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How, if at all, does OCD affect your parenting?

should i feel bad for unintentionally killing flies that were on the organic waste in my sink? i was cleaning stuff with water and i knew that they were there so first i shaked the bin a bit that is inside the sink, i had mold in my pot and i cleaned with water and i saw after that there 3-4 small flies dead in the water i tried to save one but it was too late. i knew i could have accidentally killed them by i tried to mildly avoid killing them with the water i was using in the sink. i know it's overthinking, still it matters no?

It’s so exhausting not feeling like I’m doing anything right and just feels like so much pressure and that it’s deeper than just the struggles it’s actually spiritual and the spiritual battles it is just intense. And how do I know if I’m being fr how can I meditate on Gods word and not just read it to read it or what if I’m just religious and want to say I love Jesus but don’t follow him cuz there’s grace but then willingly sinning and the if we keep on deliberately sinning after we received the knowledge of truth there’s no sacrifice left and I know that no one on here can save me and it has to be my personal choice to accept the savior and I should ask him myself but it’s so hard

This is a question that I've been pondering since... ever. I feel like I've wasted so many years being controlled by fear + perfection. I know that to start living, I just have to do it, but why do I keep holding myself back? I choose comfort every single time. I choose waiting for the perfect moment, when the perfect moment SHOULD be NOW. There's so much I want to do in life, so many things I've wanted to be. When I was little, I wanted to be a princess, then a pop star, and after that, a zookeeper. But as I grew older, I didn't feel a connection to any sort of career or subject. There were things I enjoyed, but it was never anything I wanted to make a career out of, and I remember always feeling behind... But this past year or so, I've discovered so much about myself ever since being diagnosed with OCD. I have pushed myself to try so many new things, and I feel ready to get my life in order. I just don't know where to begin? And I'm stuck in this cycle of making excuses for myself. "I'll do (xyz) later," and then I never get to it. "I can't do (xyz) because blah blah blah—" but if I really, really wanted something, wouldn't I do anything I could to accomplish it? I just feel stagnant. I set so many unnecessary and impossible requirements for myself when trying to start or get anything done. I want to preserve nature and its inhabitants, but also historical artifacts (and history as a whole). I want to help humanity and to make the world a better place in all the ways I can. But I overwhelm myself in the process. It's always too much or too little with me :( Sorry for ranting. I guess, does anyone older have any advice to stop holding myself back? I know I'm young, but I feel restless. I want to be doing more than I am.

For decades, I have battled with what I can best describe as a compulsion to reset/restart my life and personality, and it is very hard to manage. While the timeline had varied and evolved over the years, on average, I have “reset” myself every week or so for about twenty-five years (I am currently thirty-six). Resetting has evolved over time, too, but it involves a lot of time devoted to putting things back to a baseline with my phone, computer, car, odometer, clothes, etc., as well as performing a lengthy ritualistic sequence of events the following day. These things allow me to mentally reset myself as though I am a character in a show, and the next morning is the first scene of the first episode. I tweak parts of my personality, and of course none of it ever sticks. I will purposefully put off progress in work and my personal life in order for those things to be credited to the new me with my upcoming reset. I’ll finally start exercising and dieting properly? Nope - I have to wait for the next reset. I’ll finally clean the house and be productive? Nope - next reset. I’ll knock out these work projects I’ve been putting off for a long time, or these personal projects I’ve always wanted to do for years - just kidding, wait for the reset. Naturally, every single time I reset, I am convinced that this is the final reset, and will be the permanent me…rinse and repeat thousands of times. Of course, very few of the things I put off for a reset actually happen for longer than a day or two, and then it’s back to delaying. It’s supremely frustrating. Anyway…does anybody have any sort of similar experience or insight? I’m having a hard time communicating it, but the impact of it over a quarter century now is pretty maddening.

God damnit I can't escape my OCD triggers. They're seeping into all my comfort zones. God damnit. i guess it's kind of exposure therapy in a way? but fuck I can't stand getting unexpected pits of fear and dread and doubt in my stomach. I can't even get away from these things or tell people what triggers me because it's all so general. It's impossible. Everything is a trigger. Everything! God damnit I hate this! I hate my stupid brain! I'm failing the NOCD community. I told ppl and myself that I'd do ERP but I haven't figured it out yet and I've been too scared to get it wrong and too overwhelmed to do the research on how to solo it that I've just avoided doing it at all. It's like I don't even care about getting better. I'm just ruining myself by my own laziness and carelessness.

