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i had my doctors appointment yesterday and it felt great to talk about everything. i was told to eat healthier, exercise at night and try out CBT. she told me she wouldn't give me medication just yet and that i should try the CBT first. has anyone experienced this? how did it go for you?

I woke up really badly. I’ve been taking Flexeril, which is a muscle relaxer, and Tylenol p.m. basically almost constantly for about a month or more. Possibly two. Especially the Tylenol p.m. So I know that Tylenol p.m. can give you weird dreams no matter what and Flexeril apparently can cause abnormal thinking and dreaming by itself like even if you didn’t have OCD it could make you think weird. I’ve been having a really hard week. Definitely need to find another job lol. That probably doesn’t help. The job I mean. But then again I’m a dishwasher end I just made a bad choice I should’ve picked the front of house. So that’s my fault. I woke up sort of all right. Which is nice. Usually I don’t wake up that great. So I went to the restroom, did my business, wash my hands, and try to go back to sleep. And I am frightened because as I’m getting myself comfortable again – because I didn’t make my bed and so it was still in that kind of comfy nest like situation-I said silently I might head that I think but I don’t think women are better than men. I’m definitely definitely commands down there better than a woman’s I don’t even like the woman so I guess saying better than is not quite correct. And sometimes I get scared because I have a compulsion to check myself if you know what I mean and I’m scared of what that means if I get anxious and think of a woman’s private and get that compulsion to check myself down there were like what it says about me. Sometimes I mean I know it’s anxiety but I can’t help getting scared about it. And the boob I don’t scared I don’t even feel better I’m frightened I feel better saying the word I’m thinking about how the boob stick out. And what again does that say about me? I mean if I can take a deep breath long enough and think about boobs like literally just I don’t like them. But I’m getting kind of eating away I don’t know what the emotion is it I don’t know if it’s guilt I don’t know what it is But I’m scared to actually do I don’t think women are better than men I just now said I don’t think that I if I’m straight should I think men are better than women I don’t want them I don’t want women I definitely don’t think they’re better than men. And I don’t like the blue pectoral thing because like again if I can get myself calm enough I know I don’t like them but then at the same time I feel like I can’t properly enjoyed men like their chest and I feel bad because I kind of smiled and said oh you can joy the bigger guy than my guy but I didn’t I don’t think and join us the right word. I don’t want big bulky guys and I hate that I might’ve react in a little bit of someone who is more muscular because the more I looked at the guy who is more muscular the moral grossed out I got because it’s just so big and I don’t like them because I don’t want to get a thing for big guys. Actually I don’t like them because I just don’t think the guys are attractive but I don’t like the way I’m smiling like I don’t wanna warm up to big muscular bodies my dude‘s fine. I’m scared I feel like I’m choking for me to say something think that they are so silently scares me because I don’t it’s like why do I really think and feel deep down I feel bad about everything I don’t think women are better than men I don’t but I’m friend I feel like I’m I’m straight so I should think men are better than women but women are not better than men that’s for fucking sure and the pectoral boob thing is just driving me crazy. And I acted eager over when I don’t really like boobs at all and I just feel like I’m going crazy I’m scared I shut down when I try to think of guys like I don’t actually like them but I don’t want to switch teams or go for the alternative I don’t like boobs! Or vagina! And I keep describing it as stuff like but it’s not positive and I keep thinking of but neither vagina or boobs are sweet they’re not sweet or hot or sexy and when I said that I can’t tell if something happened down there and I’m just genuinely terrified right now. I’m trying to go back to sleep because my upstairs neighbors were making like a lot of noise it was ridiculous. They basically were acting like it was 12 in the afternoon instead of like 1130 almost 12 in the morning. So I didn’t get the best sleep I didn’t fall asleep till early morning and that’s frustrating because today’s my day off so there’s that kind of ruined I’m just genuinely scared I can’t say and I’m scared to do I don’t like boobs I don’t want women I don’t like them so why can’t I say that men are I don’t I said I just now really seriously said don’t think that I do think men are than women And I’m scared I am and I don’t wanna lose my feelings for my guy at eight I don’t want to move on I don’t want another person I want him to come back. No he doesn’t know me but I’ve known him I loved him for a long time I haven’t known as in depth as I’d like but I know enough to love them and I don’t want to start moving on I don’t wanna lose my feelings I can’t guess past this sense of like darkness every time I try to think of what I just said like I’m friend of what’s inside me to think that I was silent with he think or say that women aren’t when they’re not better than men frightens me and what that says about me and how I was good to say how forced it feels I’m fr it starting to feel and what that says why would that feel wrong with it or not better than why can’t I say that I’m afraid I can’t anymore but I know I’m straight women are not better than men to me

