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working to conquer OCD
it’s my sisters wedding tomorrow and i’ve arrived at the venue, i am struggling to enjoy the moment due to my intrusive thoughts, it feels as if i am drowning in my mind and i don’t deserve to be here, does anyone have any tips so i can enjoy myself. i just want to be normal i’m only 16
Please send positive energy. Our son has been struggling for quite some time. He’s done in-patient, PHP & IOP as well as meds and doing ERP for about 5 months. Fighting very hard to resist compulsions but still falters, which is to be expected, but those days are horrible for all of us, as the confessions and reassurance seeking is constant. The intrusive thoughts are there all day, every day, torturing him. Please tell us your success stories so we can remain hopeful. Thank you & much love to all💕
A few months back, I was struggling with intrusive thoughts about my Dad. I was having thoughts like he was looking at me inappropriately, like he was going to hurt me, etc. But now, I don't even know if its OCD anymore. He says stuff like he's going to k1ll me, and he's going to punch me. I flinch around him, and I don't feel safe in a conclusion. At first, I didn't blame it on him, said it was my fault I'm feeling this uncomfortable way, and he would never do that. And I have a feeling he wouldn't, but he still makes me uncomfortable. Its also that he doesn't respect my boundaries. I have this thing about people looking at me for a long time. It makes me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable. I know its a strong request, but i just mean constant looking at me for long periods of time. So in order to feel more comfortable, i spook out about it to my family. To say the least my sister is the only one who understands and respect that. My mom try's to, but at least I don't get uncomfortable from her stare. My dad doesn't even care. He says "your my fucking daughter, I can look at you if i want" And when i tell him it makes me uncomfortable he says "I'm not looking at you inappropriately??" but it feels like he is sometimes. And i hate it. Cause i feel like its all my fault. I feel like its all just my paranoia and my OCD telling me he's looking at me like that. Cause then i tried checking. (ik, i shouldn't be, but I'm a day or two compulsion free so :DD) But i tried seeing if he looked at other people the same way. And he does, he looks at my mom, my sister the same way. But when he looks at them in that way, it doesn't feel creepy, and it does when he looks at me. I have a feeling this is all just OCD, its the effects of struggling with intrusive thoughts. it scarred me and now my brain cant undo it. Idk..
So I’ve been having a lot of mental obsessions recently and my OCD has mainly focused there instead of physically. It kinda just switched up which is odd and I’m not sure what that means. But it’s getting pretty bad. The ones I’ve noticed so far is ruminating and not being able to let things go. Whenever I get anxious about something I’ll go back and think about it over and over and my mind will keep bugging me about it until I can properly reassure myself. No matter what it is something will bug me and I’ll go on and on for hours thinking about it even just waking up from sleeping. I just recently opened up to my mom about something not exactly bad or crazy but just personal to me because it’s a more softer side of me, and now my mind keeps eating at me and bugging me that it’ll affect something or maybe I said the wrong thing. My mind is just now fixated on a certain part of what I said and keeps bugging me about it and it’s actually pretty stressful. I’ve never dealt with this amount of Pure OCD (I’m not diagnosed yet but that’s what it seems like from what I’ve researched), and it’s getting worse. Another part that is bugging me is not being able to let go of it, no matter how much I reassure myself my mind won’t let it go. I have to constantly get reassurance either from my partner or myself and sometimes that’s stressful because then I’m anxious that I’m being annoying or too much. I honestly have no idea what to do and it’s becoming a lot for me. Can anyone help?
