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the NOCD Community

I have a friend that’s asking me questions about God but I don’t feel like I know enough about the Bible as much as I should. So I don’t really feel worthy enough to preach it bc I should know more but I feel like my Bible time hasn’t been that great

Hello! I don't know if someonecan help me clarify if this is part of OCD. I've suffered from the condition since I was a child and have experienced many subtypes. But right now, I have a thought that bothers me the most. It has to do with my sister. Is it normal for us to have obsessions with scrupulosity and to create dilemmas about actions someone we love would or wouldn't do as a symptom? I feel like this need for moral perfection is in my sister, and I think if she knows I thought badly of her, she'll never forgive me and my world will end.

Like being afraid you’re not handling your thoughts right? Being afraid if your counselor knew you were ruminating they’d be disappointed.

im posting a lot about it, i was online dating with one peson whocwas 13(14 in a week) and i was 15, they knew that, we talked about lots of stuff and for some reason after we broke up i was scared i was grooming there without any intention. so when we got contact again because i contacted them again my ocd like kinda forced me i need to tell them that i am 14 too, just to like fix it or be safe or whatever, and after i told them that i also asked if i groomed them or if they felt groomed also as a compulsion and i added like i think "i know it's one year but" like im already expecting an aswer which was 'no'. and im scared this wws some sort of manipulation and i know i shouldn't ask for reassurance but i feel like i need it i just need to know if it was some sort of sexual assault. i didn't lied about my age to use them I didn't even want to lie but i felt i need to or else they'll tell somebody i abused them even tho i know that either way no matter if i lied or noy they'd say I didn't and they also don't even remember me anymore but im so terrified i did all because of ocd I didn't want to lie or manipulate i know it wqs wrong but just tell me was that abusive

I’ve had the feeling I had ocd ever since I found out about it at the age of eleven, I don’t want to self diagnose thought but I want to find out and I would ask a professional but I am a minor and live with my parents, my family is not from America and any disorder even stuff like depression or anxiety means crazy to them so I’m scared to talk abt it to anybody. Ever since I was like 7 I noticed that if something happens or I feel something in one part of my body I immediately have to do it to the other cause it just won’t feel right, as a kid I even explained it to my parents in the car once and asked if they feel like that sometimes too. I used the example of me accidentally touching water on one foot and then having to do it to the other or else it just isn’t fair to the other foot and I’m like evil. It’s also like that for me if I like hit my arm then I have to do it to the other too. I have many other symptoms of OCD but idk if I actually have it. For example every-time somebody leaves me on read or something I feel like they hate me and don’t wanna be friends with me anymore. Idk it just feels so weird sometimes. Also sometimes when I’m writing something maybe for school or anywhere I always have to reconsider every single sentence because what if somebody takes it the wrong way or it makes somebody mad. And sometimes I feel like the rudest and meanest person in the world. I actually don’t know if that’s an ocd thing idk at this point. edit: after thinking some other things that could be a sign of ocd might be when I was about ten or nine, for about a year I had the biggest fear of losing my mom, it came out of nowhere and I would cry begging not to go to school because my mom won’t be there bc what if she dies. I cried at tennis practice once even tho I toke it with my mom because she went to the bathroom. I was genuinely so scared idk what made it go away tho. Like whenever I had a thought of her it would immediately make me think she’s dying and I would just sob. tysm for reading!! 💕💕

Hi! I was recently diagnosed with OCD. Most of my struggles are morality-related, but I've been doing so thinking, and I believe I also struggle with compulsive decluttering. Nine years ago, I decluttered my closet and started calling myself a minimalist. I have brought things in and decluttered other things out multiple times and constantly am thinking about decluttering again and making my wardrobe tiny but "perfectly minimalist". I want to get past this because I think I attach morality to the amount of things I own. Has anyone gone through this and how would I apply ERP to this?

