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the NOCD Community

So my theme has revolved around the fear of having schizophrenia for about a year now, many therapist and mental health professionals told me they believe it’s a mix of ocd and hypochondria. Well my main symptom of this disorder is the fear of having delusions, so over the course of this year I’ve had thoughts ranging from “what if my wife is a demon” “what if this song means something” “what if there’s some hidden message in this movie” “what if the government created the world and controls everything” “what if Satan is the true creator of the world” “why did my cat look at me like that, what if he’s a spy created by the government, what if all animals are?” Literally crazy shit but it all feels so real, I’ve thought about this stuff so much that I’ve started to have almost an emotional detachment from the world around me, I’ll have thoughts like, “why should I care, nothings real anyway”. And now it’s starting to feel like my normal line of thinking, like now I genuinely feel like everything is fake or staged in some way, nothing feels real or genuine, it feels like everyone around me, the media, news, politics, all feels like some sort of big act or lie. Feels like there’s something more to reality that I’m missing or something, everything feels “too perfect”. I’ve lost all happiness in everything and I’ve become SO suspicious of every single thing, everything has to have some deeper meaning according to my brain, it sucks. Has anyone ever had the fear of schizophrenia and it got this bad?

Is it possible for your ancestors to curse you??? I keep getting intrusive thoughts about my relative that passed away and my thoughts are saying that they’re gonna curse me with one of my biggest fears. I’m so terrified right now. What if these thoughts were to actually come true..??!!!

Sooo.. for 7 years i havent worried about demons magic and other evil things.. because i prayed, and told my self. God is protecting me because og my prayers. And that worked very good. But my ocd just jumped to everything else in the religion like ocd do. 7 years of hell. Off all the things that ocd attacked in my religion from everything about sinning to perfect in prayer etc. I Got sick off all the stress. I then learned that prayer is a compulsion and that i have to face my darkest fear. Which is not to pray and face the possibility to get possed and attacked by evil. I Got the balls to do it. And i still beleive god Will protect me even if i dont pray. But. I worry if it Will work ore not. That i just should not Care if i get possesed ore not. To be honest i dont Care anymore.. But im afraid that it wont work this method. So i gues its the fear of fear.. what are u guys experience with this?

Pleaseeeee Lord make this stop

Does anyone struggle with thouhts that make them question if they’re actually~ a believer in God. Or question if they actually love God? Does anyone battle with these thoughts that make it hard sometimes to feel~ close to God? Even though you know He is REAL.

I’d like to preface this by saying I know this is really niche but it’s been effecting me extremely bad since the moment i woke up today and for many days. Every time I start to like anything a lot no matter what, for example if I’m with a good friend and I’m in the middle of laughing, I will feel the need to specify that I love God over this moment and person, and if it doesn’t feel *just right* I will punish myself like by slapping my leg a certain amount of times etc. If it doesn’t feel *just right* it feels like I am putting them over God and then I feel extreme guilt. With every thing that I love I end up stopping it because I feel like that’s me saying I’m putting it over God. Even now, I was talking to this person I liked and had the thought come up again and it didn’t feel right so I blocked them because I want to prove to God that I love him more than anyone else. I convince myself that I’m putting things over God when I feel intense joy, and that God will punish me for that. Anyone have any tips or been through something similar? Thank you for reading it you did.

Does anyone else feel like your OCD goes after everything that’s important or precious to you? Like if you have a dear memory of something, your mind will try to tell you why that’s wrong or bad even when you know it’s something perfectly pure and a happy memory. I feel so beat up by this illness.. it steals my joy. Only Jesus can help me, only he knows just how bad this torment in my head is.

i literally cannot breathe sometimes. All my thoughts are focused on God and I cannot make them stop. Every time I try to pray it’s like something is blocking me from having a true, chill, and honest conversation with God. It’s so bad and it hurts so much and all the bad thoughts come at me and fight me and i just need to breathe. I’m so tired…