I ignore the thoughts and keep trying to do my uni work, sitting with the anxiety and not listening to the thought, why is it not going away? Is that the same as sitting with the thought? Am I doing erp on the thought by ignoring it and continuing with what I do? Im freaking out I don’t have ocd
I’ve been dealing with this harm theme for almost four months now, and well obviously life hasn’t been the best for me, the thoughts really circulate on hurting others, why couldn’t they just been about me instead? (I apologize to those currently suffering from self harm ocd) it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if my thoughts are really intrusive now, and it doesn’t help that I get urges to act on these thoughts. Why have I been cursed with such vile thoughts why me why now. The only good news so far is that I’m finally going to see if this is ocd or not and get diagnosed by a psychiatrist once I start college here in a few weeks(Thank gatos for my college has mental health resources) but honestly it just doesn’t really feel like ocd. I don’t know if I feel anxiety because it’s not the typical anxiety I feel. While my compulsions are mental it’s just wierd. Like I’m worried that ERP wouldn’t work for me. Sometimes I get thoughts like, how do people live without these thoughts? And how do they occupy their time? I know I used to be like other people, yk where I wasn’t worried or concerned because of these thoughts, like yeah I’ve had intrusive thoughts before in the past and they absolutely scared me, but I was just able to get over them. So why now does it feel like i can’t shake them off? Why do they have to show up everyday? And why have I become so apathetic? Like my empathy and sympathy feel like they’ve disappeared? And it’s so bad that sometimes I feel like if someone close to me just passed away I would feel nothing. Like when I heard my abuelo had skin cancer I just felt nothing and I was obsessing over the fact that I didn’t. Has anyone ever felt this way? Is it just ocd or something worse?
about a month ago i experienced an intrusive thoight about becoming a murderer and it completely shocked me i panicked and began searching things up and came across intrusive thoughts and ever since discovering them i have them all the time and they are on my mind 24/7 i’m paranoid that i’m going to become a murderer and revently i’ve been afriad that it’s not ocd and it’s just who i am and what i have become and i’m a physco i live with a constant guilt tjay i am looking at people the wrong way and my mind is convincing me i’m evil but i would never hurt anyone but even typing this my mind is telling me i’m lying i have such a headache, i have had anxiety issues before
Me and my boyfriend spend a lot of time together. Especially since we were long distance on and off for a long while, we spend as much time together as we can when he's not working. This is also due to my social OCD, which has made it very very difficult to be able to spend time without him among friends or in public. We've now been together for over 2 1/2 years and I'm so so grateful for all the help he's provided me with mentally and emotionally in these last 3 months we've been living together. It hasn't been easy, but he's been so patient with me. He continues to be patient with me every day, but he's not a machine either. Sometimes I hate myself for the ways that my OCD, ADHD, PTSD trauma and cannabis dependency can jump out in ways that not only hurt him, but our relationship too. Sometimes I'll say things or feel things that feel like they authentically come from me as a person, only to realize it was some OCD thought spiral or obsession or checking compulsion... IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!! I can come off as crass, unconcerned, narrow minded, pushy and rude. None of these things represent me, I know they don't. I feel like I constantly have to explain that to myself and him to not feel like a shitty ass person. My obsessions can be so persistent that they ignore him trying to communicate to me that I'm not in the right headspace and that I should take a breather. It feels like there's so much standing in the way of me being able to meet both of our needs sometimes, especially because I don't exactly feel like I can trust myself. I need a break from how hard this disorder can be, he needs a break, we're both tired of it. I'm blessed that each other's presence is already such a big gift to one another, and none of this negates the fact that we are still falling in love with each other over and over again. I'm beyond blessed to have someone like him through the good times and the hard times, the hard times can just be so hard on the both of us and I wish it would stop. Any advice would be appreciated <3
Hi fellow OCDers. I've struggled with OCD for the last 7 years and have cycled through therapists who for years did not diagnose me with OCD (eventually I found someone who did). I've been on several different medications and I've tried different therapy techniques (I'm familiar with CBT, ERP, and ACT). I'm lucky enough to have found a therapist who understands OCD and does not provide any reassurance. And I found the right medication that helped me stabilize which I am no longer on. I think one of my key turning points has been becoming more aware of my OCD thoughts through reading and therapy -- as well as doing exposure therapy. Exposure therapy is a weird concept to me. The trouble is that OCD can be deceptive. I found that I'd be too calm and I'd write a script for ERP that wouldn't elicit any anxiety. Or I'd skip ERP because subconsciously I didn't want to heighten my anxiety. But I've found that its impact has begun to be life-changing. By writing down my fears and reading a script or recording and replaying my fears to myself, eventually, the anxiety diminishes. The anxiety starts to subside and I realize the absurdity of my OCD. I'm reading the OCD Workbook, by Bruce Hyman which has been a great resource, but I find that taking the time to think through what exercises to do and setting aside time every day is an obstacle. I'd like to know what people have tried, what they have found helpful, and how they have stayed organized. What I'm curious to know: What has your treatment journey been like? What methods have you tried, and what do you find effective? How do you track your progress if at all? Do you also find doing ERP difficult? Why? Where do you organize your ERP exercises? In a Google Doc like me? An app? Or on paper? How often do you do ERP? How often would you like to do it? How much time do you spend on doing ERP?
