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I’m a Christian and I’m in my first relationship, often feeling guilty/uncomfortable with various things in relation to sexual purity. I’m struggling to know when things are OCD or genuine conviction. Any advice on how to know?

I have listen somewhere that a person will die after 3 days if he or she will take false swear oath of a particular place I have religious and blasphemous thought ocd and my mind manipulate me to take oath he fears me my mind manipulate me 24 by 7 to take the oath I resist it now my mind has develop strange thing I have death fear also whenever thought come I am going to die blasphemous thoughts comes and abusive thoughts comes againts God and holy spirits and a voice Lound in my mind to take oath of abusive words against them death fear mix with anger that they are not giving me life and all such things occurred I know it's not good but that time I cannot control on myself now after that my fear of die after 3 days develop my mind says to me you have take a false oath now I am weeping and shivering I have taken wrong oath i will die but I cannot control myself that time now I am unable to understand what is this. My brain force me to take oath with mix of anger hate against them I think I don't love them. It's so painful

sometimes my brain is thinking of every thought you could have all at once and it makes me insane and i keep telling myself in my head to shut up and i try to stop thinking but it doesn’t stop

New member here. I realize this Retroactive Jealousy OCD topic is not thoroughly discussed and most therapists are unfamiliar with this OCD. This is perhaps the most painful form of OCD, and most people have no idea how or why people have these irrational obsessive thoughts. Here is my story in detail. Many of you might be able to relate. 12 years ago I was a 38 years old divorced man with 2 small children. I had been divorced for 4 years, during which time a had a few relationships and had sex regularly with the women I dated. One day I met a wonderful woman and fell in love with her. She was same age as me, and similar divorce and dating experiences. Everything was perfect in the beginning just like any new relationships. 2 months into the relationship I decided that we should disclose our body count and experiences (for transparency). I was only interested in the period after our divorce because we had both been with our ex spouse for over 15 years and stuff before that was borderline pre-adult stuff. Coincidentally 6-8 for both of us. Only difference is I had 2 serious relationships and she had none. She had 1 one-nighter with a friend and a “friends with benefits” situation with 1 other guy. The rest were short 1x and 2x experiences, just like me. Granted we were both in our mid 30s so this stuff shouldn’t shock anyone. For some reason I began fixating on that 1 nighter and friend with benefits. That 1-nighter happened a few months after her divorce and was with an old guy (54) from another country. I felt sickened and kept imagining their sex act. I asked her how it was and she said she was lonely and it was a bad choice. I kept obsessing over it. Maybe she liked older men? Next I started ruminating over her Friend with Benefits which went on for 2 years. They dated briefly but she said she was never in love. Neither wanted a relationship but happens to meet up a few times a year and ended up having sex. This friend was extremely threatened once he found out about me. I felt maybe her connection with him was stronger or maybe sex was so good she couldn’t avoid him. She said no. In fact she decided to end all contact with him and he freaked out. But I felt insecure and I felt extreme pain when I thought about her having sex with these people. I thought it was very unlike her to do that. She felt I was judging her. We had our first fight. I broke up with her. Same day I regretted my actions and clearly it was my issue. I begged her for her forgiveness. I started therapy to figure out what was wrong. Clearly Retroactive Jealousy OCD was relatively unknown 12 years ago. The psychiatrist considered it a form of OCD and treated it accordingly. With the combination medication and therapy I was able to conquer it in 8 months. We got married and next month we will celebrate our 11th year wedding anniversary. But the story is not over. In March of this year I suffered a nervous breakdown, mainly due to severe. personal and professional stress. All my OCDs came back literally overnight. So now I’m being treated again and it has been very difficult. This is work in progress. I’m not out of the woods yet. I am on serotonin and therapy 3x a week. Hopefully in due time, I’ll get better…again.