Hi. Anyone else here with emetephobia, that is afraid to take the medication that has been prescribed to help with the anxiety and panic? I’m starting ERP this coming Wednesday with a therapist here and will also be doing hypnotherapy with another. I’m upset and frustrated that the thing given to help me, I’m afraid to take because of possible side effects. How have others handled this situation? Also, is it possible to get through this without medication and with doing CBT, ERP etc? Thank you.

I got some face cleansing stuff from my bf he’s known I have ocd but doesn’t really understand it even when I tell him stuff he still doesn’t understand it but I can’t use it it was just an astringent itd would’ve been easy to put on a cloth and a cotton ball cotton swab but I can only use the face pads I have I use to use proactive but then I got ocd and my mom would help me wash my face cause the 3 steps of proactive were to many rituals to do and then I got prescription face pads just little round things in a container I used those for years then for awhile I didn’t use them at all cause my ocd got worse and I just ran out and was barely functioning and didn’t go to the doctor to get the prescription but iseing these face pads made it easier it was just 1 step 1 ritual and when I kind of settled down a little bit from the worsening of my ocd I tried takeing care of myself and was very hesitant to by face pads from the store cause doing to the doctor every month to get the prescription was aggravating they use to give me 3 months at a time but they stopped that but I finally bought the ones similar at the store there a certain brand My ocd makes me hesitant towards new stuff and brands but I bought them and have been useing them in my dressing ritual for awhile now but that’s all I can use I can’t grab black head scrub and just grab a wash cloth and do my face all cause of years ago wit the proactive it was so hard and I get rituals and routines set I use the same brand of stuff and just have all these years to were now some things are ritualized on wat products and brands I use like my hair straightener I have a chi straightener I’ve always had a chi straightener I have thick hair and chis are really nice and hot it’s also got smaller plates that heat up at the end so I don’t think I could go use a cheap brand straightener and I don’t think I could use one wit the big plates just cause my ocd makeing these rules I don’t really realize I’m makeing these rules come times cause ppl find things they like and use them all the time but also if they ran out and don’t have something they could use other brands and other things till they got there certain brand and product of the thing so it’s very hard I hope I can get help soon nowere accepts my Medicaid in Tennessee so it’s been hard trying to even get help.

Hello, ik would like to ask something about health ocd or anxiety. I understand the ocd part when there are no actual physical issues or issues that go away. But how to handle it if for example there actually is something visible is going on, like strang stool, bleeding between periods, a mole that is changing. Do you go to the doctor and after that consult go forward with ERP. Or do oy say, no this is my ocd or anxiety so I won't go to the doctor. Even though there is actual blood etc? Where is the line between; this is ocd I start with ERP or this is really a health issue I am going to the doctor. Really struggling with this theme. Have severe anxiety and ERP sounds amazing but I can't grasp how to handle it in case of an actual issue. Thank you so much!!

Im sorry for a long post but I'm very scared Prior to few weeks ago I didn't have any sexual thoughts regarding children EVER, and if I did then I really can't remember. But ever since I started worrying about the possibility that I might be attracted to them, I just felt severely awful. And it's getting worse and worse overtime. What started as just me worrying that I might be attracted to kids has now turned into a deep belief that there is a very dark and real part of me that is, in fact, a pedophile. I even started having intrusive but pleasurable fantasies about children and it's driving me absolutely sick. I really wish that it's just a very extreme form of POCD and not actually me turning into a monster, but with each passing day my hope is fading away, replaced with pure disgust in myself and unwillingness to live like this. Has anyone here ever went through something similar?

