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the NOCD Community

After being certain, convinced and believing I am my thoughts for many months I tried doing uncertainty last night to stand up to my brain but unfortunately It just confirmed my hunches. I was watching this show and all it did was confirm that my thoughts and feelings are real and they will happen/ stay there once I get past depression/anxiety bc they are my in my nature. I dont think Im capable of being attracted to women and I dont think I was truly attracted to them my whole life even if I was I think Im more gay than straight which is kind of saddening. I keep having thoughts/doubts/feelings that Im a girl inside and proofs from my past keep popping up. When I was watching this show and seeing the girl flirt with the guy she likes it felt like it was me doing that and with ease since ive been comfortable around guys growing up. And it wasnt doubt like ocd doubt it was like when someones discovering themselves. Idk Im just exhausted and depressed, It feels like I want to change and have to change, I cant bring myself to say that I dont want to like I did before when ocd began. I really think this is just my true self that ocd made me realize and now im just depressed about it. Its making me so ßuicidal and anxious.

I am having a hard time with thoughts of urgency regarding my sexual orientation. I am going to a ceremony today and I feel this overwhelming kind of godly inspired anxiety where I think I have too air out my business in regards to the struggles I’ve been having with my sexuality and Hocd. I have told most of my family that I am bi sexual now & most of my friends basically everyone short of a Facebook post with having done barely anything with a man before. In fact I told them all before I ever even experimented sexually. So I wake up in the morning and feel like called by god to air out my business later even though I don’t want too. And than I get this anxiety and back n forth in my mind that if I don’t step up and share everything that’s going on with me I am living in fear etc which very well might be the case and that than if I don’t in like dialing myself. But the sharing of the fact that I’m having a hard time accepting myself whether it be HOCD or bisexuality seems never ending I have come out of the proverbial closet like a bunch of times now and I keep becoming obsessive and getting in this mental loop with myself that is just CRAZY. Like if I just open up to a person about it one more time it will go away or I will overcome it. Maybe that is my form of reassurance seeking who knows. I was talking to a lady about this and she asked me why the need to air out your business to everyone all the time and I stated that I feel like when it comes to things that bother me I can compare it to like jumping off a cliff. I either run full spread ahead and screaming full of fear and just off the cliff or I run around in the opposite direction. Why does everything have to feel like I’m either jumping off the cliff or running away from it, there has to be some middle ground. I would hope that my whole life doesent have to operate from that level of intensity and anxiety when it comes to how I feel about things, how I deal with them, and how I operate with the world. My obsessions seem to just switch depending on what’s going on but if there is nothing going on externally that I can latch on too it seems my sexuality is the baseline from which my obsessions and fears will manifest/operate. Before when I was in a relationship I would operate from the baseline of doubting my relationship

Anyone here also think they have compulsive staring? I (25F) used to think it was me checking for my HOCD and sometimes it is but sometimes I catch myself staring at someone’s body but I’m zoned out. So when I zone back in “I’m like oh shit why am I staring at this”. The only thing that worries me is that it’s usually women more than men, so I worry if I’m bi or lesbian. Anyone else always find themselves starting?

Attracted to female celebrities? So my friends and I were playing truth or dare and a question came up where you have to pick the celebrity you thought was hotter. And it was a male celebrity and then they named the female celebrity and I was like “oh!” In excitement vs the male celebrity I was like whatever. And now I’m realizing I can pick out a female celebrity I like more vs a male celebrity. Does this mean I’m a lesbian? I’ve been struggling with HOCD and ROCD for a while and I was starting to get better but this triggered me. Have I been hiding my feelings towards women my whole life? I don’t ever see myself dating a women but my brain keeps sending me images related to that and I just want to know…

My groinal s feel like I’m turned on by the thoughts

Does anyone else here focus on their partner’s body’s flaws ?

Does anybody else hate hearing people say “just sit with it” referring to the intrusive false thoughts? I know what they mean but I feel like when people say that to me it’s like they’re asking me to sit with a knife in my head. Yeah it’ll pass. Right 😑

Any men out there with ocd about masculinity?

just going to vent here. i’ve always had sexual themes of ocd probably due to my trauma. i’ve always suffered from POCD mainly but now i’m really struggling with other sexual themes like intrusive thoughts about sexual assault of people any age. it’s gotten so bad i don’t even leave my apartment except for going to class and when i need food. i finally signed up to do some volunteering at the animal shelter near me, and every sing time i walk pass someone no matter how far or how close to them my brain goes “you did something bad to them” and i know it doesn’t make sense but my brain is just so convincing. i’m also so so hyper focused on where my hands are at all times to the point i can’t even walk pass someone without my hands having to be together bunched up glued to my body. i have to go back to work soon when i come home from college and i just know my intrusive thoughts are going to be on fire and i’m going to be even more depressed than i already am. i deal so bad with these stupid false memories and intrusive thoughts. i really just don’t know how i can live a normal life like this. i was just getting over my POCD NEVER had problems with anything else until now. it’s like this stupid disorder want to ruin every single aspect of my life. i’ve always been a huge advocate for anti sexual assault and victims of it. it’s something i’m so passionate about and it’s a huge part of my morals. and now i just feel like a terrible person all . the . time and i’m so depressed and lonely all the time. they do say OCD attacks your morals, but that’s doesn’t make me feel any better.