I’m a few days in on starting 10 mg of Prozac, my anxiety has definitely been heightened and it’s making it really hard for me to eat :( also sleep has been very hard when the intrusive thoughts fill my head. I want to stick with the medication and give it a good shot as I know it could really help me. Any suggestions or some encouragement to help me get through this time

Recently me and my ex partner broke up. We met recently and when he asked me how I was I told him I was suicidal and broke down crying. I told him instantly that obviously the break up hasn’t made me suicidal but the ocd that’s come with it has. I felt so bad that a few days ago I messaged him to say sorry for how much I’ve contacted him and for being such a mess. I asked him if he still wanted to be friends and he said we would but now I can’t stop thinking that maybe he’s just saying that because he knows I’ve been suicidal. I just want this all to stop, I don’t know how to stop thinking about all I did wrong and how much harder I’ve made this break up

Really long vent sorry 😣 I don’t think I’ve experienced any specific or intense traumatic events but I do feel like I might have trauma. I particularly struggle with religion and idk how much of it is ocd and how much might be trauma or if they overlap? Maybe I’m just overeacting? I’ve been raised Christian (and I’m still really young ) I have an amazing supportive family and amazing friends and I feel like my life is perfect and I’m just complaining and everyone has it worse and that I’m invalidating their experiences!? But also my life is not perfect and my family IS a mess. I think I have body dysmorphia but maybe I’m just ugly and I sometimes wonder if I have Bpd but I’m too young to get diagnosed. How I see myself and how I feel changes so regularly and it’s really distressing! I constantly feel guilty for sinning and feel like I don’t deserve anything good. I constantly label everything I do as good or bad and whether I deserve love because of those things. (Particularly sexual thoughts and desires make me feel impure and disgusting) (I keep thinking sex=bad but idk if that’s true and idk who to talk to cos it’s embarrassing and my family is Christian) I feel a huge sense of relief when I think about not being Christian but then I feel guilty for feeling relieved. Idk how much of that could be ocd and how much could be some complex trauma? But I’m pretty sure I don’t believe Christianity but that I SHOULD believe but then that I’d be doing that for selfish reasons! I don’t want anyone to know how disgusting and sinful I am but I feel like I’m being manipulative if I don’t tell everyone everything and give them enough information to make their own decisions. I just want to stop existing because the constant spiralling and back and forth of my thoughts is just too much. The thing is that I would understand and care about anyone else going through similar things but I cannot bring myself to feel compassionate for myself because I must be perfect. I also recently watched Ginny and Georgia and triggered my body and eating issues and sh thoughts😭 I feel so weak all the time and I keep seeking some kind of validation or reason for my pain. I feel like I’ve left out too much and I’m just seeking reassurance here but that any reassurance I get will be fake or I’ll make heaps of people mad or something 😭😭😭 I feel so stuck right now I feel like people should hate me but I don’t want them to.

Does anyone else’s OCD convince them that bad thoughts are not actually that bad…. Like I know they are so why do I feel like they arent😭😭

Hate those times where you can decipher if it’s false memories or real. My theme is Pocd and I Cosleep with my son and ocd really loves to mess with that. My brain is spinning and trying to spiral into me thinking I touch my little one inappropriately in my sleep. This little image that keeps replaying is me turned towards him but my hand was on his thigh and I do believe he was in his side. And I remember I grabbed the blanket but for some reason I feel as if I grabbed or felt the blanket where it was folded. (Not sure if I was trying to fully cover him back because the pass couple nights he was tangled up in the blanket) I don’t remember what happed after that because I went back to sleep. But that little part I want to be certain I was messing with the blanket and not inappropriately touching my son. I mean can you touch someone inappropriately while sleeping? I’m sure a “real” pedo would plan something like this right? Like they would go to sleep with that intention. (Which I didn’t) Someone please help

Whenever someone say no to me and work go beyond my wills intrusive thoughts bad words comes in my mind regarding God and spiritual figures I don't want to do it but it happens that time I always say no resist to my mind that this is not because of them it is something else but all logics become failed and bad words comes now I am in severe pain why this is happening it is ocd or not I think I am doing it by myself how it can be ocd. It's seems to be real.

I was sleeping after a very long stressful week at work and life but lately i was worried about myself cause I don't feel bad anymore just numb, I thought I was living and it's fine but I woke up now with jumble of different bad intrusive thoughts that it makes me feel like I'm crazy person it always happen when I'm stressed I guess but I feel like my mind is going crazy and I try to stop my mind from thoughts it's thinking about different things in one minute like idk what's going on Idk how to manage

One of my biggest struggles in overcome OCD is that in moment where I feel invincible and feel really good, my mind itches back at me telling me that it’s too good to be true and I need to feel back on edge. I call this my OCD homeostasis, and my mind just needs to revert back to this. How has everyone dealt with this effectively?