One of my biggest fears and hardest struggles when writing music is to sing while playing guitar. I never feel like it’s right or how i hoped it would sound. I typically barely speak if anything at all, or mess up the rythm while trying to sing lol. Or i just don’t feel like I’m good enough, which is probably why i mumble or remain barely audible at best. But today, today is different. Today is the manifestation of the encouragement my therapist Leigh has given me, the freedom to express and learn about my person, the place to feel safe to express what i cannot otherwise. Through all of it, I’ve finally learned to just go for it, no hindrances, no blocks, just whatever comes out. Last night i wrote the music as if it was already there and waiting for me. Today i wrote the words as if they already belonged to the music. Today i gave my song a voice, my voice, and its beautiful that i finally get to say that. A lifetime of trying but always hindered and silenced. No matter what happens from here, i can finally say i did it!! I really did it🥹🥹🥹. Just wanted to say that, thank you for listening.

I’m still a teenager so I live with my parents but thankfully I have my own bathroom. It’s my safe space because that’s where I spend most of my time cleaning myself and keeping up with my hygiene which is very important to me. Especially my shower because it’s also where I go when I have a panic/anxiety attack and it calms me down. Recently my dog had an accident all over the upstairs carpet (she’s okay, just had a brief stomach bug). My brother was the one who ended up cleaning the mess and he took all of the gross poop water and dumped it down my shower drain. He could have dumped it in the toilet or outside but just chose not to i guess? I was super disturbed upon hearing this and I know it’s super dramatic but I feel like I need to replace everything in my bathroom now. I already have a new shower curtain on the way but I’m fighting the urge to replace everything else (soap, bath mats, bottles, etc) I feel like everything in it is dirty and no amount of cleaning can fix it. Please give me tips on how to deal with this.

So today this morning I was doing ok till I got to a point where I ate at McDonald’s with my parents and my brother. We came out of the hospital where they have checked his pace maker. And we went to eat. I’ve asked them a question where I have told them if he could have some.. in this case they have said no he’s had enough. I have a thing if we’re I am not hungry I share. I told them “what am I doing wrong I always do something wrong?” And they said no it’s just you need to stop doing things that make me think you are doing everything wrong. In my mind I kept thinking to myself” why do I do everything wrong.. am I the case if everyone’s stress?.. what if that’s it?” Then I went to the car with that on my mind and I looked over at them with a dirty look then the escalation started from there where I started yelling and they raised there voice at me stating that you don’t do anything wrong we just don’t want you to look at us wrong. That’s when I started crying and started saying I dont want to live in the house anymore.. I need to leave I can’t be here!” Which led to me feeling anxious which led me to cry cause they said if you don’t want to talk to us then stop talking.” Then I started to let the thoughts set in my mind and started to scratch my right thigh.” Idk why but my ocd got the best of me and I started to cry again and asking myself why do I suffer and why did I do this to myself. Seems like I’m getting better and not feeling anxious or anything then boom just hits around the corner.” I feel stupid

After having a great few months and the most confidence in my life, an embarrassing situation and an ended situationship I got too attached to in August have led to a grueling 2 month journey of self-reflection. All of my defense and coping mechanisms stopped working. The feeling that I’ve never developed a true identity or enjoyed life the way others do was painful. I’ve learned that my intrusive thoughts and compulsive behavior I’ve exhibited over the years align with OCD (specifically with relationships and perfectionism). It was liberating to finally put a name to my situation, but rumination and excessive venting in my journaling have led to me constantly analyzing every conversation and all of my body mannerisms. I haven’t been able to get my mind off this situation for more than a minute in these two months. I’ve never felt more different from my peers, and I’ve gone from extremely social to fidgety and shy. How did you cope with the embarrassment and avoid comparing yourself to others? I am unable to form any routines or enjoy the things I used to enjoy because of these constant thoughts.