This fear is very complex cause it comes from 2 extreme side, one being that the only thing you have to do to be saved is to believe in Christ and accept him as your saviour, and the other one is that it's not enough but it makes me spin then cause i feel like im not saved, cause i question many sins if they are really sins, and i feel like i do it to still act on it and its a way to speak myself into doing them so i dont feel bad about myself which is pride i think. But the first one makes me angry, cause people are abusing Jesus death. In my opinion the "Just accept Jesus and you're saved" view is false, yeah you dont have to do anything, but if it doesnt show up in your life that youre accepted Jesus, you're not saved... It makes me angry cause i see people who claims that are christians and they still act the same way as before, they still live in sin, and these people would say they are saved cause Jesus paid it all... thats abusing his sacrafice... There are things that are hard to leave like drug or alcohol addiction i understand, but its an excuse to still act on it cause Jesus already paid the price for future sins too... I even heard someone saying " a christian who is abusing at home like beating his wife and childrens, but he accepted Jesus in his heart he is saved" this is so wrong. This sounds like its made up just to make you feel better. Its like an excuse to still live by sin cause you will be im heaven cause you accepted Jesus. I just cant accept this view it sounds really wrong. I feel bad for those people, i feel bad that i judge them, but it still not right. Then its like we dont have to fight sin, just accept Jesus... But as a said the other side makes me go crazy, im afraid im not really saved cause i still question which sin is actually a sin. Im watching Mark Dejesus, he has good videos, but when he talks about feeling like everything is sin, he brings up things that are clear that arent sins like doing something you like, going for a hike, drawing, or i read that some thinks that taking a shower is a sin, or going to school. You can tell this is ocd, for me, im obsessing about the grey areas. About joking, watching scary things,saying bad words but not in a harmful way to others, just randomly say one if i accidentaly hit myself or something,thinking about sex(this was a big one) and with this i realized it might not be a sin cause how you educate yourself about sex? You have to think about it. It seems like its a sin when you do it to satisfy your feelings or youre thinking about someone else. But in a normal way, it seems like its not a sin. But im overthinking this too.

I always wonder about this: will God forgive us for such thoughts? Sometimes the thoughts are so disturbing and disgusting that I question if God even exists. If He does, why would He even allow such a disgusting thought in my mind? On judgment day, will people see the intrusive thoughts we had about them? It just worries me sometimes. I have the most horrible intrusive thoughts about harming others; they make me sick. Sometimes I start to wonder if I even deserve to live because how can such thoughts pop into my mind? I know they are intrusive thoughts, but still, the whole idea of the thought coming from my mind bothers me so much. I know I don't think like that, but still, it bothers me. Sometimes I don't know how to feel. Sometimes I feel perfectly normal; other times my OCD has me on edge. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts just don't stop. Do you think we will be forgiven for these thoughts? Sometimes I wonder even if I am forgiven, could I forgive myself?

I'm Christian and I struggle with being close to god a lot but lately I just feel like I will never near a full relationship with god because of this not only that my heart physically hurts because I think about how I want god to allow me to get married and have kids but I don't think that's his will for me I feel like it will never happen and my heart hurts thinking about it and even if god does allow that blessing to come my way l'm afraid I'm going to end up hurting my husband or committing adultery and I'm afraid how he would react to my past and old relationship and ocd I don't think it will ever go away not because I don't think god is powerful enough I know he is I just think he wants that to be my story for the glory of his name and because it keeps me close to him idk I just my heart hurts thinking about not being married and not having kids but l'm trying to accept that in case that isn't his will for me it just really hurts my heart physically

I’m Christian and I struggle with being close to god a lot but lately I just feel like I will never near a full relationship with god because of this not only that my heart physically hurts because I think about how I want god to allow me to get married and have kids but I don’t think that’s his will for me I feel like it will never happen and my heart hurts thinking about it and even if god does allow that blessing to come my way I’m afraid I’m going to end up hurting my husband or committing adultery and I’m afraid how he would react to my past and old relationship and ocd I don’t think it will ever go away not because I don’t think god is powerful enough I know he is I just think he wants that to be my story for the glory of his name and because it keeps me close to him idk I just my heart hurts thinking about not being married and not having kids but I’m trying to accept that in case that isn’t his will for me it just really hurts my heart physically

it’s so embarrassing doing compulsions in front of people. like i literally NEED to do them or i can’t function. one of my compulsions is praying so sometimes it seems like i be talking to myself. anyone else relate to this?