Yesterday me and my bf were gaming and he had a glitch in the game and raged at it because he died because of the glitch which was out of his control and I ended up being startled and left the call on impulse. My ocd always expects an answer in my favour and when an answer is not what my Ocd expects it goes WILD. My ocd expected “I’m so sorry I made you startled my love it will never happen again ” after I told him why I left the call, but he gave me a completely different answer to the positive reassuring answer it wanted. He said we both overreacted and it’s not a big deal he was just letting out some anger because he couldn’t fix a glitch that caused him to lose the game we were playing while mine was working normally. He wasn’t mad at anyone, just the game because he died from a reason he couldn’t control. He couldn’t understand why I reacted the way I did so he couldn’t exactly feel sad about it, just confused. I think my ocd has reacted so badly to this situation because I am used to asking more questions after the initial response my ocd didn’t like, so I can get a positive answer to balance it out and be reassured, but it reacted badly because my bf stood his ground and said he needs to stop reassuring me/babying me in some situations because it’s just catering towards my OCD and I need a positive answer constantly and I somewhat agree because I see how my ocd trying to twist it to be positive is reassurance seeking. It can’t cope with an answer it doesn’t want to hear. If there is an answer that my ocd hates, it paints my boyfriend out to be a bad person like in this situation, a “narcissist with no empathy” ,when actually he admits/realises when he is wrong, he was just standing his ground with an answer and not catering to my ocd being like “awwww it’s okay I’m sorry” and he decided to be honest this time that he was extremely confused with how I reacted in that situation so he couldn’t feel anything. He said he would have possibly reacted differently if I hadn’t of left the call which confused him/stressed him a little and I could of have just said “I need a few minutes” and muted to calm down. He also might of reacted differently if he heard how I was on call if I didn’t leave. I have realised maybe it’s me being sort of toxic with the way I think and I need to get out of this thing where I hear an answer I don’t like and then ask questions until it changes to be reassured. Is it better to learn to sit with the uncomfortableness/ uncertainty of having a negative answer and not getting out of it by trying to “cancel it out” with a positive answer? Do I need to fight my OCD back when it’s being like “oh my god he’s so horrible we didn’t get the answer we wanted to hear! Let’s ask questions until it changes to something we want to hear!” Does anyone else have where their ocd goes wild because you expect a certain answer always and you don’t get it and it’s distressing and you feel like you need to find a positive to make it stop?
I’m having a really rough morning. I woke up around 2 am and since then (it’s 10 now) it’s been one obsession after another. I’ve been doing compulsions but now I’m trying to sit in the discomfort. I wanted to talk about one of the themes though. I feel I can do this because it doesn’t make me anxious to think about not doing it, so I don’t think it’s a compulsion for me. I’m thinking about being on social media and wondering if I ever talked to somebody, followed somebody, allowed somebody to follow me, etc., that was underage, or even 18, 19, 20. I have incredibly bad POCD. I’m 23 now and have no interest having any sort of romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship with anyone under 21, but I worry about little things I end up doing not being okay, and I worry about crossing a line. But being on social media, I’m bound to come across people who are basically children. If it’s apparent to me someone’s young, I try to avoid it, but there’s no way I can possibly always know that. I also didn’t keep track when I was younger so seeing a video from a 15/16 year old when I was 20 didn’t phase me, but I feel like it should’ve. There’s only so much I can do to avoid this. I can put an age limit in my bio, private my accounts, try to clear out anybody I suspect is underage or just everybody I don’t know and who doesn’t have an age in their bio, but it seems easier to just avoid social media all together. This seems logical, I don’t want to communicate with minors or anyone under 21 that I don’t know. But I wonder what people that are famous on tiktok or YouTube do. I don’t think they think they’re pedophiles, but I seriously feel like one and I feel like no matter what, I’m gonna do something wrong with kids in my life. It’s wrong to look at them, think of them, talk about them. I feel disgusting and I’m really suffering. And I think some of this is an overreaction and just OCD but then I’ll see something online that reinforces some of what my brain is telling me and I wanna throw up. I understand a lot of what people say is crossing a line and I would never want to do that, but something feels off and I can’t find balance and I’m terrified.
