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I was on tiktok there was this video about a girl saying "I Always have obsessive crushes but Then when they like me back I realize I don't like Them, I just created an idea of Them in my mind" and I related and everyone in the comments were saying "this Is Just comphet", "I used to have crushes like this and I'm a lesbian", "She Will come out soon". I'm going Crazy.

Hey everyone. People don’t post about this much so I thought I’d throw it out there. I have what I call staring ocd. Or visual tourettic ocd. I got concerned at one point about accidentally noticing someone’s breasts and then men’s private areas. And then purposely would try to make sure that didn’t happen. Of course that made it happen all the time. It’s bled into all kinds of things like so ocd , pocd, and being fixated on eye contact and even rocd, because why am I doing this? sigh. It’s tough. But I’m improving so much. Just throwing this out there in case anyone else experiences it :). And to hear your stories. Thanks!

I'm struggling so much I'm so desensitized to my girlfriend and porn and I keep seeing handsome men and it's really confusing and making me depressed. I'm not homophobic but this doesn't make me happy I was happy seeing myself as straight and comfortable idc about what society thinks is normal I loved women. I love my girlfriend and think she is so beautiful but it's so hard living with these doubts and seeing men handsome all the time now idk if it's just aesthetic attraction or the fact I'm so hyper fixated idk but I want it gone. The groinal responses, the false attraction, the confusion. I've done so much researching, reading, making up scenarios for years now and still haven't figured it out I know I'm not gay because I'm interested in women always have been. This is making me so uncomfortable, uncertain and confused. I really do support any gay people and support their rights but I've just never had a gay crush and having all this is highly alien and uncomfortable to me. I really need help :( I want to be myself again I can't live a fulfilling life feeling like this it makes me want to lock myself in my house until I figure it out everytime I gain clarity or reassurance I then feel like I can go out and live my life.

Having sexual ocd intrusive thoughts has been a lifelong challenge. Becoming a married man and parent has been a tough challenge and great blessing having ocd factoring in relationships. I know we arent our thoughts but whay happens when i have those same intrusive ocd thoughts and worries pop up in my dreams. Is the same principle applicable? Its just thoughts means nothing.

Hi all, I’ve been in therapy with NOCD for a few months now. I thought I had an AHA moment this past week, but now of course my ocd is questioning it; I’ve learned this past week that my thoughts don’t have to mean anything AT ALL. I can be an observer of my thoughts and let them pass by. But now I’m doubting even this. I’m afraid that the only reason this is now working for me is because: if my thoughts mean nothing, than that must mean I’m NOT gay or bi. So am I attaching meaning when I tell myself there is no meaning? And if so what does that mean about the progress I thought I made? The goal of therapy is to be okay with uncertainty so now I’m afraid I’m doing it all wrong and my “feeling better” this week has been a lie cause I’m afraid I did it wrong. The “maybe” statements have never been helpful for me bc I feel they imply a meaning. And I thought the goal was to attach no meaning. The “maybe I am gay” statement is hard and doesn’t feel helpful. Can someone please help? Anyone else here in therapy and understand?