I am a Christian and OCD is coming at me currently about my faith. I am not perfect and no one is. I get that but I keep getting the thought of “if you have sex outside of marriage again you’re going to hell, you will melt down and you’re going to be alone” I think I can just keep from doing it until I get married but I am 35 single mom of 2 and that could never happen or be forever so I start freaking out about that.

I’ve noticed an overwhelming amount (in a good way!) of believers on this community and I had no idea I would come across so many faith filled sisters and brothers in Christ. I have followed some of you for hope and encouragement but if you come across my post and you’re a Christian I’d love to give each other a follow ❤️ maybe I can share encouragement everyday as well. Thank you guys for being brave and giving me the courage to express my faith. I’ve been really struggling with ERP as a Christian but I almost feel like all the times I’ve done mediation with the Lord that in an way that was an exposure because I was allowing the Lord to confront things with me. I think I’m struggling with not wanting scripture to be a “compulsion”. If we say things like “I may or may not” but then speak scripture over our lives. And I said like actually … no I am the head and not the tail. Hope this makes sense.

I am new to this. I recently was reading the Bible and then had a horrible blasphemous thought and it was vile and intrusive. It hasn’t gone away and now I’m questioning whether I will go to heaven or not if God will forgive me. I cried and cried and I kept repeating numbers in my head or stating different colors in my head. I asked God to help me but the thoughts won’t go away like it’s cutting me and I keep seeing the scar. I didn’t do good at work because I keep getting sweaty from guilt I tired to be more productive than usual so I wouldn’t think but then would stutter over my words bc the thoughts wouldn’t let me breathe. Then at home I tried to drown myself in alcohol only to end in a fight with my husband. And none of this is in chronological order because I feel dumb just writing all this. The most important thing is I know I Love God , Jesus and the Holy Spirt. I just want to feel better and not feel like a complete monster 😔😢

What advice would you give for someone struggling with religious and relationship ocd? Thank you guys for being here and I’m glad i have a community i can confide in!

Hi guys, I have recently discovered my OCD and it’s specifically about religion. Recently, I have been upset with God because I haven’t understood why I have these struggles (even though logically I can understand that everyone has different struggles). As a response to this anger and frustration, I’ve gotten some REALLY bad thoughts that go directly against God and that are really hateful to Him. Even though I’m mad I don’t want these thoughts, but I am really struggling to get them under control. I can’t tell whether these thoughts are actually how I feel or not because they are SO extreme. Like how do I process anger without being hateful towards God? Why are these horrible thoughts popping up? If anyone has any advice please let me know. Thank you so much.

I’m having difficulty sleeping again. My left arm is hurting and I’m experiencing a slight headache. I can rationalize it out but it’s still keeping me up because I’m scared I will die in my sleep. (My arm hurts because of crocheting for hours on end and my headache is from sinuses) I shouldn’t be scared because I know I’ll go to Heaven. But it’s still keeping me up. I think about death then my son and husband and how they would be devastated. And keeps going… Any tips to help me sleep

I just lost my job today again and my parents (who possibly both have OCD) have been super frustrated that I have been let go from so many jobs. My dad said “I’m so tired of this s***” and now hearing that is making me feel worthless. My boss was very mean and had unrealistic expectations and I even prayed about it too. I just feel like a failure honestly. I do have a couple of upcoming interviews, but I just want to give into my compulsions so bad. I am a Christian and believe that God will work things out, but my parents are pissed at the way I continue in jobs. I am trying everything I can, but my parents also seem to control everything and it is frustrating.