When I get a new theme the previous theme completely disappears/seems unimportant until there is a trigger for it. Is circling themes a very obvious sign its ocd? If it’s something actually serious in the relationship wouldn’t I get a worse feeling than just “omg this is bad I need to ruminate and search and seek reassurance” There is always one theme in control and my main focus until a new/ returning theme takes its place and the other theme is shoved away in the back of my mind like nothing until it circles around again. Even if the theme I’m currently having seems like an actual problem/super serious a different trigger/theme can occur and the “serious” theme that i was panicking over thinking “is my bf a bad person” can be wiped away and replaced with another theme. Is the constant thinking something is super serious but then it can easily be replaced with another worry a big sign it’s ocd?
Please, does anyone fall into this bucket? What works for you? How are you moving forward? It’s been over 10 years since my diagnosis and I’ve seen over a dozen providers. I’ve tried ERP, ACT, TMS, several Rxs, even started I-CBT. I’ve attended an intensive outpatient program and local support group. I even saw an OCD specialist who turned me away because no one else has been able to help me and he doesn’t see what more he could try. I’m feeling very discouraged. I try to follow general self help books too, but I get so frustrated because they don’t consider people with disabilities. I’ve also tried stoicism and turning to religion. It feels hopeless. What kind of life am I supposed to lead? Of course no one can solve my specific set of circumstances but if someone out there is in a similar position I’d like to hear about your journey. I’ve abandoned my career, my degrees, my dreams. I don’t know what comes next. P.s. I don’t meant to discourage anyone who is new or starting out on their OCD journey. I know it sucks, but please continue to seek healing. ❤️🩹 you are worth it.
hey so this is my first time really using this app so i'm not really sure how to start but this is about to be a long story and i just feel the need to get it out because it feels like my anxiety is eating me alive right now. So basically i've always known i've had o cd and i've been diagnosed with pure ocd so i already knew that. I've always always had acid reflux and hypothyroidism that's just something to keep in mind. i've also been smoking on and half for 2 and a half years and my mom has been fixated on it. recently i want to a concert and before this i occasionally smoke, at recreational things or if im with my friends. I have a bad habit of not drinking water so before this concert i completely forgot to. While I was there this lady was smoking beside me and i started to feel very lightheaded and i thought my lungs were gonna collapse. I thought it had to be lung cancer, and my heart felt like it was stopping(it wasn't but my brain made me believe it was).I then had a panic attack and it felt like my throat was closing up and my acid reflux was flaring up and i missed most of the concert. I got so in my head to the point where i couldn't go to sleep that night because i was so scared i wasn't gonna wake up. Luckily the day after the concert i had a doctors appointment and they told me my lungs sounded perfect. So you know that made me feel better for a little while and i started smoking again on and off. My friend who has been smoking longer than me one day told me that he was coughing up blood and his back was hurting from smoking and my brain stuck to that. Everyday even if i didn't smoke i felt like my back was hurting and it was hard to breathe. I truly thought i had popcorn lung. I went back to the doctor again to see what the problem was and she told me again they sounded fine and it was anxiety. They took an x ray and she said my lungs were healthy and nothing was there. to this day i haven't been smoking as much but when i do i have the constant fear of either my heart slowing down or me having lung problems and it causes me to stop going and doing things i love to do like going to concerts, or being outside in the heat for long. I've tried the saying "maybe maybe not" to my problems and exposure therapy but it feels like it's just getting worse to the point where i don't know what's real on my body and what's fake. i feel like every little movement or pain on my body is something serious. i'd really like some advice right now. thank you
