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Can anyone talk I really need some questions answered please

earlier i got a thought but it didn’t cause me anxiety and i brushed it off now i’m worried it was my true actual intention and i can’t remember if it was i don’t know why it’s not making me anxious, maybe cos i know how bizarre it is and that i wasnt actually doing that? but my memory is so blurred and i dont know anymore

Does anyone else ever feel like they urinated on themselves, even though they know they didn't. But, I also have weird sensations on certain parts of my legs as if maybe I did, yet I know I didn't. How come I am having these feelings and have an urge to check and wash my legs? I know it's my OCD, but I just feel. Like I can't ignore it. Please share any tips or experiences that y'all can share?

Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me question every woman Ive ever been explicit and explicitly cybered with... making me doubt my memories on their 18+ verifications... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s)" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." I genuinely despise my life. God has allowed me to suffer and suffer with no end. There is no happiness. There is no hope. I genuinely wish I didnt exist. Maybe my mom and my dad and my sister and my dog and my cat wohld be better off. Maybe everyone ive ever wronged would be better off. Screw this world.

Today I had a really bad flare up. I left for work, and as soon as we got on the highway, I had an overwhelming fear I forgot to turn off my flat iron. I compulsively googled the user manual of my iron to see if it would auto turn off. Went on multiple subreddits finding the answer. Googled how many apartments were burnt down this year due to hot tools. I posted on the NOCD app. I told my boyfriend I had an upset stomach to plan for my escape from work so he “wouldn’t know” it was OCD. I got to work, went to the bathroom and had a panic attack, lasted a whole 10 more minutes more before I made myself sick and started crying at my desk. I told my coworkers and boss it was because of stomach flu and left. I heard sirens on my hour long ride home and was convinced they were headed to our apartment for a fire I started. I got home, I was scared to go into my actual building even though my complex itself was still standing. And when I entered, the flat iron was not only turned off but unplugged and rolled up, put away. I “knew” I had some memory of doing this but couldn’t remember for certain and convinced myself that I was just telling myself lies. I’m sitting here hours and a lot of ERP later, and while I’m a lot better, I’m also crying writing this - allowing myself to realize that OCD won today. I’ve gratefully been at a really healthy place these last 9-10 months but I needed to post this for accountability. There are going to be bad days. But it’s how we react to them what matters. I’m not letting this make me go down a spiral. Hope everyone is doing well out there - thinking of you no matter where you are on your journey.

In May I started having what I’d later come to suspect as OCD. I started worrying about things that people around me told me I didn’t need to worry about. I started deeply ruminating on these possible events that I thought could ruin my life. I sent texts to people I had known years earlier apologizing and making sure I didn’t do anything wrong, much to their confusion. Also to my confusion, I knew deep down that I didn’t need to worry about these things, I laughed about it with friends, but I also didn’t know. The big mistakes I had made turned into things that could destroy my future. I got my dream job and to me, it awakened the OCD symptoms that started out of nowhere for me in May. I started to worry about being cancelled and losing my job, and having people that I didn’t even know judge me for things I regret. I identified my main symptoms as real-event OCD. I hoped it would pass but it didn’t. Even posting here worries me. I’d get over one event, and another would pop up. I’d get over another event and I’d go back to the event I’d gotten over— it never ended. I decided last week that I wanted to get formally diagnosed and begin therapy. And it’s almost like my brain tuned it up another level when I decided that. I think I’m starting to get false memories, and I’m only saying think, because I’m still typing this wondering if I did these things. I haven’t done the work to find a therapist or doctor because I’ve been so weighed down these past few days, it’s been impacting my sleep and job performance and it just feels like a spiral I’ve never experienced before. I’m writing this I guess to see if these things I’m feeling are normal, and if this community has any tips. Also don’t want to be that person who self-diagnoses, it just feels so strongly like OCD and I am seeking the real diagnosis. TLDR: Got OCD symptoms out of nowhere and it got progressively worse over a few months. Is that normal and what tips are there before treatment?