Anyone’s parents noticed their child’s OCD signs or not until child/ profession brought it to their attention?

How can I tell if the attraction I've had for girls my entire life is true attraction and not something I was just conditioned into feeling?

I just got home from an inpatient psych stay where I was diagnosed with OCD. Any ideas on what to do next? Books, movies, YouTube videos or channels etc ?

Hearing these stories makes me sad because it's often times when everything starts to get dark for people - but I also feel happy for them in those moments because I hope these individuals know that they actually have a name for their struggles, that they're not alone, and that there is help out there for them.

Can anyone familiar with so-ocd please chat?

My name is Keili im 29 I’m at the end of my 4 hour panick attack crying scared episode from ocd I’m really tired so I’m gonna try to get some rest but please someone answer my posts cause I need a friend who can relate so many years dealing wit ocd and I’ve never been able to tlk wit someone wit ocd only videos of others tlk bout there struggles wit it and it makes me feel so much better but I need a lifelong friend and support person just someone to relate to.

Something weird, possibly trivial, recently happened, and it’s puzzling. Don’t know what to make of it. Not sure if I should share.

I have ocd and I just moved to a new apartment wit my bf we only have a few things in here like clothes and food but my bf doesn’t really understand ocd I was worried this place would be dirty cause we don’t have alot of money so alot of the places we have to live are usually dirty and have bugs but this new place was clean freshly painted and brand new carpet I was so excited but there were a few fleas and fleas don’t bother me as much as cockroaches and bed begs but we notified the apartment owners and they had someone come spray today I’ve been nervous bout them spraying some of the stuff I have in here that I’m particular bout so I moved everything and covered everything so no bug sprays would get on it I thought he’d only spray a few corners but flea spray goes all over the carpet and this guy sprayed our brand new carpet in bug spray soaking wet everywere so now I think my entire carpet is contaminated and I no bug sprays are safe but my ocd doesn’t like any kind of sprays on anything so this perfect place new paint and carpet no crazy infestation of bugs is now ruined to me I’ve never panicked like this my bf is mad cause he paid so much money and thinks I’m just being over dramatic and a bitch but my ocd is makeing me like this and I don’t wear perfumes I don’t spray fabric fresheners cause I don’t like it even once it’s dry my ocd doesn’t like it I only like Lysol and disifectints cause they get rid of germs they clean I’m so alone I’m so scared I don’t wanna clean the carpets but still in my mind think they’ll always be covered in spray and I don’t wanna creat an ocd ritual like wipeing my feet every time I wlk on the carpet like even months from now I don’t wanna create an ocd ritual and please don’t be mean bout this being really long.

Fairly long post just need to talk with anyone- Everyday and night I have these moments for a few seconds that just maybe I am not gay bc I did find women attractive in the past and still do a little( Although I think that attraction to women wasnt real and i was just conditioned by hetero culture) and that maybe this is just a product of my intense rumination and anxiety attacks nonstop for months i get this small dose of hopefulness to seek therapy but due how much proof I have and having already believed them that I am gay in denial and like I know it deep down too That tiny hope is again immediately shut down and I give up on therapy and it spikes my depression and anxiety which sends me into ßuicidal ideation. Im deeply confused, now I think and feel Im not even a man and keep feeling like I want to change and that ive always also been a woman and never noticed it again theres proof for this. My whole identity is unstable, my internal monologue is never ending, its active 24/7 driving me mad, im not exxagerating. My brain has most likely shrunk due to how overloaded it is with the dialogues. I have a strong feeling that I am gay and once I accept it itll be over and even after I recover from these obsessive thoughts Ill still be gay and fall for guys, part of me is also afraid of the society which makes me think its a sexual crisis. When I try to accept ok maybe being gay wont be the end of the world I immediately get thoughts that If im gay Im also trans and all the dots are connected instantaneously in my head like what the fuck. Oh and I have a near constant arousal and sensations while having these thoughts. I think Im just afraid of so much sudden change in my life which is why I dont want to accept it. I think thats it. What do I do man, I just constantly feel like killing myself ( I wont do it). English isnt my mother tongue forgive me if its poorly worded. Please help

Does anyone else struggle with extreme anxiety in the morning? It’s like I wake up and my body is already anxious. It calms down towards the evening. It’s really frustrating to try to get moving in the morning when I just want to lay in bed and ignore it.

Anyone have experience taking Luvox (Fluvoxamine) for their OCD?