hey, so i’m diagnosed with ocd after my first so-ocd episode in 2020, it lasted about a year and a bit and then eventually faded out. i considered myself ‘cured’ after that. i met my ex boyfriend in summer 2021 and we dated for nearly 2 years although towards the end of the relationship i sort of fell out of love with him. i always felt used whenever he wanted to do something sexual with me (i struggled with an eating disorder and had incredibly low self esteem) and eventually we broke up early 2023. i found though that despite my apprehension that whenever i did any kind of sexual activity with him i felt so much closer and in love with him than when we went long periods of time without it. i was on prozac at the beginning of the relationship and then was moved onto sertraline (which im on now). ive always had ridiculously low body confidence and HATE the idea of people seeing my stomach and am convinced that people find me disgusting because im so disgusted by my body. i’ve spent a lot of time watching every other girls figure/body and wishing i looked like that which has been a big accelerant for my ocd my close friend died in august and i sort of went a bit insane, i stopped taking my meds cold turkey in january and was fine for a while (im taking them properly again now) in november of 2023 i started talking to this boy and he kind of got a grip on me, i loved talking to him, id stay up late just to talk to him even if i had to be up early, he was on my mind all the time. i started seeing him properly from january and was absolutely infatuated by him like i genuinely really cared about him which was hugely unexpected for me as usually it takes me longer to form a bond. anyways, he didn’t want a relationship which works for me because i have a lot going on in my personal life that i need to deal with but eventually the uncertainty started driving me nuts ‘am i even attracted to him?’ ‘do i want a relationship with him?’ and i felt like i wasn’t enough for him and then sort of pulled back my feelings for him because i didn’t want to hurt myself about it. so then i started questioning whether i really liked him or if i wanted to be in a relationship with him or what i wanted. i found myself stressed to be intimate because im so insecure and the past times ive had sex i just wasn’t turned on properly and so it hurt or it was awkward and i’ve been plagued with sexually intrusive thoughts (even about my family) since i was young - so sex has never really been a big cause for excitement for me it’s more associated with anxiety and discomfort. i like doing whatever with him but i get so anxious to let things escalate because im so terrified of my appearance and everything else and whether it’ll like…fit…. that i always kind of avoid it even though i would like to? anyways a few weeks ago i was away with my friend and when we were drunk i kept getting thoughts ‘am i attracted to her’ even though i knew i wasn’t (we’re very comfortable around each other so we were sharing a bed and helping each other tan etc) but i kind of tried to push these thoughts away until about a week and a half ago when it all came back in FULL swing. i was like nauseous and horribly anxious to be alone with my thoughts to the point where i called in sick to work because i got so uncomfortable with all the thoughts in my head when i was around other girls at lunch time. this was when i started taking my medication again and since then the anxiety has kind of dissipated but the thoughts haven’t gone anywhere. my brain uses the fact it’s happened before and my low sex drive as a reason to believe its suppression/denial, it’s truly exhausting. since it’s not my first time experiencing this i’m trying to avoid research and talking too much about it because i know what im like but i want to gather other people’s advice/support for this situation. i have barely any anxiety anymore but am CONSTANTLY questioning my attraction to people and living in my past situations despite trying to sit with the thoughts and avoid rumination. it feels so real and it’s terrifying. i’m supposed to be going to see the boy again and i found that while these thoughts were at their worst with anxiety all i really wanted was for him to give me a hug or to hold me, but now im super stressed about seeing him in case it confirms these thoughts or makes them worse, or if we do anything sexual and i get intrusive thoughts… all i want is for my head to leave me alone. any support or advice would be really really appreciated, im feeling so lost like i don’t know who i am. i really am trying my best to sit with the thoughts and not ruminate and expose myself to things that will trigger me but its so HARD. this is a small novel im aware, so im appreciative of anyone that read this far ❤️

Nsfw tw// a compulsion I struggle with is m-sturbation. when the groinal responses and thoughts get to bad I do that to gain some sense of relief. but sometimes I end up agreeing with the thoughts or think bad stuff while doing it just to “give in” and also “test myself” and finish so i can find some relief. but IMMEDIATELY afterwards is a sense of shame and regret of wtf did I just do? i guess doing this gives me a sense of control over whatever this is so i try to agree with it but the compulsion is so gross and so is the theme so why would i ever find relief. i honestly believe im a p in denial. my pocd has been acting up non stop for almost 2 and a half months. I feel like im going to cry

Hello my name is Aidan I am 16 years old about 4 months ago I was on a call with my friends and we were talking about life and one of my female friends told me to rate the guy she was talking to I said no cause I’m not gay and they started saying that yes your gay and made me take a gay test and I got bisexual I started getting anxiety from it and stressing I cried the first day ever sense then I have lost attraction to girls I stare at guys I get intrusive thoughts about being gay but now it just says your gay I went to a ocd doctor and I got diagnosed with OCD but she said that hocd was just a sub category of normal ocd I am very scared I don’t know what to do I have always liked girls I have had long relationships with girls too I still get erections to girls if that means anything but idk what to do someone please explain I keep doubting myself in my head and deep down it says your gay but I was never gay and I don’t know if you go from straight to gay in one day