Hi everyone, I’m a 21-year-old single demisexual, recently diagnosed with OCD, and it’s hitting me hard with relationship and intimacy struggles at the moment. I only feel attraction after a deep connection, and I see intimacy as a sacred, love-first thing—not about pleasure but bonding with someone special. My OCD makes me obsess over needing to know a partner’s every thought and feeling, wanting them to view intimacy exactly like I do. I spiral when I can’t understand them or when they don’t get me, craving validation and reassurance like it’s air. It’s exhausting, and I feel like an anxious hamster sometimes, chasing answers I can’t have. Retroactive jealousy (RJ) is the worst part. I’m somewhat okay with serious past relationships now—I try to see them as proof someone can commit. But casual pasts or “big numbers” make my brain throw a tantrum. I don’t get seeking casual pleasure, ever—it’s so alien to me. I’m terrified of a partner who’s “done it all,” thinking they’d compare me or find me less special because they've already had all their first with someone else and know what they want while I’m clueless about intimacy. I know most people want someone who are mature and sure of what they like and want, but for me I find it more comforting knowing the other person is just as clueless as me, even it it'll be awkward. I want someone who needs a deep connection to even think about it, someone who waited for love like I do, not someone who experimented and now wants to settle. Part of this is my values—intimacy should be sacred—but part feels like insecurity, like I’ll never be enough or bring anything new. I don’t know where the line is, and it’s confusing. Dating feels impossible because most people my age are fine with casual, and I’m not. I’m lonely, craving love and closure, but my OCD screams I’ll be alone for years, stuck as the “clueless” one while others are experienced. Intrusive thoughts about partners’ pasts or “what they learned” haunt me, and I can’t quiet them, even though I know they’re not logical. I’m seeing a psychologist soon, but I’m struggling now. How do you manage RJ and stop obsessing over casual pasts or needing perfection? Any tips for calming intrusive thoughts or dating with these values? I want to be gentler with myself and stop feeling so scared. Thanks for any advice!

I don’t know what to do, I stopped taking my medication for almost 6 months due to a guy who left me, thought stopping my medication will make me better and a new person, but now my intrusive thoughts have started to come back . my room has been Renovated and today I saw the wood of my floor is peeling off a bit and now I’m having these thoughts where that I need to fix it or take the whole thing off and replace it with new wood which I cannot afford, how do I deal with this thought, I don’t know what’s happening to me, it feels really weird and uncomfortable like I need to do something. How do I move by this. I’m really upset to be going back on medication as I will be starting it again

I have known something was wrong with my “brain” for a long time. I am a recovering alcoholic who will be celebrating 5 years of Recovery in January. For me, drinking was my solution, not my problem however, I was OBSESSED with alcohol and could never say no to my CRAVINGS no matter how much self will I had. I eventually got sober through the program of AA, found a higher power and for many years my life was great. I never thought about alcohol and stayed active in AA. Over the past two years is when my Pure OCD started. First it was my relationship. Then I changed jobs and was in school for 9 months. I was constantly over studying, repetitive flash cards ever day, all because of fear of failure. It was the most stressed I have ever been in my whole life. The day before my final exam, I was driving and the word “alcohol” popped into my head. Not a craving or a want, just “alcohol.” I immediately started spiraling. “Why am I thinking about this” “why won’t this go away” “is my addiction/craving back.” It was torture. I became so scared of relapse I went to an AA meeting everyday, called my sponsor everyday, started re working the steps. I started doing everything I did the first time that got me relief but yet the thought remained for three weeks. This is the night “my brain broke.” While engaging in sex with my partner, an image of someone close to me popped in my head. Not in a sexual manor but because I was in the act my brain associated with it. I spiraled for two weeks. I was convinced I was a pedophile. Constantly seeking re assurance, re playing past memories. Every day my brain found a new fear. During that time I remember almost NEVER thinking about alcohol. At some times I welcomed that thought to come back. I have started therapy and my POCD has slowed down a lot and the thought/fear of alcohol is back and constantly in my mind. This poses a challenge for my brain. Is this an OCD fear or is it craving? My brain can rationalize now (on good days) that I’m not a pedophile but with alcohol it’s something I was addicted too and always will be. So my question is, is there anyone out there struggling with OCD and is also in recovery?

looking for recommendations for counseling, I struggle with POCD, and just right OCD and probably a number of other s. I unfortunately don’t have insurance so I’ll have to pay out-of-pocket so looking for sliding scale options.