Hi all. I have OCD, and I’ve been having it for about 2 years. I am Christian, and I heavily love the Lord. I also have a loving boyfriend, who is not religious. It’s a huge struggle because in the Bible, it says to not make close relationships with nonbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV). I love my boyfriend and totally accept him for who he is, and he accepts me for who I am and my beliefs. However, it’s just been an on and off thing of “should I break up with him?” “Does God not want me with him?” “Am I selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with him?” “Does God accept us?” Those things. I always tend to over analyze and overthink about this sensitive topic of mine, and it overwhelms me so much because I truly don’t know what to do. I know the Lord doesn’t want his children with nonbelievers, so I feel selfish. However, my boyfriend heavily respects me and my beliefs, and whenever I tell him about my day whether it’s reading the Bible, praying, etc, he totally supports me and is actually happy for me! He doesn’t judge me, he doesn’t judge my love for God, and he wants to be a better person. Our relationship has helped change me for the better and helped me realize I really need to focus on the Lord. When we first dated, I was a lost girl and didn’t fully know God. The fear I had about dating a nonbeliever as a believer really got to me at that time which made me look into it more. I definitely think it helped me to understand the Lord and form a relationship with him. Furthermore, he uses the Lord’s name in vain which absolutely hurts me. I haven’t told him that it does, but I’m waiting for a right time because he too has mental issues going on. It’s hard because we have different values so I definitely feel like talking about it will affect us and make me seem controlling. But, this is what we signed up for, knowing how hard it will be. All in all, I’m a daughter of God dating a non believer, but we help each other get back up. Even right now I’m asking myself if I’m selfish. I don’t need reassurance or help, but I’d love to hear from people.
Treatment - ERP Hey so basically I'm just soooo scared to do ERP. I started doing erp with one service and I couldn't cope with our first exposure which was just sitting alone for 20 minutes and accepting intrusive thoughts with no compulsions'. I found this so distressing and hard. I've been moved services and probably will be doing ERP with them but I really don't want to do it. I know it's the gold standard treatment for OCD but it scares me so much knowing I have to do it. I'm scared it will make me way more sick and at this point in my life I cannot afford to be more sick (I'm starting year 13 next month and doing my A-level exams in may) I want to trust that this will work but I'm just very scared. I'm scared that this service will be just as bad as the other one. One of my big fears that we did my hierarchy for with service 1 was around science practicals as that was the only fear that therapist 1. I'm scared that therapist 2 will focus on the same scenario (which is a scenario that I struggle A LOT with) but I can't do that, I'm not sure what my hierarchy will be this time. I can't think of any harm exposures at all but I'm sure she will be able to.
Does anyone had or have the existential fear of our brain functions. I have so much hyperawareness in my thoughts, I focus all the time in my feelings and my intentions in order to check if I am strange or not and if I have control of my actions. I do psychotherapy 4 years and I thought I was fine. But this June I had a derealization episode(or ocd) , after that a depersonalization episode (or ocd) and after that I have obsessions about our existence and that every aspect in our lives has to do with our brain and for some reason these thoughts scary me. I know that at some point is ocd but I am very confused why this thoughts scary me so much. I observe others and I am curious how it's possible not to think about that and this make it worse . I am so anxious because obviously we are our brain ,I know that and brain has to do with everything,but I don't know why it make me anxious and if it's possible to live without these thoughts. I do many compulsion but my biggest is to figure out if I have compulsion in order to figure out if my thoughts is ocd or delusions. It's so real and these thoughts really bother me. Any other with same experience?
I feel like everyday I am getting worse I’m finding very hard to feel relaxed I constantly think I do something bad to ruin my relationship that I find it hard to be by myself bc if I start thinking something I think it’s real I can’t even relax at my job bc I constantly think guys go downstairs with me when I go down there bc my mind throws images at me and I think they are real and I start freaking out And I feel bad calling my boyfriend and telling him him that my mind is telling me I did something with someone when that’s the last thing I want to do but my mind has like intrusive images and thoughts and then 2 seconds laters I think they are real and it’s annoying me I can’t relax at all & I know I’m not supposed to “confess” but I feel horrible if I don’t say anything and I think that’s why I’m stuck in a loop bc I can’t keep things like that to myself
I find it really hard to make decisions-especially big life decisions. People ask "what does your intuition say", but I feel like I can't access my intuition- I feel doubtful/question all thoughts+decisions. Are there any resouces anyone could recommend?
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