly sexual behavior over text caused rifts in my friendships (even though I'm so shy in person), and while some people managed to forgive me, there’s still one friend who's upset and won’t let it go (rightfully so honestly) Since then, I’ve struggled to connect with people at school, as I’ve been overly flirtatious and it seems to have made others uncomfortable. The guilt from these moments is overwhelming, and I think it might have triggered something like obsessive-compulsive disorder (though I haven’t seen a doctor yet). I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.

Any mamas or dads out there that have had intrusive thoughts about your children or false memories whether recent or long ago memories that you’ve done horrible things to them? How do you cope with the upsetting intrusive thoughts thoughts and the uncertainty of the false memories?

this is honestly the worst summer of my life. i have intrusive thoughts almost constantly and when i tell myself i can get through this i get even worse intrusive thoughts to destroy me. and even worse, i cannot help but mumble, whisper, or even say my intrusive thoughts out loud sometimes. this is honestly ruining my life. i don’t even know what’s real anymore and what i do versus don’t do. my mind is convincing me i have done things or want to do things that i haven’t and don’t want to do. i can’t enjoy my vacation and honestly just want to go home.

I’m scared that I cheated on my boyfriend. There was a woman part of an organization who came to do a demonstration for the kids I work with. I thought the organization was cool and I also thought the lady was attractive even tho I gave a bf. I wanted to look up the organizations site because I was genuinely interested in the work they do. Then my anxiety said what if you’re just looking it up to see her. I yelled at myself that I wasn’t and I am just looking it up to see the organization. When I got on the website I saw her and I did admire a picture of her. For maybe no more than 10-15 seconds (maybe less I don’t remember my ocd might be exaggerating). I remember thinking this is bad you should look away but in my head I was upset at my ocd and I was also attracted to the girl in the picture so I was like I DONT CARE and kept looking. I felt really guilty after and I told my bf what happened. He said it’s fine but now I can’t stop obsessing over whether I made a conscious decision to cheat or not. I feel like if I did I would remember this whole things clearly which I don’t. Please any advice would be appreciated 🙏🏽

hey guys, this is going to be long but i’m trying to heal and i really really would love advice. i’m looking for help with confession ocd in romantic relationships. my question is, how do i stop myself when i have the feeling “wow this is something i REALLY need to confess. no it’s actually important this time” even though the logical part of my brain is saying all it will do is probably cause an argument and isn’t important. how do you get past that feeling of “i HAVE to say this thing because they NEED to know?” that feeling of it being so important. another question is if you do confess and you struggle with false memory, i feel like a lot of the time i say “i might have” it “i think i…”. this feels unfair to my bf because he never knows what’s real and what isn’t and NEITHER DO I!!! most of the stuff i confess is from around 2 years ago, so small details i don’t remeber. false memories can also make literally anything feel real. so when i months later after confession remever the REAL answer (i DID do this when i said i MIGHT have) how to stop from RE confessing?? sorry this was so long but i’m really trying to heal and i REALLY need advice. thank you guys!!

What do you do when nothing feel right. Like for example I feel like everything triggers me, everything feels weird, sounds, actions, my room. I feel like i will go insane any second and I cant enjoy anything, I cant be happy about my upcoming new job or events. I have OCD about me having shizhophrenia and omg it has ruined my life, it has only been about 3 weeks, but it has got me complitely. I want my old self back and I am scared that my loved one will leave me bc i am not getting better. I really want a new theme as funny it sounds, because even 2 years ago harm OCD was't this hard. I feel like something in me is changing, but i dont want it 😭 I will start therapy in the end of August and I just started taking medication. But for now I cant imagine this stopping and I fear that it will go downhill from this, i cant see me doing better, because if i have a good day I rember how i felt yesterday or when I had a panic attack and I cant get enough of it, i always remember those feelings and I start to worry about it over and over again.