yesterday morning i was fapping and semen dropped on the floor. i removed most of it with a kitchen towel cleaned it with a lot of amount of Disinfectant Anti-Germs (it says it kills 99% bacteria) then today one hour ago i poured a lot of the pink substance called ethyl alcohol without rubbing anything, i let it sit on the floor. but half hour later my father brought lunch and we ate together, then came to inspect that room. i put kitchen towel on the alcohol on the floor and told him to avoid stepping on it. but then he did and the kitchen towel came off from his shoes. what are the chances that semen germs got attached to his shoes? because he walked with those shoes on the elevator and in the city. im terrified of microscopic semen cells spreading in the city, i'm terrified that it could get in contact with an innocent trigger, the chance of it happening, or the fact that it is out there even as a microscopic dust deeply causes me anxiety. i googled and it says that semen cannot survive more than 5 minutes exposed to air, and that alcohol literally destroys the cell, but microscopic harmless not biologically residue of dead sperm can still exist, and im terrified of this. im terrified that it got attached to my father's shoes. if it were possible i would literally scrub every surface of my condominium, the elevator and the entire city.

tw just in case. don’t know what to put but just proceed with caution. I’ve been obsessed with brands/companies to boycott for palestine and have been using two sources for when I shop. I am in the BDS subreddit and every time there’s a new thing and it just limits what I can buy. I’ve successfully avoided products/restaurants but I have so many questions. for example, I know coca cola is being boycotted. I have this question: what if local restaurants (which is encouraged over big names) offer coke products? do u boycott the entire restaurant, especially when they say they proudly serve it? or when u want a drink with ur combo and anything except water has a product that’s being boycotted or is from a company that’s boycotted. do u just drink water all the time? maybe these are stupid questions but I wonder all the time. I feel like it can get hard especially living in the US with many products having to be boycotted. anyway, I read posts on the BDS subreddit and I have wondered about snacks and a lot of the snacks come from boycotted companies that are all over the stores. sometimes I just want a snack especially after a long day & mental exhaustion. but then 90% of the products in store are not safe to buy. I saw comments on these types of posts of companies/snacks to avoid and people usually go “who figured giving up z!0n!$t products would make me healthier/lose weight” or “the products aren’t healthy to consume anyway. you’re better off without those products in your diet” and while they’re right, wouldn’t the same be said for safe snack products? they’re not healthy either. but yeah, finding snacks can be a hassle sometimes. and then worrying which grocery store to boycott because it’s on the list. I have donated to victims in gaza and have been trying to boycott what I can. I don’t know why but I feel bad for feeling frustrated when I find out a restaurant/company/product is on the boycott list. it’s a constant thing. now I wonder about people who buy these products? should I assume anyone who buys from these companies to be evil? for example, the company I work for has had a history of controversies with the lgbtq+ community. we get a bunch of customers everyday and I wonder if these people know? do they even care? won’t be surprised since the company is christian owned. I feel like a fraud for having spent money buying stuff at my job. all of the times were because I was just hungry. while the company stopped making donations that harmed lgbtq+, I then found out that the owner donated to something that harms the community that made me feel disgusted. ever since then, I haven’t spent a penny at work. I have been budgeting my meal allowance and that is all. I’m just so preoccupied with the what ifs and everything I buy. I’m overwhelmed and I feel like by saying this, people will say something like “u feel like this is a chore? well imagine the many kids and innocent people dying from choices like yours. you aren’t dying for boycotting this product/company.” I feel overstimulated from this. it just feels a lot with other things I have on my mind. dealing with undiagnosed mental illness and fatigue while trying my best to make ethical choices is exhausting. I don’t know if this is a case of “you need to get off the internet” or just take a break. I’m always worried about being a bad person nowadays. I feel like I over fixate on actions I feel like should’ve been avoided. ughhhhh my brain is overloaded.

What are things you would want portrayed in a fictional character with ocd?