Ocd ruins my life, my self esteem, my motivation, my relationship and time with my kids. It was in remission for years but came back and has been an endless nightmare ever since. The fear, sadness, frustration and anxiety, the constant analyzing everything I do, think and feel. The self judgement are 24/7. I have it all. Intrusive thoughts, false memories, guilt from real events, many of the themes and quirks. Somehow I push through every day to be the mother and provider I need to be with all the responsibility and love and nurturing and I do all I need to do without anyone knowing the deep sadness I feel due to this disorder. The intrusive thoughts are painful and torturous, the false memories always haunting me if I did the horrible thing or not. The upsetting quirks(things I do, think or feel that are considered wrong but I don’t actually have a wrong motive behind it). Thank goodness only twice in my life have I had a scary intense ocd urge that I was able to reject. I have upsetting ocd dreams and wake up flooded with intrusive thoughts some mornings though I try to start each day with a strong and positive mindset. I feel defeated and like the only way out will be when I die. Yes therapy and meds help but it’s not fool proof. This isn’t life. This disorder is a nightmare and the fear that my kids could genetically develop it scares me so much. I never want them to feel or live like this. This app and the kind, beautiful people on it are a blessing yet I still feel so alone.

My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.

Since we may never know if a memory is false and just our ocd or if it is real, how do we cope knowing it could be real? I just could never live with that😪 How do people just move on and be okay knowing that possibility? I have a false memory that’s based on a real event. Every time my ocd brings up the false memory it adds more evidence and more reasons to make it seem more real. It’s so painful and I don’t know what’s real and what’s my ocd wanting me to believe it’s real.

While talking with my boyfriend he was like ‘have you ever looked at any edits of another guy that you used to like?’ And I was like no I promise, though for a second I thought about it and was like what if I did, a few minutes later I had the flash of me watching one and now for a few weeks it’s been haunting me, I can’t stop thinking about I did do it even though I’m not sure and I’m pretty sure I didn’t because with any edit that comes across my fyp I immediately skip it or go to the comments just to listen to the music before scrolling. So I’m really divided, I remember me looking up the movie the dude was in and watching some ship edits of it and pretty sure I sent him one, but another thing is telling me I went ahead and watched edits of him. Like I’m trying to remember and it’s so disoriented I can’t tell what’s real or not. This same thing has happened when me and my Boyfriend got in a stage where I would constantly confess my intrusive thoughts, I thought what if I made a playlist about my ex? I didn’t. It was just a normal melancholy playlist. Please help.

I don't know what's real. I don't know who I am, I don't know if everything I believe is made up, all my emotions, my memories..it feels fake, I'm stressed the fuck out because I can't even tell if my past is real

Consider this for a moment. We often think we see with our eyes, but in reality, our eyes merely transmit signals to the brain, which then creates the images we perceive. The same process applies to hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling—our brain constructs our perception of reality. This brain also understands your values and the true essence of who you are. In OCD, I believe there's a malfunction in the mechanism that recycles memories. Its primary role is to clear out old memory spaces for reuse. If it encounters a memory linked to something important to you, it brings it to your attention to see if you'll react. If you do, it retains the memory; if not, it's discarded as irrelevant. For someone with OCD, ignoring these thoughts is challenging. They often dwell on them, signaling the brain to keep them and attempt to resolve whether they're significant by creating false scenarios or memories. This process occurs while the person experiences intense emotional reactions because these thoughts clash with their values, leading to feelings of rejection and distress. The awareness that they might be responsible for these unwanted thoughts exacerbates the situation, resulting in a cycle of agony. After many cycles, the person becomes exhausted from anxiety and emotional turmoil. However, the brain is genuinely trying to help by clearing memory space and resolving ethical or moral dilemmas. The key is understanding that your true self remains intact. You are defined by your negative emotions toward these intrusive memories, not the memories themselves. Hang in there; trust me, things will get better. Apologies for the lengthy post—I wanted to explain it thoroughly, and I might share this response with others who could benefit from it.

I feel so defeated by false memory ocd. The reality of it all hits me so hard , I just feel so hopeless.

