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im about to give up. im struggling and nothing helps.i dont wanna be here anymore with these thoughts and fears.

I've been pent up and I know I am but I'm scared to mas****** cuz what if I'm doing it cuz I'm turned on by the thoughts I'm having or think of it during and get off on it. I have been unable to have alone time, havent even tried, just thinking about it scares and disgusts me. this isnt normal. I feel like I want to sometimes and it'll just remind me of the thoughts, sometimes they dont even turn me off. I've never had a sexual relationship before, I dont remember ever being turned on by someone my age or older and sometimes when I have these thoughts I feel like they turn me on. That's what causes the panic most of the time. now when I even look at kids I feel like I have a reaction that I don't want happening. I cant tell if its panic making me feel this way or if its cuz sometimes I pay more attention to my groin to see if it causes a reaction, sometimes I'm not paying attention to it and I have a reaction or what feels like one. In the past when things like this have popped up when i was *yk* it didnt make me feel good, didn't help me finish, it turned me off. I keep reminding myself of that. But having these thoughts sometimes make me feel like I want to touch myself, I don't, I never will after thinking them. I'm scared. children and BABIES aren't sexually attractive. I know that. but it feels like my body doesnt. I am on my period right now, I know it's affecting my hormones but that doesn't change the fact I'm thinking these things, and that any little reaction or feeling I have down there reminds me of those thoughts. Even if its pain, the pain will make me think it because its in that region. I have had these thoughts happen before a few years ago and they went away eventually, I didn't touch myself then either but I had dreams and I know one time the dream (more like nightmare) involved a child. I didn't do anything in the dream nor did the kid, but in the end when I woke up I got off. I was delirious, tired and horny but not delirious enough not to remember it and it's haunting me now. Why was I horny?? cuz of a kid I dreamed of?? a child!!?? just thinking about it now is making me shaky and sick, but why didn't it then?? I think I need serious help, what if this isn't pocd what if I'm just a p***?? I want help so bad. I want to fix this, if it carries on any longer, if I can't get help soon, I might just ki** myself. I'd rather do that than any of the other things my body feels like it wants. It's disgusting and wrong, I'd never hurt a child the way my mind keeps telling me I would, and I'd never do it to get off. So WHY am I having a reaction to these thoughts?? I've tried to acknowledge them without actually accepting them, but it doesn't feel like it's helping. It's just daily panic and confusion.

So rocd keep making me thinking my girlfriend and sick of me, tired, bored and has lost interest. I am resisting my compulsions of talking and asking her about this, facing a lot of anxiety and distress. Two days ago she apologized for being distant and that she feels bad for acting like that and thinks its hurting me. I comforted her. She also said she doesnt know How to express herself Very well and I noticed this even before we started dating. Thing is I didnt say anything to her about my rocd and I always try to look Fine and always try to make she feel better. This made my rocd calm down for a while. It was like a reassurance and now rocd is coming all over again. I fear this because when I listen to rocd I feel extremely depressed and with suicidal thoughts. Last time this happened I started hurting myself and I fear acting out of this and trying to kill myself. Tomorrow I Will talk to my therapist, but I dont know If I Will talk about this, about my girlfriend and us. Sometimes I want to ask my therapist help and sometimes I feel like I am Just deceiving myself into thinking my girlfriend likes me. I dont know what to do.

I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore, everyone else in my life just knows whether or not they’re a bad person and what they’re attracted to, I’m on medication and whilst that helps with the anxiety I’m never going to feel certain that I’m not a bad person so what’s the point in it anymore - I’ve been suffering for years and I just want it to stop. I genuinely don’t feel like there’s anything worth living for besides the people I love.

Anyone else get so deep into the OCD cycle that they can barely disprove the thoughts anymore? Compulsions don’t even help me anymore. I have no relief. I have been thinking about taking my life every day and have no will to live anymore. I can’t see my future, have no idea what life is anymore. I look in the mirror and have a panic attack because I feel like I don’t know the person looking back at me.