OCD has been in my life since 2019, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Everything started when I was 14. I had just started high school, and when I walked into the classroom, I was trying to figure out the atmosphere there. I was a very quiet kid in high school. I usually hated my skin, so I would wear my cardigan in a way that covered my hands and listened to lessons with my hand on my face. A few weeks later, people started insulting me, hitting me, and verbally harassing me. The bullying got worse, and from then on, I started bottling everything up. At that time, I cared too much about what people thought, and I began to believe others would harm me. Because of these thoughts and fears, I failed around 8–9 classes. In 2020, when the pandemic started, classes went online. I hated it, but I was happy because I wouldn’t have to see those people again—at least until I lost my grandmother. She passed away due to COVID, and that pushed me really far down. Back then, I had an edit account on Instagram. I loved making edits and I had friends I really liked. Talking with them made me so happy, but over time, their behavior toward me changed. They turned into completely different people I no longer recognized. They became horrible, and all of this happened just because I replied late to their messages. I wasn’t always online—I’m human too. They added me to groups, threatened me, and sent me awful messages. I began to hate myself more and more. Around that time, I also started becoming paranoid about people. When I met someone new, I approached them with fear, and this dragged me down further. For almost a year and a half, both online and in real life, I developed prejudice against people. This prejudice was mostly fear—fear and prejudice made me antisocial. When the pandemic ended, in 2022–2023, I had to do an internship in a place and a job I absolutely hated and couldn’t manage. The people there constantly mocked me, which pushed me down even more. I didn’t know how to deal with these situations because I was alone. I did the internship for about two and a half months, and when 2023 came, all the traumas and obsessions echoed in my mind. I felt terrible because of the disgusting events I had experienced. It felt like my brain had completely shut down. By January 2023, I was in an unbearable state. When I walked into the classroom, my teacher noticed something was wrong and started asking me questions. I immediately burst into tears and told her, “I hate myself.” At that time, the students in the back were making a lot of noise, so they couldn’t hear me. My teacher said, “Don’t turn around so they won’t see—come with me,” and took me to the teachers’ room. I told her everything, and I think I respect myself for that. But at the same time, my orientation felt like a burden on my shoulders, because I felt pressure from my family—as if I was supposed to meet a girl and start a relationship. I explained all the pressures, my obsessions, everything from beginning to end. She guided me and supported me. Almost all of my teachers supported me, and my prejudice toward people completely disappeared. Back then, I really thought I had beaten OCD. But in the following years, it came back stronger. I started hating my body. I took too many showers. The traumas replayed in my mind over and over. The more I tried to erase them, the more I thought about them—and I wasn’t the one controlling it. I couldn’t. When I do something, I often repeat it 4 or 5 times. I can’t pass through doors. I can’t touch certain objects. Even when I play games on my phone, I feel like I have to choose a character, but I keep choosing and canceling again and again. It repeats endlessly, and I can’t stop it. It feels like everything that once made me happy just disappears in front of my eyes, and I’m still fighting this. My family, my sister, my aunts, and my past teachers have supported me, but I feel like I’m disappointing them. That makes me feel terrible. On this site, I see so many people sharing their struggles with OCD, and knowing I’m not alone makes me both sad and, at the same time, a little happy. I just wanted to express myself this way. There are still things I couldn’t write—I really want to—but my thoughts exhaust me so much that I can’t.

So I was reading Jeremiah today cuz I haven’t really studied it before. And I feel like it was for me for having idols in my life but I don’t know how to get rid of them and if my repentance isn’t genuine cuz I always feel like I’m just gonna mess up again cuz we can’t be perfect but Christ over came sin so we can overcome too. But when I read this then I just trigger all at once what I’m doing wrong like my desires are idols probably my phone and how to I just surrender them cuz we should be doing things for the Lord and if I really love him I should just not be on my phone so much and not have hopes and dreams and be content where I am right now.

I struggle with ruminating on things I did that I deem “cringey” or I feel others may judge me for. For example, we had a very fun and friendly work “Olympics” that I got roped into organizing. The planning process itself was stressful because I am very organized and the ladies I worked to plan it with are organized it their own different ways. That aside, the day came together very nicely. Everyone had fun, nothing went wrong, we had to time everything perfectly (we have people who flew in from out of town and had to leave at a very specific time) and there was only one game that had to be reworked to fit. Objectively it was a very good day and came together very well. However, my brain seems to want to focus on and play on a loop the one singular game I played that I completely fudged. After telling everyone not to hold the child sized bow and arrow a certain way, I of course, held it that way and proceeded to mess up, not once, but four times. A lot - but not all - of the participants were watching and my hands began to shake and I feel it was noticeable. I was the only one to struggle with it so my brain tells me everyone saw it and they were talking about it behind my back and judging me for not being able to do the thing I said not to do. Then I spiral and think of the other slightly cringey moments that I didn’t even necessarily mess up I just had a lot of anxiety during, and a lot of yes on me, and felt it was noticeable. How do you stop the rumination ? I can distract myself with a show or a book or something but it only lasts so long and then BAM the memory pops up in my brain like one of my Inside Out Emotions hit the wrong button. This is a very mild case of ruminating for me, yet I still physically cringe anytime the thought occurs. Any tips would be appreciated.