I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it this far in my life. OCD has had its claws in me since I was 7. I used to lay in bed and tell myself over and over “it’ll be gone when I’m older, it’ll be better” but it just got worse with age. I’m 25 now and I’ve lost so many years to this. Or to pretending to be someone else in order to avoid it all. I can’t say or do one thing without analyzing it to death. Everything is black and white when it comes to me and my own morality. I overcompensate by allowing everyone else around me to be gray. I don’t allow myself that same grace. I try, everyday. Sometimes I sit and look back on my life and just wonder why. And how. I carry every mistake I’ve made with me from day to day. It rules me, it owns me, and it chips away at the person I could have been without ocd. I mourn myself.

i haven’t talked to anyone about this, not my therapist, not my girlfriend, not my parents, but these days i find myself thinking about just ending it all. i wouldn’t actually do it, i’m too scared to, but sometimes it feels like that’s the only way out, the only solution. i feel so wrong, like everything about me is wrong, and i can’t find it in myself to believe i’m worth living. i need to know if it gets better. i’m 20 years old and have spent the vast majority of my teenage years in therapy. i can’t stop feeling like i need to confess everything, especially to my girlfriend. obviously i try to resist the urge to but the mental battles are exhausting. every time something is even slightly wrong, i feel like i can’t i breathe. whenever i’m trying to distract myself, whenever i’m busy, all i can think about is everything i’m doing wrong. how can i possibly live life to the fullest if this is how i am?

Hi, i’m new to this app, i’ve had it for a couple days but finally just built up the courage to make a post… I think i might have OCD, but im not sure what type, or if i even have it, & i would like your guys opinions on it. I want to talk about some of my obsessions, some are physical where i get obsessed with physical objects, & others are where i get obsessed with my thoughts & actions, or other things people do. As well as my compulsions. Some thoughts i have everyday that im constantly worried about is accidentally killing myself, epically with my self-harm, & accidentally killing someone else although ive never had the urge or impulse to hurt someone like that before. I’m also worried about the quality of my car ALWAYS, & worried that someone will break into it, or steal it, or damage it - like hitting it, or doing a hit & run, or getting into an accident. I have constant thoughts about driving into a wall & killing myself. I also have to have the volume in my car at an even number otherwise it feels like i’m going to die, or i’m going to get into an accident. I’m also worried about my house burning down, & i even have to call my mom or text to her to make sure everything’s okay… i’m also constantly worried about people leaving/abandoning me, im worried that something in my past will come up, & someone will perceive me in a certain way that will make them leave me. Or im always worried that ive done something wrong although theres actually nothing i’ve done wrong, which could also make them leave me. I have a really hard time with uncertainty, & i need reassurance constantly. I have a lot of paranoid thoughts like “my family is out to get me” & “everyone’s hates me” & “you’re a horrible person” & images & more, even though i know they’re not real & they have no actual meaning to them. With the physical objects, i get obsessed with ideas or things, like bands, collectibles, keychains, posters, stuffed animals, & basically anthing you can think of, & i feel the need to get things or buy things pertaining to it, to make myself happy or feel fulfilled. at this point im becoming a hoarder. Another thing that i deal with is having things on a special or specific order. i need things to be decorated in my room in a very specific way for me to be happy, & if somethings off it triggers me & makes me really upset. I need to have things facing me, & in order & arrange them in a certain way. I get obsessed with the order of my room & how things look, & need constant approval from others to make sure it looks okay. To calm down i often have to repeat to myself that I am okay, until i actually feel okay again, & i definitely avoid places & situations that trigger me. i also constantly have to fidget with my hands, & my clothes to calm down, & am constantly worried about what other people thing of me, & because of that i have to go to the bathroom especially at work to check how i look & fix my clothes constantly to make sure i look okay. I also have a lot of brain chatter, so no matter what the time of day im always thinking things in the back of my mind, my brain remembers things throughout the day, like music, or people talking, or phrases they say, & sometimes i have to say it out loud to feel okay. Is this OCD? & if so, what type?