So long story short I used to watch lesbian porn because I realized I was a very sexual child growing up and it aroused me. Still always had crushes on boys my whole life. And I finally got a bf who is the sweetest guy and I love him so much. I know I’m not gay but ever since ocd my whole thought process has changed like one time I was kissing my bf and bc of this disorder it’s hard for me to get aroused with him rn though I know I am because I used to feel it when we got togther a lot and I’m still very much attracted to him in every way but I guess bc I did t feel aroused while kissing him I realized I was trying to think of lesbians but I caught myself before and I told myself that’s not me like why did I go straight to that. And I realized my thinking has become so black and white anytime my bf does something and I question it my mind is it’s because you’re a lesbian. Whne I know that’s not who I am I have always loved men and I want the whole husband kids and white picket fence life and everything and I have this amazing bf who loves me who I jjst want to be with I know I’m not gay or on the spectrum I do find lesbian porn arousing because I am a sexual being but my head can’t seem to understand that I jjst love men and only want to be with them. I know OCD doesn’t reaping to logic but my libido is low again and I just want to kiss my bf and sleep with him. Being with a women doesn’t excite me and everything I do with my bf I wouldn’t do it with a women I’ve always wanted a bf and now that I get one this shit happens. Has anyone experienced this pleas help I know I’m not gay I know I love being with men it’s just hard to see that to especially because my loss of libido.

I think I've hit rock bottom with my SO-OCD and ROCD. Now I am not certain what I feel. I keep having this depressing thought/feeling that I'm suppressing/giving up a long term relationship with a woman. I keep feeling the urge to check how I feel about being with a woman. When I ask myself, I don't really feel anything about it, it doesn't excite me and then I remember how much I love my husband and want to just be with him. Can OCD make you feel false urges/desires? Please anyone, help me out. Will I overcome this?

The last three days have definitely been hard on me, seemingly out of nowhere. I’m not trying to let it ruin my progress but it is hard to not slip into old habits and just sit in the discomfort and sadness Today my mind hasn’t even been racing with thoughts. It’s just been a feeling, I guess that then becomes a thought, that I am truly gay, and that all the thoughts I’ve had over the past 7 years that reminded me of my last SO OCD episode was just me being in denial. OCD is so good and so convincing and it feels so insanely real that I am just truly in denial, like I could say I’m gay right now and it has meaning. It feels like he just let me think I had him beat, and build this amazing life only to take it away from me and make me leave my wife to go be with another dude. He knows how to prey on my comfortability I do have with the lgbtqia+ community, and twist it in so many distorting and confusing ways. Today is just a feeling of sadness, sad that I’ve been using SO OCD to lie to myself, sad that I’ve led my wife on, sad that the life I dreamed of since I was a kid was just me repressing my true sexuality or me just now rediscovering it, after one stupid thought I had while having sex with my gf. I know that these thoughts and feelings, including the next one I’m writing about, are my OCD, and that I’m doing well in just sitting with them, but the lack of engaging in composures just feels like I’m accepting that he’s right. To anyone that took the time to read this, thank you, and keep up the fight. These moments really suck but we can get through them

I have recently discovered compulsory heterosexualaty, as a straight female with SO-OCD - it has super triggered me Its sent it spiralling again into what if thats me - thats me im definitely gay - im going to have to break up with my boyfriend (im not) Its horrible, anyone any advice Please help!!!!

I am 22 year old straight male. In 2020 I had an OCD theme about if I am gay or not. It took me 6 months to beat that OCD. Recently when I was swiping through NOCD and a sudden glimpse of the word "Bisexual" caught my eyes. And a ocd feeling started growing with the question," If I am bisexual or not." Now there is no reason for me to think myself as bisexual. But whole day I try to tell myself why I am not bisexual. Things like, "Well, I get erection when I see a girl and I dont have feelings towards a boy. So, I am straight male." Can anyone suggest a solution. I have financial issue. So I can't reach any psychiatrist. Please help.