I think I might be bipolar keep on having mood swings I go from okay to sad to suicidal to homicidal I don't know why I keep on thinking about killing myself and other people I want to tell my school therapist but I'm scared that she'll be afraid of me I don't know what to do I don't want to hurt anyone but I keep on hearing voices telling me to kill people that I don't like and I can't take it and to kill myself I don't know what's wrong with me I've thought about killing people before when I really got overwhelmed with my thoughts but everyday now I'll keep on thinking about killing myself and other people what should I do I don't know where to go for help because I feel like I'll get in trouble

I grew up very conservative and strict and it definitely fed my ocd. I parted ways with religion because of how I never felt “good enough” even though I tried to follow all of the rules. This was after my church community escorted me from the campus because of the rumor that I was gay, even though I was an 18 year old and had poured my heart and soul into to ministry. Now, even though I’m not religious, I still get so afraid about god and religion and that I’m being “called back to god” like my parents and family begs in their prayers for me every day. Like certain numbers or sayings either feel like messages from god or messages from the devil to try and trick me. The thing is that now, I finally have a comfortable life after being abandoned because they thought I was gay, and I’ve finally rebuilt and have so much better of a life. But I keep getting painful thoughts that this is all a rouse and that satan is intentionally making my life “comfortable” (which I still face a lot of stuff because I have had to grow up and figure things out myself) to trick me from coming back to god. Even though I was severely abused and harmed and manipulated by that community, I’m so scared they are right and that me fighting for my freedom was all a waste, and that I’m going to hell. I do things to mitigate this now like burn incense and repeat phrases and other things but I’m so scared that “god” is trying to save me and call me back to him, and that the people who harmed me so bad were right to and should even more now. It’s so disheartening because I truly feel like I have worked hard to find love and safety with my loving partners and found family. But to my parents, and to my ocd, I’m just living in sin awaiting hell. How do I “expose” myself to this? Like how to I break the fear? It’s lead me to do harmful things to myself, like pulling my head out, scratching, hitting myself, and some other self harm that I feel like I can’t control. It’s really impacting my life and my loved ones now who have seen me conquer so much are now seeing me in such a dark place, and it hurts them too. So the question is are these things signs from god for me to leave this beautiful and safe life I’ve built to fling myself back into a life that is physically and emotionally painful but for the sake of my soul? Or just my ocd that probably stems from growing up in that environment?

How is one supposed to be okay with uncertainty? I don’t think I ever will be. Uncertainty on wether I am a monster, or if I’ll go to jail, or that my family and all of society will shun me and be disgusted with me. I have a real event with false memory and the number one think I find myself saying is I don’t know. I don’t know if I did or didn’t do that I don’t know if my memory is accurate or not I just don’t know. The guilt I wake up with everyday is suffocating and I don’t even know if it’s deserved or not. I don’t know what to do anymore I fear death is the only way out. I hate that I feel sorry for myself I don’t deserve anything at all.

I’m almost 3 months post partum. My baby was in the nicu for about 3 1/2 weeks after birth so we had a rough start. A couple nights after I brought her home I woke up for one of her middle of the night feeds. I made her bottle as usual and started feeding her. I was just looking at her and was all of a sudden bombarded by all of these terrifying thoughts like “what if I stab her.” I was so panicked and nauseated to the point of throwing up. I just knew those intrusive thoughts were the beginning of post partum psychosis and I was going to do something terrible to myself or my baby while in the psychosis. I couldn’t go back to sleep and just cried and cried the next day. I saw my obgyn and was prescribed 25mg of Zoloft and 5mg of buspar. Each day that passed after that I started to feel a letter better. Then I got my first post partum period. After my period I started having panick attacks and terrible chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack so I saw a doctor who ran some tests. Everything came back completely normal and was told I’m just having severe anxiety and am under a lot of stress. So I saw my obgyn again and she upped my Zoloft to 50mg and my buspar to 15mg. The first few days were terrible. I thought I was having a bad reaction to the medication my anxiety was through the roof and I felt absolutely hopeless. My harm ocd was so bad. I thought I was going to take my own life. Not because I wanted to but because I just felt so hopeless. I moved back in with my parents so that there was eyes on me at all times. I was still scared I was going to go into a psychosis and hurt my baby. I felt better after a few days and the medication had started working again. I felt completely normal up until my 2nd post partum period. I’m ten days off of my period and now I’m back at square one. My harm ocd has spiraled. I’m having terrible intrusive thoughts about hurting my baby. I know now I’m not going to go into a psychosis because if I was going to I would have already. When I’m having these thoughts and they don’t make me nauseous I start to obsess over whether or not I’m a dangerous person or capable of being violent. Now I’m stuck on that. The fact that I’m not dwelling on the intrusive thoughts the way I used to has made me question if post partum has turned me into a psychopath or sociopath. I question all of my emotions and wonder if I’m actually feeling the way I think I do or wondering if they’re generic emotions. I’m ferried. Please help.