Just stumbled across this app/community. I've been struggling with just right or perfectionist OCD for several years. Im 47 and I've had a pretty successful life, ironically because of some of my OCD traits; attention to detail, organization, perseverance, etc. But about 4-5 years ago, without any specific trigger, I started noticing more... let's call them errors. Errors in just about everything. These errors led to compulsive behaviors to "fix" them. Place the can down again, "right" this time. That piece of trash didn't land "right" in my trash bin, take it out and do it again. But really it started happening because of me physically touching or manipulating things, or really anything that involved fine motor control. Picking things up/placing down, turning switches, knobs on/off, opening/closing doors, cupboards, cabinets, using a mouse, putting on and taking off clothes, brushing teeth/hair, drying my body after a shower, pressing buttons on my phone, buttons on my shirt, pants zippers, etc. I mean, you name it. I've never had the type of classical OCD where I obsessively washed bc I was worried about germs or intrusive thoughts about my family dying. I had anxiety about the compulsing itself, or specifically avoiding certain actions so I wouldn't start compulsing. So I was kind of lost for awhile. Then I'll never forget reading this article about just right OCD and getting tears in my eyes. It was a point of some validation that others had similar symptom clusters or patterns. Not that I'd wish these compulsions on anyone! I've started seeing a therapist and taking an SSRI. Don't really like the therapist and I don't really feel like the medication works. Plus I don't like the side effects. Night sweats and sexual side effects. But, I have had some moderate success with different types of mental tricks. Essentially some self taught ERP. Little mantras I use like "not down, but forward" as in stop slowing down and laser focusing on every step, every detail and move forward, physically and mentally. Remembering that compulsions come with the idea that they provide comfort or a good feeling, when in reality, moving through a chore or task without compulsions or repetitive behavior is f**king amazing. Remember and chase that feeling. Watching the uncomfortable feeling float away or specifically identifing that feeling where my mind wants to stop and restart a motion of or an action and ignoring it to "rewire" my thinking. And distraction. Distraction is a big one too. Those are a couple of things that have worked for me. Im by no means better... I still struggle every day. And it's exhausting. This disease makes me feel so stupid and it's embarrassing and frustrating. But I've had some glimmers of hope lately and i KNOW that i can overcome it. Get back to the ass kicker in life, and with my family, and in the gym, and at work, that i know is inside of me still. Anyway, I think typing some of my journey out has been helpful so thanks for reading.

So I’m new to this app and I knew there was something wrong w/ my brain for a few years now. I’m a professional volleyball player and was playing in France last year while in a long distance relationship. I would ruminate and think that one small thing was going to ruin my career every. Single. Day. And I have the fear that I NEEDED to end warm ups with a good hit or else I would play terribly. I had constant fears that my teammates don’t trust me and think I’m bad - when in reality and looking at the statistics I was one of the best players on the team - the fearful ruminating keeps me awake at night and it would get so bad that I would break into a rash on my neck. Lots of rashes from anxiety and over thinking :( My relationship was new but it was long distance. I never experienced this in my life: my mind became OBSESSED with the idea he might be ugly. I couldn’t stop thinking that he was ugly and feared that that meant I needed to break up with him and I felt like a terrible person constantly and the thought ate me alive - I was constantly googling about it to try and get some relief which I am now learning is seeking reassurance. I also have struggled with some forms of disordered eating for many years but it got so bad in France. I was binge eating a lot. I gained ten pounds in a month. I knew it and I felt it and I became OBSESSED with the idea that I’m so fat and a weak terrible person for not being able to control my binges. My therapist gave me some screener exams. I scored very highly on the anxiety test and the OCD test which blew my mind cuz I’ve never considered OCD in my whole life. I started taking Prozac which honestly I feel like saved my life. It’s been over 6 months since that point now and everything is so much more manageable. I’ve also recently learned that I may have autism as well. My brother has it and dad is convinced he has it but I was never diagnosed. I also learned I may have a bit of ADD as well recently. I’ve known I think differently for some time but this is just overwhelming and validating and confusing and a bit scary. My current obsession is worrying about my future career - I’m obsessed. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so afraid of my making a lot of money in the future. I take aptitude tests all the time when I get anxiety or go on Reddit to hear about other people which makes me feel okay for a little but it always comes back. My head is spinning. I just want to enjoy being 24 and having an interesting career and trust that my life will be okay but I’m so convinced that I’m going to suffer immensely if I don’t start pursuing a high paying job immediately. Im a smart girl - graduated from UC Berkeley - have done tons of networking in different industries - I have a financial plan for the future for when I start a normal job - but I cant stop this cyclical torturous thinking that I’m going to be poor and suffer immensely I also learned a few years ago I have an anxious attachment style which I thought I worked through but in my new relationship I have strong feelings for him and I feel the intense fear abandonment coming up and I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin the relationship - I thought maybe I’m just someone who needs a lot of reassurance but if I have OCD maybe that will make it worse? Feeling like I need reassurance to regulate? I just would like some help - have you experienced this? Is this even OCD? Am I making things up for attention? I’m going to bring it up with my therapist.