I wish I could get a brain scan or go back in time and see all of my thoughts and behaviors and know for sure if I’m straight or gay. I just want to know. I keep thinking back to when I was younger and I’ve only ever liked guys but I obviously can’t know that for certain. I can’t know if I forced that, I can’t know if maybe I had a girl crush and forgot. This is so hard and I’m so jealous of people that haven’t questioned their sexuality and just know. I just want to be certain I’m gay … at this point idc if I’m bi bc at least I would still like guys

*Long post, sorry. I used to be different. Better than whatever this is. Maybe not entirely but at least I didn’t deal with pedophilic thoughts 24/7. At this point it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. There’s times when I feel like my old gay self but that last like 5 seconds until those thoughts pop up again. It’s like my old self has just faded away. Like it feels like I ran out of the fuel that made me me yk? And now I’m this. I see everyone else dealing with POCD and I just think “this is NOT the same thing I’m dealing with” yet I still somehow meet the criteria for OCD. Could I be so deep in denial that I just say that I can’t be in denial cause I’m aware of it? Like meta denial? There’s times that really feel like I’m being turned on by these thoughts, as gross as that sounds, but other times that weird feeling isn’t there. So what’s the truth? My feelings used to feel so organized and understandable and now..it’s like all blended and stuck together. Idk what to do except use NOCD as my public diary of sorts. Yes, I’ve had a therapist tell me I have OCD, and I’ve went to a good few sessions but if I’m being honest I used those sessions as reassurance. And who knows, maybe she only told me I have OCD based on what I’ve told her, but what about the things that I may not have said or brought up that would make even her doubt it? Idk how to help myself. It’s too overwhelming and hard and I feel like if I do do ERP it might just prove that I AM that and make it easier to accept which I can’t do or deal with.

Hi everyone! I wanna share something that’s really helped me & it’s to stop the cycle of rumination. It’s easier said than done but that’s usually what gives me the most anxiety. A thought only lasts a second… it’s what you do with that thought that brings a whole deal of anxiety… at least for me. Of course there’s times where I catch myself ruminating and stop myself from it but I’m working on it. It’s hard when the thought feels so real that I have to check and analyze the memory that comes with the thought to figure out what I was thinking at that time but obviously this gets me now where. Thankfully after two long, hard weeks the sensation I had in my chest and body lowered immensely. I still don’t know how to accept the fact that I can be gay bc I have a boyfriend that I am terrified of losing so if I just accept that I might be gay that will ruin everything. If anyone has any tips on this lmk!!!! I think what’s the hardest for me is getting memories from when I was younger and trying to figure out why I did some of the stuff I did. Sometimes I get reassurance that I’m straight but often I get even more questions and anxiety. It’s like this is the one thing keeping myself from living a happy life with my bf… once I figure this out I will not feel anxious about anything else. It’s hard man. We can do this & we got this!!!!

So I've been struggling quite hard with my self esteem and life events which have exacerbated my hocd, pocd, negative thinking this past so many months. I'd put my life on hold, while trying to do things to build my positivity as the waiting list for therapy is ridiculous. I've been trying to push through ot by doing things I normally enjoy, like theatre. It's still been a struggle but I've been trying not to let this deter me. My mind right now just keeps thinking of the worst possible outcomes, with a helping of self critism. I've just found out I've got a new job that I could be starting as early as tomorrow, as a teaching assistant, something I've never done before but want to try as I've been in a rut in my life for so long and want positive change (even though change scares me too) Then I read NOCD's article on distractions becoming compulsions and it's giving me anxiety, which in itself I worry triggers more overthinking. My big issue right now apparently is confidence and a huge lack of self esteem, which has brought on my HOCD, POCD, SOOCD etc, pretty much anything negative my negative ninny brain can get ahold of and overthink. This job is new and anxiety inducing, but also wanting it to be positive and negatives give into the fear of it and the unknowns it creates. Building my self esteem (trying to change my brain's automatic switch to negativity thought patterns around me, get out of my own head) and trying to discover a purpose in my life could help aliviate my anxiety and OCD symptoms. Right now, I'm just sitting in them and letting them swallow me, despite my know I have to accept whatever thoughts come my way. I need to move forward with my life and do something. I know this isn't an overnight thing. With NOCD saying that distractions or doing other things becomes a compulsion in itself throws my head into more negative thinking, as if you're saying doing this is going to fail and there's no hope for me. I can't let myself believe that, because I don't want to live in fear, I want to face them. I want to live my life again and get my brain out of this pattern. Surely distractions or doing positive things (that are initially scary) will help to break my catastrophising thiught spiral and find it easier to manage my symptoms and get on with my life?