Is anyone here taking an SNRI specifically? And if so, do they take a while to work like SSRI’s do? And lastly can they spike your anxiety at the beginning?

i’m so scared i like my thoughts, my mind tells me i do and then my heart starts beating fast and i’ll feel sick sometimes. it also makes me lose my breath or my stomach sinks when i think abt me possibly liking my thoughts. It almost feels like an addiction abt thinking my thoughts and idk why i’m so worried

I dont know if im dissociated or not anymore but something feels terribly off since I quit my job in october. That is also around the time when my actual depression started, i was derealized for over a month during my last month at work. I dont know how to explain what im feeling but I dont feel well at all, like something has gone wrong with my brain and mind. TW for hocders, I also dont feel like continuing ocd therapy anymore bc frankly Im pretty positive I realized Im actually gay and everytime I am in session it feels pointless and like im going against my true self. I feel like im going crazy and cant even explain it which is causing more and more depressive and hopeless emotions. What do I do

Hi! For those of you who have been speaking to a therapist, please tell me what its like and if it helps. I would love the input since I am starting soon!

it angers me beyond belief that this is my brain, I’m fucking sick and tired of going through this shit alone or burdening my parents with my panic, I do all the dam ERP in the world and this panic still ain’t stopping, I’m fucking through with this shit, I hear people all the time say your not trying hard enough or ERP takes time, well I’ve been doing ERP my whole fucking 22 years of being on this planet and the panic hasn’t stopped, and yes I’ve been to about 20 therapists, I probably have a file on me as big as a dissertation about all my dam thoughts, I’ve seen many psychiatrists, been on many meds, tried to start TMS, couldn’t go through with it because of my thoughts, I can barely blink without my thoughts screaming at me like a drill instructor, I’m socially isolated because the pandemic and I’m losing hope, all anyone tells me is your not trying hard enough with ERP, or your improving, without any evidence to back up said claim when in fact the opposite is true, I’ve declined. I’m trying so fucking hard just to wake up, I’m sorry, I really am, but this is just unreasonable, you wouldn’t go up to a cancer patient and say work harder, put me on the right meds or give me euthanasia because it’s not ok how the system treats people with OCD

Why do I find that there were some very long time periods in my life where I had next to no OCD, and then it just comes back with full force? Is there a reason it stayed away for such a long time even though I didn’t do anything?

I was having a thought and I'm not sure if it was bad or no. My brother was sleeping on the couch and Idk if I was thinking about playing with his cheeks or basically annoy him or actually had this entirely different bad thought which had nothing to do with playing with his cheecks that included my crush or anyone from school (I mean sexual thoughts) but then I turned to him while having the thought or maybe after and felt as if I was actually gonna do whatever I was thinking but I turned away then (the thought was definitely sexual or included rape so I'm terrified) I had all my themes recently on my crush and I always say I don't want it to be about him but today I sort of confessed my feeling through a friend and it didn't turn out well and I feel like maybe I actually meant it that way because I was feeling angry or sad. And I was sitting with my brother outside and he wanted t sit next to me but I said no and I tried to scratch him and I feel it was in a sexual way. Now I was also trying to turn the water on and a bad thought caneso I said I'll do it again and this time I had similar bad thought but about my other brother (I don't wanna explain it but it's about man part sizes) I'm going insane

Whenever I walk around in public, I feel like a total weirdo. My harm intrusive thoughts continue to scare me and they feel almost real and it’s scary. They fill me up with anxiety that lasts throughout the entire day, and they do not disappear. I’m 16 and I’m afraid of telling my mom because some of my intrusive thoughts are about her and she would probably think of me differently. My harm OCD thoughts at first were not that persistent, but they have worsened now to the point where I have them everywhere I go. I’m so tired of them.

