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Does anybody else experience delusional intrusive thoughts? I have a very big fear of developing schizophrenia or becoming delusional. And it seems that a lot of my intrusive thoughts are delusional intrusive thoughts that I fight.

If so could you let me know how it’s worked for you? I might be prescribed that by my psychiatrist soon and I’m a little anxious about taking it, but if it helps with the intrusive thoughts then I’m all for it.

It feels like I’m just in denial. Like I just need to accept it. I don’t want to. I want to have a husband and a babies. I don’t want this. I’m scared. It feels so. Real.

Basically. I’m scared that at some point I will feel no anxiety and ‘give in’ and accept it. I have a really hard time believing I have ocd (because I can’t get diagnosed because of my age) sometimes I feel like I do because I remember the days where I was crying on the floor with how real it felt and I DIDNT want it to be real. I worry that I am in denial and I’m just not accept it. Or that it’s suppressed. Or internalised homophobia. Anything really that means it’s all real. I have my moments where I feel normal again but they don’t last long. I wish I knew if it was hocd/ocd but then again I know I’d doubt it if I was told it was. But then again I feel like hearing a professional say ‘you have ocd’ would mean a lot to me. If anyone feels the same or similar I would love to know (btw reassurance very rarely helps me anymore. I just love knowing if I’m not alone and not going crazy) Maybe maybe not doesnt help. I always spiral more with that but I often use ‘I don’t need to know right now’ and that brings me some relief (not sure if it should but it does)

I'm unsure if this is even an actual intrusive thought, but occasionally I go through batches of intense insecurity over my appearance. Last night in particular, it got really bad, as I was scrolling through social media and looking at reels of different women and compared myself to them. I felt intense self hatred over my face and hair consuming my mind, and I fully believed that I am genuinely so ugly, especially compared to everyone I know and that there's nothing I can do about it, which lead to me having a big melt down. Before that, I had originally felt fine until I started having intrusive thoughts about different things out of nowhere. Usually when I feel bad, I text my boyfriend and he tries to help me feel better, but he wasn't responding much because he was playing games with his family. I tried to play some games myself to feel better before that happened, but it didn't work. I feel like I can never make myself feel better on my own. I'm also worried because I was having intrusive thoughts of the act of trying to talk to him being me seeking reassurance itself and I shouldn't do that and that he wasn't responding to me because he doesn't care and he's tired of listening to my problems and all that. I know those are intrusive thoughts and I try to ignore them. Everything all at once was just getting to me and I'm unsure of what the right thing to do was. I worry that anything I might do could be a compulsion despite atleast a majority of my compulsions being mental and worrying about how he feels about me or if he even likes me or wants to talk to me and I worry about my face and not liking it at all or if I'll ever like myself and it's all just a jumble of different things. I don't know what the right thing to do is, genuinely. Usually he will call me and we talk or play a game together so I get distracted and not worry, but when I'm by myself I can't get myself to even want to do anything besides lay down and ruminate with all my worries, making them get more extreme and make me feel worse but I couldn't even enjoy anything I tried to do last night enough to stop focusing on the thoughts. I can't get therapy for a while at least so I'm just at a loss, I don't know how to cope with it sometimes and I worry the one thing I do that does help me isn't helpful at all, especially because I was at such a loss when he couldn't call me. I'm sorry that this is all kind of scattered, I tried to explain it as clearly as I could. Mainly, I just want to know a good way to cope with these thoughts that isn't harmful. I know I do seek reassurance to my boyfriend sometimes (I try not to when it comes to my doubts about him but I still do sometimes), I don't know if our calling and playing things to be distracted counts as that though. I don't know if the self hatred is intrusive thoughts because I believe it or what it would even be categorized as. Are there good ways to deal with these, though? I have a really hard time feeling better with out calling someone and I know I should probably have some way to cope on my own, but the ways I end up doing it when I am on my own tend to lead to me feeling worse. (I believe I have a compulsion that I feel and/or have to express how I'm feeling or ruminate with it, so sometimes I end up posting about it on my Instagram oftentimes or I'll write or talk about it somewhere, sometimes constantly talking about it, journaling seems to not be good for me for that reason because when I write about what I'm feeling or thinking, it feels like I'm getting worse rather than actually feeling better.)