TW🔴 Ive seen ALOT of posts on here lately surrounding this topic so i thought would post something to help. I’ve dealt with real events and false memory’s surrounding this topic but i tried to change my perspective and hopefully this helps any of you who have experienced or are experiencing something similar,so i personally believe people with OCD put WAY too much responsibility on themselves, so even IF you did see something that was bad/immoral, you wouldn’t of known, and it would have nothing to do with you and be the person who distributed the videos fault, another thing i remind myself is that it’s not immoral to take risks, we take risks every single day which is not immoral to do so, don’t put too much responsibility on yourselves , another thing is that most of these things have happened when we were children/teenagers and it’s not fair to ridicule yourselves for things that happened around that age. Another thing is that it’s very easy to get ourselves lost in the internet and we aren’t creating any of the content, just viewing it so you shouldn’t blame yourselves for seeing anything you thought was bad/immoral, it’s unfair on us and the people who post these things should be blamed, no one else. I wish all of you all the best and i hope this post helped to switch your perspectives on this kind of thing, keep up the good work ❤️

Huge trigger warning related to porn and pedophilia. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you if you get to read this long post. Something awful happened recently. I was watching porn, I won't say what page because idk if it is allowed, but it is the most famous porn page there is, so you'd think you wouldn't find something so horrifying there. The problem is that one of the automatic pop ups that appeared really terrified me because the girl looked way too young. I'm not sure if she truly was underage, but she looked it, and I can't express how horrifying it is considering if she could have been. I feel like my mind is playing games with me. I can't tell if it was paranoia or reality. My memories are really fuzzy, as I was on a state of shock when I saw it. I remember feeling scared right away and trying to look up how to report it, but the page refreshed on it's own and I never saw the pop up again. I felt so gross for seeing that, and guilty for not reporting it. It was an accident, but I can't help but think that I enjoyed it and that it is my fault for watching porn at all. I am a monster. If this had happened to someone else I wouldn't question it so much, as I know that I didn't look at it on purpose and tried to do the right thing when I saw it. But I already hate myself because years back, when I was 16, I discovered loli. Which is really wrong drawings of young characters. And since then I've been obsessed with the topic and developed pocd. I never looked for those drawings again after that, I dont enjoy them. But I've accidentally found them again on the internet and it's made me feel disgusting and evil; but at least I had the certainty that it wasn't real, until now. I think that this is recent event is further proof of the monster that I already thought I was. After what happened, I immediately contacted a therapist, but tbh, I don't think that I'll ever move on from that. Life isn't looking good right now.

Hi guys, I think this was bugging me before.. When I close my eyes, fast images and outside thoughts hit me like I’m just about to go into a dream. But the awake part of me is still too sharp and identifies it as “false” or “that’s not true, it’s the beginning of a dream.” Why would dreams be coming in so fast like that? I’m really beginning to think it’s more like hypnagogic hallucinations, since I have been known to hear noises, voices, and even slams while drifting off. These are like dreams that rush in and try to convince me to go along with them. But the awake part of me opens my eyes because it knows it isn’t true. I’m not overtired when it happens. It’s more like a certain stubbornness in me that refuses to just drift off with the dream. If it is a dream, that is. It not only causes anxiety, but annoyance. Gets the heart pumping.. pure frustration Took 3 hours to fall asleep last night, and about 20 of these false/fake sleeps that couldn’t follow through to dreamland I Hate It

Trigger warning: dreams about being attacked/ patterns/“ predicting” I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. But dreams are a big part of my ocd, one of the big parts. A lot of my ocd types manifest in them a lot and lately I think I’ve blocked them out(?) but there’s always one dreams that comes to me every middle of the month. And it’s a dream about being attacked by the same heavy set man, with a blue shirt and I’m a younger version of me or me now. When I mean attack I mean he chases me around and attempts to “ass*lt” me but before he actually does it I wake up and I freak out every time. I have reason to believe that this exact thing will happen to be someday? Or even worse it happened to me in the past and I just don’t remember it. It’s sounds scary and ridiculous of course but the fact I have this dream so often it freaks me out and I feel like I need to look out whenever I’m out in public. Especially when I look for places that I find similar from my dream or people I think look similar not even the man himself. I know it’s probably just my head messing with me but having this dream obviously freaks me out. And I’m just waiting for it to happen. Does this happen to anyone else? I know you can’t really get rid of dreams but is there anything I can do?