These past couple days, Ive had 2 huge panic attacks in a row. I’m getting worried because they were kind of the worst theyve ever been. I couldn’t function at all and if my partner weren’t with me, I’m afraid I wouldnt have been able to move or get up. I was convulsing and couldnt stop having the worst intrusive thoughts. I was so disappointed in myself that I started having super intense suicidal thoughts and couldn’t speak. I really hate ocd. I ruined some of the most fun days that were planned out in a trip too. Idk what to do anymore

Hello I am worried I've been taking fluoxetine for almost 3 weeks now I'm taking 2 pills of 20 mg every 24 hrs But my suicidal thoughts have increased and that's saying too much since death has always scared me Also I've been feeling a bit angry like impulsive I made the mistake of reading some people that has committed murder while taking Prozac and idk Maybe it's my ocd but I'm scared and sad I feel bad and alone I'm not sure if I should keep taking the medicine They say things get better with time but I'm not sure

I want to know please

So i think i learned alot in this week, i was looking at the wrong thing cause i thought what i need to change is my emotions. Ive been searching why do i feel like this or that, why do i have bad reactions to some things but then i learned the emotions are just my reactions to thoughts, so the actual problem is thoughts. And i know people say dont try to change thoughts but people who actually understand ocd knows that your belief system what is making you have ocd, we have some distortions that we have to change. This is kinda misunderstanding for me too cause when i start to view it like this i see it like these thoughts has more meaning than just thoughts, like i gave them much more importance. I have suicidal ocd, and sometimes it feels so real. And working with that like this makes me think sometimes that i actually have a belief system that would make me act on this thought or if it not, i still have a belief system that supports suicide and those times i feel bad. Today i had a triggering moment too, so my suicidal ocd sometimes can be triggered really easily, like im listening a song and in the song i hear the lyric "i cant live without you" and im suddenly get the feeling and thoughts of "i dont want to live like this, i dont accept this". Funny is that nothing happens in real life, i jusz make a story up and then i feel like in that situation i couldnt survive, and yeah its not real but the thing that i have that thought and feeling of despair that i couldnt live, just scares me. Today i got got attacked by this, and i realized i pushed away the feelings cause i was so scared, but this just made me feel like theres an actual problem and im actually have a belief system deep down that supports suicide...im just denying it... i have to face it. And viewing like this doesnt make me think its ocd anymore its more like a real problem which makes me feel scared and guilt

I have all of these and im just asking because I always thought nobody would ever understand how much is constantly going on in my head all at once, all the time, everyday. Sometimes there's so much in my head i feel suicidal purely out of wanting a break from so much constantly going on, feeling like it's never going to stop and I can't handle it, and that nobody gets it or ever will. Like there's so many different layers of thoughts and anxieties that connect to triggering each other every day all the time that I don't want to have to even try to navigate any of it anymore... Does anyone else feel this way...

Idk if anybody is religious but yesterday I was so distraught and suicidal and I pray to God to give me a reason to continue and beat OCD. I called suicide hotline and it sort of help. It's really hard to talk to a stranger what you're go through, especially when you comes to OCD. I made a call to an ocd therapist through this app and that helped. It wasnt until after hours later that I told my brother why I've become distant and I told him how I was feeling suicidal and I promise that I will go on anti-depressants. I just wanted to say that idk what's gonna happen in the future and idk if I'm able to fight ocd or seek recovery.