It was very relieving to find out what intrusive thoughts were because it was very hard for me to understand what I was going through without legitamently assuming I was crazy or evil. I believe my earliest intrusive thought (if this counts as one) that I knew of was when I was about 8 or 9, my parents were arguing and I had the urge to bite myself to feel better (I believe, I don't remember the exact reasoning except that I did it). Since then I've had a range of recurring themes, the first theme I remember is when I'm in a car I vividly see myself throwing my phone out the car window and I usually have to make sure I'm holding onto my phone so I don't do that, I believe that one has been around since I was around 10 (I still have it occasionally but not as common as it used to be). Besides that, my intrusive thoughts weren't particularly unbearable until I was 12 or 13. Family stuff happened during that time and it must've effected me a lot, because after that I started getting horrible Hocd and Pocd thoughts, which would cause me to panic especially because I had no clue what they were and didn't want to be a terrible person. I had frantically searched some things I felt like were going on and convinced myself that I might have schizophrenia at that time, and it was an incredibly scary time. I don't believe I have schizophrenia now though, I don't have hallucinations of any kind, but I mistook intrusive thoughts to be a part of that because I wanted to pinpoint that the horrible thoughts weren't my real thoughts. A more odd thing was I developed a specific theme where I felt I'd die in a car crash and even linked it to it happening in a February, so for a while I would be scared riding in a car and for a while I'd also be scared of February in general. Ever since I found out what intrusive thoughts are, it was actually very relieving for a while, until I realized that people would describe them in ways that they might not be too serious and they're simple to get to go away, which was for sure not the case for me. That lead me to frantically search OCD a few weeks ago after finding out they're mainly associated with that and I really feel like I can identify with many of the symptoms a lot, though I think I mainly have mental compulsions. I can't get a diagnosis right now though since I'm a college student, don't have a job and I currently don't want to try to explain what's going on to my dad for many reasons, I don't believe he could afford that anyway. I worry about self diagnosing and I don't want to but it feels better to identify with this because it really seems like it describes exactly what I've been going through for years.

What’s there to even hope for? Because it feels like there is no hope at all for me… my POCD, HOCD, and real events OCD connected to the two subtypes hurts me so much… I am in agony and in constant anguish every single day… and people ignore me in real life… people block me on here… people say they will always be there and never are… what is there to hope for? If I disappeared right now… I would prevent so many peoples pain… if I ceased to live right now… then people would be happy… people would laugh… people wouldn’t care and want me gone… for my POCD and real events OCD based on porn when I was 17-18, and extremely horrible real events when I was 13… my HOCD feels so real too… like it makes me feel like I want it when I don’t… I hate my life so much…

Hi, I have been struggling with OCD for 7 months now. First there were incestuous thoughts related to the mother. I was very bad for two months, I couldn't sleep and I had severe depression. I went to a psychiatrist and started therapy. After two weeks it was as if I woke up from a nightmare. All the obsessive thoughts stopped, the anxiety stopped and I was back to my new life again. I found a girlfriend and it was great. After about 3 months, the thoughts came back again, this time about my girlfriend. I started to wonder if I loved her, if I would be better off with someone else. And that stopped over time. A few days ago I went to the kitchen and saw a knife. I suddenly got scared and thought what if I hurt my girlfriend. I constantly analyzed that thought and asked myself if I could do it, if I wanted to. And it got to the point that I convinced myself that I wanted to hurt her and that I was just lying that I didn't want to. I became very anxious and scared again. My girlfriend has known about my problem from the beginning and is a great support. She even gave me a knife and told me to sit next to her. Of course I didn't do anything, I just threw the knife away and started crying and hugging her. But in my mind I still want to do something bad. Can OCD convince you that you want something, even though deep down I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want everything to be like before and to have a normal life without obsessive thoughts. I really love my girlfriend and I want to have a family with her. Can OCD cause false desire and will it ever stop. I heard that ERP is the best way to fight OCD. How can I do ERP alone without a therapist. I am really afraid that I will hurt someone and become a murderer. Thank you for reading this and I send many greetings and I hope you are well.