I am feeling a lot of anxiety and fear around what I know and what I don’t know. I also just had some a French vanilla coffee so I think this made it worse. And I should have known better. I realize I am really uncomfortable about what is out of control to the point I am very scared and nervous and I don’t know what it is about. Every time I journal I feel a strong urge to through the journal away and get a new one, in the same way every choice and decision I make it is out of fear and uncomfortableness not because it is my actual decision. So now I feel like more than ever ocd is controlling my life even though I know that what it is and that it is not something to be afraid of but I stilll constantly doubt and judge myself. I officially got diagnosed I was not sure before but what is the first step to taking back control over your life and yourself? I am on the waiting list for therapy but also I wish I could go to therapy sooner but I want someone I know I will work well with and I don’t want to rush thing because I know I will not do well at making such a big step in my own because I will overthink it so I just want to get myself to a point where I can do important things like that for myself. With school coming up I am even more stressed and worried about making the right decisions. Any tips? I would appreciate it. Also can anyone relate to this confusion and this dilemma with making important dedication like getting help and going to the doctor? Any did it make it hard to navigate school?

I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was really bad. There was this guy saying he was pro extinction and he said we should accept extinction to stop suffering. I commented. “Alright, buddy. You go first.” I remembered it and was like, “That’s wasn’t very good what I said.” I went back and deleted it. I still feel bad though. I mean, I basically told a person to kill themself. I mean, a lot of other people were saying the same thing but I don’t give me the right to say that. I often do this. Words come out of my mouth that I shouldn’t say and I regret them later. I’m gonna commit to not saying this again and ensure that I don’t say something as inappropriate as that and try to respectful from here on out.