It is currently 12:51am and I am really worried about the false memories I have in relation to my friend and there are several of them all containing her that are very detailed, very vivid, and feel very real, they feel like other genuine memories that I have, they feel the exact same which is more worrying. I keep trying to tell myself that the more I ruminate over these memories and try to find arguments and reasons as to why they’re more likely to be untrue false memories that my brain has conjured up, the more arguments my brain will come up with as to why they’re real, which in turn makes them more real. I keep trying to tell myself that nothing positive or beneficial comes from trying to figure out whether these false memories are true or not, and that by checking them will only make me feel “worse”. I keep trying to acknowledge the thoughts when they appear and not push them away, but just sit with them and I can’t. I feel awful, sad, bad, gross and it makes me so upset and I want to cry. I don’t want to have done anything sexual whether it is appropriate or inappropriate with this individual, and I especially don’t want any of these false memories to be true, and I hope to god they’re false memories but I’m worried and fear they’re not (I hope this is just my OCD saying all of that) I’m worried they’re not false memories because they’re so detailed, vivid, obscure and intricate. There’s aspects to these false memories that don’t feel like something OCD would be able to come up with. The more I think about them the more I’m worried and feel like they’re just actual memories that I’m suppressing and pushing away, or actual memories that I’m just trying to dismiss by passing them off as OCD false memories to make myself appear or look innocent, does that make sense? They’re very graphic, disgusting and disturbing inappropriate actions that I am worried I have committed. I want to type it out here but I worry from the simple fact that I am able to type out what the event is within the first place, like the fact it is something I can picture and detail in words here would indicate to me that it has happened otherwise how else am I telling you about it right now? In short, what I can disgustingly remember is performing oral sex on my friend. I can remember the setting, what she was wearing, what was on the television in the background. What is even more disturbing and extremely worrying to me, is this very specific and intricate detail which makes me worry that this memory is indeed real and not a false memory (which I really want it to be) I want all of the sexual memories I have in relation to this person to be false memories that have been created and formed by my OCD and don’t actually have any basis in reality, and haven’t actually happened. The reason this is seriously worrying me is because there is a very intricate and detailed part of the memory that feels too complicated and complex for OCD to simply “come up with”, and feels more like something that actually happened, hence why I can remember this detail. I want to type out the detail and word it but I’m scared too because by typing it out it makes it feel more real and like it actually happened, because otherwise how do I have a recollection of it to type out within the first place? Does that make sense? What’s making this even more worrying and believable to me, and I feel overwhelmed and upset typing out this sentence, is that while I am and do identity as a straight woman, I have had a consensual sexual experience with another woman before, which is why for me it’s even harder to dismiss these memories as being false memories. For example, if I had never had a sexual experience with another woman before, I would easily be able to say “Well this is obviously and very clearly a false memory because I have never even done anything sexual with a woman consensually, let alone inappropriately” but I can’t say that, which is why to me these false memories are very plausible because all I can think is “Well you have had a sexual experience with a woman before, you’re clearly attracted to the female body sexually, it isn’t impossible for you to have done those acts in the past and they’re actually even MORE likely now”, which is why it’s even scarier for me and does feel like something that is more likely to have happened now, does that make sense? It feels a lot more believable because that is an action that I easily could’ve done given consent to do so.  I am just really, really worried. I remember at the time when I first started worrying about these fears in relation to this person (like 5 years ago) I remember messaging her as I had her on instagram, and I sent her a message to test what she would responsd/ reaction would be, which ended up being a pretty normal response. During the timeframe after the false memory takes place, she sent me instagram reels, liked posts I made and also at one point asked me if I’d like to hang out and that she would be down to drive to me, but I declined at the time and I can’t remember why, which is also worrying.  Since the time the false memory took place, I hadn’t seen her in person or really spoken to her over text aside from the occasional “Hey how are you?” and sending each other instagram reels. However, back in April I bumped into her for and saw her for the first time since like 4 years ago. The whole time I was shaking in fear, I felt so scared and anxious and my legs wouldn’t stop trembling the entire interaction. At first I was very on guard to look out for any signs of discomfort or hostility from her, which I can’t tell if I actually did find or if that’s just how she converses now.  