when you’re upset at an argument or issue with someone, is it considered the bad kind of reassurance if i keep asking people if they think i did the right thing? something happened last week and im constantly going it over and over in my brain and need people to tell me that i did the right thing. the fact he blocked me makes me anxious and scared that one day he’ll unblock at text so, should i stop asking for reassurance around this situation? it does feel really really good when someone tells me they did the wrong thing (when they did something messed up)

Heyy, I am new here and just wanted to share my story. I hope it will help, because I’ve been feeling very anxious for the last couple of weeks. Maybe someone with (R)OCD can relate. I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for about 9 months now and things are going up and down. At least, that’s what I think. When we were together for 2 months, I started having doubts about our relationship. And whenever I was doubting, I started to have a panic attack. It usually felt like I didn’t know him, or myself anymore and everything started to get blurry. I felt this huge pressure behind my eyes and in my throat. I wanted to be honest with my boyfriend and confessed everything to him. We decided to see me therapist together. My therapist is great. She has been helping me a lot. I am seeing her because about 2 years ago, my previous boyfriend died of lung-cancer. It was very sudden and I felt traumatized by it. My therapist really helped me with that, until my dog started to show some symptoms of getting sick. I started obsessing about her health and how I should cure her (I am a veterinary student, so I know a lot of diseases haha). This gave me so much stress, that I started to have thoughts that told me to hurt her and that I didn’t love her anymore. It was just a dog. This really scared me and I had sleepless nights. My therapist told me that this was probably Harm OCD, but didn’t really know how to help me with that. But then, my worst fear actually happend. My dog got cancer. Luckily, she is still here, but from that moment, my thoughts disappeared and I felt free. A month later, I met my boyfriend and I thought: Now my life begins. But it’s like my thoughts kind of jumped over on him. It’s exactly the same: “I’m not sure if I really love him. He is just a boy.” And the hurting changed into the urge to break up. But every time I get close to that or he mentions something about a break-up, I start to cry and hold him so closely, because I don’t want to loose him… Back to my therapist. She thought I did want to break up and said we should have a time-out. We listened, and it was one of the worst weeks ever. I went from: yeah we should break up, to maybe we can work this out. But because of the stress, I told him I wanted to break up after our time-out. And then he said: before you do that, let me show you this: He told my about ROCD and all its symptoms. I answered all the questions about if you have ROCD with a yes and everything, also looking at the thoughts about my dog, fear of contamination and all the other stuff from my childhood, just fell into place. I knew I had it and wanted to work on it. I started to listen to podcast, read a book about it and trying to explain to my therapist that this was the real problem I was dealing with. She finally believes me, but even that is not enough for my ROCD. I still have so many thoughts about our relationship and breaking up, and every time it feels different. Like my OCD wants to do everything to make me break up with him. Same thing happened last friday. I felt so real to me…. But he made me see, again, that this could be OCD. So we talked all night about random stuff, went to sleep, had breakfast together and had an amazing day together where I really felt like his girlfriend and just wanted to be around him, hold his hand, laugh with him and have sex with him. Everything was okay! Until we got on a very busy train with to many people and thoughts just jumped back in. This happens every time: I feel terrible, I feel good, I feel miserable, I feel amazing. If I really want to break up, why do I enjoy spending time with him so much? Haha, I was about to type: Why do I love him so much? And my brain went like: HAHA do you reaaallyyy though? Relatable? I really want to see a therapist and I found one, but the first step just seems so hard to take… Anyway, thanks for giving me space to tell my story and maybe someone can relate to this. :)