It seems I can’t post pictures but this is a follow up about the post about seeing a spot on my hand it it overwhelming me. Want to cut the area so it heals normally I know I can’t. Kinda crying over it but I think in part that’s my period talking. Do you think getting a tattoo would be running away from the problem? I want to cope so I don’t listen to my head and harm myself to get rid of this…figured it was a better alternative to that.

I feel like there is no hope, like I don't know anymore what I feel of what I want. Like I forced that from beginning for wrong reasons and know only seeking excuse to not confront reality. I only want to cry. I see any light.

Triggered by therapist Hi, Haven’t been in this thread in a minute. Anyways, I thought I had recovered from this .. but here we go. I’m F22 and virgin with no experience e.g kissing/dating. Anyways, I was trying to find a new therapist and while explaining my triggers and grievances, she says - how do you know you really like guys ? This was really triggering and I felt in the conversation she was trying to get at that because of my past I’m suppressing my true self. Just to give context, I was bullied by guys when I was younger. Anyway, what really got me is her saying that I should be open to both and that in her professional opinion I don’t know my sexuality because I haven’t experimented. I said fair point as dealing with this I’ve had to accept uncertainty. Leaving the call, I even asked her ‘am I lying to myself’, I felt paralysed. I felt like she was saying that I really don’t know if I’m straight which has brought about this outdoor spike. In terms of dating I came far last year - I even went on a date and this other guy .. I really liked him - still do .. But I just feel like I’ve taken a step back because I haven’t even thought about this in so long ! She even suggested that having some interest in lesbian porn when I was 15 means something but I suppose she doesn’t know me. As I said to her, sexuality is a spectrum no one is 100% anything .. I’m not the only woman that watched/watches lesbian porn. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a woman, I don’t desire to kiss/caress another woman - I don’t envy lesbian relationships ! When I go out - I don’t want to be hit on by women, I want men to find me attractive. TMI- but on two separate occasions - men have got me .. excited/wet I feel frustrated as she also mentioned how the black community - lesbianism is a taboo - I get that but I wanted to scream that’s not me .. I even told her I was propositioned by a friend last year and that wasn’t for me. I feel scared to go through with this therapist as I feel she’s going to try and tell me that I’m in denial. People don’t understand, I’m uncomfortable with this idea of being a lesbian/bisexual as it don’t sit right with me. Like I’m not homophobic - I can watch things involving lesbians and not be triggered because I accepted that woman can be attractive but that don’t mean I want them. Instinctively, I think we all know our sexuality .. if sexuality was determined strictly by experimentation - then everyone must have the capacity to be bi/gay - as they haven’t tried it ! Sounds stupid right ?! Has anyone had this experience with a therapist? Am I taking her questions to personal ?

I am so scared to start getting treatment for my OCD because it would mean that it’s real—I do have OCD. Not to mention how scary the thought of facing my horrible intrusive thought and potentially uncovering something devastating about myself that I wouldn’t be able to live with. I’m so scared that I’m secretly hiding something horrible about myself and I’m just unaware of it.

Currently freaking out. A friends gay brother texted to me “You’re a lesbian right?” I actually could throw up. I literally feared that he could “sense” I was gay, and he obviously did. I don’t want to be gay. I’m so upset. Literally my heart dropped to the floor when I saw that text. I asked him if he was being funny and he said “yes I know you like men” and I said “I feel like you weren’t being funny” and he said “I wish I wasn’t being funny. I wish u were a lesbian”. Then he told me I “honestly give bi vibes” I literally can’t take this I want to throw up

I keep thinking about something I did when I was a little girl,and wonder if I’m a twisted piece of shit,I feel like this event has marked me for ever,and determines the kind of person I am now,I am at a loss,I’m 50 years old and I’ve had this my whole life,and it never gets easier.Just putting it out there,I think this is real event ocd,has anyone out there experienced this?