Anyway, at the end of the interaction she gave me a hug, said to me “Girl I missed you” and it seemed sincere. She also asked me for my social media’s. I told her I don’t have social media anymore (which is true) but that I can give her my number instead, which she added into her phone. I then proceeded to leave and was panicking the entire time after the interaction, fearing that any moment she was going to send me a text message either asking me to meet up with her (where she would then confront me about the false memories, therefore confirming they’re real) or just send me a text message confronting me about the false memories, again confirming that they’re real. These particular fears were still present between the months of March and September, the only reason the fears stop here is because I bought a new phone and received a new number, meaning my friend no longer has my up to date mobile number. Every time my phone beeped I was panicked it was going to be her, I was anticipating an angry message.   This panicked me for a multitude of reasons,  on most days I was anticipating a confrontational message only to never receive anything from her, but isn’t that even more alarming and worrying? Isn’t that even more evidence that I in fact did commit those actions and that they’re not false memories? Why would she take my number and then never bother to text it, not even a hello? Maybe it is because she was just taking my number to be polite in the moment but didn’t actually want it because I make her uncomfortable and she doesn’t actually like me because the false memories are true and happened. I keep trying to tell myself that this doesn’t necessarily mean the false memories are true because: * a) she had me on instagram for years after the false memories took place and she never messaged me or “confronted” me on there either, so why would she message me now? * b) I have many peoples phone numbers that I wouldn’t actually text or bother to speak with. for example I have a few peoples numbers in my phone now that I can tell you with 99.9% certainty I will probably never text again, but not because they’ve done anything wrong to me, I just don’t see the point because they’re not in my life anymore.  I’m just so so worried. I am sitting here right now and my face feels numb and twitchy, and so do my eyes. My stomach keeps turning and tightening and I feel “strange”. I feel like this entire note is just me being in denial and actively choosing to lie and pass off these terrible disgusting actions (that my brain says I know I’ve done and just don’t want to admit it) as OCD and calling them a false memory as to not take accountability for them.  I am really terrified that these false memories aren’t false memories and that they actually happened and I’m just in denial about them. They feel so so real and I can remember them like the back of my hand, which only worries me more. I don’t want any of the sexual memories I have in relation to this individual to be true. I don’t want to have done anything remotely sexual to / with this individual, whether inappropriate or appropriate. When I say to myself or my partner “I don’t know whether or not I have done anything sexual to / with her” it feels like I’m lying, my body feels weird and so does my face. When I say that phrase I feel like I’m lying to myself and my family and that I’m just in denial and don’t want to admit it to myself. That’s what it genuinely feels like and I don’t know why. I am really upset and I don’t want to have done anything sexual to / with her. Whenever I’m outside I am genuinely terrified of bumping into her because I fear she’s going to “confront me” (understandably so) and confirm to me that what I’m hoping are just OCD fabricated false memories, aren’t false memories at all, but in fact something that has actually occurred in reality. However, I also worry that that sounds incredibly selfish and vile because the main persons feelings here who should matter is the individual that has been harmed, and that’s what I’m worried I have done :( I don’t know how to cope or what to do. If I found out I had committed those disgusting acts and they were indeed real, I wouldn’t want to live, because I don’t want to live knowing I was able to do those unforgivable actions towards someone. I am so so scared, I really don’t want to have done anything to this person and I’m terrified I’m lying about it and in denial. Even now as I type these sentences I feel strange and that every word I’m typing is just me falling further and further into denial and running with the life to try and make myself feel better.  However, if I did know I had committed these actions / false memories, then why would I also be having thoughts to “check to see whether I’ve carried out these actions”. As in, if these were actions I KNEW I had done and was actively choosing to lie about them, then why would I also be having thoughts to check if I’ve done said behaviours? Does that make sense? Do you think I’m lying when I say I’m not sure whether I have done anything to / with her? Do you think I have done those disgusting acts to / with her? Do you think those false memories are false memories fabricated by OCD, or do you think they’re real and did in fact occur?