I'm starting to stop believing that what I'm experiencing is OCD, the symptoms *used* to line up perfectly, but now I feel like it's just gotten to be too real to be OCD anymore. What made me believe this was OCD in the first place is the sudden switch in fixation, before my current fixation, I had POCD, I can't remember when it switched, but it just did, and I stopped worrying over being a predator. I get residual worry sometimes, but that's just from the trauma of going through that. My OCD switched from POCD to TOCD, and honestly I have to say TOCD somehow feels worse. at first it was clear that it was OCD, it all checked out. The sudden obsession, the doubting no matter which way I decided, the checking, putting on feminine clothes and even doing half of my face with makeup, and hating it, as a test. I went back and forth, day in day out, day in day out, over and over again. I found a video on Trans OCD, and it helped, a ton. so much so that I started watching it over and over again, and now it doesn't help. It started getting worse and worse as time grew on, the more I researched the both better and worse I felt. Say you had a list of 7 symptoms, if I were to fit five, but not fit two, I would disregard the other five symptoms I do fit in favor of the two I do not fit. It was, and is, a constant run around. I started seeking reassurance from my family, close friends, my therapist, and that's when it was made so much worse. they would always say the wrong thing that would get me spiraling. my memory has gotten extremely hazy, even though these events were not long ago, but I remember that I was researching constantly, re-reading the same resources and watching the same videos on OCD, as of right now, I have yet to clear my tabs, I have 24 tabs open dedicated to OCD or dedicated to a compulsion involving OCD. each of these resources having been viewed by me an incredibly frequent amount of times. Back around this time I was reacting differently to it, I guess it was either not as bad, or I wasn't aware of how far down it all goes. I would ruminate, have really bad dips, research/reread/rewatch, come back up, be confident that it was OCD, try to start ERP on my own, start doubting again, ruminating again, cycle continues. I remember the night it all got worse, I just finished chatting with a hotline, it's become a routine at this point, I felt great, I felt euphoric, like myself again, and then, feeling like I could take on the world i made the biggest mistake of my fucking life, I tried to do an *extreme* exposure to my fear, I was a fucking idiot. I watched the video, and the person's experiences resonated with me almost to the word. I wish that fucking video and that person didn't exist. I was paralyzed, and ever since I haven't been able to get that stupid fucking video out of my head, I started trying to research again, desperately, I started calling hotlines more often, I snapped and started bathing compulsively again. It only for worse from there, now, TOCD is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last I think of at night. I spend every hour of my day ruminating, landing on an answer that doesn't stick for long. It's become harder and harder to see myself as a man anymore, and that both frightens and saddens me. As time goes on the fear has started to make more and more sense and I don't truly see it as irrational anymore. People keep mentioning that you "know" deep down what you are and you know that it's OCD, but I don't. not anymore. I don't know if it's still OCD or if it was OCD in the first place. I'm physically unable to imagine myself as male anymore, my brain won't let me, it keeps budding in forcing me to imagine myself female, and even worse it feels like I like it. it feels like i've developed dysphoria and it hurts, I limit speaking because i'm afraid that if I dislike my voice it 'proves' something, I avoid mirrors, I've began to feel uncomfortable with my facial hair despite having used to love it. I can't hear my name and I hate when people say it, it starts the rumination up again and I hate that I feel suddenly uncomfortable with it. I even impulsively bought a wig that i've since thrown in my closet, too scared to even look at it. I bought it to check, but I've stopped checking, in fear that if I do it will make me more likely to be a woman. I've lost the desire to check and instead have become afraid of it and have started avoiding things that would require me to check. The worst part is that at one point I just broke, it was a particularly bad night for OCD, I broke under the pressure and accepted it, and I felt at ease, happy maybe, I can't remember all too well. I'm terrified that that moment wasn't me breaking but me coming out of denial, and now being back in denial. I've been trying to read back into memories and trying to remember exactly what I was thinking and feeling, and every time I come across a memory I can't remember all too well I lose my fucking mind. I can't tell if it's OCD anymore, or if it was ever, what if I faked my symptoms to convince myself I had OCD and just don't remember? I'm on medication, but I don't know if it's helping, I almost hate when i'm at peace because when I'm ruminating I at least know it still might be OCD. it's gotten to the point where I really don't even want to be at peace or happy anymore, I *want* to be in distress because at least then it still feels like it can be OCD. I don't know, nothing makes sense anymore. does this still sound like OCD or am I just fooling myself?