I started writing this last night, but regrettably deleted it. I fell back in that mindset that maybe what I'm healing with-(see what I did there) isn't that big of a deal, and what's the point. I'm not sure if anyone will stay until the end of my note, but in some ways I find relief in that. I'm 22 years old and this MIGHT be the first time I've felt like I'm truly stepping out. I want to talk about 3 things, and they may at first appear questionable, random and confusing but if you stay it will all come together. 1) Regret 2) Envy and bitterness 3) A change. Starting with 1 regret. My regrets go far and wide, but when they do make an appearance in my life they rush in like flood. Every decision I've made whether good or bad seems to cloud my judgement and I can't think straight. I'm on carousel living my life in a constant what-if state. I've started writing back in 2017, and I was writing everything; stories, songs, poems, you name it. My regret is that maybe if I would've taken it more seriously, pushed myself a little harder, started small that maybe it could've sky rocketed me and my family. My mom always told me that that greatest singers like Beyonce, Aretha Franklin, etc. (I can't remember) started singing in the church, and she encouraged me that was where I needed to start. But I didn't listen, and dropped it entirely. I was young, and impatient. I still write to this day, but I absolutely dream of making music videos, and acting on a TV show or movie. There is a time and place for everything, so maybe it wasn't my time to find out that this is what I really enjoy. I still have a hard time grabbing the reigns of regret, but I know it doesn't control me I control what it does to me. 2) Envy and bitterness- boy oh boy where do I even begin? There is something interesting in my life that happens quite often, and maybe to others but it happens to me. Let's say for example I was the first person to discover an orange. Rarely anybody else or a few people know what an orange is, but I KNOW what an orange is. Let's say about a few months past and now EVERYBODY has an orange, and it lost its oranginess. I'm going somewhere with this I promise. When I start to do something, or discover something it doesn't take long for me to start seeing it everywhere- this correlates to 3. When I lost my virginity for the rest time almost 2 years ago, the idea of starting a family or being pregnant never peeked my interest before. But then like a tidal wave or a butterfly affect one after another over and over again I saw people getting pregnant, starting families with their boyfriend and girlfriends (which by the way I don't judge people who do, but me personally I need to be married). It started slowly, but soon everyone everywhere was getting pregnant, and having babies. I've never seen anything like that before I had sex, and it felt as if the world was rubbing it in my face and mocking me. Overtime I became bitter and envious on the inside. I quickly scrolled, looked away or zoned out anytime anyone talked about being pregnant or giving birth. My heart was turning ice cold every day by this, and when my own shame and regret about having sex outside of marriage kicked in it was game over. I began to project my own mistakes into their lives, and if they were struggling whether through financially, or their relationship I wouldn't feel bad because I was like they knew what they were doing, they knew the outcome and did it anyways. I couldn't be genuinely happy for them or anyone because I couldn't let go of the feeling that it was supposed to be me. And everything else was just a mix of the regret that I felt about having sex, and me feeling like it wasn't popular or common until I started. I want to teach my future children good morals, love, respect and I know that when I have kids that my life is in a way over because now my attention and full-time is raising this kid to be a good person that was why I felt like I couldn't be happy and it should've been me. But I know better now, I think better, and I'm getting better. I pray to God to lift it from my heart, and I feel awful about some of things that I thought- I never ever wished death on anybody but they weren't friendly thoughts either. I judged, and became awfully bitter but I want to move on and let that go. Sorry I rambled at the end there, lastly 3, goodness gracious buckle up please. I'm sure most of you know who BTS is the Kpop group, and remember how I said in 2 how when I find or discover something it feels like it becomes popular so quickly yea.. BIGG yea. I found BTS in 2016 when they came out with their WINGS album. I became engulfed and it was a whole other world for me. I watched everything Kpop not just them, but compilation clips, live shows, edits, MM Countdown everything! I knew they had a name for the youngest and oldest person in their group, I knew inside jokes, personal stories I felt like I knew it all. I don't like hardcore rap music, or what everyone else might listen to I felt that I had found my group, my band, my second close private family. That even though we might've never met I swear we knew everything about each other. They knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them. And then when they started collaborating with American artist I couldn't stand it at all, and it was even worse when they collaborated with Nicki Minaj. The same people who I didn't want to listen were the main ones they were collaborating with. I'm not trying to sound uptight but BTS, BlackPink, Twice they all sung and were about two separate things. No offense but Nicki Minaj, Meghan, Latto and Glorilla all in some only produce music about sex. The message are two different things and I just think more and higher for them, to not lower themselves to that. It felt alot easier to meet BTS, only issue was the distant but now it's nearly impossible. I would do anything to meet them, and just tell them that I know them. And all of that what I said goes to all of them not just BTS, Twice and BlackPink included. Their lyrics, their message has changed in some way to me personally and the only good thing that I FEEL is the women they do collaborate with don't do a whole lot of cussing. That's it. If you made it this far how do you feel lol? I am working on myself daily, praying for those who I have become bitter towards because I don't need and can't afford to miss my blessing over roots the enemy placed in my heart. And I'm always gonna love BTS, I miss them. I miss seeing their faces, hearing their voice I just can't bring myself to look them up now. Thank you for staying if you did. God Bless you, and keep you. I love you all. *hearts*

I’ve been really struggling with what I think is body dismorphia. I have ADHD but recently my therapist has told me they think it’s OCD. When I’m out in public I hear auditory hallucinations of people mocking me like calling me ugly or saying ewww even when there’s no one there I hear it. I’m obsessed with people mocking me when out in public. I also avoid mirrors and or go hours staring into them. Sometimes I like what I see but others I see someone totally different??? Can anyone relate to this? See below a photo of me, because I know this isn’t normal and it’s something that I’m so distressed about. I went to a beer garden last night and had a panic attack due to the noise and the fear of being judged.