My life has been hell, and I don’t know how to move on. I (15M) did awful things when I started high school, thinking being sexual was the way to connect. I crossed boundaries, overshared, and kept flirting with friends and making sexual jokes, even after they said no (all over text). One friend stopped talking to me and can’t even look at me now. I feel like a monster. Why shouldn’t I be locked up? If I got therapy, I feel like I’d be sent jail. How can I ever move on?Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live.

I have just been feeling weird the past few days. That’s all I know how to describe what I’m feeling. Have also felt anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, and confusion in regards to my OCD. I have posted on here a few times before about all of this, but a quick recap - I have harm thoughts towards my mom. I have had these thoughts before back when my ocd was diagnosed at 15, but had a bad flare up this year (I’m 32) and now they’re back. These thoughts have been going on for awhile, but they have “evolved” as well - thinking my mom abused me and I just don’t remember and thinking she might harm me and my life may be in danger. I know deep down both of these things are not true, but sometimes they feel real and it freaks me out. My mom is so kind and loving, she’s my best friend, but my mind twists her to be this horrible person. So I wonder if I really believe this or not, and sometimes it just feels so real that I do believe it and then I get anxiety. Sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like I don’t want to be around her or I feel “scared” around her which I know is probably not actual fear but anxious feelings, so again feeling these things makes me think I believe in them and that these are actual delusions. It hurts to feel this way. For example, I may have a harm thought about her and it will “feel” like I want to act on it. Like the urge type feeling. I tell myself no and just try to let it go, but then my mind will say “she’s going to hurt you if you don’t hurt her” type thoughts and that makes me feel anxious and depressed. Like my mind is trying to present reasons why I should act on my harm thoughts. And sometimes it just feels so real that I’m going to do it. Then I get scared if what I’m experiencing is actually a delusion and not OCD. Like do I really believe my mom is out to hurt me? Like I will act on them cause I think I will be protecting myself?And then sometimes I feel like I don’t even care and just yeah…I constantly just feel on edge and feels like I can’t trust anything. Like I’m going to act cause I’m confused what’s real or just feel tired of having the thoughts. Basically my mind tries to “rationalize” me having these thoughts and that acting on these thoughts would be “reasonable,” because I would be protecting myself from danger…if that makes sense? Does anyone have any advice or can relate? I know I’m asking for reassurance, but I feel alone sometimes with how bizarre my OCD is and I just want to know if more people have thought these same thoughts or felt this way and overcame it. Thank you.

So, there is this thing I talked about before on here that I don’t remember happening. So, there’s this thought I had that my brain had and is trying to figure out if it’s a memory or not. This thought came to me one night and said I had inappropriately touched someone crotch. No name or memory. Just the thought saying this. My brain tried to rack through WHO this could be and WHEN and HOW. It thought of a few people with no real evidence or base. One I reached out to said I was nothing but sweet to them in school. Then it stuck to one person, but all I can remember is this one bad interaction nothing more. I apologized and they said it was ok, I’m good. Now there was no real memory of this “touch” that I could really recall. I don’t know how to describe it. My mind just said I did this thing and it scared me. I have never thought of this before. It brought up this one person I had this bad interaction with but I said “No this is what happened…” but then my mind kept saying what if and questioning if I’m sure. Like if I’m trying to hid the fact that I’m bad person from myself. I asked around and other people said they don’t remember me doing anything to this person or that I was a regular sweet kid in middle school. It’s all so trippy and irritating. I remember a lot of mistakes I did! But not really this one, this “memory” is not clear nor have I ever thought of it til this thought told me I did this thing. These other memories come up surrounding this event but I don't even really remember these. I did a lot of stupid stuff as a kid but I remember it, this is fuzzy and I keep going back and forth in my mind about it.