Hi, a few months ago i was still in a relationship with my ex we had been together for around 6 months at the time. We had a lot of problems in the relationship, he wasn’t treating my the best but i couldn’t really except that at the time and i have been really depressed. One of my biggest fears is getting out of control from alcohol and cheating because i’m really against it, and i was so scared of it in particular this relationship because i was so in love with this boy i couldn’t bare the thought of doing anything like that. On holiday, he accused me of cheating and wearing inappropriate clothing, it was really bad and out of the blue and sent me into absolute panic and despair considering i never once even looked at another boy let alone do anything whilst we had been together. We managed to resolve this problem, and 2 weeks prior i went on a works for. We had been for food and then was drinking quite heavily, i want to start it by saying though, there was no one there that i would have kissed even if i was single. My managers were very weird with me and it did freak me out but all in all i thought i was okay on the night, on the way home, when i got home and when i first woke up. Until i went back to sleep and woke up again with the thought that someone other than joe had kissed me that night and i had the thought that i would just say i was that drunk i thought it was him. This sent me into absolute overdrive as i couldn’t tell whether it was a dream or something that had truly happened. I messaged everyone asking if i had kissed anyone to which everyone replied no other than this girl that said this boy (who i would have laughed at if you told me i had kissed a year prior) had pecked me to which she then said i think it was on the cheek. I got sent into panick and messaged him straight away to which his response was no, i don’t think so. I brushed that over my shoulder as i completely had no recollection of anything with him other than a conversation. Weeks past by and i was struggling with the same two thoughts over and over again to which one day jacob popped into my head and i couldn’t tell whether it was just a thought or a memory. Multiple ideas that could just be thoughts but felt real i kept clinging to would pop out of no where (this was after we broke up as well) and i still almost 3 months later can not seem to find out whether this happened or not, i even went to see if i could get cctv footage, double checked with everyone. I’m pretty sure the boy i was with cheated on me but i can not get it out my head or get rid of this guilt feeling that i’m not even sure u deserve but it’s making me feel worthless and undeserving of anything, life feels so bad at the minute i just wondered if anyone could help. This isn’t something i would ever do so it doesn’t make any sense, but the thoughts are telling me it’s real and then sometimes that it’s not. Just wondered if anyone had a similar situation?

I barely have any friends in college (or anyone who actually cares about me) this ocd has been bad all day, I’m forced to sleep in school because I don’t have money to go home, and I basically feel like no one gives any legitimate crap about me if I were to just suddenly cease to exist… my parents get mad at me for not being happy to help them even though I basically do EVERYTHING they tell me to do… i literally bought my mom 100 dollar cookies, and I was going to get PXG for my dad but I don’t have the money for it yet so I was going to use my first paycheck for that… i even told my dad that I wanted to help pay the tuition using money I make working for the school and yet he yells at me and basically called me an idiot… my roommate blames me for pressuring her about rent/money even though A. My parents have been pressuring me to force her to give me rent money and I don’t want to and B. She hasn’t been paying her rent money in about a month and a half… I’m pretty sure if I just disappeared off the face of this earth right now, or some wonky “It’s a wonderful life” thing happens where I’m suddenly never born… then no one… and I mean NO ONE would actually care about me enough to actually wonder where I am, if I exist, how I’m doing, etc… plus my HOCD, POCD and real events OCD involving these subtypes are just constantly there with intrusive thoughts and feelings and dreams and morning groinals and it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious about it… I hate this all so much… no one cares about me… no one actually wants me there in their lives…

is it a good idea for me to get a kitten? i want to adopt a kitten but i am terrified. my ocd gives me depression a lot and i often can become very lazy and sedentary due to my mental exhaustion. if i get a kitten the only person looking after it will be me. i want a kitty a lot to help with my symptoms and because i love them so dearly, but i’m scared i’m going to freak out and not handle it i am so lost, i just really want to have that bond with a kitty and to play with it but i’m scared that i’m gonna freak out. i get a bit on edge at night and get suspicious with normal house noises and i’m scared that if i get a kitty it will move stuff and freak me out. could i please have advice or encouragement? i’d love to hear some from people with ocd with or without pets

does anyone get triggered by music in any way? for me, i associate this song ‘always and forever’ by the cults as a bad luck or bad omen. like i get triggered if i hear it on instagram or tik tok and start doing my compulsions. it used to be my fave song until coincidences started happening with bad luck and whenever i purposefully go to listen to it i get some bad luck and now i can’t even hear the band at all because my brain associates them as demonic. i miss listening to my favourite song but i just gave up because of the distress i get from it does anyone else have experiences with music and bands that affect OCD?