I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?

I honestly don’t know what I should do. I mean I’ve never had any proper treatment ever, but I know I have ocd because of the pain it’s causing. My current obsession right now is a bit dangerous because I feel like I have to hurt myself to prove I have it worse because if I don’t, how would anyone care at all? Ew, this is is scary I feel like I’m on the ends of my rope, if I don’t follow any compulsions I feel like I’m actually losing it. I’m shaking right now, I do want to live I do want live Please give me a solution I feel genuinely insane I don’t like this And when I do get help I feel like I don’t deserve it and it should be me that has to take it all in I don’t want to be like this anymore I’m tired of following my awful intrusive thoughts I can’t even live life with struggling at all

I need help someone plz help I keep getting thoughts and physical urges about girls and I feel that I’m getting aroused. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be with a girl I keep getting images about my sister arms and I xojld care her veins and I know that I like men with veiny arms but I keep getting a reliant that I like My sister with it I don’t what to do I don’t have anyone to talk to u I feel like I am alone. In Islam I don’t know if it’s true or not but god says to the fetus 77 times if u want to come to this world and god shows his or her life to it till his death. I wonder what did I see in this world that I agreed to come here I don’t want to live anymore I’ve had enough no one understand I want to go back to normal I don’t want to be with a girl I’ve never imagined my life with a girl I’m having 5 tablets a day of medication and I’m becoming worse I can’t focus I can’t remember certain things

Today I feel less ocd after spending all night obsessively reaching out to people tired of hearing the same trauma the call drama and bs..they don't even wanna read the thing I just desperately n with nocontrol to stop like pressurized sat n texted out I a booklet form trying to reach a human worth reaching out Tha will take the time n try..I fell different though..like I'm not a disables as I thought..like maybe all my hard times I sat n question y God would put me threw after living the child hood I grew uo in questioning every thing I ever said did or didn't do..n boxed into a mental war dying as a pedifile bc I acting out sexually as a child n thought I wa being tirtueed..yet today I feel like maybe I was nit being tortured but deliberately forces to broke down the soul shattering lessons I wasn't leaening..I feel almost older now like dar. How come I didn't catch on sooner but I feel the weight has shifted n I'm not no longer being murdered for my son's but instead I was chosen to air out all the abuse I tool part and that was taken part upon me on purpose to be the chosen one who deserved to proudly walk that path endured alof it came out a child of God I knew I was and forgiven o my hypothesis before only today I feel proved to me thru music opened to me people i took time to love during darkest moments all of a sudden appear in my news feeds singing God's army 2024 not a pedifile n. Even was the death I was assuming I wa dying in when I wa actually being saved in..Making me finally wanna walk as the chosen one who learned a lesson about trying to be cool and pretending building relationships one way n not at all worth it I feel I learned so much I can't express it all..u fell I need to throw this pack if cigarettes down n let Gid guide me thru it bc he walked me thru not he'll but a chosen path thought i was alone n left n no one heard my cries n pain n pure Gid gifted heart but now the entire world has changed where I no longer have to stay in the past as much as i thought I wa trapped there n doctors where punishing bring all the bad moments back like to keep making me answer for things I already thought I took responsibility but maybe I wa choosing to relive n live in the past..but today I feel I walk with a different set of eyes no longer pretending and just as innocently ready to run to give it another shit to love live and walk on Purpose as the survivor who endured all that life nit death and still need to make every next sec count bc God 9nly knows how many y are left..n to completely walk with the gifted heart to speak lolebtye child of Gid Jesus saved..to not cuss not breed hate to nit pretend someone is loving worthy to nit slip back into my just learned life om excited to love n live in.im different..I feel I wa given assistance I wanna make those proud I endures that every sec felt and learned some things..to be that chosen one whi taught some people so many things that if u saw me in the world we share..u maybe would be proud I survived n changed and u watched as it went down..to make several people proud intentionally.no crowns only one king Jesus. To not be a rider die or gangsta or think drugs sex n rock n roll is cool anymore ti hang up all that n walk as an adult now.careful not to fall back in when I just barely gut out doctors are amazing i.been disabled for 11 years now n I literally been off my meds since about a week after Dec 31st 2024 n feel so.healed natrong i believe I can confirm with my doctors I am the one chosen to show u proof a mind can do alot to be so disabled n now walk un medicated un drugged by street drugs n be given life actually proven a disabled mind can be healed n saved..I thought I was a lost cause committing suicide left n right nit caring what happened to me destroying myself w no care as to rue danger I was putting myself in..now I see it and I'm in shock i went thru so much n came out ok n a survivor not a pedifile still scars slight anxiety some ocd still and a highly functional paranoid pzschofrinc with bi polar and depressive manic traits nit sure how they worded that one after manic deppressive ---i feel.like a battle was one and stronger from my soul shift It's all possibly a delusion but that's fear trying ti crep back in..I heard no human to talk w except singers thru music n my data is at .58 n ik loosing the opened door I just barely finally felt.all these new thoughts n saw wow I'm in shock..I'm proud of.myself..I think u should be.mpaim changes people yes but the lord he chooses some pain to mk a human show his word I walked that life blindly.im so ready for this next chapter.n terrified I'm gonna slip up..Jesus saved me. Fact