I have intrusive thoughts all the time. I married the wrong woman, she’s not right for me, I don’t feel right with her, I’m going to fail at work, I’m going to lose my job, what if I can’t sleep at night, I can’t sleep at night, what if my surgery doesn’t work, what will people think of me, I’m a failure, I let people down, I’m a horrible father, my son hates me, do I or don’t I drink coffee, what if I eat the wrong foods, there’s something wrong with me physically all the time, etc, etc, etc. It’s extremely annoying and exhausting. I just can’t wait to go to bed at night and try to fall asleep to shut off my brain.

my OCD is doing what it does best and it’s randomly selecting themes. Once I’m not scared or react to one it bounces to another. And then i temporarily forget all of my coping skills for that theme. Rn it’s fixating on the time I had a panic attack and it’s trying to make me have one again

Am I the only one who, when an unwanted thought appears, the heart starts beating very fast??

TW:trauma.. This can be very triggering... I was outside walking my dog.I met with the family of the kid who was hurt years ago(I mentioned abt this..it was really a bad and traumatizing event) .I warned them abt a dog (bcs they have a dog too ) who was walking around and bcs I think I saw it another day .And I talked with their mom and I thought: Am I lying ? Am I manipulating her into thinking I am a caring person when in reality I am not.Because I didnt helped the kid when they needed help.I was right there and didnt help and didnt told them.I feel like a traitor.Everytime we met and talk I am scared my friendly interactions mean I am lying to them and manipulate them.Bcs I didnt help their kid...:,( I am so so sorry for them.I feel like I left them in danger back then,that it was my fault..I cant stop thinking abt how they trusted me and I didnt help..and that event.Because no one should go through that..especially a kid.I am scared honestly..even now .And I am worried.I only care bcs their parents will be mad and blame me..I am scared I dont care abt what happened to the kid( I am sorry if this is triggering..I think these are also my intrusive thoughts) .Plus everytime I am near them I get intrusive images of what happened .And I feel like a criminal..plus other horrible thoughts that make me feel like I a monster.I have terrible thoughts over and over and I feel I am what I am scared of.That I acutually am.I started to belive this( still pray is just ocd)I know is weird( and I am sorry if this is triggering) but I feel like I am the person who hurt the kid.:,(.I just think I dissapointed them and hurt them (the kid..also the family).The worst is I dont even know if they told anyone.I will talk with a therapist abt this..but I want to know also your advices..if u can give me..I know this might be reassurance but I am desperate.These thoughts and intrusive images I get abt what happened are horrible.I cant imagine...:(.I only think abt how terrible it was for the kid..and I feel bad because I think abt it.I overthink my every action, I overthink everything abt my interactions with them and their family.This summer my family will go on a trip with them I think , and Idk if I should go.( tw: also think her dad thinks I am suspicious and I absolutely have no intent to hurt the kid.And that he think I am dangerous bcs I didnt help her:()This feels like hell and I feel like I am make myself a victim in a situation I made myself..I am sorry for putting so many tw.I know this sounds all so bad and suspicious..Either I am terrible or scared I am terrible or both...:(.Anyway I know I did a terrible mistake.Thank you so much if anyone reads all this and responds

I feel like my life isn't my own anymore. I live by OCD's rules. I can't ever switch it off. I spend most of my day mentally reviewing and constantly checking myself. I have to do things in a certain way or i dont feel safe. All this time that i've lost and for what? Idk how I let thoughts have so much power over my life and yet here I am. Every day. I can't even get away from it in sleep because i have dreams about it and I wake up anxious if i manage to get any sleep at all. I'm so over it all.