Any Christians on here? How do I do ERP for SO OCD? I feel like it's goes against God when purposely filling my mind with these thoughts. Any tips or advice to overcome? Thanks.

When my OCD first latched itself onto my sexual orientation 7 years ago, it scarred me bad. My gf at the time, was coming out of a same sex relationship and overcoming previous abuse when she entered a relationship with me. Looking back, my OCD was really starting to show then and during one moment while we were having sex OCD struck. The next day I was admitted to a hospital due to suicidal thoughts that were accompanying the obsessive orientation thoughts. While I was allowed to leave a day later, the absolute numbness I felt the moment those thoughts kicked in and the weeks after are something I’ll never forget. During this time I was diagnosed with GAD. Looking back and now knowing of mental compulsions, I can see why I was diagnosed that way because my compulsions were almost all in my head. I remember discovering SO OCD during this time and instantly it clicking what I was going through, but I ignored the OCD aspect. The treatment I was receiving for GAD wasn’t working so I stopped, and with the help of Lexapro and avoidance, I “got better” Slowly the thoughts regarding my sexual orientation faded and OCD targeted other fears, all the while I suffered in silence never acknowledging that I had OCD. During those 7 years, while some situations I handled better than others whenever I saw someone who was openly gay or who I assumed was gay, it felt like I would get punched in the gut, the memory of the event from years before causing my head to throb. But I would just force myself to think of something else and make memories go away. I now see how bad this was, and how me never getting the help I needed only let this theme of my OCD grow bigger all while I fed him unknowingly with this fear and gave into compulsions with others. At the start of my current flare up thinking back to all these thoughts and memories that occurred over the 7 years was hard. My OCD used this as proof that I’ve known all this time and was just afraid to accept it. Now that I’m in a much better headspace thanks to getting the help I needed, I see how this was all OCD this whole time. While I do wish I had gotten help for this condition when I first discovered I showed signs of it, whatever actions I have chosen in that time have led me to being here today with my amazing wife, who has been my rock through this, and an incredible daughter, with my son on the way and for that I am grateful. So if you did read it this far, thank you! And I wish you nothing but success it your journeys of conquering OCD. And while I know this will be a battle I will still be fighting even when I conquer it this time, and am thankful to now have the tools ready to deal with it and highly encourage anyone to get the help they think they need.

I really don't know what else to do. I had this at 16 and, even though it never really passed, it eased up, they were annoying thoughts, but I could push them out of my head. Now, after I started dating, everything came back stronger, thoughts like 'you don't love your boyfriend', 'you're a lesbian', 'you have to accept yourself', 'you're only with him to hide' and things like that. Before, my relationship was perfect, we had relations and I was always satisfied and happy, until HOCD got me. It was horrible, I started having panic attacks, I wouldn't eat, and I felt misunderstood. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone and, with the stronger thoughts, the compulsions started coming. Like constantly researching 'how to know if I'm a lesbian', 'how to know if I love my boyfriend', tests to know my sexuality, and that reassured me, but it was fleeting. More and more, I sunk into compulsions. I spend hours researching, watching videos, my head spends hours going back to my past looking for proof that I'm a lesbian even though I've never been interested in a girl, only boys. Now, to make things worse, I feel numb, I don't feel like kissing or having sex with my boyfriend anymore. I feel like garbage. Every time I confess my thoughts to him, he tries to help and reassure me, but I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm afraid of being a lesbian and having to break up with my boyfriend, afraid of deceiving him. I'm exhausted, I only think about this from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. And now, I don't seem to be sure of anything. I read some things about compHet and was initially relieved because I didn't have any of that, but now my head doubts that I don't have anything. It makes me think I'm hiding memories because I'm in denial and don't want to accept that I'm a lesbian and don't have OCD. Please, please, help me. Is this HOCD? If so, please, does anyone have any tips?