So i started to work on not to view everything as ocd cause that can be a compulsion, and if i have a though, question it. Many times im afraid to experience a thought cause of the emotions i feel because of it(thats normal). I have to add that one of my worst ocd subtype is suicidal ocd, it might be helful to you cause of what i will share to you. I like horror games, i dont know the reason, maybe the adrenalin, the problem is that in many horror games you see suicide. The one i watched now(yes i rather watch gameplays than play) it had suicide to which made me triggered. One thing i noticed tho, i was really afraid of the thoughts cause i could sense that it makes me hopeless. That i adapt the feelings that those people has, and in a bad situation i could think that. So now i dont want to view this as ocd cause i just had enough of labeling, maybe i misunderstand what is ocd. So i started thinking like this can be a real problem, maybe i would have that mindset too if something really bad would happen to me. I know just having a thought doesnt mean anything, but when you have emotions too its so hard to not see it as its yours, cause you experienced a feeling because you attached something to that. Lets take me who has ocd and someone who doesnt. We both experience a suicidal thought that makes us feel hopeless, me who is diagnosed with ocd, the treatment is ignoring and learn to not be afraid of it, yet the other person who doesnt have ocd will be diagnosed with depression and suicidal thoughts. His treatment is very different than mine but we experienced the same thoughts and feelings... This is why i had enough of all this things i learned... i heard to label every thought as ocd for now, clearly this wasnt really helpful, the we meet this other solution that not every thought is ocd, sometimes you have real problems. And you have to be ABLE to see what is a real problem and what is ocd. NOW tell me, someone with ocd how should see what is a real problem and what is ocd? We suffer with seeing everything as a real problem. If you ask me right now i cant decide if this suicidal thoughts with feelings attached to it means something or not. If you ask me later, maybe im 100%sure that i have a suicidal problem. But if its not and its ocd how do i know that? Another exemple, if you have sexual thoughts and feelings about someone you know it can mean that you are lustful, have a love problem, you need someone, you like the person, but maybe its just ocd. And again my point isnt that how do i know which one i have than i feel good, no, you need different solutions to each one. If its ocd you just ignore it, but that doesnt help you if its a real problem, cause if you have a lust problem and you ignore it, youre just avoiding the problem. Its not that easy, maybe treating ocd is not this simple as ignore and learn to not be afraid of it. Cause with ocd you never know which thought is a real danger, and you have to ignore every thought that makes you feel bad. Cause the one time you jump to solve a thought you are back az 1... But you cant live your life ignoring every thought that makes you anxious. And still with ocd the basic answer is you dont know if its real or not, and you move forward... so this means youre not thinking about your thoughts. So how you learn to think about those that are real bad things that stops you from living good?