Idk if this makes sense but I feel like there’s a mental barrier that prevents me from feeling attraction. Like every time I see someone attractive my mind rejects it and is like “no you don’t” 🤡

I remember I always had OCD tendencies but not OCD itself until may of this year. My first compulsion was with a picture of me, i couldn’t stop staring at that picture until it felt “right” and i could spend hours staring at it, which was weird, but ended up with overwhelming anxiety, but in july it went away and changed theme. I’m a medical student, so i have to research about various illnesses on a daily basis. but then a very disturbing thought came to me “What if by reading these books i’m giving illnesses to me and to other people?” And i started freaking out and all the compulsions started. I could spend hours doing compulsions and it was painful, i could be hours in the bathroom organizing and if it felt “wrong” i had to do it all over again, i would end too tired to take a shower so i’d just go back to bed and sleep, avoiding contact with anything as i thought it’d make me anxious. I could spend from 2 pm to 12 am doing the same compulsion, then i’d go to sleep just to wake up at 3 am and sit in the same spot i was and do the compulsion all over again, i was tired, i was sick of it but couldn’t stop. I thought “Will I stay this way forever?” “Why did this happen to me?” Why can’t i stop?” I thought i’d suffer because of this forever. August was horrible, I wanted to die and all fell apart. But then my dad noticed all my behaviours, so did my mom too. And that’s when I told them and decided i had to get help, because the problem would get bigger and bigger, and I wanted to live, I wanted to be happy and wanted to be normal like I was before, by then i couldn’t use my right hand as i thought it was evil ( I am left handed) and had to do everything two times, and if i failed, then it became four, and then it became eight. Then I found out this was OCD, and i read about ERP and found NOCD, i found out i had magical thinking OCD, emotional contamination OCD and just right OCD. I started working on it, and it was hell at first, my mind was like “You will always have the urge to do x” “You won’t be able to think about something that isn’t x ” and I wasn’t able to sleep for days, but then it got better to the point the anxiety went away, and I realised that even if you feel that you are dying, even if you feel that the anxiety won’t go away, it does go away, but you have to be patient and understand that things get worse before they get better. ERP is a journey that has taught me so much things that i can’t describe, as i think these are things one must learn on one’s own I can’t describe them. Now i look back and I don’t have physical compulsions anymore, now I don’t do things more than just one time, I can use my right hand freely. I have obsessive thoughts from time to time, but I know they are not real, and engaging with them would just make things worse and they are a waste of time because OCD is never satisfied, you can’t satisfy OCD, but you can live a life full of joy, happiness and accepting uncertainty, accepting that you don’t have to do certain things, or to avoid others, you can be you. I am myself once again and it feels great.

My POCD is calling me a P and a Chomo for the horrible real events (3 times) when I was 13… I had no idea how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15…

my ocd has had one of its worse spikes yet, I feel constantly anxious no matter what I do and my brain won't shut up even for a moment, I genuinely don't know what to do, I feel like I'm stuck. how do I make this a little more bearable?

I need some advice. Here’s some information: I’ve liked boys for just about my whole life. Recently I thought I started having attraction to the same sex. I have thoughts involving the same sex, and my brain convinces me that I enjoy them. I keep checking if I have attraction to the opposite sex, and now it feels like I don’t? I don’t think my orientation can change in span of two days. Now, I’m falling into this spiral of thoughts that has me thinking if I should accept that I’m not straight, and change my entire lifestyle. Sometimes I feel okay with these thoughts? But sometimes I get anxious, thinking that I don’t want to accept it. Is it hocd or am I not straight?