Hey guys! If you’re battling OCD, you’re not alone—and I want to share something that’s been life-changing for me on this journey. I started ERP therapy for the first time ever in January 2024. After 10 years of having OCD and only ever attending ‘talk therapy’, signing up with NOCD was the best decision I have ever made! I know how tough OCD can be. Even as someone who has challenged everything OCD throws at me for a good 6 months, it can still sometimes feel overwhelming and strong. Just yesterday, I found myself avoiding going to the toilet for no apparent reason—this is what OCD does! It throws random thoughts and doubts at you, and I said to OCD, “I am not falling for your tricks.” So, I went ahead, went to the toilet, and then 30 minutes later, OCD started getting extremely loud. The ‘what-ifs’ started pouring in: • “What if someone was in the toilet with you and you hurt them?” • “What if you’re lying to yourself and didn’t actually go to the toilet?” OCD can make you doubt the simplest things! Even after facing my biggest fears this year and stopping my compulsions, I felt the urge last night to ask for reassurance and go over the memory in my mind. But then it hit me: this is OCD! It just wants us to doubt ourselves and cause mayhem until we give in and do compulsions to feed it. But I said NO! I’ve been through this so many times before, and I will get through it again. OCD WILL NOT WIN! No matter how scary, anxious, or guilty it made me feel, I kept reminding myself: there is nothing more important than my OCD RECOVERY! I told OCD: “Honestly OCD, this was a very nice try! Fair play to you! But I am still not falling for your tricks 😎💪 better luck next time, eh!🙏🏽” I also realised that by avoiding going to the toilet, I was fueling OCD and making it more powerful. Avoidance only made those doubts and scary thoughts even more intense afterward. This experience was a reminder that compulsions, including avoidance, only make OCD feel stronger. They teach your brain that there’s something to fear, even though there is truly NOTHING to be afraid of. What I’ve learned through ERP: • Your thoughts are just thoughts—they don’t define you. • Compulsions make OCD stronger. Don’t feed the beast! • Aim for progress, not perfection. You can handle anything OCD throws at you! The key is to acknowledge the thoughts without interacting with them. It’s easier said than done, but with practice, it becomes more natural. Remember, everyone has unwanted intrusive thoughts. For those of us with OCD, we just tend to give them way too much meaning. They ARE MEANINGLESS! We’re all in this together, and even though OCD tries to isolate us, sharing and supporting one another is what keeps us strong. If you’ve got your own tips or a story to share, I’d love to hear them! Let’s support each other on this journey! You’ve got this 🙏🏽❤️💪

18+ Is there just not a way to actually deal with with this? I get it ERP breathing “being in the moment” I can’t I can’t freaking do it my POCD is making it so hard to live life I see kids and now I think I gaslighted myself into thinking I’m attracted to them when I watch movies TikTok’s, go outside and see kids everywhere I just can’t take it I feel groinal responses I’m imagining them without clothes and doing sexual things like a sicko and feeling like I like it or my brain is trying to make me become that??? Why is it bc of guilt from my real event is it bc im checking if I am??? I can’t live like this it’s literally like I have the eyes of a pedo now sexualizing children this is absolutely insane… I have a boyfriend I want to have intimate time with now I’m so scared too because i KNOW im gonna be thinking about children HOW am I suppose to get turned on I try too “not focus” look around ect DOESNT WORK I have dreams where it’s sexual with children WHY IS THIS MY LIFE I’m in therapy and doing erp but nothing is helping me DO I NEED BRAIN SURGERY SOMETHING NOW?? please I just can’t keep living like this ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME it’s so hard not to cry I don’t care if it’s just thoughts I’m so terrified I messed up my life because it is effecting my life my sex life my relationship my love for myself And all I’m suppose to do is just “sit with the thought” I still don’t even know what that means I don’t want to end my life my partner my family loves me but I JUST CANT DEAL WITH THIS I miss having loving dreams about my boyfriend instead it’s harmful and sexual dreams with children I’m so upset can anyway please… give me some advice on what to do please I’m begging.

I (15m)am a monster. I have done horrible things mistakes or not I don’t think people would ever forgive me. When I got into highschool when I was 14 I had a messed up mindset that being sexual was the way to go with everything and I was way to open to people who I just met. This led to me revealing personal things about myself that made others uncomfy and flirting with my friends all the time and making sexual jokes comments and just sexual flirting even when they said no (this was over text) Me thinking back on this makes me realize how uncomfy I made these people it’s sick I considered them my friends and ended up traumtizing them. One of them stopped talking to me because of my behavior they were scarred and they can’t even bring themselves to look at me and don’t even want me saying their name. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live. And idk how I can move on with my life ever why shouldn’t I be locked up if I ever got help like therapy I would go to jail and rightfully so I’m a monster.