I've been doing this thing where I think about what I should be doing all the time, as though anything I do is incorrect. "I should be tensing me body/I should be relaxing my body" "I should think this way about myself/I shouldn't think this way about myself" "I should talk to them/ I shouldn't talk to them" "I should be smiling/I should be frowning" "I should listen to this song" "I should be relaxing" "I should be doing work".... the list just goes on an on, back and fourth. I fixate and go back and fourth at what I should do to the point it feels excessive, obsessive. I can't relax and I have a really hard time just being okay with how I am in the present. Does anyone else experience this or have some advice? Thank you for reading.

I recently lost my job and decided I don’t want to go back to the workforce. I have the skills I need to create a job for myself. Unfortunately, my fear of failure/imposter syndrome is really taking its toll. I think I’m scared I won’t be able to find clients. Meanwhile, my savings will run out, and I’ll be poor and miserable again. Because of this, my brain can’t focus and is instead compelling me to figure out the fastest route to income with the least effort and risk of failure. But everything I want to do is risky somehow. I also think I haven’t gotten over losing my job. My bosses unceremoniously laid me off at the end of my workday. They claimed it was because of budget concerns and clients asking for work that was outside my skill set, but I don’t believe them. My send-off came only a few hours after I asked one of my bosses if I could do freelance work outside the office. I’d asked before because i didn’t want to do things behind their backs. But I think they saw it as me not being committed to the company anymore. My head is just a mess right now.

This might not even be OCD related, but I have a difficult time standing up for myself or just communicating boundaries with others. I'm trying to improve, but it's not easy. I always feel guilty after saying anything, like maybe I'm being dramatic, or maybe I'm in the wrong for not ignoring their words/actions and moving on. Even if the person doesn't respond with a negative reaction, I start spiraling :(

Whats perfectionism ocd like and how do you know if you have it?

I'm just venting, but everything is feeling so overwhelming lately. Every day, I still find myself checking on my ex. I know it sounds obsessive, but it’s not coming from a weird or stalkerish place. It just feels like I never got closure, and I’m stuck in this loop. I read that “closure is a choice, not a conversation,” and I try to believe that—but part of me still needs to know what he’s doing, like it gives me some weird sense of closure, even if it’s just temporary. And I hate that I’m like this. On top of that, I’ve been wanting to see my Pap, who is in the hospital in pretty severe condition but I never have time because I’m always working. My job is stressful. I try so hard, but my grooms don’t turn out the way I want, and I just feel like I’m failing. Then there's my financial situation—my car payment is $713 a month, plus insurance and other bills. I can’t save at all. Thankfully my mom pays the rent, but she constantly holds it over me and threatens to kick me out. It’s never felt stable at home, and now it’s worse. Lately, my childhood trauma is resurfacing, and it’s affecting everything—my friendships, any chance of a relationship, even my bond with my pets. I feel like I’m falling apart, and when I finally get in bed at night, I just feel hopeless. I look around and see people I went to school with thriving, and I feel so far behind. I used to feel ahead because I was already handling adult responsibilities, but now it feels like I’m stuck while everyone else is moving forward. I’m losing control of my emotions—randomly lashing out, struggling with anger—and I can’t afford therapy or even regular doctor visits. Sometimes I can’t even afford groceries, and it’s frustrating because I work hard and still feel like I’m drowning. I just want a simple, peaceful life: a modest home, a normal car, a stable routine. I want a support system. I want to feel connected like my friends Jessica and Ashley, but I don’t. It’s just me, but it’s still lonely. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I can’t get anything right. Like I’m always doing something wrong in someone’s eyes, and I have no one to turn to for help.