My all-consuming compulsion is to coddle someone who shows opposition to my boundaries. My boyfriend and I love each other dearly. In fact, he's going to propose soon. But we're working through some really difficult things. When conversations get difficult for him, or he feels the slightest bit of guilt, he totally freezes. He can't talk or make eye contact for awhile. I've been incredibly compassionate about his coping mechanism and his needs (he grew up in an emotionally abusive household), but at the same time, I have needs that must be met, too. The conversations in which he freezes up are ALWAYS ones in which I'm expressing discomfort/hurt about something. What I NEED is to feel validated, to have the space to feel hurt/uncomfortable WITHOUT judgement. Because I am super attentive to him and always ALWAYS validate his hurt, even if it affects me personally. But whether it's big or small, he KEEPS getting really hurt and affected by the things I bring up. His mom is not nice to me, she hasn't been since we met. He's not responsible for her actions, but he IS responsible for defending me when his mom is being super judgemental and rejected me outright, multiple times, even though she didn't even know who I was. I just automatically wasn't good enough. I should be able to trust my boyfriend with valid concerns of mine/expect him to apologize when he's caused discomfort, and he unintentionally invalidates me by guilt-tripping me like crazy. And I've talked to him about this stuff, which is SO HARD. I explain what is and isn't helpful. I brought up therapy, because I can't make him go, but he says he's been trying to ease off his coping response for years to no avail. For this and many other reasons I think he needs professional help (I'm seeing a therapist myself. We both got chronic mental illness that needs addressing somehow). I explained my feelings, I explained what I need. He's starting to try harder to give my emotions space, and say things that validate me. I appreciate it cuz I know the freezing response is something he's trying to fight. It's SO HARD for me not to fawn. My OCD is screaming at me, telling me that I HAVE TO accommodate my boyfriend's feelings, oh I must have hurt him SO BAD, oh imagine how horrible things will be if I DON'T give him reassurance!! But this isn't about him. These conversations with him start because a boundary of MINE has been crossed!! Even if he has a whiny reaction, or has a freezing response that stems from trauma. It STILL causes me too much emotional distress and places blame on me in an unfair way. For example (this is a BRIEF explanation), I've made it clear that I don't want dogs. I've never even had dogs and he knows this. And my boyfriend got really pouty after I reiterated this once, because he thought his dog back home would come live with us after we got married. Mind you, he's NEVER brought this up with me before. I had no idea he wanted his dog to move in with us. The dog has only ever lived at his parents' house. His parents assumed I'd be fine taking on the responsibility of an OLD, SMELLY DOG!!! WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME!!! And when I explained my frustration about this assumption to my boyfriend while ALSO sweetly acknowledging how SPECIAL his dog is to him, he broke down and shut down!! It's SO FRUSTRATING when he does that, it's so stressful, it's SUCH a burden on me when my boyfriend doesn't have the capacity to validate my feelings the way I do his! Holding back and not compulsively fawning is SO HARD!!!! But I gotta stand firm---it's NOT fair that I have to edit my true feelings because he's not equipped to be more emotionally present for me.

Hey everyone I know I’ve mentioned this before but, I wanted to share again just in case if anyone new sees this. I deal with cheating ocd really bad, like I always have thoughts about the past and such and get worried about things. I know my morals and values and I know id never ever cheat, but my mind always loves to play the “What if” game. It really sucks. My boyfriend is the sweetest and a god sent to me and he is always there for me but ugh this ocd dealing with cheating and false memory/real events kills me, anyone else relate? I dont know how to put up with it anymore, Just today I remembered I had an old twitter account which is now X, but I remembered I deleted my account a long long time ago but ugh I used to be on twitter so much awhile ago and my ocd acted up and was like “You better go check to make sure you didn’t do anything.” And I remembered I sat with myself and said “I know my morals I would never do that to him.” And then my ocd was like “Are you sure? What if you did?” Etc and my anxiety is now so bad about it now :(

It’s getting so bad I think I’ve been dealing with scrupulosity but I’m always doubting if it’s actually ocd or if I’m just telling myself that as a excuse for being a “bad Christian”. It’s not only that, it’s everything I have had ocd thought loops in the past but they’ve been so unbearable lately and once one goes away another one starts. It’s been really focused on making me feel liek everything is my fault and I don’t know how to stop that when it actually could be. Then there’s this guy we were talking and he was telling me what he needed out of a relationship and asked me to tell him the same and now I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin something he said trust is really important to him. I was taking to one of our shared friends about us and I’m scared I said something he wouldn’t wanted me to say and that he’s not going to trust me now and I keep thinking about how I really should not have talked to her and it’s killing me. I’m also scared that I’m not gonna tell him something that happened in the past because I don’t think it’s important and he’s going to find out and be mad I feel like rocd is ruining my relationship that’s not even a relationship yet. I just keep thinking through all the different scenarios how I could ruin us up or it could work and I promise myself it will be the last time I think about it and it never is and it’s just constant from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep and then I think maybe Gods just trying to warn me but I’m so exhausted or being this anxious because that doesn’t seem like Him but then maybe it is and I’m just trying to get what I want. I want to ask for help so bad but every time I do it feels like there really isn’t anything wrong and I don’t actually have any ocd. I don’t want to talk to my family about it, when it’s come up before they either make rude comments or make fun of me for it they really just don’t understand and I don’t know what to do anymore. sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s worth getting better tbh. Thank you for reading it all if you did :)